Broken
by angelisis7
Summary: A child of the state for most of her life, Bella knows all too well the horrors that life can hold. Will her past destroy whatever future she could possibly have? Extremely dark tale, rated NC-17 for mature themes, and lemons. On Hiatus
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own Twilight nor its characters; I am simply using them for entertainment purposes. All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer! All quotes belong to those who wrote them, not me. If I use one of my own, I will say so. **

**This is a dark tale and will be fraught with angst and tragedy, but every tragedy has a silver lining! **

**Broken**

**Prologue**

"**It is always darkest, before the dawn." **

Giving the only thing I had left, I allowed the men that came to me, to soil my body, abuse my body. They used me for their own intense pleasure, and sometimes that intense pleasure turned to anger. They never really noticed the devoid expression on my face, and if they did, well, that was when things started to go down hill…

They could do almost anything to my body, but one thing, and that was not something I was consciously saving, saving for someone special, for the right person, but simply because it was the only thing that was still untainted, something that no one had managed to touch. I was not naive enough to believe that it wouldn't happen, but so far, it had worked.

My life was a circus freaks worst nightmare, but it wasn't my nightmare, it was my waking life. Each moment I spent on the streets, tore another little piece from my heart, my soul. But there was nothing I could do about it. Besides, I promised, this was the last time, no more walking the lone streets in the early hours of the morning, hoping for oblivion, and hoping for a chance to ease the darkness that always threatened me.

I didn't actually believe that this was the last time I would be out on the streets, but I wanted it to be, and then in a sick sort of way, I didn't… But it made no here nor there, because, while I was not going to be on these streets again, there were streets where I was going.

A child of foster homes since an early age, so early in fact, that I couldn't remember anything before it. And just my luck, not even a week after being placed back in the states care, I was once again going to be shipped off to another family, but the joke of all jokes was that I was being taken to a hole in the wall town, where it rarely saw the light of sun. Living in foster homes was bad enough, but at least, when everything felt like it was falling apart, I could take refuge on a lone beach that most people never knew about, and just let the sun and surf wash away all thoughts, it was a reflex to search for some semblance of peace, and perhaps it helped me deal, but how could I hope to find any sort of relief if I lived in a town where there was no sun. Even though, supposedly, thanks to research, there was a "Beach" near by, but it was the sun, as much as the water that helped me make it through another day, another night!

With a heavy heart, I slowly made my way back to the building that had housed me for many years. The state should be ashamed at how easily it was to sneak out of this place. But before I could really think about that anymore, I had to concentrate on getting back inside before anyone woke-up.

I made my way quietly to the large sleeping hall, grabbed the clothes I would need, and headed to the showers. At this hour, there was liable to be no one using it, which was even more to my liking. If I couldn't squeeze my shower in around midnight, without being caught, then I always made sure to get there just before the sun came up, that way, I didn't have to explain the scars, and now, the new bruises that marred my snowy white skin. With a melancholy settling in, I quickly cleaned up and dashed back to my bed. Not even an hour later, the room was bustling with girls complaining, some were excited for the new day, and some were indifferent, and then there were the few, who were somewhat like me, lost so much in their own minds, that everyone avoided them.

No one spoke to me, and I actually preferred that, it was easier to deal with that way. If I didn't get close to anyone, then, no one could hurt me, at least that is what I kept telling myself. Sure, the social workers always tried to get me to talk, but, I did so only when absolutely necessary.

I heard my name called over the system, and slowly picked up my small bag of belongings and made my way to my social workers office, she was a pleasant woman, but she always seemed to want something from me, perhaps it was just my happiness, but, I was leery of any and all adults. I knocked lightly, slipping my metaphorical mask on before I pushed through the door, my eyes were glassy, but there wasn't much I could do about that, even with the mask, people were bound to make a comment about the almost deadness of my eyes…Unless of course, they knew me well enough to not even try.

"Please, have a seat. I wanted to talk to you before your new foster parents arrived. Do you have any questions?" Mrs. Carter asked softly.

I rolled my eyes, unable to stop the sardonic half twitch of my lips. I had been through this more times than half the people here. Since the age of two, I had been living off and on again in the state's "Orphanage", this was going to be my thirtieth foster family in fifteen years.

"No, I think I know the drill." I said quietly. I never raised my voice, which was conditioned in me early on, raising your voice and or crying, were not allowed, of course the social worker sitting in front of me, never knew that, at least as far as I knew. "I would just like to get this over with, if it is okay with you?"

Mrs. Carter nodded her head, already knowing how this was going to go. With a twinge of guilt, she nodded her head. Thinking to herself, she nodded her head for the third time, not bothering with anymore words, they would be wasted anyway, she could tell I had withdrew in to myself the moment she began talking. Sure, I answered her when she spoke, but there was always a lack of emotion from the small framed girl sitting across from her.

She was always worried about this one, no matter what happened from here on out, she would always worry about the one that she had not been able to reach.

"As you wish Bella, I only hope, this time finds the family you so deserve." Mrs. Carter replied, a little sadly.

Not expecting an answer, she picked up her phone and began speaking in a low voice, "Yes, please send them in."

Five minutes later, a knock once again sounded on the door, but not waiting for a reply, they, whoever this couple would be, walked in to the room.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, it is very nice to meet you again, please, have seat." Mrs. Carter said, indicating the two empty chairs.

"Please, call us Carlisle and Esme." The young gentleman said.

I tried to keep my body stiff and unresponsive, tried with all my might to keep my eyes trained on the floor, but the couple who walked in, were for lack of a better word, beautiful. I wondered briefly, why they would ever want to take me in; I would surely sully their obvious perfection.

I didn't listen much as my social worker and my new "Family" conversed, but when I spotted from my peripheral vision, that they were standing, I knew it was my cue to stand up as well. Feeling even more inadequate, I flashed my eyes quickly to Mrs. Carter, shook her hand once, and quickly shuffled from the room, following my new "Parents".

I didn't have to raise my eyes from the floor to hear the whispers that were being bounced off the hallway walls, even while being quiet with their curiosity, I could still hear most, if not all that was being said, and the sad fact was, I had to agree with everything, everyone was saying. Hunching my shoulders even more, I followed the Cullen's to their car, and was once again struck dumb. They expected me to get in that thing…It probably cost more than a Pre-Med degree at Harvard! All the windows were tinted a very dark color, not black, but close, maybe midnight blue or something, it was an off the wall thought anyway, what did it matter what color they tinted their car windows…

Unable to stop myself, I started backing away from the vehicle, but before I could take more than a few steps, a firm, cold hand lightly touched my shoulder, and before I could stop myself, an almost silent scream escaped my lips.

"Shh, it will be okay, I promise." Carlisle all but whispered.

Esme gently took my hand and helped me in to the car. I could feel panic setting in, but was powerless to stop it. I quickly slipped my seatbelt on and closed my eyes. Begging to some deity, "Please, let me fall asleep, please…"

Esme, glanced warily at Carlisle, worry etched across both their faces. "Ready my dear?" Carlisle asked. Esme just nodded her head, knowing it was answer enough.

I kept my eyes closed, knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would not be able to slip easily in to sleep and even if I did, I did not think it wise. My new "Parents" while probably versed in all my inadequacies, would more than likely ship me back to the Orphanage if they heard one of my piercing screams, thanks to a nightmare, that was the only time I couldn't keep quiet, or keep the tears from falling, when my body was so exhausted that I had no control. And suddenly, I wondered if that was the way to get out of all this. But with heaviness in my heart, I knew I could not purposefully hurt these people, I could not hurt anyone intentionally.

I had eleven months to go, and then I could break out on my own and never have to worry about the "System" or another foster family again. I would be 18, and finally allowed to be my own person. Not that I actual had any idea what I would do or how to do it, but, if I didn't have to depend on other people any longer, I was sure I could figure something out, I hoped…

*Flashback*

While sitting in the back of the car, my mind went to my last night in Phoenix, pulled through the darkness until I was once again in the little motel room, the puke brown carpets that looked nothing like carpets any longer, the bed, which looked more like a debilitated monstrosity hulking in the middle of the room. The mattress's I was sure if one removed the undesirable bedding, would show stains of numerous bodily fluids from all who had used it before, not like the bedding looked any better, but between the mustiness and the lemony detergent, it at least looked a small, infinitesimal bit better. It made my stomach clench in disgust, but, what could I really say, I was the one who brought us here, I knew what I was going to be doing, and whether my heart screamed that I was being foolish or not, I didn't faultier as I slowly slipped my jeans down my legs, tossing them in to the corner, hoping nothing would make a home in them, while I was here, it had happened before.

I shrugged out of my shirt, I had lost so much weight lately, that nothing fit right, so instead of bothering with the buttons, I just let the material slide off my body and tossed it as unceremoniously as I did my pants, to the corner, no underwear and no bra, there wasn't really a point, I was here for one thing, and one thing only.

The man standing behind me, he quickly shucked his pants, but either felt the need to keep his shirt on, or decided he wouldn't be here long enough for it to matter. It made no here nor there to me; I just wanted to get it over with.

I knew what he wanted, and he had paid for it, so I sunk slowly to my knees on the grungy carpet, and took him between my lips. While my back was turned, he had slipped on a condom; thankfully, he didn't have any problems with that. Although, I really wouldn't be here if he did, it was just the way I worked.

His one hand slipped into my hair, pulling and pushing to his liking, his other hand, slipped down to my shoulder squeezing with brutal force. I could feel the indents of his fingers, he was going to leave on hell of a reminder behind, and the bruising had already begun.

As he pumped his cock in to my mouth, I wondered how long this was going to take, some of these guys had great stamina, my jaw after some of these "Session's" would always hurt, and I would end up spending days eating nothing but soup, because I couldn't open my mouth wide enough to put anything else in, when I bothered with eating at all.

Thankfully, he wasn't going to last long, I could feel the way his knees quaked as I added a little extra pressure to my sucking, and just like that, he was done, at least for the time being.

No words were exchanged besides when we first made out deal; again, I preferred it this way.

Twenty minutes later, and a few drinks, he was ready again, he wanted me on my knees, whatever worked for him, I really wasn't here anymore, I don't think I was actually here at all, at least in mind, my body was, but, I couldn't do much about that. Every once in awhile, I had to keep reminding myself, this was what I wanted.

He entered me roughly; taking my ass like it was the only thing keeping him tethered to this room. His hands started out squeezing my breast, bruising the tender flesh there, and then his hands slipped a little lower, grasping my sides before finally settling on my hips, but as he was pounding in to my already sore body, he decided he wanted to feel a little more, he squeezed the front of my thighs like they were a life line, and before I could even understand what was going on, he came, collapsing on my back. His considerable weight pushed me further in to the bed, all but cutting off my oxygen supply. He left shortly after regaining his senses, but before he left, he turned to the bedside table, slapped a little extra money down and looked at me strangely, I had never seen that look before, but it left me feeling even more, unclean.

I didn't do this for my own pleasure; it was never about me enjoying it, hell, in all this time, I had yet to have on orgasm. For me, the only pleasure I wanted was the abyss.

*End Flashback*

I wasn't sure how long we had been driving, but the silence was welcomed, I shook my head trying to dispel the images that were plaguing my mind. It felt like these things always snuck up on me, no matter where I was or when, they just had to make me relive them, you would think doing it once was bad enough, but reliving them, day in and day out… Finally, with a deep sigh, I opened my eyes and almost wished I hadn't. The sun had changed its position sometime during my self-blindness, but, what I had trouble understanding was the fact that the sun looked ready to set, and even though this morning and even now, the sun was hidden behind clouds, you could still see where it was, it left a golden-rouge tinge to the white fluffy masses. Digging deep within myself, I spoke, "Wh-what time is it, where are we?"

Esme turned slightly in her seat, a small smile playing on her lips. "It is almost five, and we should be home soon. Are you hungry?"

"No, not really, but I do need to use a restroom, I'm sorry to be a bother." Bella said sadly, looking at my twined fingers.

"It is not a problem, there is a gas station up ahead, on the outskirts of Port Angeles or we could stop at a little restaurant and have a bite to eat." Carlisle replied, giving me the choice.

"Umm, whatever works for you is fine, I can wait." I said, not even bothering to look up as I switched from playing with my hands to tugging relentlessly on the hem of my shirt.

"Carlisle how about we just get home, I am sure Bella is tired, besides, it is only twenty minutes until home, and that way, Bella can have some time to herself before supper, and then we can introduce everyone." Esme said quietly, her musical voice unable to hide the slight apprehension that colored her words.

"Excuse me, ev-everyone?" I squeaked. Finally looking up with sheer terror written on my face, my mind began to race, and I wondered how much I could have missed, had Mrs. Carter actually mentioned that there were other people, other kids…

"I am sorry, Bella, we had planned to talk on the way home, but you looked like you needed the rest, so we didn't want to disturb you." Carlisle said, briefly glancing in the rearview mirror to gage my reaction. "We…Well, you see, we have five other children…" He stuttered, but stopped before saying anything else, he saw the way my eyes widened even more, and then how I quickly ducked my head and placed it between my knees. Being a doctor, he knew the signs of hyperventilating, and was glad to see I knew how to calm myself, albeit, it didn't sound like it was helping any.

"Why, why would you want me, if you have five of your own children?" I asked from between my legs, the words coming out in static-like little bursts.

"While we think of them as our children, they too are adopted…" Esme said, but even from Bella's current position, I could tell that it sounded like Esme was going to say more, but decided against it.

"Oh!" I said, desperately hoping my heart would stop beating so loudly in my head and that my breaths would slow down, I could see the dark wings of unconsciousness trying to invade my sight, but fought it back with every ounce of strength I had. Now was not the time to pass out.

Before I could really get a grasp on anything, Carlisle spoke, "Bella, were here!"

Had it really been twenty minutes already, had I really been hyperventilating for twenty minutes, and the absurdity of that thought made me wince, of course I had been, that's why the darkness was even closer. I tried to say something, anything, but I couldn't move, could not even think at the moment, so instead of making more of a fool of myself, I stayed curled in to myself.

I felt a cool breeze against my clammy body and realized one of the Cullen's had opened my door. I tried to raise my head, but having been hunched over for so long, and the lack of oxygen, I felt weak, not bothering to fight the darkness anymore, I welcomed it, and just before it enveloped me completely, I felt a set of strong, icy arms reach around me, pulling me tightly against an almost stone-like chest, and then blessedly, darkness was mines.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**No passion so effectually robs the mind of all its powers of acting and reasoning as fear.****"**

I came slowly awake and the first thing I noticed was the unimaginable softness of whatever I was laying on. It was heavenly, but that only compounded my disorientation. I lay there, trying to remember, and slowly, like a dense fog lifting, I began to remember. Before I could even think about all the ramifications to my actions, there was one thing I really needed to take care of.

I opened my eyes cautiously, and couldn't help my gasp of shock. The room was gorgeous, all dark blues and creamy whites. Everything was exquisite, I had never seen anything like it, and it hurt my heart, more than I could say. My bag lay on the sapphire crushed velvet sofa, looking completely out of place. Unable to sit still any longer, I quickly scanned the room, taking notice of four doors; I had a moment of indecision, but decided before I completely humiliated myself, that I had to find the bathroom.

Trying the first door, I was shocked by the size of the closet; it was disconcerting and made me slightly fearful, how anyone could need such a huge space for clothes was beyond me. Slowly closing the door, I tried the next and sighed in relief and horror. I had my own bathroom, also decorated in the same blue and creamy white as my room, but in here, the counters were what looked like marble, as well as the floor, the tub had to be marble as well, but I couldn't wrap my mind around it, everything was beautiful, but how did one use such beauty for human necessities… Unable to stop the blush that rushed to my cheeks, I quickly did what I needed, washed my hands and ran back to the bed, heaving myself on it, and burying my face in the thick velvet-like comforter.

Doubts began to swirl in my mind, how could I possibly stay in this home, the Cullen's were obviously very wealthy, but for the first time in my life, I felt like I belonged even less than any time before. As my doubts began to swirl through my mind, I heard a soft knock at one of the doors. Wanting nothing more than to be left alone, I put my doubts and fears aside, and said, "Come in." There would be time later for me to think about everything, it is not like I slept much, some nights, some weeks, not at all…

"Hello dear, how are you feeling?" Esme asked quietly.

"I—I'm good, umm, sorry about earlier." I replied, looking quickly down to my hands.

"Nonsense, you were overwhelmed, it is to be expected with such a change. I am sure you are hungry, how about I bring you something to eat?" Esme asked.

Before Bella could reply, there was a loud huff in the hallway, sounding very feminine. Esme rolled her eyes and quickly darted her head out in the hallway, "Alice, you can meet Bella later, allow her to get settled before you bombard the poor girl." Esme quickly looked back, a small smile touching her lips.

Talking a deep breath, I pulled myself from the bed, and slowly walked towards Esme. "It's okay; I might as well meet everyone now, pull the Band-Aid off quickly…" I replied, slowly trailing off, my mouth twitched slightly, hoping it would be enough. I didn't feel brave, but I knew that school started tomorrow, and I didn't need to try and meet my new "Family" moments before going to school, it would be enough of a circus then.

Esme looked at me closely, then gave a decisive nod, "Very well Bella, if you are sure, there is no pressure."

"It will be fine." I replied, looking everywhere but at my new mother.

Esme pushed the door further open, waiting for me to walk through, taking another deep breath; I walked through the door and wondered briefly, where "Alice" had gone. Almost as if she could read my thoughts Esme said, "Alice went down stairs, to wait with everyone else to meet you."

I walked silently down the stairs, but of course, when would my luck ever hold, four stairs from the bottom, and I tripped, sprawling gracelessly to the hard floor. As I was pushing myself up from the floor, I felt a pair of cold hands grasp me lightly around my forearms. I wondered curiously if everyone in this household had a problem with circulation. But my thoughts suddenly hit a brick wall, and all I could do is stare. A pair of golden honey eyes met mine, and then it looked as if they were searching my rather plain brown ones, what they were looking for I couldn't be sure, but suddenly, breathing was a problem, I forgot the intricacies of seventeen years, of in and out. In wasn't working and out was no use either, since there was nothing in my lungs to expel, and then, the vision before me laughed lightly and said, "Breathe" I shuddered slightly, pulling my gaze from his, and began the difficult task of inhaling and exhaling.

With gentle hands, he pulled me to my feet, but as he did so, his eyes suddenly darted to my pant leg. I was a little fuzzy and the God-like man standing before me was taking all of my attention, but when his eyes shot to my leg and then almost pushed me to the floor in his haste to get away from me, I wondered what the problem was, it didn't take long, my confused mind finally picked up the sharp stinging that was coming from my knee and I noticed in a faraway manner that I was bleeding, of course with understanding, the sharp rusty penny smell hit me, twisting my stomach. Not like it hadn't happened before, or wouldn't again. However, everyone, who I was now, just taking in, was looking at me like I was a freak, not that I wasn't, but something didn't make sense…

As I stood there, wondering what I should do, Carlisle came quickly over to me, looking at me, to my weeping knee, he led me slowly over to a chair, and before I could even say a word, he ripped the hole in my jeans wider, ruining, the only pair I owned, worse, but while ripping, perhaps not knowing his own strength, he not only ripped the hole wider by my knee but it went three quarters of the way up my thigh.

I hadn't noticed when Esme had left or returned for that matter, but sitting beside Carlisle was a doctor's bag. I stopped looking at my leg, I was becoming very dizzy and my stomach once more decided that it was not taking kindly to the smell. Trying to focus on anything but my leg, I tried to take in all the faces, I briefly had to give myself credit for making one hell of an entrance, but, they didn't seem to be looking at me, just at my leg.

And then it hit me, this morning, while I was showering, I had noticed large hand print bruises covering my thighs and stomach, while not worrying if my butt looked like that too, but my left collarbone was also deeply bruised, but thankfully my shirt covered that. I knew my hips had the worst of the marks; they spread out in long patterns… When you were as skinny as me, you bruised easily, not to mention I was probably lacking in a lot of nutrients that could help guard against this type of bruising, but the sad fact was, I didn't care.

I no longer knew where to look, but that too was taken out of my hands as Carlisle gently probed the bruise on my thigh and I screamed. Trying not to look, but seeming unable to look away, I saw everyone looking at the bruise, and saw everyone knew what it was too, it's not like a person could hide a hand print bruise while it all but stared them in the face. Unable, perhaps unwilling to take anymore pitiful stares, I fled up the stairs to my "Room" and quickly shut the door.

I wondered how long I had before someone came, but blessedly, time began to slip slowly by and after two hours of nothing, I felt content in my solidarity.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**We must not say every mistake, is a foolish one." **

Carlisle was the first to speak, "We have to give her time, she has been through a lot, and I am only just now wondering if it is more than even the social worker knew." He ran a hand through his hair, hoping to calm the irresistible urge to punch something, he was always a calm man, but the bruises on her body, and he wasn't foolish enough to believe the one he saw, was the only one, he knew how, at least suspected how they got there.

He heard the growl before he even registered who it was, but could his heart beat in fright, he understood it was not just one person in his family, but all of them. They too had come to the same conclusion, or a version of it. And he knew it was not pity or scorn that caused them to act in such a fashion and for a brief moment, a smile touched his face. The fact that he and Esme had brought another person in to their life, a human no less, was at the beginning, hard for them to understand, but having seen her, it seemed like everyone had been taken by her, it was truly hard not to be.

Being such a close family, they had no secrets, so they shared what they could about their newest addition, and at the time, the "Kids" had taken it as they would anything else. She was a human, who had had a hard life. They could feel compassion for her, but they had all had a hard life, it wasn't easy being vampires…

"Dad?" Edward said, his voice, barely a whisper. "I can't hear her thoughts, I thought, maybe it was because she passed out or something, but I can't hear anything, why?"

"Umm, Dad, I can't see anything in her future either, actually, it's more like I can't see anything pertaining to her…" Alice supplied, looking almost ashamed.

"I don't know why that is, I wish I had the answers. What I do know, she is going to need us, and I have a feeling it is not going to be easy. From what I have been told, she is very withdrawn, she rarely speaks, and she hasn't raised her voice above a whisper in ten to twelve years, maybe more." Carlisle said quietly, knowing even with the sedate tone of his voice, that it would not carry up the stairs.

Esme looked like she wanted to cry, more so than every before, but with steal in her spine and determination on her face she turned and looked at her family, "Who would hurt her like that, how could anyone want to hurt her?"

Carlisle stepped quickly, yet silently to her side, embracing her. He knew it was going to be hard, but he had hoped that with some love and acceptance that they could help her. He looked his family over and saw the murderous look on Rosalie's face, something wasn't right, and he feared that Rose knew more than they did.

"Rose, what is it?" He asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"Can't you smell them on her?" She asked in a hiss, "The smell is light, but I can smell hundreds of men on her." Not waiting for anyone to say anything, Rose stood quickly and head out the back door. "I need to hunt."

Emmett jumped up quickly and followed her, not bothering to say anything, it was obvious there was nothing to say.

Silent sobs wracked Esme's small frame, no tears would be shed, but the emotion was there. Her body shook with her effort to calm herself. "What can we do?"

Never in all his many years, had he ever felt so helpless, he did not know how to help the young woman. He only knew he had to, there was no other option.

Edward, Alice and Jasper all remained sitting, all lost to their own thoughts. All as helpless to help the soul above them, knowing life was unfair was one thing, but seeing that truth so very close, was another completely.

"I can't imagine her coming out of her room any time soon, so I think we all need to hunt, feed as much as possible; we don't need to cause her anymore problems by one of us slipping. Jasper, you okay?"

"I'm fine." He replied sullenly, stalking silently out of the house.

The rest of the family followed shortly after, while Esme looked sadly up the stairs. With a deep sigh, she followed her husband. "I don't like leaving her alone…"

"I know dear, but perhaps she needs some time, we won't give up!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**A misery is not to be measured from the nature of the evil, but from the temper of the sufferer.****"**

I wasn't sure at first, but when I heard it a second time, I almost rejoiced. Holding my breath, I walked slowly to my bathroom, jumped in the shower, and quickly washed all the blood down the drain. Knowing what I was about to do, hurt, but also felt wonderful, I was taking back the abyss. And while I promised to never do it again, I couldn't stop, I knew that as surely as I knew that I couldn't stop breathing, at least on my own.

I grabbed my bag, slipped the short skirt out and shimmied in to it, not even bothering with underwear. I had learned long ago, it was a waste of time and money. My shirt would do, I just tied it up around my breasts, it showed enough, it would have to, my other one, at the moment, was un-wearable, thanks to earlier this morning, wow, was it really this morning, it feels like eons ago… I didn't bother with make-up, at least not for my face; I used some cover-up for my thigh's, my stomach, hips, any place that was going to be showing. It wouldn't do to look like I was a walking punching bag.

I held my breath as I walked slowly down the stairs, praying I wasn't hearing things before, but as I reached the front door, I noticed no one was here, at least not in the house, or so I hoped. Hopefully, they wouldn't know I was gone, assuming I just stayed in my room.

Not sure exactly which direction to go, I waited till I reached the end of the driveway and decided that my predominate hand was leading me to the right. I guess they were right when they said you almost always followed your writing hand, when you were walking without a true destination in mind. Another piece of useless information that I had collected, but it seemed all the useless information I collected remained.

My mind tried to pull me in to the darkness, but with my course set, I didn't bother worrying about the darkness of my heart and mind, at least not just yet, besides, this wasn't the darkness that I was needing, I needed complete, unequivocal oblivion, soon enough I would shove all of it out of the way, and while that abyss was darker than anything in my heart or mind, it was a welcoming feeling. I just needed to get it to come back to me. My one true friend needed to make its way back to me, and I would, sadly or not, do anything to have it!

An hour and a half later I reached a somewhat small sleepy town. People still walked the sidewalks, and a few of the bars were still open, and that was just what I needed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**In these matters the only certainty is that nothing is certain.****"**

"What were we thinking, leaving her alone?" Esme all but screamed.

Edward winced at the uncharacteristic shriek coming from his mother, in all the time he had known her, she had never done that. And the crystal vase paid the price, shattering on the small coffee table.

As soon as they entered the house, they knew she wasn't there, the absolute silence was almost deafening. When they left, they could all hear her heartbeat, but now, the house seemed shrouded in not only silence but despair as well.

"Do we go looking for her, how can we not, but if we do, will we just scare her more?" Esme asked the quiet room.

"It's late, and while I want nothing more than to find her, and bring her back here, I think we need to give her some space. This can't be easy on her; perhaps she is just out walking, trying to clear her head." Carlisle said, hoping beyond hope that he wasn't wrong. "You guys should head up to your rooms, when she comes back, we don't need to frighten her with something resembling an inquisition. If she isn't home by dawn, well split up and go searching."

Everyone nodded their head, but looked more like they wanted to argue. But Carlisle had used his calm and decisive tone, which everyone knew not to rebuke.

With the lights extinguished, Carlisle and Esme took their seats on the couch, looking for all intents and purposes, as if they were nothing more than marble statues.

"I'm worried about her!" Esme said finally.

"So am I dear, I think there is a lot we don't know, I don't know if we can save her, from herself or anything else…" Carlisle whispered, his train of thought slowly stopping.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.****"**

It didn't take long, a few passes by the bar and I had what I needed. Well, not really, but he would do. His breath was horrible, but he was lucid enough to understand the rules.

"Where you want to do this?" I asked, not really caring, just wanting my drug of choice, oblivion.

Not bothering to answer, he kept pawing me and moving me further in to the darkness behind the bar.

This was not something I wanted to do, being outdoors; it didn't allow me to slip completely in to the darkness, because, no matter what, I had to remain somewhat conscious of what was going on around me…

There was nothing loving about this, it wasn't love I was looking for. And with unbearable pain, he shoved in to me, the condom offering a little lubrication, but not nearly enough. And with a sick sense of humor, I realized I was once again bleeding, but this time, it was hindering his movements, the gritty texture working against my body, but he cared not, he was using this body, my body.

His fingers splayed across my breasts digging painfully in to the soft flesh, darkening the already bruised flesh. With each thrust he, well, I am not exactly sure what he was trying to do, but I had a pool of drool running down my neck and back. Closing my eyes to the sights before me, I tried to crawl a little deeper in to the darkness, but with a final thrust, he was done. He stumbled away from me, his knees almost refusing to hold up his considerable weight. Nevertheless, as I moved to pull my skirt back on straight, he lumbered forward, his breath making me gag. One second he was standing somewhat straight, the next he was trying to push himself in to me, when I quickly squeezed my legs closed and kneed him in the groin, he backhanded me and sent me sprawling on the dirty back alley. It wasn't the first time this had happened, and since I couldn't seem to stop abusing myself, I doubted this would be the last time. Without giving myself time to think, I jumped up and began to stumble down the alley, hoping the knee to the groin was enough, it would have to be, because the way my head was screaming, there was no way, I could handle another round with him. A note for next time, pick smaller guys, while it did not mean they would be weaker, it could, and that was something I had to hold on to.

Once I left the town limit behind and began the long walk home, I realized that my right eye and cheek bone didn't feel right. Obviously they were bruised and swollen, but it felt like something else as well. Even light probing made me wince and the world to twist at an unnatural angle.

What took me an hour and a half the first time, now took three hours. I gasped in happiness to finally see the house. Dawn couldn't be very far off; I only hoped that I could cover up my latest injuries. While my face was the worst of it, my legs had taken some abuse as well. The hard ground of the alley had given me, I suppose the term is road rash, but this felt worse, I wasn't stupid, I know I was bleeding from many small cuts and scratches. Just another night, just another man, I told myself.

While I would never feel a sense of home here, it was still nice to see, it meant I could finally sit down. And that was a marvelous thing. I needed a shower badly… I could feel blood crusted to my butt and upper thighs and wanted nothing more than to wash the evidence away. My legs were exhausted; I wasn't sure how much longer I could stand.

As quietly as possible I ascended the porch stairs, hoping nothing would squeak and give myself away. Quickly I tried to remember if the door creaked when I left, but for the life of me, I couldn't recall, it was just a foggy shape in my memory.

Gently I pulled open the door and slipped inside; with two silent but quick steps I made it to the staircase, but was halted as a light flipped on. Trying to think quickly, I quickly mounted the stairs, but was stopped by a soft, concerned voice.

"Where were you? What happened to you?"

Unable to turn around and expose them to just how bad it was, I said in a small voice, "I needed to get out and think, I went for a walk, and, and fell down a few times." Not waiting to see if they bought it or not, I quickly tried to race to the top of the stairs, and there before me stood the one person I really didn't want to see, but longed to see, a conundrum of epic proportions. His eyes were no longer golden, but black as night, with no moon to cast even a sliver of light. He took in my appearance and growled. It was the most feral and heart wrenching sound I had ever heard. I wanted nothing more than to curl in to myself and never move, to never see the look of such pure torture or pain ever again or the plethora of other emotions and feelings crossing his face.

I heard their voices from below me, but my mind couldn't make them out, I was slowly slipping in to the oblivion that I wanted, finally.

Once again, someone's arms encircled me, pulling me close. I tried to hide within the darkness, knowing there were going to be too many question, questions I didn't have answers for, but like so often, the darkness, the beautiful oblivion deemed me unworthy and was tossing me to the wolves…even if it was only metaphorically.

I tried to keep my eyes closed, but that beautiful voice plucked at my willpower, reducing it to embers before I even knew what was going on. With something like a sob, I finally forced my eyes open and immediately wished I hadn't.

Never before had I wished the ability to scream, cry, anything, anything would be better than what I was now faced with. I had thought I had known hell before, but this was new, this was beyond excruciating, it was debilitating.

I think I finally knew what complete and utter brokenness meant, I had nothing left to give, and even the beautiful man hugging me close, couldn't break me out of my emotionally, self-erected prison. Even the sorrowful look on his face couldn't penetrate. I lay shivering, devoid of all emotions, not even pity, which I hated beyond all else, could pierce my now cold, black heart.

This was the nothingness that I had searched for, for all my life, and the irony of finding it, while encompassed within this God-like creatures arms was beyond funny. It was the pinnacle that drove that final nail in my still living, proverbial coffin.

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**Want to know more, leave your reviews!! They are greatly appreciated and always inspire my muse to work faster!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I still don't own Twilight or its characters; I am simply using them for entertainment purposes. All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer! **

**A.N. I forgot to mention that this is my first try at writing something that isn't Soap Opera based. I hope all of you who give this story a chance, will like what I write. And should you like it, please leave a review, your comments help to make me a better writer. **

**If you have any questions or would like to suggest something, feel free to P.M me! I will try to update every other day, but more reviews could spur my muse on! (Sorry I noticed a spelling error, and it was driving me crazy, so I took the chapter off to fix it, but put it back right away. I am sure there will be more typos and such, but I do promise to try and catch as many as possible.)  
**

**Chapter One**

"**This only is denied to God: the power to undo the past.****"**

I sat there for hours holding her small body close to mine. I felt the shivers wracking her body, but when I touched her face, I knew she wasn't cold, for the fact of it all, it seemed like she had a slight fever.

So I remained where I was, wishing I could offer her some form of peace, because when she finally opened her eyes to me, my dead heart threatened to beat out of my chest, the utter emptiness that I saw in her eyes, hurt more than anything I had ever experienced.

From the moment she walked in the door, I knew my life was going to be forever changed. She was, without a doubt beautiful, even in a purgatory of unconsciousness, I could tell that, but it was not her mere beauty that called to me, nor her blood or her obvious intoxicating scent. Something bigger held my attention, but, I was hard pressed to explain just what.

Having her this close, I know understood what Rosalie was talking about, while she all but reeked of another man, one that must have found her tonight, I could smell the others. Being a vampire, my senses were more attuned, and at this moment, I really wish that wasn't true, it broke my dead heart to smell what lay on her skin. I wanted to ask her what happened, how someone could smell of so many, but the emptiness refused to abate; I was for once in my life, completely out of my depths. My gift didn't work on her; I tried numerous times to offer her calmness, peace, but nothing. It felt like there was nothing left inside, and that thought scared me more than anything else.

"Carlisle?" Jasper called softly.

I knew I didn't have to speak loudly, he would hear me and hopefully he would come.

But instead of just my "Father", the whole family walked in to the room, quietly, but their presence seemed to fill the air.

It was then that the woman in my arms finally stirred, but what she did next left me unable to draw a breath, my eyes must have widened, because everyone looked back at me curiously.

Where before she was just resting numb and Jell-O like in my arms, she was now latched around my neck, her arms locked tight, her fingers wound in to my hair in a death grip and her beautiful face was pressed almost painfully in to my neck. I looked beseechingly to my father, but he merely raised his shoulders slightly and let it fall.

The emotions that were coming from my family, almost had me reeling, it was hard to keep up with. Anger, pain, sorrow, pity, desperation and a myriad of others, I tried sending them calm and was able to breathe a little easier, knowing my gift at least could help them. I was having a few moments of wondering if I was…Broken…

Carlisle moved to the bed, sitting in front of me. For the first time in my long life, I realized that Carlisle was scared, he didn't know how to deal with this, but ever so gently he laid his hand on her shoulder, hoping to get her to release her death grip, if I had been human, I would have died from asphyxia.

His cold, yet gentle hand had the opposite effect than he seemed to want.

With a panicky desperation, it felt like she was trying to burrow herself in to me, no longer content to be holding me. We all heard the desperate intake of breath, but I think I was the only one who heard the almost non-existent scream, it was like nothing I had ever heard before. Normally when people screamed it was loud and shrill and did nothing to alleviate a situation, but hers or so it seemed to me, came from her mind and not from her mouth.

I pulled her a little closer, trying my very best to not hurt her anymore than she already was, but even my most gentle touch didn't seem, well, gentle enough. I could see the bruises on her arms from where I grabbed her before she had fainted earlier, and it hurt my heart.

"Jasper, I have to examine her, she's been bleeding, and we have to make sure she is okay." Carlisle said softly.

We both saw how she clung even tighter to me, I don't know how she did it, because it looked like she had already used all her strength, but she kept surprising me, us.

"Will you bring Bella to my office; you can stay with her if you like Jasper."

I didn't know what to do, what to say, but I knew one thing, she had to be checked out, something could be terribly wrong. So with a hope I didn't really feel, I slowly stood up, not wanting to jostle her anymore than she already had been.

I had to groan, it escaped my lips before I even had a moment to think, before I could even stop it, because as soon as I stood, her legs came up and wrapped around my hips, her bony little heels digging in to my ass cheeks. It was the most erotic feeling and made me feel like a complete heel for even having that impure thought, so instead of allowing my body to have free reign, I began to recite the kings and queens of England, but even with that running through my mind, it did little to assuage the way my body wanted her.

I looked at Carlisle with a pained expression, equal parts fear, horror and unquenchable lust. A sad smile flitted across his lips before he waved his hand at the door. I knew he was trying to help, in that small gesture, but I felt like I was dying.

"I'll see all of you downstairs." Carlisle said to the rest of the family. "Jasper, come on."

The short distance to his office was like spending a century with the most alluring of blood calling to me, and never being able to drink it. With every step I took, she all but ground herself against the part of my body that would not listen to reason and before I could stop myself, I began to purr. I had never purred before and doing so now, made me feel like the biggest ass in the world, but it also made my heart soar!

I tried to set her down on the examination table, a table that was not really needed, but it kept up the pretenses that we were always trying to project. She wouldn't let go, and it hurt my heart, but it also made me feel like she needed me. Not knowing what I could do to get her to release me, Carlisle stepped in and took care of the…problem.

Always the gentleman, the compassionate one, it was hard to hear the words that slipped through his lips and the finality that broached no argument. "Bella, you need to release your hold on Jasper, I need to check you over, you are bleeding, and until I can guarantee that you are alright, I will not stop." His voice was firm and full of power, but his face looked as pained as mine.

Still, the threat hung in the air, she didn't move, she didn't speak, she just clung to me, almost as if her life depended on it.

A low, almost feral growl pushed forth from Carlisle's lips. Squaring his shoulders, he moved to Bella, and forcefully removed her from my body. I am not exactly sure how he did it without causing more damage, but it seemed like he had.

He placed her on the examination table, stepping back once she was there, and with a brief glance, we knew something much worse was going on. Whatever it was, the nothingness that I had seen earlier had not retreated, it looked like, she wasn't even here, her eyes were open, but they looked, for all intents and purposes, dead.

I tried to repress the growl that surged through me, but there was no point, somehow, during her short stay with us, thus far, she had weaseled her way, not only in to my life, but, in to my heart as well.

Carlisle didn't bother with being modest; he removed her clothes, setting them stiffly on the chair next to the bed. I could hear the low hum of a growl being pulled from his chest too, with every inch of skin revealed; it was hard to keep any semblance of control.

Her body, while undernourished and deathly pale, was still beautiful, but the skin of her stomach, her breasts, her inner thighs, they were a patch work of scars. I couldn't even fathom what could have caused them, but the silvery patches all but glowed. The bruises were almost the worst of it all. There were dozens of them, and each one, even the ones that were fading or almost completely gone, all were someone's hands. You could almost see the dips and swirls of the complex fingerprints. I had a brief moment of wondering if I could track down every man from those prints. I would be saving the worlds women if I took care of them…

Unable to watch the next part of the examination, I stood instead, facing Bella, holding her hand, and all but begging her to react to me. But, as she lay as naked as the day she was born, she didn't flinch or make any indication she knew what was happening.

I heard Carlisle's weary breath, exhaled rather loudly, it sounded like he was relieved, but within moment's that small relief turned, contorted, becoming an animalistic growl of pure rage. I didn't want to, but my eyes betrayed me, and turned to look at his face, and the look I saw, tore my heart, damn near shredding the unbeaten organ.

I followed his eyes and saw where the blood was coming from, and my knees suddenly felt weak, I suddenly felt weak all over. With the draining of my energy, I quickly forced my eyes away, staring at nothing as I tried to control my need to tear something apart, limb from limb.

When I watched Carlisle gently prod the bruising and swelling of her cheek and eye, it made me wince in pain. It looked like it hurt, but she wouldn't even acknowledge that anything was going on.

He wanted to tell her to keep an ice pack on it, to keep the swelling and bruising down, but didn't see the point, she was beyond caring.

I don't know how long I stood there with my eyes closed and my one fist curling and uncurling, but it must have been some time, because as I finally pulled myself back to the moment, I noticed Carlisle was gone and there were clothes sitting next to Bella. All the scratches she had sustained where now covered with gauze. I could smell the antiseptic that Carlisle had used and the ointment as well. But even with all the medicinal smells floating around me, I could still smell the man who had touched her, hurt her…

I shook my head for a moment, not knowing what my father wanted from me, but realizing that no one was coming back, I slowly pulled my hand from Bella's and began to dress her. There was nothing erotic about it, just full of much pain and a whole lot of despair. With her clothed, I slipped my one arm under her legs and the other behind her back, and still she didn't move. I walked slowly to her room and placed her under the covers. Wanting nothing more than to take her in my arms and make all of her past disappear. However, I needed to hunt, again, and I needed a few moments to get my self under control.

I turned back to her one last time, hoping, praying even, that I would see a spark of something, but her eyes just stared unseeing up at the ceiling. I gently extinguished the light and made my way down stairs.

My family looked almost as lost as I felt, but, knowing there was nothing I could possibly do for them, at least without manipulating their emotions, I gave them a sad smile and dashed out in to the rain.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**I tend to live in the past because most of my life is there.****"**

When the lights were finally extinguished and the room was bathed in darkness, I was finally give the time to think. And while, on the outside I looked completely lost, I knew, the darkness that I so wanted, wouldn't remain, it was once again tossing me in to the trenches, forcing me to face this life, a life I hadn't really created, and at the same time, had. A sob escaped my lips before I could stop it, but no tears were shed, they were locked tight in my heart.

How did this happen? Never before had I been caught. While it was obvious the other foster families lacked the money the Cullen's had, and the intelligence, something still didn't feel right. Unless, somehow, my instincts were wrong, perhaps someone had remained in the house earlier.

These thoughts came and went in a matter of seconds, and while I didn't want curiosity to ruin the dark abyss of my mind, I knew something didn't coincide with what my gut was telling me.

The Cullen's were obviously nice people, and while that was a rarity when it came to the people who took me in, I knew I had to figure a way to get out of here.

Broken, beyond repair, I didn't need to curse this family with my fate. But how, how could I possibly get out of this, they are all so perceptive. Could I remain for eleven more months, without causing them anymore pain? I wasn't foolish enough to believe that I hadn't already caused them pain; it was obvious when I came in the house the last time. Was there a way to stop doing what I had been doing all my life, and just survive the next few months, I wasn't sure, but I was going to try my best.

Unable to sit still any longer, seeing as how the dark oblivion had once again tossed me away, I slowly made my way to the washroom, I needed a shower, and badly. After all, school started tomorrow, or rather today. With a quick look at the clock, I realized I had even less time than I thought.

It wasn't that I wanted to go to school, or do anything besides lay here and drown in my own thoughts. But, I was not foolish enough to believe the Cullen's would allow that, if I didn't get up and make an effort, they might, thinking they were helping me, send me some place for people like me, beyond help…With a decisive nod, I stood up and began to prepare for the day ahead.

Within the steaming confines of my shower, I began to plot, eleven months, that wasn't a long period of time, especially if you took in to account what I had lived through for years, so, first off, I would have to find a way to find oblivion on my own, without the aid of defiling myself, at least when night came, when I was in my room and no one could see. Then, there was also the problem of keeping not only my new parents out of the loop, but five brothers' and sisters'. I wasn't an actress, but I figured I could play my part well enough to not be bothered. At least play the part that was true, I was quiet, I didn't talk much, I didn't do much at all, but if I put forth little efforts, it might be enough, I prayed it would be enough.

Finally scrubbed clean, my pale skin looking worse than before I started, it always happened though, after what happened last night, I couldn't get the feel of the grimy guy off my skin, it felt like he had invaded my very blood, so I scrub with ruthless abandon, rubbing raw my skin that was already abused and tender. Feeling as clean as I ever could, I quickly walked in to my bedroom, wrapped in a towel and realized, forlornly, my only pair of jeans was now a ruined mess. However, before I could even really contemplate what I was going to wear, I spotted a few pairs of pants and shirts on the dresser. I took in my face as I walked by the mirror and had to wince at the dark purple and black of the bruise; at least I could be thankful most of the swelling went down.

I threw on some clothes, not really caring how they looked, and realized, they were almost too small, but, that was life. Shrugging and squaring my shoulders I quietly shut the door to my room and walked down the stairs to the living room. I had to look around before I spotted the kitchen. Even being determined didn't really help the pure fear I felt shoot through my system, the only thing I could hope was no one would ask any questions, or if they did, they would remain light…Not likely, but I could hope.

As I walked in to the kitchen, I really wondered what I was thinking. This was beyond anything I had ever encountered, but the mantra that was quickly becoming my only saving grace, "eleven months, eleven months", pounded in my mind, giving me that last little push to step before everyone.

Taking a deep breath and holding it momentarily, I said, "Hi guys, what time does school start?"

Seven pairs of eyes turned to look at me, almost incredulously. The younger eyes all turned to the older, wiser ones, questions blazing behind their beautiful golden honey gaze, before they all turned once again to me.

Unable to handle the scrutiny, I slowly began to inch my way out of the kitchen, shrugging my shoulders. But before I could move past the threshold, someone spoke, "We-we always leave the house by seven-forty-five, and first class begins at eight-ten…."

"Okay and how do we get there, bus or something?" I asked, not bothering to look anyone in the eyes, just dancing across everyone's.

Unsure what I had said, the room burst out laughing.

"Actually, we drive ourselves; normally Edward drives us all…" Jasper replied, so unsure of himself now that she was standing before him.

I nodded my head, unsure if I was suppose to say anything, so I just twitched my lips a little, trying my damnedest to offer a smile, but, I think I have forgotten how to do something that comes naturally to millions, billions even. It felt more like a grimace to me, but they all smiled back. So instead of prolonging the moment, I turned on my heel and walked out of the kitchen, of course, just my luck, with fifteen minutes before we were to leave, I had to go and trip. One moment I was falling and the next I was held securely in Jasper's arms, my cheek pressed almost intimately to his chest.

"Umm, thanks!" I said, trying to still the sudden erratic beating of my heart.

I made the mistake of looking up into his eyes, but while tilting my head slightly off his chest it brought me closer to his face, I hadn't realized just how close until my lips grazed his and an amazing shot of electricity, coupled with adrenaline shot straight through my body. My cheeks instantly flamed a bright red, mortifying me more as I realized he all but jumped away from me as our lips parted.

One hand was clawing through his hair, messing the blonde strands, while his other, gently, almost reverently touched his lips.

My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest.

"So, school?" I asked, hoping no one noticed the way my voice quavered, albeit, lightly.

Don't get me wrong, I hate school as much as anyone, maybe more than most, but mostly because I am almost always the new girl, the freak that everyone talks about. I have been in more new schools than shopping malls, and while I am a girl, the whole allure of shopping doesn't work for me. So, needless to say, I didn't want to go to school, but if I could survive just eleven more months, it wouldn't make a difference, I've had much worse to live through, and this should be no different. Eleven months and then I wouldn't have to pretend anymore; at least I hoped I wouldn't.

"Bella…" Esme said, almost floating to my side.

I had to fight down the urge to shuffle away from her, but did so, I believe without drawing too much attention.

"Yes?" I squeaked, unintentionally.

"Perhaps before you go, you would like to, meet everyone?" Esme said in a melodious voice.

"Right, of course, sorry." I replied, my head ducking down slightly, a slight blush rising to my already hot cheeks.

Everyone seemed to shuffle closer together, either making it easier for her to identify, or simply wanting the comfort from one another, I wasn't sure, and at the moment, I didn't really care, I just wanted to get this day over with.

Pointing to each person, Esme said, "Emmett, Rosalie, Edward, Alice and obviously you know Jasper." She said it softly, but her eyes were smiling.

I nodded to each and managed to inarticulately whisper, "Hi."

I was "Hi'd" back by everyone, but before I could turn and head towards the front door a pair of big, impossibly strong arms scooped me up in a bear hug, I couldn't describe it as anything else, and even though I felt all but smothered, I also felt strangely safe. I shot a quick look at the person holding me before squeaking, "Can't breathe…"

"Emmett, put her down." Esme all but chastised him.

"Welcome to the family lil' Sis!" Emmett said before placing me back on my feet.

Looking around, I noticed a scowl mar Rosalie's face, before she strode forward, taking Emmett's hand and leading him to the door.

I have never been hugged like that, the almost hug of being in Jasper's arms were completely different. What Emmett had done made me feel a smidgeon like someone actually wanted me around and not just for my body. My eyes burned slightly with a tell-tale sign of tears, but like a million times before, they would never fall.

Not wanting to draw attention to myself, I slowly moved to the door, wanting to make sure I didn't once again, trip on air.

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	3. Chapter 3

**I still don't own Twilight or its characters; I am simply using them for entertainment purposes. All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer! Quote's, still not mine, as said before, if I use one of my own, I will make sure to let you know. **

**I also would like to take a minute and thank a good friend who lets me rant and rave and bounce ideas off of him, and beta's my work, just to make sure that I am doing the best that I can and offering you as clean a writing job as possible. Thank you James!!!**

**One last A.N. Minx Hijinx, sorry about the switch of POV's last chapter, I noticed that I had done it, only after re-posting the chapter for the second time. I will make sure I am much more diligent, and hopefully catch those errors before I post. Thank you for telling me! **

**Thank you as well for the reviews, you guys are the best, and spurred me to write this afternoon, when I wasn't even planning on doing any work until around ten tonight. Your comments are truly appreciated!!!**

**If you have any questions or would like to suggest something, feel free to P.M me!**

**(Sorry guys, I took it down momentarily due to a few errors, I promise to be even more diligent with re-reading everything before I post. There were just too many typos to leave it as is. But thankfully it was caught before anyone replied!!)  
**

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**Chapter Two**

**"Talk low, talk slow, and don't talk too much."**

Forks High… I must have been a horrible person in a previous life, because this school was beyond pathetic. I had to wonder if my new "Little Family" made up half the population within the school. It wasn't that I actually cared that there were fewer people in the school than a small mall in Phoenix, but, when there were more people, one could fade in to the background, people rarely saw the new girl, because in a large school, there was always new people.

I don't know why Jasper decided to be my shadow today, but when I had to go to the office, when we first arrived, he directed me there, and then waited, even though Mrs. Cope said she would give me a map of where all my classes were. He just shook his head and waited. She didn't seem to mind overly, she kept stealing small, dreamy gazes at him.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes once we were out of the claustrophobic room. I even surprised myself as I asked, "Does everyone love you guys?"

He looked momentarily taken back, but hid it well when he replied, "I guess they just don't know how to deal with all of us pretty people."

A smile turned his already handsome face, beatific almost, with an underlying edge of wisdom and danger, there was such honesty written on his face, it would be hard to ignore.

I looked at him for a moment, unsure of how to take that, and then his eyes crinkled a little and he laughed.

"We are still fairly new here ourselves, at least, it feels as if people keep us as the "New" students. I think they are a little taken aback by the fact that we are all claiming to be family, brother's and sister's, yet, Rose and Emmett, they are a couple… We just seem to be the best kept secret, everyone is dying to find out just what that secret is. I guess we just don't blend so well, and we aren't all that in to socializing, we keep to ourselves, so I guess that adds a touch of mystery" He said with a laugh.

Somewhere in that conversation, something struck a true note, and yet I couldn't put my finger on just what. It seemed the longer I was with this family, and alright, I have only known them less than twenty-four hours, but something was seriously different with this family…

Jasper dropped me off at my class, wished me good luck and promised to return when the class was done. I felt a little awkward being escorted to class, but figured he was just trying to be nice. Not that I really had all that much experience with people being kind, but I knew I had to take it for what it was, more likely than not, it was pity that spurred his actions, and while that drove me crazy, I figured I had already rocked the boat numerous times since coming to live with the Cullen family, I would be wise, to not continue to do so, not if I wanted to make my life easier…That was almost laughable, but it was my life.

From the minute I entered, people swarmed around me, wanting to know more about me. I quickly headed off all the inquiries, perhaps I was rather cold, but I simply stated, "I am not interested in getting to know any of you, thanks, but no thanks."

The look on their faces was priceless, but I didn't really care what they thought, I wasn't trying to be a bitch, I just had no interest in talking to the people here. And to be honest, it wasn't just here. In all my life, I have never had a friend, it was easier that way, and I knew I would never stay in one place long, not even here with the Cullen's, so making friends just seemed like a wasted effort.

Of course, it was also my way of protecting myself, I had the mistake of trusting people before, and albeit, I was only a child, I couldn't afford to allow that to happen again, when people got close, bad things happened.

My classes moved quickly enough, I was a good student; I paid attention to what the teachers said and did my work, I wasn't a brain, but I wasn't completely stupid, contrary to popular belief, considering my actions. That was one of the things that came with no social life, you were able to get everything done, and do what you wanted. No fuss, no muss…

By the time I reached the cafeteria for lunch, Jasper in tow, everyone was whispering about me, but, like so much in my life, I shrugged it off. Although, I was quite ready to sit by myself, I had no interest in trying to pry myself in to my family's regular activities, but, Jasper wasn't having any of it. He gently, yet forcefully directed me to the table where the rest of the Cullen's were sitting. Thankfully, his hand was on my shoulder, because I once again proved I was a danger to myself, as I seemingly tripped over empty air.

Thankfully, no one really talked during lunch; they all pretty much kept to themselves, which was a good thing. Of course, that didn't stop the rest of the school from talking and the most obvious choice for conversation today, seemed to be me. No one was eating either, and the nice thing, no one commented on why I wasn't. I did notice that Jasper kept looking at me, across the table, but he never said anything. I figured by now, I had escaped the worst of it, but no sooner did the bell rang, ending lunch , than Jasper grasped my arm and pulled me out of the room and outside.

It was once again overcast and a heavy mist swayed lazily in the afternoon air, as we stood outside, with the mist swirling around our bodies, I realized just how remote, how solitary it could make one feel, it was a welcome feeling, it seemed to dull my senses slightly, and that was a very good thing, especially if I was expected to get through a conversation with Jasper.

"Bella, why did you tell everyone you weren't looking for friends?" Jasper asked, trying for subtlety, but failing miserably.

"I don't see the point in making friends, never have. Does it really matter?" I asked, wanting nothing more than to get back inside and get the day over with, the serene feeling I was feeling just moments before had been expunged. I had wondered how long my little "Statement" would take to reach my new siblings ears, I suppose I was deluded in to thinking that even if people were talking about it, that they would leave well enough alone.

He didn't bother saying anything else, he just slowly led me back inside and dropped me at the door to my next class. I wondered briefly why I didn't have any classes with the rest of my family, but it was a faraway thought, there and gone.

Gym was my last class of the day and no matter how hard I tried to convince Mr. Tuft that my time would be better spent trying to figure out the formula for space time continuance or trying to prove that "We are not alone", he laughed and told me to suit up. In my defense, I had warned him, there was nothing left for me to do, but be resigned to my fate.

We were of course playing basketball, one of the more dangerous sports when you are athletically challenged. Not ten minutes in to the game and I was laying sprawled out on the floor, after taking a rather hard elbow to the ribs. Thankfully, it only knocked the air out of me, but no, my humiliation would not end there. Someone, I think it was this guy Mike, he looked at me with those eyes that all but undressed me right there on the court, tossed me the ball, and shock of all shocks, I caught it, but when I went to pass it to someone else, my trajectory was off, the power behind the throw was off, and the ball smacked directly into Jessica's face, breaking her nose.

"Bella, you are supposed to toss the ball, not launch it with enough force to pulverize what ever it comes in contact with." Coach Tuft remarked sullenly.

In my defense, I had warned him. But I couldn't help the unease I felt at the public admonition. Even Jessica managed to snicker slightly as she was being led to the nurse's office.

If I wasn't a social pariah before, I certainly was now; the entire gym looked at me like I had just gone Hari-Kari on the entire school. I now understood that accidents were not taken lightly, I would have to bite the bullet and ask Carlisle if there was any way I could get out of participating in any more "Fun" gym classes.

Blessedly, the day ended and once again Jasper was directing me to wherever the next destination for me was. Obviously, I am not stupid enough to believe we were going anywhere but back to the car, but, for the briefest of moments, I kind of wished we were, going some place that was just away. I didn't feel as awkward around him, as I did with the rest of our family.

I wondered if my little Gym problem had reached my family yet, but thankfully, no one said anything. I don't know if it was because they didn't want to cause me anymore embarrassment or they simply didn't know, but I had a feeling, that there wasn't much they weren't aware of.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**"And she's feeling like her worth is between her legs."**

I tried my best to socialize with everyone when we got back to the house, but, my nerves were shot and I just wanted to spend some quiet time to myself.

I knew that I wasn't behaving the best, but I couldn't help it. I had spent most of my life depending on me, and small talk wasn't high on my list. I was making an effort, but to people like the Cullen's it probably didn't look that way.

I spent my life debasing myself in the lowest forms possible, of course, I had learned from some of the best. So when you are that unsure, it crippled your ability to think rationally about such normal things. I tried, and I fear that is the best that I can or could offer. I could only hope that it would be enough…

Once safely tucked in to my room, I allowed the weight of the afternoon and all that had happened, to fully wash over me. I tried, I really did, to feel bad about Jessica, but the only emotion I could feel was indifference, besides, her nose would heal. As for Mike, I had to figure a way to smash his little infatuation, or whatever it was. I didn't need a puppy following me around, and he looked mere moments away from doing just that. Thankfully, school was done for the day, so I could let it all go, tomorrow was another day and I could handle Mike if it came to it.

Shortly after seven, I heard a knock on my door, the person on the other side, didn't wait for me to answer, just gently pushed the door open and there stood Esme. She brought me a sandwich and fresh veggies and a glass of milk. She looked like she wanted to say something after laying the food out on my nightstand, but instead, just smiled and left.

I wasn't really hungry, but I knew if I didn't eat something, I would probably live to regret it, living with a doctor in the house, I would most likely not be able to get away with my strange eating habits. I couldn't explain to them that I didn't get hungry, at least, not the way normal people do. I ate when my body demanded, but it so rarely did anymore, that I could go days without food.

I picked at the food, resigned to eating a little, but after five or six bites, I was full, so full in fact that my stomach hurt.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**"Back to my childhood where those monsters reside. They snack on innocence and dine on self esteem."**

It was a little strange, to me at least, how quiet the house was, no matter where you were, everyone always seemed to be conducting themselves as if they had taken a vow of silence.

On occasion you could hear Emmett, but it was very rare, at least so far… And once in awhile you could hear a shower running or a door close, soft murmurs could be heard behind closed doors, but other than that, the house remained in a constant bubble of stillness, silence. I wondered fleetingly, if it was my presence which caused them to conduct themselves in such a way, was I stifling their lifestyle. I realized I probably didn't want to know the answer to that, so quickly banished it to the dark recesses of my mind, where questions like those lived under lock and key, along with over a decade of pain and hurt.

With the preternatural quiet, I tried to move quietly through my room to the door and out in to the hallway; I didn't want to disturb the atmosphere, the ambience of the house. All I really wanted to do was make my way as unobtrusively as possible, inflicting as little of my psychosis on the family.

I tried, but was unable to recall which room we had entered last night, while I had been all but removed from myself and what was going on, I had not seen much of anything really, but I had noticed one thing, the books.

I knocked quietly on one of the many closed doors on this floor, hoping I had the right room. When after several minutes had passed and no one answered, I slowly opened the door, my heart stuck somewhere in my throat, fearing that I had found the wrong room, before my eyes registered what I was seeing and I could breathe a sigh of relief as the door opened further, and revealed the office/library.

As I was about to step in, I wondered if I was even allowed in here, seeing as how it was most likely Carlisle's office, I wondered if I should stay out. Thankfully before I could contemplate the thought long, a soft melodic voice answered my internal debate for me.

"You can go in; there isn't a place in this house you aren't welcome in. While this is Carlisle's office, it is also the library, so feel free. Were you looking for something specific?" Jasper asked, flicking the lights on as he entered the room.

My fingers glided over the spines of all the books I could reach. With each book I touched, I took note of the title, but it felt to me as if I **_was_** looking for something specific, and I could ask Jasper and he would probably know if it was here or not, but I felt like doing it this way, I was going to find many more gems by browsing the titles, over someone telling me what was here.

I glanced briefly at Jasper, wondering what exactly he was doing, but quickly turned back to what I was doing, his eyes, now that I knew he was watching me, seemed to burn in to my very soul. With each step I took, I could feel his eyes rake over my body. I suddenly felt very self-conscious.

"Something I can help you with?" I asked, glancing at him out of the corner of my eye.

"Nope, just trying to figure out what you are looking for, if it is a specific book, I can probably tell you if it resides in the house." Jasper replied, a small smile playing across his lips. "I'm the book lover of the family; there isn't a book in this house that I haven't read."

I looked around, stunned momentarily by his admission, how could anyone find the time to read this many books. It would take me decades. I was going to ask, but suddenly felt the need to stay quiet, prying wasn't my thing, if he wanted to elaborate upon that comment, then so be it.

Instead, I said, "Honestly, I don't know what I am looking for, but with this many books here, I am sure I can find something that catches my eye." I don't know why that statement would make me blush, but I realized I was in fact blushing slightly. It was getting annoying, I never blushed, but since coming to this town and moving in with the Cullen's, it seemed all I ever did was blush, and most of the time, if not all, I was doing so in front of Jasper.

Lost in my memories for a moment, I could vaguely remember one of the few nice foster families that had taken me in, I was maybe six or seven years old. They had a small but quite interesting collection of books, and seeing as even at that, supposedly tender age that I had problems with sleep, I was allowed to "squander" away the hours by reading, for them, that was the only acceptable past time, and honestly that worked the best for me. Reading all but placed you in your own bubble, mostly, people didn't bother someone when they were reading, so reading quickly became important to me, it offered me another way to hide in plain sight.

While there, I had read many classics, Wuthering Height's was one of my all time favorites, and suddenly for that lost little girl, who was not an innocent, but still retained some small part of her heart, I wanted to read the book again, but now the question was, did they have it.

"Jasper, umm, I don't suppose you would know if you guys have Wuthering Height's, do you?" I was waiting for a derisive laugh or a mocking eye roll, but a small smile flitted across his lips.

"If you are looking for classics of that type, you probably won't find them in here, these are more Carlisle's tastes, and while there are some very good books in here, there are a ton and a half of medical books and the like… But, if you are looking for good war books or the classics, then you have to step into the library of Jasper."

That smile reappeared, and if I wasn't mistaken, it looked, downright cocky.

I am sure my face gave away the shock that I felt at that statement, but he didn't wait to see if I had an answer or not, he just grabbed my hand and pulled me from the room.

It was a weird feeling, being led to an almost strangers room. However, I would be lying if I didn't feel a little breathless at the idea as well.

While I was all but Broken beyond repair, that little spark that danced in the darkness of my mind and heart, even so miniscule as it was, warmed me, infinitesimally.

I felt the coolness of his hand leave mine, finally realizing we were standing in his room. I caught sight of him slowly browsing the title of the books that covered two walls; it was an impressive collection, nevertheless, before I could offer my assistance, he was back, standing in front of me, holding the book.

"You are more than welcome to borrow any book in here, the only stipulation I have to put on that, I would much prefer you to read the books in here, otherwise, some how or some way, they will ended up in someone else's collection. It is not even about the books and what they contain, but the mere collection. Honestly, I think we are all just trying to out do one another" Jasper said, looking everywhere, but where his eyes truly wanted to rest.

"It's okay Jasper, I don't have to borrow it, I am sure soon enough I will have piles of homework to do, all the stuff I missed the first month of school. You don't need me crowding your personal space, with eight people living in the house, I am sure privacy is hard to come by, unless of course you are in your own room, I don't need to encroach on your time or your space."

"Bella, it isn't a big deal, really! I spend most of my time in here, reading myself, you sitting in here reading isn't going to be a problem or a distraction." He said it so casually, but inside he was all but rejoicing at the idea of her being in his room more. If he had any luck whatsoever, maybe he could bring her out of herself.

"Why don't you make yourself comfortable and being, it doesn't look like you are tired, you might as well do something you enjoy."

I was still reluctant to burden him with my presence, but it didn't look like he was going to relent, so instead of wasting the time on pointless conversations, which I really didn't want to be a part of, I decided to acquiesce, gently grabbing the book he held out to me, and pulled myself down, sitting with my back pressed against the couch.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**"It's choice - not chance - that determines your destiny."**

For eleven days I went through the motions, went to school, came home, tried to talk to everyone for a few minutes and then quickly fled to my room.

I had learned a little more about the family, through the small conversations that went on before I escaped to my room.

Carlisle and Esme adopted kids, because Esme couldn't conceive, and the one thing they both wanted in this life, was a family of their own. Honestly, it was commendable; they were truly one of a kind. They didn't see the differences between the children they adopted, they seen them as their own, loving them completely, without question.

Emmett, he really wasn't the quiet type, but since becoming a part of the family, he had found an inner peace, perhaps it happened when he fell for Rosalie, he wasn't exactly sure. He just knew that she was his grounder, and sometimes he got a little exuberant, but it added to his personality, rather than detracting from it. He was an avid gamer, could never get enough of it or Rose. Those were his two passions, and he lived fully, completely with those passions.

Rosalie was the epitome of beauty and grace. And while she tried to be nice to me, she more often than not lost her train of thought, especially if she was near a mirror. If you didn't know her, I suppose it would come across as arrogance, but to me, she just looked like she was trying to find her own niche in life. However, where she was short-tempered and irritable with the rest of the family, she was more patient and more loving when Emmett was near. What she couldn't give the family, she made up for it, with the affection she showered on him.

Alice was perpetually happy; she rarely suffered from a moment of indecision or unhappiness. Her bubbly nature seemed to infuse and bond the family, bringing them closer. And while I found her interesting, her obsessive nature with clothes kind of put me off, I wasn't the type of girl to go all gaga for the girly side of our nature. I could see her desire to get closer to me, but I couldn't do it, it just felt to foreign. She was single, but had her eye on someone, although, who it was, I had no idea, she became close lipped as soon as the mysterious man came in to mention.

Edward was an enigma wrapped within an enigma. There was so much about him that was never mentioned or discussed. He was polite enough, but he always looked like he was on the outside looking in. He too was single, but from what I could gather, he was happy with that. His passion was music, on the rare occasions when I was actually trying to be a part of the family, I could sometimes hear him playing on the piano, beautiful, haunting melodies that hurt the heart but also left you wanting more. He was exquisite when he played; all his other habits, all the protections he erected for daily life were gone when he sat before the Baby Grand. For those hours which felt like mere moments, he was a completely different person and it was during those times I wondered how he didn't have a special someone.

And then there was Jasper, I still didn't know much about, he talked once in awhile, but most times, or so it seemed to me, we were both happy with the silence, the need to fill it was not present, it wasn't an awkward silence, it was companionable.

With the conversations out of the way, I was able to once again retreat within myself, saving the small measure of sanity I still had left.

And every night right around seven, Esme showed up, laden down with supper. Sometimes, it was nothing more than soup and a sandwich, and other times it was a delectable feast, much more than any one person could eat, but I could see it made her feel a little better, being able to do this one little thing for me. And while I was indifferent most of the time, to everyone, I wasn't heartless, I could see she was trying, which made me want to try all the more, but I knew, without a question, even my most meager efforts would fail, it was just who I was.

I had wondered how long this could really last, and when I finally worked up the courage and asked Esme why she always brought me my food, she replied in a soft lilt, "You seem more comfortable while by yourself, so I figured, if I could make this experience at least a little less painful as possible, I would."

I smiled my thanks, while still looking somewhat grimace like; they had improved a little, maybe all the practicing had helped. Only in my fucked up world would someone have to learn how to smile.

And I understood, I didn't have to say anything, that small twitch of my lips, seemed to be enough. The smile she parted with was genuine and for that I was grateful. I was still only eating as much as I could, when I could, and felt horrible about wasting the food, but didn't see any way to avoid it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: You don't give up."**

I slowly made my way to Jasper's room. Every night, he sat waiting for me. Unlike the first night though, he would harass me for a few minutes, trying to convince me to sit on the couch, when I mentioned that the floor was much easier to stretch out on, he finally relented. But each night, he made the same comment and each night, I took my spot on the floor, sometimes stretching out, others leaning against the couch he so wanted to be enjoy.

As I took my normal place on the floor, close to the windows, I realized just how tired I was. In eleven days, I had managed to sleep for only two hours. I knew I wasn't fooling anyone, I could see the way their eyes followed me around, especially when I made a conscious effort to be in the same room as the rest of the family. I was starting to think that sticking around and visiting with the family, while sleep deprived was a bad idea.

I looked at the clock and mentally sighed, it was going to be a long night. I knew what I really needed, I needed my oblivion, but again, it felt like everyone was watching me closely, just waiting for me to mess up or show them, I truly did not belong in the family. So without oblivion to guard against terrifying and horrendous nightmares, I was left being a walking, talking zombie. What I really needed was to find a way out of the house, without alerting anyone to my intentions, but that idea was laced with bitterness, because, for the first time in my long and twisted life, the people who took me in, my "Family", were diligent, rational and compassionate.

My head started to do the drooping thing, my eyes felt like they had been bathed in sand and grit and my body felt beyond sluggish. If I didn't move quickly, this could turn out badly. All I had to do was get to my room, shut the door and let the next wave of nightmare's assault my senses.

And before I could make my move to sit up, I fell, hard and complete, in to exhaustion. My eyes closed as if they had been supporting fifty tons of rock, however, with one valiant try, I forced my eyes open, to grace my mind with the last few moments of consciousness, looking at the God-like man, laying sprawled on his bed, and it was then that I finally succumbed to sleep.

I couldn't have been asleep long, or so it felt, but as soon as I heard that soft as velvet voice speaking "Bella", my eyes shot open fearfully.

An uncommon emotion from me was suddenly, irrevocably making itself known. Anger, anger at myself for being foolish enough to fall asleep, anger at this family who seemed to always know where I was, no matter where I went, and finally angry at a God, I wasn't sure I still believed in.

While being treated as precious china by the family, I knew my real reaction to the past events, was simply that they were denying me the only thing I truly needed. Instead of having a drug and/or alcohol addiction, I was addicted to sleeping with men. I derived no pleasure from this rutting, but took the only thing they could offer, the oblivion that came while I shamelessly auctioned off my body to the highest bidder.

With some semblance of coherency returning to my mind, I understood how I was going to take the power back. There were four capable men in this house, and without much persuasion, I was sure I could get what wanted, what I desperately needed.

I didn't bother wasting my time on the what if's of how this was going to work, all I really knew was, I needed to make it work, needed to find that one small safe haven that no one knew about or could barge their way in to.

Moving softly, slowly, I gently pulled myself in to a standing position and walked to the bed, enjoying the short reprieve of looking in to his hauntingly beautiful eyes. It looked to me like he was engrossed so completely in the novel once again, that he didn't even see me.

I have never been a pushy person, but I knew for this to work, I had to make my move quickly and without hesitation. I climbed on the bed, and no sooner did my legs touch the soft warmth of the comforter, than his eyes bore in to mine. A million questions seemed to run through his mind, I could see them clearly, but ignored them, as best I could. I knew it wouldn't take his hands long to stop me, so before he had a chance to do anything, I quickly straddled his lap, grinding my core into him. Hoping, praying for the right reaction, but even in my muddled mind, I wasn't sure what the right action was. If I could use jasper for what I needed, would I lose the one person I felt comfortable enough to be around?

No sooner had I sat down and made a few gyrating motions with my hips, than his hands shot to my sides, stilling my movement. His eyes were dark, no trace of the golden hues left. I felt like crying, but I also felt like screaming, but both emotions were distant, because I could feel what I had been hoping for, the blessed firmness pressing tightly against my apex.

What I wasn't prepared for was the shocking heat that was radiating from my very center, the strange tightness that took hold in my stomach. I tried to think, but suddenly all thoughts were lost to me, I was left with just feeling and it staggered me, left me breathless and panting.

I was pulled from myself when I heard his voice, still melodious, but there was something else there as well, a dusky edge that sent bursts of pleasure straight to my center.

"What are you doing?"

I tried to think, tried to speak, but I couldn't, I was so far out of my league, out of my comfort zone, I didn't know what to do. So, instead of trying to fight it, or figure it out, I went with my instincts, crushing my lips to his. That spark of electricity shot through me again, and as with the adrenaline, it too pumped into my system, making me vibrate against the firmest part of his anatomy.

I moaned, unable to stop myself, one second I was lost to the sea of feelings bombarding my body, and the next, this sensually erotic moan pushed forth from my lips, trembling against his, and not quietly either, it felt like it carried seventeen years of repression behind it.

My hips of their own accord began to move again, and I noticed with a small, honest smile, Jasper was no longer stopping the movements, but almost spurring them on. I needed to breathe, so I slowly moved my lips away from his, and felt almost a gouging emptiness replace the cool warmth of his lips in my heart, possible as deep as my soul.

When I dared to open my eyes, that small smile twitched to my lips again, he too was breathing heavy, but he was also purring, I could feel it vibrate through my hand that rested lightly against his chest, almost right below his heart. That sound shot through my body, causing me to place more pressure to where we were joined, and for the first time in my life, I wanted nothing more than to have all scraps of clothing removed, this barrier seemed to almost mock me, tease me with how close we were, yet so very far away.

I was feeling brave, beyond anything I had ever felt and when my fingers began their trek down his chest, stopping just briefly on the button of his pants, I realized, I was about to do something, I had never done before. However, before my fingers could grasp the button and free it from its prison, the bedroom door flew open, Esme and Carlisle, standing with their hands on their hips, their faces blank.

"What do you think you are doing?" Carlisle asked, his voice strangely high, but full of strength and something else, I couldn't identify it, it could have been my brain was so consumed by everything else that I didn't or couldn't figure it out, but I couldn't be sure.

I shrank in to Jasper, covering his upper body with mine, feeling all of the shame and disappoint I was sure to see on their faces, should I happen to glance at them again. I pulled myself even closer, hoping to bury in to his hard and unyielding body. And even understanding that they were still in the room, I couldn't push back the overwhelming desire to ignore the world, to continue on with what I was searching for.

I heard a soft noise coming from the door, but couldn't understand what it was, I thought I caught words every once in awhile, but I couldn't be sure, so instead of drawing more attention to myself, I ignored it.

After what felt like an eternity, I slowly lifted my head to look in to his eyes. He looked so conflicted, his hands, at some point had moved from my hips to my back, stroking it in long, slow motions. A myriad of emotions played across his face, but even with everything that had just happened, I could still feel how his body reacted to mine, because he was still as hard as before.

I turned and looked at the door and was surprised to see that it was closed and no one stood there. Shock crossed my face, but was lost just as quickly, I wondered briefly if I had lost my mind, was seeing Carlisle and Esme just a figment of my imagination, thankfully, I didn't have to search out those answers.

"We shouldn't be doing this…" Jasper said, trying to retain some semblance of cohesive thought. But no sooner did he begin to speak than I started to move my hips again. "Bella, please, look at me."

I wanted to, I wanted so badly to look in to his eyes, but I knew whatever I said was going to fall on deaf ears. He couldn't understand what I needed, he couldn't understand and there was no way I could make him, but maybe if I could override his innate goodness and appeal to the man within, I might be able to get what I needed.

"Jasper, please, don't make me beg, I will, if I have to, but please... I can't tell you why it is important, but it is. Please help me…" I couldn't say anymore, my voice faltered, filled with repressed emotion, I didn't want to beg, but I knew I had already done just that. And the sad fact was, I would beg more, do anything I possibly could to get him to relent.

I didn't know what else I could say or possibly do to get what I wanted, what I needed. I was trying to take every ounce of knowledge I had gained on the male species, and suddenly, I felt beyond inadequate. I knew how to take money from men and give them what they wanted, but I didn't know how to take away someone's will, and impart my own wants on them.

I pulled myself in to a sitting position, feeling his hands drop back down to my hips, and before he could object, I pulled my shirt over my head, revealing my upper body to him. But instead of getting the reaction I wanted. Instead of ravaging my body he just looked and that was beyond horrible. I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes and suddenly, I didn't think there was anything I could do to stop them from overflowing.

Jasper gently lifted me off of him, laying me on the bed. With the lack of contact came an excruciating emptiness, which I had never known. I had thought I had lived through every pain imaginable, but this was worse, it was unbearable and the tears that had been threatening to fall, now did in earnest.

I saw the tears, but knew I had to ignore them, even though each one tore another hole in my heart. I sat astride her, all my weight resting on my heels and as I looked in to her eyes, I knew what I had to do. I gently grasped her hands and held then above her head, and with unbearable slowness let my lips descend to hers.

I knew it was impossible to make her believe that I already had very deep feeling for her, and if I was honest with myself, I think I knew I already loved her. I knew, by trying to tell her these things, I would only push her further away, so I had to show her.

I kissed her with every ounce of love I had in me, praying it would be enough.

Her lips moved with mine, and while it hurt to know that her kiss was out of desperation, she didn't fight me, she allowed me to do what I knew I had always been meant to. Love this woman and make her whole.

When I finally pulled away from her lips, we were both panting. Pretending to be in need of air for so many years, it was hard to stop the naturalness of breathing and panting when in the moment.

With the gentlest touches, I slowly moved down her body, never allowing my weight to rest on her, I traced each and every scar upon her upper body, and with each scar I tried to gently kiss away the hurt that came with the memory of said scar.

When I pulled back, so I could look in her eyes, I was powerless to stop the disparaging sob that ripped from my throat.

She looked so Broken, so lost but on top of all that, instead of just sitting there, with no expression at all, she was crying brokenly, her fists grinding in to her eyes, trying without luck to stop the flow. I couldn't imagine how much it hurt for her to do so, but never the less, she continued.

"Bella, please stop, look at me." I implored.

I don't know what I was expecting, but the quick movement, stunned even me. I was on my back before I even knew it and she was on top of me.

Oh yeah, this was going to be a long night…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	4. Chapter 4

**Still don't own Twilight or its characters. "Because of You" By Reba McEntire and Kelly Clarkson, they own it; I just borrowed it for the purpose of this chapter.**

**Do to mature content and some expletives, I thought it prudent to rate this chapter NC-17, just to be on the safe side. **

**I also apologize for the little error note on the last chapter, I don't know why it showed up… The joys of technology, something has to go wrong, every once in awhile. **

**  
It will probably be a day or two before I can post again, I have family coming to stay with me, and sadly, most, if not all of my time will be devoted to them. But as soon as they leave, I will be back to writing and updating. I hope this chapter will tie you over until then, but if I get a moment to write, I will. Reviews would definitely spur me on even quicker though. ;)**

**Chapter Three**

"**Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."**

I had no idea, just how long a night this was going to be, the already high tension in the room had gone from unnerving to tangible, if I concentrated hard enough, I could almost taste the flavor of the tension in the room, there was a hint of lemons, adding that extra bitterness, but it also tasted like sunshine and freesia.

Albeit, I didn't need to sleep, I knew no matter what, the emotional turmoil could quite possibly, leave us both exhausted beyond anything we had ever felt before. I don't know what I was expecting; I just knew there was an ominous feeling hanging over our heads.

Since Carlisle had entered my room earlier, he did a walk-by, every fifteen to twenty minutes, I couldn't see him, but I could hear him, his stealthy movements made less so, by my preternatural hearing.

I don't know if he was trying to figure out what was going on, hell, I didn't really know either, I was confounded by the emotions flaring within me. But with each walk-by, I sent out a calming wave, hoping it was enough to alleviate my father's worries. Hoping beyond hope, that he wouldn't try to come in again, at least until I could figure out what was going on.

When Bella had first come here and until just an hour ago, she had showed pretty much the same reactions, when stressed, she passed out, and all other times, she was either indifferent, most times quiet and the few times almost catatonic. She attempted to offer smiles to us, but we could see how hard it was, they were little more than grimaces, although, even I had to admit, they were gradually becoming less grimace-like. She didn't talk much, and if I was honest, most times, she only spoke when spoken to, otherwise, conversation kind of lagged.

But since she had been coming to my room, I noticed a little more animation. Her smiles were a little more genuine, and if I got her on the right topic, she talked, which most time was book related. I wanted to think that I was having an effect on her, but I wasn't really sure, it could just be my male pride or ego tooting its own horn.

But tonight, this drastic change had me baffled. She was never assertive and she never cried or begged for that matter, and she had done all of that. It left me wondering what other changes I would see.

I lay here unable to comprehend what happened. She was lying on me, but she wasn't trying to get physical, she was just holding on to me for dear life. Her tears had tapered off; only a small hiccup sounded every once in awhile. Completely out of my element, I whispered softly of all the books I thought she might enjoy, offering detailed accounts of each one, I rubbed her back and when that didn't seem to work either, I resorted to singing to her.

I didn't actually think it would work, but it worked better than I could have hoped for, ten minutes later and three songs, she was out like a light. Her small hand had fisted itself in my shirt, her head rested above my heart.

It was the first time I had seen her sleep. I had heard from some of the more ignorant people in our school that she had fallen asleep in Biology twice, well, technically, I had heard from Edward, who had heard all the thoughts pertaining to Bella, bounce inside the idiotic minds of our teenage "peers", but aside from that, she never slept.

I tried to convince her every once in awhile, but soon stopped. She'd look at me like I was asking her to commit some heinous crime or God forbid, murder. I didn't know, still don't know what had happened in her life, but if she would just trust me enough, I was willing to listen without judgment.

A small smile crossed my face; it was hard not to smile, with her so close. But, even in sleep, she was trying to burrow in to me. She snuggled a little deeper, a soft sigh escaping her lips. It may be corny or cheesy, but that little sigh was enough to warm my heart, enough to almost cause its resuming beat. I felt, at least in sleep I was offering her some comfort, perhaps a safe haven.

My smile faltered, there one moment, gone the next, as she suddenly clung tighter to me. And before I could understand why the sudden change, I heard her speak…I really was out of my element. I had spent over a century using my gift as a way to read people, and then mere human girl walked in to my life, and altered almost everything I knew, everything I believed in.

"No, no…no, please don't." She pleaded, shaking her head with each negation. The small expulsion of air with each word spoken, feathered across my marble-like chest.

It was hard to hear, her voice was so quiet, but fraught with so much pain. Of course, it took me a few minutes to get over the shock that she was talking in her sleep…I was young in vampire years, but I had never heard anyone talk in their sleep, of course, that could be because I didn't really hang out in the bedrooms of mortals to watch them sleep, but I might have, my early self would have found the sheer enjoyment behind hearing some of the most personal thoughts.

I didn't bother with the pretense of breathing; I was waiting with bated breath, wondering if she was going to talk again.

"Don't, no, you can't touch me…please, oh God, stop."

And without bothering to take a breath, she continued

"O-okay, alright, I won't cry, I promise. Just don't do that any more…" She said in a tear filled voice.

I couldn't help it, my fists clenched. It was like listening in on someone's most personal memories, except, there was nothing good about the memories she was currently reliving.

Her words invoked my most primal emotion, to protect the one I cared for, and to tear a part anyone who had done her wrong. I could hear the terror, the pain, the emotional strain with each word, each sentence she uttered. If it wasn't for my great hearing, I probably would not have been able to discern anything she was saying, the words were spoken in fear, and her sleeping form seemed only able to mumble the words.

I didn't know what to do, I had never been in the position of waking someone who was dreaming, but it sounded like this was a good reason to wake her. Again, I didn't know if it could hurt her or not, I had read many books on the subject, and many said it didn't matter if a dreamer was awoken while dreaming, that no harm would befall the dreamer and others claimed it would do more harm than good. I couldn't be sure, I felt helpless and that is never a good feeling for a vampire.

The option was taken out of my hands, because I didn't have to contemplate long, the most heart wrenching scream reverberated through my room, seeming to bounce off every available surface. I gently grasped her upper arms, ready to shake her if need be, but her eyes were wide open and filled completely with unbridled fear. I couldn't be sure, but it felt like she was looking right through me, at a different time and a completely different place.

Her breathing came in deep ragged gasps and then the tears started again. She wasn't just crying though, it was something so much worse, I could literally feel the gut-wrenching hopelessness that was flowing off of her, through her, I didn't have a reference point or something to attribute her unbearable suffering, but it felt to me, like her entire being was screaming from the unfathomable pain, heartache.

And it had nothing to do with my gift, if it had, I am sure I would have been a complete mess, maybe worse than even her. My ability to manipulate emotions was useless when it came to her and it was probably the one time in my life, that I desperately needed its use. I had never encountered such feelings of agony, her anguish was so complete, I couldn't understand how she didn't fracture, how she maintained her hold and didn't give completely over to her emotions.

I couldn't tell you what I was planning on doing, because my family came rushing in, all in various stages of undress. One minute it was just the two of us and the next instant, they were there. As soon as she heard them enter, she leapt off my chest, huddling in the corner closest to my bed. Her head was down, but her eyes watched them all warily, as soon as someone made a move to get closer to her, she screamed. She looked, for all intents and purposes, like a wild animal, cornered. I wondered, in the barest of moments, if I previous ideas about her maintaining her hold on the world around her, had been false, hopeful on my part, could I have been so erroneous in my first assumption.

I gave my family a pained expression, hoping they would understand and leave and that I would, if I could, explain at a different time. Hoping that the torturous amount of emotions flowing through me, to them, would make a great enough point so that they would leave.

I quietly sat up; swinging my feet to the floor, but even that small movement caused her to mewl, as if she was in pain. I moved with exaggerated slowness, every step I took which brought me closer, caused her to make that small almost pathetic noise and scoot further back. However, now that I was moving, I couldn't stop, I had to reach her, save her, if at all possible. My heart depended on it.

I kneeled down in front of her, opening my arms wide, hoping she would allow me to offer her some semblance of comfort, but all she did was pull herself closer to the wall and deeper within herself, I couldn't image how she could get any closer in to the corner, she was already wedged in their tight, but somehow, she managed it.

I could see her shutting down, and for the first time in my life, or maybe what just felt like the first time, I was left solely relying on my instincts. Hoping that my short time as a human, had prepared me enough to help her, while I knew my experiences as a vampire, at least in the beginning, couldn't shed a single, iota of help on the situation, perhaps, all the caring and familial bonding that had taken place since I had come to live with the Cullen's would offer me a little help, if even just a smidgeon.

Gently I grasped her shoulders, it hurt my heart the way she shook when my hands touched her, but knowing it had now come to do or die, I pulled her forward, into my arms and tucked her head beneath my chin. For the length of a human breath, she fought me, tooth and nail, she tried to leave my cocooning embrace, but I was just as determined as she was and refused to give up or in.

Ever so gently I began to rock back and forth, like you would do for an infant, my hands traced random designs upon her upper arms and I slowly began to sing. I had to search my memory for calming songs, but the one that kept popping in to my head, was none other than "Because of You" By Reba McEntire and Kelly Clarkson. I sang it, figuring she was either too far gone to really understand the lyrics, or close enough to that state that she might not really care, one way or another.

I will not make the same mistakes that you did  
I will not let myself  
Cause my heart so much misery  
I will not break the way you did,  
You fell so hard  
I've learned the hard way  
To never let it get that far

Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me  
Because of you  
I am afraid

I lose my way  
And it's not too long before you point it out  
I cannot cry  
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes  
I'm forced to fake  
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life  
My heart can't possibly break  
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me  
Because of you  
I am afraid

I watched you die  
I heard you cry every night in your sleep  
I was so young  
You should have known better than to lean on me  
You never thought of anyone else  
You just saw your pain  
And now I cry in the middle of the night  
For the same damn thing

Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I try my hardest just to forget everything  
Because of you  
I don't know how to let anyone else in  
Because of you  
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty  
Because of you  
I am afraid

Because of you  
Because of you

The song for some reason stuck in my head, I didn't go out of my way to listen to it, but, it being a popular song it came on the radio quite often. And the more I thought about it, the more the song somehow, in someway fit Bella in so many ways. I couldn't tell you how long we sat there, but I knew it had to have been hours, I had sung the song a few times, changing it up with others, but like I said, this song, could almost be her personal anthem.

The sun had risen at some point and my siblings had left the house. I surmised it was to go to school, but I couldn't bring myself to really care, all my thoughts were really taken with Bella.

Carlisle and Esme walked by my door often, I could hear their conversation clearly and it scared the crap out of me. They kept talking about taking her to the hospital, commenting on how this was tossing them in to water's neither of them had ever had to deal with. I could hear and feel the indecision in their voices, the sadness as well, but they were out of their league, if she didn't respond soon, they would be left with no other choice.

I knew I had to do something, I had to break her out of this catatonia and the only way I saw a way to do that was shock her out of it, I am sure there was something else I could do, but I didn't want to use a physical relationship with her to break her out of it, if I even could at this point. And I am sure, professionals around the world would be chomping at the bit, at my cavalier decision, but, time was of the essence, I didn't have a psychology degree or anything even close to it, I was out of my league, a fish out of water, I was spurred to do what I could, because I cared, and couldn't image what she would go through if taken to the hospital.

I dug deep down, looking for my "Inner Prick", surprisingly, it wasn't all that hard to find I realized.

"Bella, if you don't snap out of this, Carlisle is going to take you to the hospital, you know, padded rooms, crisp unyielding white coats that tie in the back. He isn't going to want to, but we don't know how else we can help you. If you won't open up to him, open up to me. I won't judge you, I am incapable of judging you, perhaps at a later date, I will tell you my history, I promise you, please, just talk to me."

I all but snarled my frustration, being calm and understanding wasn't helping her, if I wanted her to react, I had to stop listening to my heart, and thrive on my ability to be a "Monster". This was going to hurt; I think neither of us would escape this unscathed.

"Isabella, you need to get off your ass. Enough with the pity party, you are acting like a child. You want people to leave you alone, then prove you know how to handle things on your own. Don't expect anyone to understand what you do; how you go to men, for whatever sick and twisted reason, whether it is for need or the simplicity of want. How long have you been allowing these men to fuck you, use you, hmm? Was it the amount of men you have slept with that gets you hot or is it something more, something even more pathetic? When did you start, were you so eager, you just couldn't wait?"

I knew I was being harsh, but I had nothing left, I needed her to crack and each vile word I spat at her, spoken in pure disgust, broke my heart a little more…Because, no matter what had happened or what she had done, I could never be disgusted by her, but I had to make her believe it, at least for the time being.

"You are damn near an adult, act like it! I can't baby you any longer, I won't. I have a life to live too. What would your parents think of you, if they could see you now?"

I knew as soon as it slipped from my lips, that I had gone too far, pushed to hard. Her eyes were no longer vacant, they were filled with so much anger and so much hurt, and for the first time since she had come here, I could feel the emotions pouring from her, she vibrated with the enormity of it all. Go figure, my gift chose this moment to work, engulfing me in the entirety of her emotions. I was hit with unimaginable pain, anger the likes I had never felt before and to roll it all up in a neat little package, shame washed over me, like a rogue wave, if I hadn't been sitting, that one emotion would have crushed me to the floor, robbing me of any and all strength, her shame was incomprehensible, it felt like it knew no limits.

I fought to control my own emotions, but with so many vibrating through me, it was hard and as each emotion hit me, I growled, I couldn't stop it. The sounds coming from me, I had never heard before. For all the time I had spent recruiting and murdering newborn vampires, I never heard a sound that could come even close, feral was one word, but seemed completely inadequate, I suppose it was as close as the English language would allow.

I knew I had to say something, but what do you say to a person when not a few moments before, you were all but ripping out their heart. My growl stopped suddenly, but was replaced with a sob, it came from the very depths of my soul, for in that moment, I knew beyond all reason, I had a soul and it was all but dying with the pain I had willingly inflicted on the woman I knew I loved. No truer test could be done to prove, just what a monster I was. I could have continued my self torment, but it was literally taken out of my hands, one moment she was still held tightly in my arms, and the next, she was up and pacing the room.

I tried to catch her eyes with my own, but she refused to look at me. I felt like the biggest failure at that moment, knowing nothing I did, nothing I could ever do, could possibly help heal her.

And then she spoke…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**A mind, a prison, a heart in a cell. If only the screams could be heard from this hell."**

I tried to cast him my most withering, ignorant, insolent glare, and knew before I had even done it, that it would fail. Who was I kidding, I was nothing more than a mere pussy cat, I could talk tough in my head, and try to fake a sure, confident image, when really pushed, but, I was failing horribly, like I did in all ways that concerned my life.

But for once, I wasn't going to just go silently, what he had said, hurt so much, hurt more than I thought possible, and my fury would not allow me to be silent.

"Isn't that sweet, Jasper wants to hear the sad sob story of my life. What do you think will happen when I tell you, that you can suddenly take all my hurts away, heal my heart, heal my soul and by doing so, give me back my life, hmm? What happens if I don't want to live, what if I don't want my life back, have a snappy come back for that too, you ass?"

"Jasper, Jasper, Jasper… Where to start, hmm, that is such a hard question to answer, even if it is rhetorical…Well how about when I was two years old, I didn't know what was going on, all I know is what I was told, I was with my parents, it was "Family Night" something we supposedly did as a family, go figure, that was the night I should have died, at least that would have been in a fair world, but seeing as how some divine being decided it was my parents time to take that long walk in to the wild blue yonder, well, you know what, fuck you all, it should have been mine too." I took a breath, I was all but panting by this time, and those traitorous tears started to fall again.

"Let's see, after that, I was a ward of the state, a child stuck in limbo, where all children who aren't wanted go. And sure, I was young, so it wasn't hard to find a family, except, I guess the state doesn't really care how good those families are, because, before I even had a chance of turning three, my new foster father, figured he not only owned me, but felt it his right to possess me, completely. Sure I was a little too young for the biblical meaning behind his desire, but just because he didn't rape me with his wonderfully appalling cock, doesn't mean he hadn't tried other ways, and succeeded. Of course, again, it is only hear say, seeing as how I was so young. What could I possibly know…?" I didn't know how much more I had left in me, I was beyond tired, this went beyond mere sleep deprivation, and that was something completely new to me and even more terrifying.

"Now of course, the times that I was left in the Orphanage, it had to be my dumb luck that a few of the more delinquent boys decided the broken girl child would be fun to play with. Why not, it seemed that since my parents died, everyone wanted a little piece of Bella. And that was all before I turned six. Does that turn you on; does it make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside? You want to know more Jasper or have I finally told you enough, do you want to know about the physical abuse, maybe the emotional, or should we stick with the sexual abuse, hmm, or will it take baring every last consequential, every sordid detail of my life to appease you?"

I didn't stop, didn't think I could stop at this point, I was on a roll, or so it seemed, and the memories were spewed out in a haste to purge myself. Don't think that I actually thought it would help, but like I said, I was on a roll.

"Sure, there was a happy family in there, well, nice family; I suppose is the right term. They let me read, didn't expect too much, I was barely six years old, so what could they possibly expect from me. But obviously, someone's big idea of a cosmic joke, I was left with a babysitter, they went out on date night, want to take a stab at what happened, come on, I'll give you three guess's. Give up, well, isn't fate fickle, they died in a car crash, imagine that. Do I sound bitter, nah, why should I be, right?"

A sob ripped from my throat, it was all just too much. I hadn't spoken of any of this in so long. Unless of course I was forced to, the state seemed to think that all foster kids needed therapy, but like most everything that pertained to "State Funding" the physiologists were little more than glorified doctor's who didn't have a clue when it came to a broken mind. At least during that time, I could remain detached, but Jasper had opened up the flood gates, now I wasn't sure I would be able to close them.

"You want to know what it was like when I brought home an A-, I thought it was a great grade, but Mommy Dearest, she didn't think so, an A- was not satisfactory, in her house, you got A+'s or you spent every night locked in her "Specified" closet, a flashlight the only illumination one was allowed and you better find the right position before the door closed, otherwise, you were shit out of luck... But, you know what, when I fucked up a second time and got an A, she shoved me down a flight of stairs, but because it was such a big house, there were forty-two stairs to fall down. Want to know want that does to a person's body? I was seven years old! Broken bones and some damaged so well, that my skin couldn't keep the sharp points in."

I didn't know how I could really explain this, I spent months in the hospital, waiting, hoping that something would change, praying that just maybe, an infection would set in, one they couldn't fight, and I would finally get my chance to be reunited with my family. There were of course tons of people coming and going from my room that first month, they wanted to know how my body had been so badly scarred. I was a child, how could I make them understand that the closet wasn't the worst punishment. But it didn't matter in the long run, Miss Beck was cleared of any possible ramifications, she never served a single day for all the horror she inflected on me, she was an adult after all, and I, a clumsy, silly child, who hadn't learned not to play near the stairs and needed a strong hand when it came to discipline.

"How about Daddy Dearest, I was eight when he figured out he didn't have to take my virginity to have fun, he could still have sex with me, and if careful, he wouldn't leave a trace, how's that, he had a fetish for asses anyway, so it worked out well for him. And if that isn't depraved enough for you, how about how he let his sons use me too. Doesn't that just scream happy family? You know what they say about sharing…"

I screamed at him, sinking to my knees, my body refusing to listen to a single command. I was quickly losing all abilities to think straight. It felt like a fog was setting in but this time, I wasn't fainting, this time, sleep was demanding my attention, and I was unable to argue or deter it.

I wondered briefly if I was going to dream again, and couldn't find it in myself to care. Let the nightmares come, let the Cullen's do what they wanted, I could feel, with the last traces of consciousness that there was an even better oblivion than sleeping with men, it was called death and I couldn't believe that the idea hadn't crossed my mind before, a small laugh bubbled up from within and as my eyes closed heavily, I let the laugh escape. I could hear my mind all but fracturing, but blessedly, I could care less.

I didn't care that I was laying on the floor, where, strangely enough, I had fallen asleep the first time I had come in here this evening, which I dimly recalled was yesterday, seeing as how a dull, muted light was coming through the windows, illuminating the room to some degree. I gently reached out for the book that I was reading, and ever so gently, laid my head on it as my eyes closed and unconsciousness took me out on the sea of sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go."**

It was all too much. One minute she had been screaming at me, screaming of the horrors that she had lived through and the next, softly snoring on the floor, her body had curled in on itself, it seemed even in sleep, she was protecting herself. I couldn't wrap my mind around it. The only thing that I could even come up with was that she was so overly stressed and deprived of sleep that her body finally shut down. If it hadn't been for the snoring, and the light beat of her heart, I would have been worried that there was something terribly wrong, but even with those indications, I was still out of my mind with worry.

I slowly tried to regain my feet, but it felt like I was wading through a ton of almost set cement, every movement seemed to exert the maximum amount of energy. In my long life, I had never felt more in need of sleep, I wondered briefly if it was my body, or the latent emotions coming from her.

What should have only taken me mere seconds to accomplish, took me twenty minutes, but finally I was sitting beside her, except, instead of just sitting there quietly, I was panting for each and every unneeded breath.

I knew the last thing she probably wanted was for me to touch her, but I couldn't stop myself, my hand moved before my brain had even given it the command. The traitorous appendage, stroked softly through her thick brown locks, delighting in the silkiness. I don't know how long I sat their, letting her hair flow through my fingers, I was so engrossed in the feeling, I damn near screamed when my father's hand settled on my shoulder.

"Carlisle, you scared the crap out of me!"

He gave me his regular look, the one saying, that we were above cursing, and then said, "Jasper, I didn't think it was possible to sneak up on a vampire, but obviously, you are much too concerned about her well being, to bother with worrying about your own, even if you know you are safe here."

"What are you planning on doing?" I didn't feel like having a happy little chat, I needed to know his plans and stop them if they were what I deemed wrong, if I could.

"Jasper, I know you think you found your mate, but I don't think we are what is best for her. She has been through so much; I don't think she even scratched the surface when she was yelling at you earlier. If she stays, there is a possibility of things getting much worse, we may be more of a hindrance than a help. I love her like a daughter Jasper, everyone in this family loves her, but I don't think we can be selfish and keep her here, when she obviously needs help!"

"But maybe that's the problem, just because she has problems, and yes, you don't need to roll your eyes, she has lots of them, but so do we. By having faith in her, and in ourselves, wouldn't that help her too? Considering everyone else in her life has just tossed her away, given up on her, not wanting to bother with the rough road ahead…" I said, a touch of pleading coloring my words.

"Son, I know what this means to you, I know what it means to all of us." Carlisle said, worry doing what time could not, creasing his normally smooth face. "I will give her some more time, but I don't think this is going to help. I fear she needs, well, to be honest, I don't have a clue. Do you have any ideas?"

My mind was suddenly very alert, I ran through the possibilities, but one thing kept repeating, perhaps, I did have an idea, the question of course, would it work… "Dad, you know the little cottage, back in the woods, how long would it take to have the steel plates installed on the windows and the front and back door? Where only someone from the outside would be able to open or close them?"

"What are you thinking?" Carlisle asked. Intrigued, despite or maybe in spite of himself and what he knew to be the basis of right and wrong.

I could feel intrigue rolling off of him and some hesitancy, but before he could ask anything else, I forged ahead.

"Think of it this way, she has already proven that she can and will react to me, whether those emotions are positive or negative. The cottage is small, if you remove the doors inside, so there is no where to go to hide, and it would be just Bella and myself in there, for an undetermined amount of time, I could try to gently work her walls down, show her that it is okay to trust. I can't guarantee that it would work, but nothing else has done any good, you heard her, she sounds like she is only a step or two away from contemplating hurting herself or worse, doing it. If this works and she never wants to see me again, I will survive, at least then I would know she would be alive, if it doesn't work, we have only lost time, we are vampires after all, what else do we have in abundance, besides time. And should it go completely wrong, well, then I suppose that will be our cross to bear. But honestly, I think I can help her, I want to, I need to help her."

"I am sure we could have it ready before night fall, but you understand, once the place is locked down, the only way you can get out is if we let you out or you break yourself out and that alone could push her over the precipice she seems to be on. You will have to feed before going in, and either stock up or we could bring you something…" Carlisle said, his heart and mind ever so heavy. "I will give you one week, if nothing changes by then, it will be time to move to our last choice, agreed?"

"Agreed, and I also think stocking up would be a wise idea, it needs to be just the two of us. I need to cut her off from outer stimuli, if I have any hope of getting through to her, of getting her to open up. I suppose this is a form of sensory depravation, and should she become so enraged, at least we know she won't be able to hurt me and maybe that alone will help us. Because I have a feeling that I am going to be faced with the full extent of her wrath…Please, start doing what needs to be done and remember to stock the place with food, preferably food that I can make for her, or she herself can."

Carlisle nodded his head decisively, striding from the room.

I noticed that she was still sleeping deeply and didn't show any sign of waking up any time soon. I quickly left the room, ready to hunt and get that out of the way. I knew Carlisle and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, he would have the little cottage done in a few hours. He was a man of action, when he had a set course, nothing could deter him. And for that I was beyond grateful.

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"**Grief is the agony of an instant, the indulgence of grief the blunder of a life.****"**

Where I normally enjoyed the thrill of the hunt, today, I wasn't looking for entertainment or the ability to lose myself to my ingrained instincts.

I found a relatively small herd of white-tailed deer, but before I could worry about the environmental ramifications of taking out the whole herd, I understood, I didn't really have a choice. I had to feed, and I wanted to make sure that I was all but sloshing when I made my way back to the house. I could have stayed out longer, perhaps found some mountain lions or even a bear or two, but I didn't want to risk Bella waking up before I got back. Besides, I was almost sure I couldn't drink anything more for the time being…I had all but gorged myself on the deer, sixteen in total.

By the time I made it home, I was pleasantly shocked to see all my family, minus Bella sitting around the living room. Worry was the prominent emotion coming from everyone, but hope was also present as well.

"Why is everyone sitting around when there is so much to do?" I asked.

"Relax Jasper, everything that needed to be done, has been." Emmett replied.

Two hours was all it took, I don't know how he managed to get it done that quickly, or even how he stocked up on what I would need, but he did it and everything was now ready.

"Carlisle is incredible when he sets his mind to it Jasper, but it got done so quickly because we all helped." Edward said, obviously reading my thoughts. A small smile twitched on his lips, gracing his features and making him even lovelier.

I wasn't attracted to men, but I knew that our kind was almost unbearably good looking. And that beauty was only enhanced when we laughed or smiled. It was nice seeing my family working towards a common goal, Carlisle was right, our family already loved Bella, now it rested on my shoulders to bring her back to them, to me.

"Thank you for everything you have all done, I can't tell you how much it means to me. I promise I will do everything in my power to bring her back. She may be stubborn, but so am I, and if I can obliterate the wall that she has erected, I will do so." I didn't know what else to say, or even if I needed to say anything.

Since I had come to live with the Cullen's, thanks to Alice and her visions, I had never been so glad to have a family, a family who would do anything to protect and help the ones they loved.

"Don't thank us Jasper; just help her that will be thanks enough. But if you want this to work, you better get her over there now, while she is still sleeping, time is of the essence now. I'll meet you at the cottage, and before I forget, there is a cell phone hidden away, I am sure you will be able to find it, if you need anything or you think this plan of yours isn't working, call and we will come get you out, okay?" Carlisle said.

I simply nodded my head, nothing else needed to be said. I dashed up the stairs and returned seconds later carrying my precious cargo. In sleep, she burrowed closer to me, I only hoped when she woke, that she wouldn't totally hate me. That was beyond painful to think about, so I let it go, I needed to remain positive.

It was hard to imagine that less than two weeks ago, I was content with my life and the course it was on. It really was amazing that a mere human could enter our lives and shake it up so much. I knew, if I could help her, help to make her whole, that our lives would be forever changed, she would bring us closer, I knew deep in my heart, that she would be the glue that bonded us together, for all eternity.

With one last look at my family I raced from the house towards my destiny, to our destiny.

No sooner did I step through the door than the door was closed and the iron plates lowered in to place. Dousing the meager light that had come through the doors and windows, it was now or never.

Carefully and gently, I laid Bella on the freshly made bed, in the first room, I was hopeful that she might get a little more sleep before waking, but I think I was hoping she would stay a sleep a little while longer, so I wouldn't see the anger, the possible hate and fear rest wearily on her face. Just a little more time, that was all I was asking for, I needed time to prepare, to figure out, just how I was going to accomplish everything I had planned.

I searched the small cottage, seeing where everything was put and couldn't help laughing out loud when I walked in to what was supposedly my room. Behind a picture that was hanging on the wall was a wall safe, a large one at that. It wasn't until I had actually moved in to the room that I noticed the scent. Carlisle had obviously gone to one of his sources and had gotten an absurd amount of donated blood. Once I opened the safe, I noticed there were at least a hundred small, clear packets. I couldn't imagine needing that many in a week, but, whatever, it would be nice to have in case of an emergency…

I had to also give praise to my family, they brought enough clothes for both of us, it was obvious that Alice must have gone shopping for Bella, because everything in her room was new, I even noted that I had many new articles of clothing as well. A staggering amount of books had been brought here, I also noticed, which I am sure was all Emmett's doing, the large TV, DVD system and two gaming systems, with a horde of games for each one. However, if I thought there were a lot of games, it was nothing when you took in the amount of movies they had brought here, I wondered briefly if there were any left in the house.

My family never did things half way, if they were going to do something, they made sure to do it all the way, sometimes going completely over the top. With everything in this little cottage, it looked like we were planning on being here for a decade or two, not a week.

And the amount of food and beverages, well, should World War III break out before we get out of here, I had no doubt we would survive, well, she would, that was for sure.

My doubts and fears came back with a vengeance, they washed over me, drowning me in a sea of confusion. With a confidence I didn't actually feel, I straightened my spine and began to wait. Time, once again being one of the few things I had in abundance.

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	5. Chapter 5

**Still don't own Twilight or its characters. **

**Do to mature content and some expletives, I thought it prudent to rate this chapter NC-17, just to be on the safe side. I figured I would err on the side of caution and leave this here for this chapter…**

**  
Reviews would definitely spur me on even quicker to write and post. I want to know what you think and whether the story should be continued, so by reviewing or PMing; you would have a chance to let me know! **

**I apologize for the shortness of this chapter, but I think where I left it, was the only place to stop it. Plus, I had to sneak in a write for a few moments here and a few moments there, while my family was otherwise engaged and I even went to bed later to get more done. But I just had to get something out there for you, hope you guys enjoy!**

**Chapter Four**

"**Before you accuse me take a look at yourself."**

Night had fallen and still Bella slept, I was beginning to become worried, but when I thought I couldn't wait any longer, I heard her breathing change and the sudden change in her heart beat. It wouldn't be long now.

It scared me, more than I cared to admit, but knew that we had to have the confrontation at some point, otherwise, why were we even here.

Ten long minutes later, Bella emerged from her room and came and stood in front of me. Her hands were fisted tightly against her hips, and her lips were almost non-existent. The amount of pressure she must have been exerting to accomplish that was confounding.

"..?"

With each word she poked my chest, a little rougher each time. I didn't want to be sitting, but figured I would look less intimidating if I was. So I sat there, waiting for her fury to either burn out or transform in to something else.

"I told you earlier, Carlisle and Esme were at their wits end, they were ready to take you to the hospital. I convinced them to give me some time."

"Time, time to do what exactly?"

I could see her anger threatening to bubble over and if I explained everything, I feared that I might never get the chance to help, so I offered a little bit of information.

"Bella, we all love you, we just want to see you happy. I know you don't want to talk about your past, but maybe you need to. Don't look at me like that, I am not delusional. Your inability to talk about it, gives it power over you, you are allowing all those horrible memories to haunt you, to taint your life, if you would just give us a chance, you would see what we have to offer. You can be happy in this family Bella; I just want a chance to prove to you, that you deserve that happiness."

"Where the hell do you get off deciding what is best for me, what I need? You are a fucking teenager, you can't possibly know anything. And that just proves my point, what sane adults would allow a teenager to "Help" another teen…I may be fucked up, but what is their excuse."

"Get mad Bella, at least then you are showing true emotion. That flimsy mask you hide behind doesn't fool anyone. You are a lost little girl, scared of your own shadow and so sure that life holds nothing good; you are willing to sacrifice even the chance to be happy. You won't find any happiness if you continue to hide behind the surety that your life will always suck."

"Fuck you Jasper. You don't have a clue, and you know what, you can go to hell, I don't have to talk to you, I don't have to talk to anyone."

I couldn't help myself, I laughed. She was trying to be menacing or something, but she came across as petulant, her anger making her seem sweeter. She tossed expletives in when ever she wasn't sure of herself, I figured she was trying to get a rise out of me or something, but instead, it just made me laugh harder.

She cast, what I am assuming was a withering glare, before stomping off in to a different area of the house.

It didn't take long for her to come stomping back to the living room and screaming at me again.

"Where the hell are the doors in this place or even the windows? I want out of here, now!"

"Sorry, not happening, you are stuck in here for the next week, with just me for company! Don't like it, take it up with the state when we get out."

"This is beyond stupid, and don't think I won't rake your entire family over the coals. This is kidnapping, you are breaking tons of laws doing this."

Her anger was still there, but it seemed to have simmered. I had been expecting a lot worse, and so far, according to her emotions, she didn't hate me.

I couldn't understand why I could feel what she was feeling, but I did have a theory of sorts.

All her emotions since she came to live with us, were all false, expressed for our benefits and whatnot, when she got pissed at me earlier, it seemed like she had opened herself up completely, and while it may not last, for the time being, I could still feel her.

And the reason I couldn't feel her emotions when she was sad, or hurting, was because, at least in theory, she had spent 15 years creating a wall around her pain, around her emotions. Anger wasn't something she was used to, simply because, from an early age, she had been taught, that anger was not "Acceptable". So it took something so foreign to break down some of those walls, walls that she had been perfecting for most of her life. So with her anger directed at me and perhaps at the situation, it started to chip away at her resistance and now allowed me the ability to get a read on her.

"Bella, you will do what you need to do. You always have and so it would seem, always will. I want to help you, I need to, whether you believe that or not. So if you want to spend the entire time we are in here, mad at me, go for it. It isn't going to help your situation. But, if you are so against taking help from me, do it your way. You can deal with how you will get out of a sanctioned hospital on your own."

I could see the fight had gone out of her. I thought briefly, hopefully, that she was willing to see this for what it was. But the emotion coming from her was not what I was expecting. I couldn't discern what exactly she was thinking, but I suddenly had a very bad feeling…

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"**At night when you're asleep, self-hatred's going to creep in. And you can blame it on the devil, the one who's bed you sleep in."**

I felt exhausted, even though I had slept a decent sleep. Maybe it was because I was so tired that I did what I did, I don't know, I'll chalk it up to stress and the roller coaster that my mind and emotions had been on since I stepped foot in the Cullen home.

I was so sick of everyone telling me what to do, or how they could make me better. I just wanted it to stop.

I grasped the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head. I looked at the material in my hand, looked at Jasper, and tossed it to him. I unclasped my bra, and tossed that to him as well. I quickly unzipped my pants and gave those to him too. If he was going to be an ass, so could I.

"I'm going for a bath. Do what you want."

As I walked by a shelf with a ton of books on it, I grabbed one, not really caring what it was, just wanting something to occupy my time. I grasped the book under my arm as I got to the bathroom entrance. With a smug smile, I shimmied my panties down my legs, and tossed those to him as well.

If he wanted to play, I was game, let's play.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**As she takes off her clothes, I know she's going down."**

I thought I was going to die, right there. Her clothes were scattered across my body, and I tried, I really did, but I am a man and my body reacted to each piece of flesh she revealed. Thankfully, her shirt, although not nearly large enough to hide my arousal, did conceal it somewhat. But when she slipped her jeans down her legs, I thought I lost my mind. I couldn't think, couldn't speak, nothing. I was my arousal, nothing more, nothing less. "Little Jazz" was doing all the thinking. It was only a very small part of me that kept me seated; it was the part that loved her. Everything else was screaming at me to grab her, ravish her…

I heard, but didn't see, as she grabbed a book from the shelf, but had my heart actually beat; it would have stopped when I felt the flimsy material of her panties land on my head. I was lost, completely. Her arousal was more intoxicating than a fine, vintage wine, better than any blood I had ever tasted, I was almost certain her juices would taste better than her blood.

I told my eyes to remain facing forward, I told my body to remain still, but it was traitorous. Just before she walked in to the bathroom, I caught a glimpse of her ass, and my God, what an ass, and those legs, they seemed to go on and on. I could see myself spending days worshipping her glorious form, having those legs wrapped around my body, while I showed her what a real man did with "His" woman.

I had to swallow numerous times to slow down the flow of venom. My erection was pressing painfully against my incredibly tight jeans, if I didn't give it some breathing room soon; "it" was going to be suffering from asphyxia.

I hadn't realized I had moaned out loud, but as my eyes refocused, I noticed she was now facing me, and my breath caught, and then it stopped altogether. I moaned, long and low, it flowed from my lips, before I could even think to stop myself. In the most wonderfully, excruciating moment of my life, up until now, I realized just how close I was to coming, she hadn't touched me, but boy, did my body know how to react to the mere sight of her…

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"**Is this a lasting treasure or just a moment's pleasure?"**

I couldn't tell you what had come over me, but, I sort of liked the power that I suddenly had. If he was going to keep me locked up, then I was going to show him what hell could really be like.

Seeing as how I couldn't shut the door to the bathroom, considering there wasn't one, I decided against using the strawberry bubble bath. The bubbles would just get in the way, if I truly wanted to torture him, I needed to make sure that he could see as much of me as possible, all the time.

Deciding I needed a distraction, I opened the book I had brought in with me, and was pleasantly surprised to see I had grabbed Bram Stoker's Dracula. I had heard the book was good, but never had a chance to read it, and sadly, never saw the movie either. Although, I was almost positive the book would probably put the movie to shame.

I don't know how long I was in the tub, but it must have been a significant amount of time, my water had left tepid behind and was down right chilly now. I pulled the plug and slowly stood up. My body protested against the movement, having been in the same position for so long, it wasn't very receptive.

I used my fists to rub the ache from my lower back, feeling a little better; I grabbed the closest towel and couldn't help but smile. It was tiny, I doubted it would cover much, but, for my plan to work, it was the perfect towel. I wrapped it tightly around my body, but it was so small that it left a portion of my ass showing and at least half of my boobs, although when wrapped tightly around me, it gave my moderate sized boobs a very nice push, and they were squeezed together, making them look much bigger than they really were.

It was amazing how having a simple plan such as seduction, could turn a girls whole day around. With a bounce to my step, I walked out of the bathroom and right in to Jasper's arms.

What the hell, he wasn't supposed to be standing there, I should have seen him and couldn't figure how I had missed him, I was looking out the doorway and he wasn't there before... But now that I was held snuggly against his chest, I couldn't, for the life of me, remember what it was I had been thinking. All coherent thoughts vacated my suddenly over stimulated mind.

The contrast of my cool skin, against his almost ice cold skin was dizzying and unbelievably pleasant. I tried to take a breath, but that did little to alleviate the problem, his intoxicating scent washed through my senses, taking root and blossoming out, filling me so completely.

"Breathe Bella!" Jasper said, his voice oddly rough.

I sucked in a needed breath and some rationality with it; I gave Jasper a shove, pushing him away from me. It worked a little to well. Without his arms around me, the force with which I pushed him caused me to slip on the slightly damp hardwood floor and I fell unceremoniously to the floor on my ass.

With my pride now wounded, I quickly stood up and ran to the bedroom. I couldn't fathom how I was going to manage another minute alone in the house with him, never mind days. It was all just too much; these new and strange feelings were making me question everything I ever believed. I needed time to think, to get my focus back, I just wondered if that was possible, being in such close quarters with Jasper.

I didn't have to raise my head to know that he was standing in the doorway; I could feel the weight of his gaze.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

"Nothing! Please, just leave me be. I need some space, I need to think."

"As you wish!"

Three little words and they set my heart on fire and a burning in my loins. It was a line from one of my favorite movies. I couldn't fathom how he would know, but, I wondered, could his three words hold the same context that "Wesley's" had…

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"**Look to love and you may dream, and if it should leave then give it wings. But if a love is meant to be, hope is home and the heart is free."**

I hadn't meant to say those words, whenever I was near her, stupid things just spewed from my mouth, as if the "Proper" filter that normally took care to not say dumb things was broken or missing completely.

Although, I was starting to think a lot more than my "Filter" was broken, she was confounding and yet so damn irresistible. Before I could think about it, or stop myself, I was moving closer to her bed, I realized I was settling next to her only once my body had done so. Once again I let my fingers run through her hair, only this time, the texture was different, because her hair was damp, but still luxuriously silky.

She stiffened slightly when I first touched her, but I could feel her body relax as I continued with my ministrations. And still against my better judgment, I laid down next to her. Welcoming the warmth that radiated from her body, with its close proximity.

I couldn't tell you how long I laid there; gently stroking her hair, time seemed to have no meaning within these walls. I was so lost in what I was doing I hadn't even notice she had fallen asleep, until she shifted slightly, bringing her head to rest on my shoulder, and one perfect leg was casually, unconsciously and perhaps innocently tossed over my hip and between my legs. It was a sweet torture.

With her sudden movement, it loosened the towels hold, making the material gape open, and showing an amazing amount of skin. One beautiful, round breast was mashed almost flat against my chest, her dusky nipple just barely peeking out. I hadn't meant to, I am almost positive on that, but I exhaled and it just happened to be across her exposed breast and was rewarded when her nipple began to harden.

I could see the patch work of scars across her side, as well as on her hip and down half of her thigh. The silvery skin looked even softer than the rest of her skin, and before I could stop my fingers they were tracing the rather large scar on her hip bone, it wasn't wide, but it was long, I could be mistaken, but it looked like a knife wound. As I traced it, I couldn't help the smile that graced my lips, as a soft, breathy moan slipped between her lips.

Even with the scars and the fading bruises, she was still exquisite. It was hard to imagine how she didn't see it in herself, but I vowed, I would spend the rest of my life proving to her just how beautiful she was, is!

My fingers moved from her hip and slowly started to move down the exposed part of her thigh, with a small detour to delight in the firm softness of her ass. I turned my lips to her hair and placed a tender kiss to the crown of her head, but as my fingers moved on their own accord, I couldn't help the moan that escaped past my lips and faintly ruffled the smaller strands of her hair. It was an amazing feeling being so close to her, with her pressed so intimately to my side, this was heaven, she was the haven my soul had been searching for and now that she was here, I couldn't fathom letting her go.

If I had to guess, I would swear she was dreaming of walking or running, because that beautiful thigh, which rested perfectly against my flesh, rubbed up and down in torturously slow motions. If she didn't move, or I didn't very soon, I was going to be expressing just how much I was enjoying it.

My erection was almost instantaneous, one minute I was fine and the next raging hard-on. This girl, this woman, was going to be the death of me, but what a slow, sweet death it would be. And perhaps foolishly, I welcomed it with open arms.

I thought my erection would be all I had to deal with for the rest of the night, but of course, that was a foolish assumption, I was starting to understand, I couldn't discount anything when it came to Bella, she was an anomaly an oddity, and when I banked on her doing one thing, she surprised me and did the exact opposite.

With a small grasp left on my sanity, I slowly extricated myself from her and slowly moved off the bed. Instantly hating the emptiness that took its place and the small warmth that I had acquired while pressed so close to her, was quickly abating.

If I had any hope of maintaining a non-sexual relationship with her, I would need to alleviate myself, and I was starting to think it would be more than once a day. She was too alluring for her own good. Hopefully, I could maintain some control; I wasn't daft enough to think I had made headway, but maybe just a little, my ego supplied. She still didn't hate me and whether she was aware of it or not, she must have felt safe in my presence to fall asleep, again. I just had to take things one day at a time.

Knowing she was sleeping, I took my cue and went for a shower. It was going to be hard to hide my nature around her. At some point she was going to notice that I didn't eat and if she resorted back to her old traits, which was likely, just because she had slept more in the past twenty-four hours, didn't mean she wouldn't slip back in to her sleeplessness, and then she would notice I wasn't sleeping either, I could fake it, but it felt wrong to deceive her. Besides, it was a small price to pay, if this could work. I already knew I was going to tell her about us, about me, I just had to figure out the best time to do it.

Now, if I could get rid of the raging hard on that just refused to be placated, for my arousal was demanding attention, and since there was no one else to help me out, at least not willingly at the moment, my left hand would have to do.

I turned the hot water on and stepped beneath the steady spray, delighting in the small amount of steam that arose from my skin. I braced myself against the back wall, and ever so slowly rubbed my erection, but with the first few strokes, I knew I was not going to last long, but of course, some higher being, maybe it was fate, decided that relief was not in my future.

Somehow, she had woken up and was now standing before the shower, I had to give her credit, she was stealthy when she wanted to be, obviously, I hadn't heard her at all.

The shower was encircled in glass, not offering me any sense of modesty or a place to hide, and as her eyes raked my face, confusion marred the smooth plains of her face, but as they slowly made their way down to what was grasped in my hand, I heard, rather than saw her quick in take of breath and the tell tale sign of her heart speeding up, and if it wasn't so embarrassing and unbearably erotic at the same time, I would have blushed, had I the ability.

Her eyes never left my rigid length and if I had any sense, I would have unhanded myself, but the sparkle in her eyes as my hand moved of its own volition, I couldn't help the overwhelming feeling of desire she shot in my direction, and my knees all but threatened to dump me to the floor.

I could feel her eyes watching my movements and before I even had a chance to control myself, I felt my orgasm wash over me, the power, the enormity of the pleasure that wracked my body, dropped me to my knees, in a faraway part of my brain, I realized that I had put identical depressions in the flooring of the shower, matching my kneecaps, but I couldn't find the energy to care.

My body, my mind was wrapped completely up in that glorious feeling, I couldn't control the tremors that flowed through my body, or the contented purr that all but reverberated through the room and still my body didn't seem through with me, my erection never abated, if at all possible it felt even harder.

I groaned in spite of myself, I felt like I was all engorged flesh and little to no mind. I could just see the expressions that would cross my brother's faces should they hear about this…I would never live it down!

When I could find enough common sense, I slowly let my eyes meet hers, and the emotion shining in her beautiful chocolate orbs was staggering, her long sooty lashes seemed to try and hide her lust filled eyes, but only made her look much more alluring. My undoing for a second time was when she sensuously moistened her lips and then drew her rose kissed bottom lip into her mouth and nibbled on it.

I had thought my first orgasm was earth shattering, but the second one was beyond explaining or categorizing. There was something so innate, so otherworldly, that for once in my long life; I could literally feel the remnant movement of my heart, beating. In the heat of the moment, when my seed was being expelled from my body, my heart beat…It was amazing, and so confounding, but that small flutter within my chest, was better than any orgasm I could ever have. I was almost positive, I think…

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**Okay, this wasn't supposed to go lemony-ish, but Jasper and Bella seem to have a mind of their own. And I am just along for the ride, seeing as how, even my muse has taken their side on this matter. Hope you guys like this chapter! And should you feel inclined to post some replies, maybe I can convince my family to give me some spare time to write you another chapter…I know, bribery, I'm bad. :D **


	6. Chapter 6

**Still don't own Twilight or its characters…I am not and never will be Stephanie Meyers. **

**I'll keep the NC-17 rating, it is easier to boarder on the side of caution, than not. **

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last few chapters. It means the world to me. **

**I noticed today, when I went in to check the previous chapter a line was missing, this is what the line said, **"..?" I don't know why it didn't show up, but felt it wise to let you know what it said.

**This is a short chapter, perhaps just my idea of short. But I promise the next chapter will be much, much longer! Hope you guys enjoy and thank you once again for the reviews! **

**Bandtfa, chapter two describes a little about the family and their current relationships. I will be going further into their stories at some point, but Bella is the main character for this story. **

**Chapter Five**

"**My body never knew such pleasure. My heart never knew such pain."**

I don't know what woke me up, but now that I was awake, I needed to use the washroom. Imagine my surprise when I walked in there still mostly asleep and shocked at the fact that I had once again fallen asleep and there he stood, in all his naked glory. I tried to avert my eyes, but, I just couldn't do it.

He had an amazing body and as my eyes traversed slowly downward, the quick intake of breath was very much needed, but it did little to alleviate the sudden desire coursing through my system, could I really be feeling desire, could this be what it felt like, I had never felt it before, but my body seemed to know what it wanted.

I didn't know how to handle this new feeling. In seventeen years, I had been used and abused, I had sold my body for the perverse needs of men, and not once, in that entire time had I ever felt anything that could even come close to this feeling. It started low in my stomach, a pleasant ache that just screamed for attention.

Oh, and the beautiful, hypnotic movement of his hand on his massively impressive length. It caused my insides to go weak, and a slow steady heat course through my body. I felt the moisture dripping down my thighs, and knew, this was desire, it was lust in its purest form.

When he moaned as his release washed over him, I thought my legs were going to give out beneath me. However, as my body reacted to his obvious pleasure, my mind was taking in the fact that he was still hard. I couldn't help myself, my tongue darted out of my mouth and moistened my lips, it was a nervous habit, but one I realized with pleasure, that he liked, and when I drew my bottom lip between my teeth, I delighted in his second orgasm. He hadn't even moved his hand. I felt almost drunk on the power that I seemed to wield over him.

I can't be sure how long I stood there, staring at him, but I knew if I didn't move soon, I was going to toss all my caution to the wind and take what my body so desperately wanted, needed.

My voice was unrecognizable when I spoke, it was husky and yet slightly gravely, as if I hadn't used it in a long time. "Go---goodnight Jasper."

Before I could convince myself that leaving was a bad idea, I dashed out of the room and in to the bedroom I had been using.

My heart was beating unbelievably fast, my breathing was shallow and the only thing my mind could concentrate on was turning around and taking what I wanted. I wasn't sure what had come over me, but it felt like my entire being was revolting against what I knew was right and what it wanted.

Knowing that I had to get control of my emotions, I threw myself on the bed, drawing the blankets around me, hoping that for once, the flimsy material could protect me, but this time, it wasn't what was on the other side of the blanket that I was worried about.

"Bella?"

.God. Was fate going to be so cruel, as to tempt me with someone so amazing, when I had no sense of willpower, even the inkling to abstain was slowly dwindling away. My body knew what it wanted and whether I liked it or not, if Jasper didn't leave soon, I was going to jump him and have my may, whether he liked it or not.

"Jasp…" I took a breath; his name didn't want to leave my lips. I concentrated on breathing, the slow steady movements of in and out and I am sure it would have worked too, if he hadn't moved in to the room and sat beside me.

And what little sense I had left, evaporated completely as he pulled the blanket from around me, exposing me to his penetrating gaze. I was so lost in his eyes, I couldn't even comprehend that when I jumped on the bed, my towel had pooled around my legs. But it didn't take a genius to figure out I was all but naked, I could feel the slight change in temperature as his fingers danced over my heated flesh.

With him so close, and in such a state of undress, I could see hundreds of tiny crescent moon shaped scars marring his beautiful body. My fingers moved delicately over each silvery mark I could see, barely ghosting his icy flesh with my fingers. He shivered beneath my ministrations but he didn't move, just let me do what I wanted. I tried to tell myself to stop, but before I could convince myself to stop moving closer, my lips were on one very prominent scar, my lips feathered over the slightly raised flesh on his collarbone.

"So beautiful, so perfect…" I breathed.

It was true, even with his numerous scars, he was beautiful, almost achingly so. And when his fingers gently grasped my chin, brining my face level with his, my breath hitched and then his lips descended on mine, his movements were slow but he was thorough with his exploration. It was like being kissed by granite draped in silk, his lips were so firm but they seemed to conform to mine, like they were made with my lips in mind.

I was drowning in a sweet oblivion I never knew existed. It was an amazing feeling, and for once, I wasn't thinking about my past, I was thinking solely of this moment and what was happening to me.

"Bella, we have to stop…" Jasper whispered against my lips.

"Why, why do we have to stop, when something feels this good, it can't be wrong, just shut up and kiss me already or rather, again!" I knew I was being illogical, but I didn't want this feeling to stop, I wanted to feel it, more than anything in the world. I knew I was using Jasper again, but I couldn't care, I needed this, I needed him.

I was trying with all my might, to figure out a way to continue, but when he gently, but forcefully moved out of reach of my grasping hands, I felt the weight of my grief press on me tenfold.

"What the hell Jasper? You don't get to do all this and then just stop. You know you want me, why fight it?"

"Yes, I would have to be dead and buried to not want you, but that doesn't mean I am going to be your proverbial drug. I want to help you, but I refuse to offer you an escape between the sheets while I make love to you, and you just take what you need. It doesn't work that way. You want something from me, then offer me something, start talking, we have all the time in the world, you might as well start talking…"

I couldn't believe his audacity, he thought he could get us both all hot and bothered and then just stop, just walk away or in this case, move away.

With a glint in my eyes, I turned fully towards him. "No worries Jasper, if you don't feel like you can perform, you go do what you need to, I on the other hand, need a release."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Temptation working my body with a hot flash of animal lust."**

I don't know if it was obvious to her but I realized I had all but confessed my feelings. "Make Love" Those two simple but powerful words had slipped out before I even had a chance to contemplate what I was going to say. My God, this woman messed with my head. I was going to be the one needing physiological help after spending a week with her, I was all but positive.

And then my mind finally caught up with her last statement. What the hell was she planning…?

I watched in stunned silence as she laid herself down on the bed, and laughed as she none-to-gently kicked me as she was…making herself comfortable. I knew I should leave the room, run from it, if at all possible, but I couldn't move, I couldn't even facilitate the effort need to breathe.

Her fingers danced a trail over her abdomen, dipping lower to tease her curls before moving back up. My eyes felt ready to pop out of my head.

She placed one tantalizing finger in her mouth, sucking on it, and the next thing I knew, that same finger was playing with her stiffened peak, swirling tantalizingly around it, causing the skin to pucker even more. I watched in stunned silence as she moistened her other finger and began the same ministrations on her other nipple.

I felt like I was in heaven and hell, my erection, which I had been fruitlessly willing away, sprang back with a fierceness that I had never felt before. And then she had to go and make it worse, her left hand left a blazing trail from her breast to her apex, and that same, lucky, finger dipped in to her body.

I couldn't be sure if it was her or I who moaned so wantonly, but it was a beautiful sound and wrought with so much sexual tension, desire and longing, I was finding myself hard pressed to keep my hands or any other appendages to myself.

The little minx knew exactly what she was doing, and while a blush colored her cheeks and neck, her little pink tongue just refused to stay inactive, it repeatedly slipped between her luscious lips and moistened them, perhaps easing some of the pain from her nibbling on them, abusing them.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**When I get that feeling, I want some sexual healing."**

I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I felt powerful. My brain kept telling me to stop, but my body refused to listen. Once my fingers slipped in to my center, I couldn't stop the movement of my hips thrusting, with that movement, my fingers sunk more deeply in to my heated center. It was an amazing feeling and I was powerless to stop it.

It was an odd feeling to feel completely powerful and yet utterly powerless all in the same instant.

My speed increased as I felt myself moving closer to an edge I had never been near, or on for that matter. My breathing was jagged and the moans that escaped my throat as I got closer to the precipice, turned me on even more. I was almost positive that I could hear Jasper moaning as well, and while that was hot, I was completely lost to my own pleasure. But my eyes never left his, and each time I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth, his groan ignited my raging desire even more.

I wanted him that was no a lie; I wanted him more than I had ever wanted anything. My virginity was no longer an issue; I wanted him to take it. I don't know why I felt so strongly about it, but I did. I tried to focus on the details, but my body was taking control and I gladly let go.

I didn't want this feeling to end, it was amazing, but as my other hand started playing sweetly, with my clit, I couldn't hold on any longer. It hit me like a typhoon, rolling over me in giant waves, the tide of my orgasm pulling me to the surface, only to wash me back under, I screamed, I couldn't help it, it was so intense.

Ten minutes later I was still trying to get my breath back, it felt almost impossible. I had never felt something so powerful, so all consuming.

My body was little more than mush, and my brain wasn't much better. But I knew I wasn't going to be able to remain coherent much longer, a beautiful sated bliss was gently easing me closer to sleep and I wanted to welcome it with open arms, but first I had something to say.

"Do you mind getting off my bed, I'm tired, and want to sleep. I seem to recall the shower being of use to you before, why don't you go take care of your own release now." I don't know where I found the strength, let alone how my body managed to hold me up, but I sat up, placed a tender peck of my lips on his and flopped back to the bed, snuggling in to its warmth and promptly fell asleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**She's been everybody else's girl, maybe one day she'll be her own."**

My lips tingled from her rather modest kiss, considering a few moments before, she wasn't at all modest. I knew I should have left the room earlier, but my God, I would have missed an amazing show.

I understood what she was doing, by my refusing her; she was going to make sure I had an almost impossible time doing so. I wanted to call her on it, but the sad fact was, I was basically just a man, and I longed for her, and desired her more so than the nourishment I could take from her blood or any others.

I wanted to stake my claim, wanted to make her mine in all ways. But and it was a pretty big but, I wanted her to be whole before then. If I had to put up with, that was such a poor choice of words, but it suited the situation, so if I had to walk a fine line of being in a state of constant arousal, so be it. I wanted her, needed her, but I could resist. I had been resisting feeding on humans for a long time now, resisting her shouldn't be any more of a challenge…I hoped.

I quickly covered her naked form and slipped silently out of the room. The part of me that wanted to claim her as my mate, roared its displeasure, but I took a small sense of pride that for once, the man and the vampire, were pretty much on the same page!

I didn't bother with the shower, I went to my room and with the vision of Bella pleasing herself, I masturbated. It was a tantalizing image to masturbate to, but even while I was thinking of her and her skilled hands, my mind kept going back to her watching me, and it was with that thought that I shuddered with my release, basking in the growing softness of my cock.

A small smile settled on my face, I knew I hadn't really made any headway, but it was something. And besides, the fact that I wasn't aroused right now was enough to make me smile. I couldn't remember a time I had ever been erect for such a period of time. I wasn't sure how much more my body could take, I was impervious to many things, but I wondered if my lust, my desire, my love for Bella would ultimately be my undoing.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	7. Chapter 7

**Still don't own!**

**Hopefully this makes up for the shortness of the last chapter. Company gone, I can now spend more time or writing. I can't promise an update everyday, but I will try my best!**

**Next chapter, things are going to get…Intense.**

**This chapter, Rated NC-17 again. I hadn't intended for all the lemon-ish things happening in the last few chapters, but my Muse seems to live in the gutter…Hope you enjoy! Reviews would convince my Muse to give me a kick in the butt and get more chapters completed!!!**

**Chapter Six**

"**A lie told often enough becomes the truth.****"**

I slept the sleep of the dead. When I woke up, I couldn't tell you what time it was, the only thing that really penetrated my mind, was the fact that I felt amazing, and for maybe the first time in fifteen years, I woke rested and with no feeling of residual emotions, was it possible that I slept for longer than ten minutes and didn't dream. Sure, the last time I had slept, I didn't dream, and if I did, I didn't recall it. But I had also been under a severe amount of stress, the time before that, I had had the nightmares.

I stretched languidly, comfortable and warm and surprisingly content. If an orgasm had been the key all along to peaceful sleeping, I was going to scream.

I didn't want to move, I was much too content, but I had a few things I needed to take care of and in order to do so, I couldn't remain in bed. With something akin to a snarl, I slid from the warm, comfortable bed throwing on the first thing I found. A midnight blue tank top with white Capri pants, and I couldn't stop the blush that rose in my cheeks when I pulled a bra and a pair of panties out of the dresser drawer. What had Alice been thinking, these things could barely be classified as undergarments, I think there was less material than what a Barbie doll came clothed in.

Mumbling to myself about perpetual wedgies, I made my may to the kitchen, despite the fact that I hadn't done much in two days or so, I was shockingly hungry, famished almost.

With no clocks around, I was unable to discern the time, but realized absently, it didn't really matter. Time was going to have no meaning while I was locked away in here, wherever here was. As I stepped in to the kitchen I was shocked to see Jasper, chest bare, standing in front of the stove. What shocked me even more was the delicious aroma coming from the pan he was currently stirring.

"What are you doing?" I swear, I did try to keep my eyes on the floor, or anywhere else, but that blasted chest was just so enticing, alluring, finally, I gave up my fight, why should I fight it after all.

"Making you breakfast, I figured you would be up soon, so figured before we settled in to a long day of talking, you might want something to eat. I hope bacon and omelets suit you."

"Jasper, how many people are you cooking for, there is just the two of us?"

"Actually, just you, I ate awhile ago. As for making so much, I didn't know how hungry you would be, so I made extra…"

"What, are you buttering me up, hoping that by making me breakfast, I will forget what you did last night or what you plan on doing today. If last night was actually last night and today is actually today…Ugh, talk about confusing. What time is it?"

"Does it really matter? And no, I am not trying to butter you up; I just wanted to do something nice."

"You mean you can be nice? I thought that impossible what with your getting us both so turned on and then just…Stopping!"

The jackass didn't even have the nerve to blush or look abashed, fucker. It wasn't fair that I couldn't affect him, like he did me, at least when he was naked, or partially.

I wanted to be angry, he was being presumptuous, but the fact was, I was hungry and time really didn't matter. It was just a little disconcerting when you weren't sure what day it was. I figured I would be tactful and just let it all go. I was sure I wouldn't be this indifferent later, but for now, I didn't have to worry about it.

The food really was good, and I ate so much I thought I might pop, but it was a good feeling. It was disconcerting to feel these emotions, I had lived in a bubble for so long, and experienced the least amount of emotions as possible for so long and happiness and contentment were never one of those emotions.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Everything is nothing when you got no one."**

When she pushed her plate away, I knew she was done, but I almost wanted to ask if she wanted something else, anything to prolong the moment. I knew I was going to destroy everything I had thus managed to achieve but it had to be done and if she was going to fight me, which I was positive she would, it was better to get it all out and done with now.

"Bella, you ready to start talking?"

"Does it look like I am ready? But you aren't going to take a hint, so give me ten minutes."

I watched her walk out of the kitchen, her shoulders were slumped somewhat, an air of defeat seeming to cloak her. Her emotions were hard to read though, while I got anxiety, fear, anger as the most common and open emotions, I could also read deep sorrow, bitterness and shame.

She was so young; I don't think I realized that before, while I had lived over a century, I still looked like I was nineteen, twenty-two at the oldest. But she didn't know that. It was easy to see her resentment towards me, to her, I was just as young as her, the fact that my family allowed me to do this, was playing hell on her thoughts, through all the other emotions, I could see the bitterness, the confusion that hid just below the surface, she hid it well, whether that was her intention or not.

I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't see her come back in to the kitchen, and was a little alarmed that ten minutes or more had passed.

"Are we doing this, I know I would much prefer not doing it, but I don't see you shutting up long enough to allow what I want to matter much…"

"Why don't we go sit somewhere a little more comfortable?"

I offered her my hand, and was surprised when she took it. I really needed to get my head checked after we got out of here. I released her hand once we reached the couch and sat down, but no sooner did I let her hand go, than I wished I had held on to it. I wanted to feel connected to her and the gaping hole in my heart when I let her delicate fingers slip from mine, hurt, not metaphorically but literally.

"So…are you going to make me fight you tooth and nail to get any information or are you going to work with me?"

"Jasper, shove it up your ass! You want to hear my gory past, haven't heard enough, fine, what do I care, I have survived a lot, I will survive you and your family to."

Fear wasn't something vampires suffered from normally, we were almost completely impervious to most threats, but the way she so casually scoffed at her past and talking about it, made me fearful, fearful for my heart, my soul…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Broken this fragile thing now, and I can't, I can't pick up the pieces. And I've thrown my words all around but I can't, I can't give you a reason."**

I tried to look at his face, I wanted him to feel everything I had ever felt, everything that had been inflicted on me but his face held such sadness and something else, I couldn't name it. He was a confounding person, tenderness lied at his center, I was almost sure of that, but I could be cold and indifferent as well…I guess it really didn't matter or doesn't. Whatever, he wanted the details I would give them to him, I just had to tell him the stories, keep all emotions out of it and then, when he went to sleep, at some point, then I would allow myself the opportunity to break down.

"Let's see, I left off when I was eight. Well, let's see, after the social worker was called in to remove me for darling Daddy Dearest, for reasons I still don't know, I was placed back in foster care, I spent three years there, I was older than some of the other kids, not as desirable any more. When I turned eleven, or shortly there after, I was placed with this woman who had other foster kids, I was there for two weeks before I was taken to the hospital. When I was released after receiving thirty-two stitches, I was back with the state, but, of course, once again, no one paid for what happened, it was once again my fault, the clumsy one."

I knew my voice was bitter, however, I couldn't seem to care. I think I had a reason to be bitter. I could have explained about the stitches, but didn't think it really mattered.

"Two weeks later I was placed with another family, the Winter's. They were a nice family, except they had some problems, what family doesn't. But of course, my luck couldn't last. The police said it was a home invasion, I never believed it, but what would I know, I was eleven…"

I took a breath, my throat feelings scratchy, but pushed on. I had managed to completely detach myself from what I was talking about. I wasn't here in this little cottage, I couldn't be, not emotionally anyway.

"They say I was lucky, a small bladder saved my life, Jordan and Janice never woke up, the man who had broken in to the house shot them while they slept. Their two kids, Jake and James were found clinging to each other, one bullet two death's, how convenient. I walked out of the bathroom when he was done with them, I wasn't thinking, didn't really have it left in me to think. I took a single bullet, just below my clavicle on the right side. I am sure he would have used more, but his gun was empty, he might have had more bullets, but he didn't reload. I laid on the cold floor for two days, I had almost bled out, the bullet of course didn't hit any major arteries, so it was a slow bleed, I drifted in and out of consciousness, metaphorically singing my thanks for finally being allowed out of this hell, but no, they had to get to me in time, and saved my life…"

"Jordan had spent his life trying to be one of the good guys, but a stupid mistake from his past was all it took. He was young, impressionable, he got mixed up with a gang…His family died because he didn't know better, how could he know that something like that was going to come back and bite him in the ass."

"Bella?"

"Just don't, you wanted all of this. You will get it, but when I am done, I don't want to hear anything more about it. Got it?"

He didn't say anything, didn't even give me an impression that he heard me. I ignored him, it was easier that way.

"I had to spend more time in the hospital, had to go to rehabilitation because even after I got out of the hospital I didn't bother using my shoulder much, and the muscles atrophied somewhat…"

"The year I was eleven, I had fifteen foster families. I was beyond caring long ago, I went where I was told, did what I was told, and survived. It wasn't living; I'm not even doing that here, not really. You think that making me talk about this, that I am suddenly going to see the error of my ways, that I will suddenly find a reason why I have survived all of this."

I had to stop for a few, I had made the mistake of looking in to his eyes, I could see the pain my words had on him, but I could also see an unimaginable anger. It didn't really make much sense to me, I suppose as a decent human being, he could feel compassion to what I had been through, but his anger didn't seem warranted. I was a nobody. His sadness over my life, or whatever the reason was just a little too much, if I didn't get a hold of my feelings I was going to break.

"I need a drink, I'll be right back."

I really did need a drink, my throat hurt more that I thought possible. I didn't dawdle; don't get me wrong, I wanted to. I didn't want to go back in there and bare the rest of my soul to him, but what choice did I have. The only solace that I could offer myself, once it was told, I would not have to repeat it, I hoped.

I grabbed a bottle of water and made my way back to the living room. My arms itched to close around my torso; I wanted to hold back the gaping hole that was my broken life. Squaring my shoulders, I retook my seat and started again.

No sooner did I sit than he spoke.

"Bella, you can't do this. You are telling me horrible things that have happened to you and yet you are showing no emotion. What's the point of telling me any of this, if you aren't willing to see that you have to let the emotions show, you are just going through the motions, this won't help you? You need to feel the emotions, to allow them to be expressed, by being cold and analytical about your life and the tragedies you have suffered. You are hiding, if you don't want me to turn in to a prick again, start being honest, if not with me, then at least for yourself."

"Jump in a lake Jasper! Long walk, short peer… You wanted the story, I didn't say I was agreeing to any of this to help me, I don't need your help, I don't want it. When this is all over, you can go home feeling like you helped the poor helpless, hapless girl, your conscious will be free and clear. Don't make this in to something it isn't."

"And what exactly do you think is going on. That I decided you were a good charity case, someone who could make me feel better about myself. Fuck you! The only time you are honest is when you are mad, so livid you can't see straight. You want me to buy that you are fine, a picture of mental health, then prove it. Stop your pity party, I get it, I really do. Your life has sucked, more than anyone should ever have to live through, endure, but you did endure, but you chose a cowards way. You won't get close to anyone, or allow them to get close to you, that way, should something bad happen again, you can fall back on your taciturn indifference."

"BITE ME!!! You don't know shit. I don't get close to people, because I don't like people, simple as that."

I tried, I really did, but that phrase slipping from her lips was almost too perfect, with a healthy does of irony on the side. I laughed, but stopped myself when she turned a truly insidious glare on me. I was getting her mad, and I needed that. She couldn't remain aloof and have any hope of healing. I needed her healed, and yes, it was for my own selfish wants and desires, but so be it. I loved her; she was the one thing that had been missing from my heart, my soul, all along. But, how the hell did I prove that to her…

"Go on Bella, get mad at me, give me an honest emotion, not this crap you have been hiding behind. Maybe against my better judgement, I care; I care what happens to you, what will happen to you. Hate me if you need to, at least then you would be showing me honesty, even being honest with yourself, or have you forgotten how to be honest with yourself?"

"You think because I am maintaining control of my emotions, that they are not honest. "EAT ME!" You don't know shit. That's it, I am done. I don't care what you and your family do with me, anything would be better than putting up with your shit!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**God, it's so painful when something that's so close is still so far out of reach."  
**

Not giving me a chance to speak, she stomped in to her room. Whether just remembering there was no way to show just how angry she was, she looked longingly at the spot the door should have been. I surmised she wanted to slam it to make her point, but when she didn't have the option; she shuffled her way to the bathroom, just before the entrance, she stumbled and almost fell, but the door frame offered her a reprieve. Within moments, I heard the shower start and the soft shushing noises as the water beaded and ran down her skin.

If I ever managed to get through to her, I was going to have to ask her about the "Bite Me" and "Eat Me" comments. They just sounded odd coming from her. Now if she had said those things last night, today might have had a whole different outcome.

I hated hearing her cry, but when she did, she was baring herself, her soul, and it was at those times that I knew I could get through to her the most. I had stupidly thought that her anger was my way in, and while I didn't relish being the one to cause her such pain, I know knew, I had to completely break her, steal every last protection she had, break every wall and then prove, she didn't need them…

I grabbed the cell phone from its hiding place, and quickly and as quietly as possible, gave Carlisle an update. He agreed with my assessment, but warned me, if I pushed too hard or for too long, I could completely break her, leaving her irrevocably damaged, Broken. Maybe even more so than she was now…

I had an idea, a very, very bad idea, one I wasn't even sure I could attempt, let alone complete, but if I couldn't get through to her. I feared I wouldn't have a choice.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Beyond the grasp of lust, beyond the need for trust, beyond the gaze of the sick and lame, beyond the stretch of human pain."**

Four days, that was how long she had been ignoring me. She left her room only when it was a necessity, a drink, the bathroom, a nibble of food every once in awhile. Other than that, she slept; she was using a new mechanism to avoid me. About this, I also talked to Carlisle, his comment while somewhat hopeful, did nothing to alleviate my worries.

At least when she was awake, I could force a conversation, get her mad enough to respond, but with her sleeping all the time, I was left with my own thoughts and worries, and they grew tenfold, each and every day, each hour.

She woke up screaming sometimes, not all the time, but it was those times when the nightmares over took her, that I wanted to take her in my arms, erase the fear I knew would be on her face. And the sad fact was, she would have welcomed my presence with open arms during these times. But I couldn't do it; I had to remain strong… I did it, but my heart, my soul felt like it was dying when she woke-up screaming.

We had been in the cottage now for six days; time was passing ever so slowly. Carlisle agreed that I still had a chance to help her, but it was becoming slimmer, each passing day. I knew if I didn't take matters in to my own hands, he was going to insist sooner rather than later that he take her to the hospital. Just the thought caused my dead heart to clench and my stomach to roll.

With my mind made up, I began the arduous task of waiting. She should be waking up soon, I hoped. With the decision made, I was itching to get it over with; my sanity needed me to act. Sitting around all day doing nothing was not what would help.

I only prayed she stuck to her regular schedule, if she did, I could get to work that much quicker. I felt uncaring for thinking of what I was planning as work, but my heart, my mind, wouldn't allow me to think of it any other way. Not right now at least.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**You act like I owe you something, but I don't owe anything to anyone but me."**

I was beyond lethargic, it seemed the more I slept, the worse I felt. Before, I would have taken even an hour of sleep, if it came without nightmares, but now, I wasn't sleeping because I needed it, I was sleeping to hide. If I was asleep, Jasper didn't bother me.

I woke slowly; it always seemed to take longer to wake up now. Finally when the fog lifted, I made my way to my dresser, grabbed some clothes and headed for the shower.

The plan I had thought would work, days ago, now barely even registered with me. Something was happening to me; I wasn't sure what and honestly, couldn't find the energy to care.

Just the thought of Seducing Jasper still made me hot all over, but it was distant, as if it was almost happening to someone else.

I heard him stand as I came out of the bedroom, but couldn't find it in myself to acknowledge his presence. Everything that was happening was his fault, why should I give a rat's ass about him. But that was the stupid thing of it all, I did care.

I ignored my body's desire to turn towards him and continued on to the bathroom. By the time I got there, the shower was all but calling my name. I shucked out of my clothes, carelessly tossing them wherever they landed.

Bristling at the momentary chill that hit my skin as I turned on the water, while most sane people probably regulated the temperature before climbing in, I didn't bother, that momentary chill usually shocked my system enough to get it to comply with what needed to be done. Shampoo, condition, wash, scrub, get out and get dry. That was the idea, but today my body was relishing in the stinging heat, "five more minutes" I said to myself. Knowing I was probably lying, but again, didn't care.

I don't know what I was expecting this morning, but naked Jasper was not even a blip on the radar of my mind. My breath stopped, there was no sense even trying, naked Jasper is one thing, but when he stepped in to the shower with me, I was pretty sure I was close to swooning. My breath whistled past my lips, when I was finally able to inhale. Don't get me wrong, I was still pissed at him, and didn't want to speak to him, but I was human, and my, oh my, how my body reacted to the close proximity to his.

Without my permission, my traitorous legs moved me closer, my traitorous arms moved to encircle his waist.

He didn't stop me, but he didn't say anything either. Whether he was as incapable as me to find something to say, or whether he was trying to make another point, I wasn't sure and figured I still didn't care. There wasn't much I cared about anymore.

His lips feathered across the top of my head, his hands finally moved from his sides, he ran soothing circles across my back, just barely allowing his fingers to skim my ass. I tried to feign indifference, but it was hard, and my body decided it would not or couldn't listen to my silent screams of denial.

Disloyalty was surging within, heart, mind, body and soul all wanted one thing, and the whole of my being seemed to understand, it was at an impasse. Even more so when his fingers tilted my face up to his and his lips crashed on to mine. There was so much need, so much want in that simple, yet mind-blowing kiss; it made me weak in the knees. Thankful for the time being that his one arm was around my waist, holding me up. His other played and tangled in my hair.

I am not exactly sure what I was expecting, but as he broke the kiss and began trailing sweet, intoxicating kisses down my neck, shoulder and then to my breast, I realized with a sad understanding, I didn't care what he was doing, only that he continued.

My hands fisted in his hair, but I needed more, I wanted to feel his body, as I trailed my fingers down his chest, letting my fingernails graze the soft, yet steel like plains of his abdomen. When I started trailing my fingers lower, his left hand shot up and engulfed my wrist in his, pulling it away from his erection.

I mewled my displeasure, but my mewl quickly turned to a moan of desire as his lips pulled my nipple in to his mouth. With my other hand, the one he wasn't restraining, I fisted his hair in my hands, pulling his face closer, needing to feel all of his magically talented mouth and lips.

And oh God, when he finally released my hand and took pity on my neglected peak, I all but screamed my unquenchable longing.

Whether he was trying to drive me insane or was just delighting in making me putty in his hands, I didn't know, the only thought that pounded through my mind was "Don't Stop". As he released my painfully, pleasantly erect nipple, he began to move lower.

I knew what he was going to do, I had never experienced it, but I was sure I was going to die, and for the first time in forever, I didn't want to, I wanted to survive, I wanted to continue to feel like this.

His hands gently pushed me back, when my back touched the wall, he spread my legs a little further, and then tossed one over his shoulder. Thank goodness for small favors, his hand on my hip was the only thing keeping me upright, and he had yet to even touch me where I needed him to the most.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Feel my tongue move up and down, I can taste the waters streaming down."**

I was losing what little mind I still had left. I was foolish to think I could remain aloof. The moment she touched me, I lost the last fraction of my mind, I was no longer anything but arousal, and painful arousal at that.

It was shocking when my vampire nature took control, it wanted her as much, maybe even more than the man that was me, but it was the one who stuck to the plan. I had to break her with my love for her. I had to make her feel every ounce of love I had for her, and suddenly when the man that was me, was unable, my vampire, took the reigns and began loving her body.

Gently trying to push that love out to her, I couldn't be sure if it was penetrating her, the ability to manipulate her emotions was still touchy, I had thought on one occasion it had worked, but, I was starting to wonder if even my love could save her. It was egotistical of me to think that I could save her, but I kept coming back to the fact that basically I was just a man. My being a vampire didn't make understanding women any better; it didn't allow me a glimpse in to their psyche. My gift usually helped but being able to feel her emotions and not manipulate them was disconcerting…

As I reached my destination, I gave up control, knowing, my inner self would never hurt her, hell, it might be able to help her more than I could.

My tongue slipped between her satiny folds, delighting in the ambrosia that was her unique scent, her arousal. The roar of satisfaction that burst from my throat was deafening and primal, and so full of desire.

I lapped at her arousal, losing myself in the headiness of her body, her scent assaulting mine, causing my already painful erection to stiffen even more.

Her moans of pleasure a sweet symphony to my ears, suppressing my need for the time being, I concentrated fully on pleasuring her.

The change in her breathing and the occasional skipping of a heart beat alerted me to the fact that she was close. I gently slipped two fingers in to her velvety, searing heat, growling in satisfaction. She was so hot, so tight, my dick twitched with impure thoughts, so more than likely it was the head on my shoulders that were having the impure thoughts, but…you know what I mean.

Shaking my head, trying to gain clarity, if even just a little, and it worked, but barely.

I thrust my fingers in to her, my mouth never faltering from her engorged clit. Four thrusts later and some precision licks sent her over the edge. Her inner walls clamped tightly upon my fingers, I was a vampire, and the strength of her orgasm felt like she broke my fingers. I had never felt anything so deliriously wonderful, perfect!

I barely had time to extract my fingers before she collapsed on to my lap, her arms holding tightly to my neck. My own arms wrapped around her slight form, securing her tightly against my body.

Even the lightest graze of my fingers on her skin, sent another shiver through her body. Every nerve seemed to be on overload, it was drugging to know that I had caused her body such pleasure. I couldn't wait any longer, I swiftly, but gently lifted her small form in to my arms and carried her to her room. I settled her down in the middle before climbing up her body, barely allowing my weight to rest on her, instead keeping most of it on my knees and hands, for the time being at least.

I kissed her lips with every ounce of passion, love and desire I had for her, I put everything I ever was and ever could be, in to that single kiss. The searing intensity, the enormity floored me, I was no longer Jasper, man and vampire, I was complete, for the first time in my long life, I was me, no duality of man and vampire, I was both and my soul soared at finally understanding what was missing.

My knee gently spread her thighs a little further apart, I knew this was going to be painful for her, but I wanted, needed to be as kind as possible. As I pushed in to her, I stopped suddenly, my breath caught and then stopped completely. I had been worried that my size would cause her pain, and no, that isn't just my ego, I knew I was well endowed, not the fact that, as I slowly moved in to her body that I would encounter "That" barrier. I was stunned; I didn't know what to do.

When I stopped, her eyes opened, and it was then that I finally took in the fearful look in her eyes, but behind the fear was unprecedented lust. She wanted this as much as me, maybe even more. "Bella" I whispered, my plan was suddenly not such a good one. However, I didn't know what to do, stopping would probably be the right thing to do, but I didn't know if I could. Her tightness, the searing, liquid heat of her arousal was engulfing my cock and even with my doubts, I wasn't sure if Bella would allow me to stop.

I didn't hear if she said anything, but I felt as her fingers slipped down my back, and stopped on my ass. She gave me this look, I was confounded, I didn't know what the "look" meant, but had I actually been using even a quarter of my brain I would have known, it was obvious.

She whimpered slightly as I tried to figure a way to get her hands off of me, the small movement creating a delirious friction, one moment whimpering and the next moment, she thrust her hips forward and using her hands, shoved my hips towards her.

She cried out in pain as I took her virginity, but she didn't still her hips, she lifted them closer to mine, trying to completely draw me within her. I tried to still her, fighting my own desire to thrust deeper in to her, but she was having none of it.

I could see the tears as they slipped down her pale cheeks, her tears almost silvery in the unnatural light. A moment of coherence, I wondered why I never thought tears beautiful before, but as those silvery drops trailed down her alabaster cheeks, it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. In that moment, she looked like an angel, the most angelic being ever imagined. These tears were not out of sadness, and while I am sure they were caused because of pain, there was something else, maybe it was the look in her eyes and not the tears themselves, but either way, she was a Goddess!

I was brought out of my revere, when she shoved with all her might against my chest, I was about to pull out of her, when I took note of her eyes and the look they held. She didn't want to stop this, she wanted me to get with it, and being impatient, she was taking control. I held firmly to her hips, keeping myself buried deeply within as I moved on to my back.

As soon as my back hit the mattress, she began to move. I caught her grimace every once in awhile, but for the most part, she was completely lost in the moment. My hands fisted in her hair, pulling her face to mine, as soon as she was close enough, I captured her lips. Kissing her was almost, not quite, but almost as good as making love to her.

Her hips moved with an urgency I too felt. I knew I wouldn't, couldn't last long, her inner muscles squeezed me for dear life with every movement, every thrust, if I thought she was tight around my fingers, it was nothing when compared to my engorged penis, I was really starting to wonder if she wouldn't break me in two.

"Bella, Bella…" I chanted, my voice barely a whisper, but laced with so much desire.

I could feel her climax approaching, I untangled one hand from her hair and brought it to where our bodies were joined, fingering her bundle of nerves.

Keeping a firm hold on my thoughts, I began to speak, "Bella, Oh, God, I love you… Please don't stop. Let me show you for eternity, how much I love you. I will spend the rest of my life proving to you, just how beautiful you are how wanted you are. Please baby, come with me…"

Her body went stiff, but her hips didn't stop moving. I released my other hand from her hair. A little rough, I grasped her chin forcing her to look at me. "Bella, stop, well, don't stop… But look at me. Look in me. All you have to do is open your eyes and you will see the truth, stop running, and stop hiding. I love you, always you, forever you."

I increased the speed of my fingers on her clit. Her inner muscles began to twitch and with a single thrust, I felt my body convulse, but even as my body surrendered in passion, I refused to close my eyes; an eerie thump, thump, rang in my ears. I tried to listen more carefully, but my senses were frazzled. How could they not be with an earth shattering orgasm like that? But, even in my daze, I realized where the noise came from, it had been beneath my breast, somehow, someway, she managed to get my heart to beat, again…

My body twitched with every thrust of my hips, but I felt her contract around me, knowing her own orgasms was claiming her. As she began to shudder beneath my hands, the most erotic purr emanated from her lips and then she snapped her eyes open. She stared at me with an openness I had never seen, but even as I noticed the slight change, I also noticed her searching mine; I don't know if she found what she was looking for. All I knew was that I had yet to stop moving my hips and before she had even had a chance to come down from her first climax, she reached the precipice and slid over again.

She collapsed on my chest, her breathing ragged and her heart trip-hammering in her chest.

"Bella…?"

"ShushupJasper…sleep, time to sleep." She mumbled in exhaustion.

I wanted to argue with her, to tell her now was the time to talk, but I remained silent. I lifted her face placed a soft kiss on her lips and watched as she slipped in to unconsciousness moments later.

Still gripped tightly between her thighs, I tried to concentrate on anything but how we were joined. She just went to sleep; she didn't need to wake up feeling my overwhelming desire to claim her again.

Puppies, kittens, Grandmother's, Grandfather's…I was trying to think of the least erotic things I possibly could, but this woman was obviously trying to kill me. Every few minutes her hips shifted, not a lot, but oh, more than enough. When sweet innocent things were doing nothing to tame the increasing passion that ran through my loins, I let my mind go to the one thing that could stifle all sexual desires. All the hurt, pain and suffering Bella had experienced, at least, all the ones she had spoken of heretofore…

But in thinking of those things, a red rage was settling over me. I was a mess, but at least my raging desire was in check, for the moment at least.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	8. Chapter 8

**Yup, still don't own!!!**

**Rated M for mature language. (I really do try to keep swearing to a minimum, trying only to use it, when I need to make more of an impact… Hope you all don't mind.) **

**Chapter Seven**

"**Ain't it funny how a moment could just change your life, and you don't want to face what's wrong or right. Ain't it strange how fate can play a part, in the story of your heart."**

I watched her sleep and took comfort from having her in my arms. This so didn't work. I had thought that killing her, metaphorically of course, with kindness and love would break her. I hated the way that sounded. But I was scared and needed to do something…

Unwilling to wait any longer, I gently ran my fingers up and down her back. I knew she was waking up, but she was taking her time doing so.

"Bella, love, wake up."

"Shut up Jasper!" She mumbled.

"Can't, we need to talk."

"What is your obsessive need to talk, enough talking has been done. Let it go!"

"Still can't. I love you, as illogical as that probably is to you, it's true. Stop fighting me; I don't want to see you go to a mental hospital. You aren't crazy, but you are killing yourself."

The feisty little witch! Our bodies were still joined, and whether she did it on purpose or not, she ground her pelvis against mine. I moaned, it slipped from between my lips before I knew it, there was no stopping it. But I could stop her.

I moved my hands to her hips, holding her firmly, completely still. My glare I am sure, didn't come across just right, but…

"Bella, stop this now. This is not happening."

"Why stop something that feels so good, you said you "Love" me, isn't this a good way to show me?"

"You bitch!"

I had planned on saying something else, I am almost sure of it, but I was floored. She was going to use my feelings, whether she believed them or not, to get her way. I lifted her a little roughly and tossed her on the bed. I was so lost in my head that I didn't think about moving slowly, one second I was on the bed, the next I was standing in the doorway.

I turned to look at her, there was shock on her face, whether from my sudden movement or from what I said I wasn't sure. At that moment, I didn't care.

"You know what, I was mistaken. You can't help someone who doesn't want help. I was foolish, actually I was stupid. I thought you would see the worth that I saw in you, if I could just open your eyes, but the sad fact is, you like being miserable. Everything that happened to you, you perversely welcome, because when something bad happens, it allows you another way to give up. You want something bad to happen here, that way, you can move on to the next home, or whatnot, until you are on your own. What then, disappear and then kill yourself, take the easy way or are you going to start whoring yourself out, knowing the pleasure and the escape you can achieve?"

I knew I was being an ass, but I couldn't care. She was going to destroy herself. I loved her and wanted to save her from herself, but realized I was never going to be enough. No one was. It was time to phone Carlisle, he had been right all along.

"Where the hell do you think you are going?"

"I am going to get dressed and phone Carlisle, this sham, this intervention is over." I shook my head sadly, my heart breaking. "When Carlisle comes, you can go with him, I'm leaving, it was a mistake."

"Why would you leave, this is your family?"

"Doesn't matter, you will be going to the hospital, Carlisle will understand there is nothing we can do, and I refuse to see you slowly die there, if I am not here, I don't have to hear about it, see it."

"So you are going to put your family breaking up, on me. Make me the bad guy, the home wrecker?"

"Bella, you slept with random men, don't you think that you were a home wrecker way before this? You can't honestly believe that all those men were single…" As I had spoken, I had moved closer to the bed, my voice rising, my temper slowly slipping out of control. I wanted to smack her, slap the sense back in to the beautiful head of hers, it was an impulse that I easily curbed, but it was there nonetheless.

"I'd tell you to have a good life, but I suppose that is almost laughable…So do whatever you want Bella, you have yourself, and obviously, that is more than enough."

I walked out of the room, it was a little disconcerting, I had never been this numb before. I wanted to scream to the heavens about the injustice that I couldn't cry that I couldn't save the woman I loved, that I was useless. I walked to my room, a lethargic wave washing over me, slowing my movements.

Ripping the painting off the wall, I entered the combination in to the safe, when it swung open; I grabbed the cell phone and quickly closed it again. Almost all the blood that Carlisle had brought for me remained.

Sitting wasn't an option, I had to think, I had to tell Carlisle I failed, but that hurt. When I had offered to help Bella, it was for me but it was also for my family. Bella was, is an amazing person, kind, caring… I made another pass around my bed, staring at the carpet but not seeing a thing. My frustration was growing and so was my fear.

Swallowing reflexively, I pushed speed dial one, and waited for him to pick up. I was starting to wonder if something was wrong, when finally he picked up.

"Jasper?"

"Hey dad, how's the family?"

I knew I was stalling, and I think he knew it too.

"The family is fine Jasper. And I know why you are calling. Alice had a vision, while she can't see Bella; she saw your side of things. This isn't your fault, but you are staying there, I know it isn't what you want to hear, but you were right. If we send her to the hospital, it will kill her at the very least. Follow your heart son, it won't lead you astray."

The dial tone sounded in my ear. Not thinking about the consequences, I hurled the phone against the wall, watching as it shattered in to a million pieces.

My family had to go and have faith in me now, when I was failing miserably. Why couldn't they see that there was nothing left for me to do? I couldn't help someone who didn't want help. I snarled my dissatisfaction, allowing my temper to finally take control. All the emotions that were spiraling through my mind, I expressed with that one snarl of rage. And to punctuate it, I slammed my fist into the wall, the large gaping hole when I removed my hand, made me feel not better, but a little less like a volcano ready to erupt. I slammed my first in to the wall one last time, twin holes now marring the once smooth surface of the wall.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Ashes to ashes and dust to dust, sometimes I feel like giving up."**

Waking up, feeling safe was an indescribable feeling. His arms were a safe haven, one I could spend eternity held within. And then he had to go and ruin it. Ruin everything that had happened last night, tainting it.

I wasn't dense, I could be, but when our bodies were close, I wasn't hiding or holding back. I was the carefree girl I always wanted to be, taking comfort and hopefully giving it as well. I heard every word he said; I wanted to be able to say something, anything. I didn't know; still don't know if what he said was true, he barely knew me. I didn't know love, sure, my parents probably loved me, but how can a two year old understand or even remember it. But hearing him tell me he loved me, that was beautiful and amazing and beyond frightening.

When I fell asleep, I wasn't really trying to put off talking, I was for the first time, comfortable in the fact that I was safe, and that nothing was going to hurt me. I wasn't scared that my reoccurring nightmares would plague me, I knew, I felt it, I was safe, in his arms.

So why did he have to make what happened last night a mistake. I wanted to cry, scream and shout. I wanted to be mad at the hurtful words he was all but screaming at me. He didn't understand, couldn't. I was "Broken". I didn't feel things like regular, everyday people. I cried about the injustice of it all, I cried that I had caused so many people, families so much pain, I cried for the people who would come in to my life and walk back out, if they were lucky.

People who got close to me, they died. At least the "Good" people did. The ones who deserved punishment walked free, able to hurt more people and maybe, because I was too weak. If I had any sense, I would have made sure those people would have paid for their crimes, but instead, I hid, ignored everything. If I didn't have to see those who hurt me, then they couldn't possibly do it again. I was a coward, my inability to speak out, could possibly see those same people doing the same thing to another innocent child…

After all this time, I wanted to cry for me, cry for what I had lost, what I had pushed away, what I could lose. I knew I was messed up, but couldn't people see, I was scared, terrified even.

I wanted to call Jasper back, say something, anything that would get him to put his arms around me again. I didn't want to go to the hospital, it wouldn't do any good. Those people thought they were able to help, they offered you pathetic exercises to do, ones designed to make you trust and shit like that, told you that if you just stopped letting everything hurt you, took strength in what you had, what you could have…

How could they not understand, fifteen years of my life had been spent in hell, I was jaded, of course I was, how could I not be. I was a prisoner of my own mind. I longed to be loved, I wanted a family, a home, hell, I even wanted friends. But I had spent so much time hiding within myself, it was hard.

You can't just snap your fingers and say, okay, enough is enough, I want to be better. Sometimes Broken doesn't mean fixable, sometimes, something's are Broken beyond repair…

I couldn't take it anymore, I snapped, or something within me snapped. I screamed, I screamed until my throat was raw, I screamed until an unnatural darkness started to creep in, tinted red. When my voice broke and no sound would come, I finally stopped. I felt hollow.

Finally, after fifteen years, I cried, but this time, I cried for myself. I cried for everything I had lost, everything that had been taken away. I was crying and it hurt more than I ever thought it could. I curled in on myself, trying to hold my body together. It felt like with every tear that spilled down my cheeks was pulling me apart.

Had I finally lost it all…?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Burn burn the truth, the lies, the news. Burn burn the life that you can't choose. Burn burn the hate that gets you through. Burn burn for us, for them, for you."**

I heard her scream, the excruciating agony laced within her screams and oh how I wanted to go to her, to wrap her in my arms and promise her, that everything was going to be okay. But I couldn't do it, I didn't know anything anymore.

I heard the screams tapering off; it hurt my heart to hear her scream like that. I wanted to go to her, but I had already made enough of an ass of myself for the next hundred years or so. So instead, I flopped on to my bed, turned on my side and closed my eyes.

Damn it, she was crying…

I was between a rock and a hard place, shit out of luck, up a river without a paddle… Take your pick.

The love I had for this woman, all but screamed at me, to go to her, and try to at least ease her pain, her heartache. My anger at her inability to see what was right in front of her, made me stay still. And don't get me wrong, no emotion could truly keep me from going to her, but it wasn't in my hands any more.

Carlisle had left me floundering. He didn't elaborate what Alice had seen. He just refused to let us out and while I knew that I could get us both out, if I really wanted to…

Crap! I had been played by my own father. He knew that if I was as desperate as I had thought I was that I would just accidentally on purpose rip down the door plate. So by me not doing it, he knew, obviously before I did, that I hadn't really given up. Crap!

So now the question was, do I go to her, start all over again? I growled at my stupidity. I needed to talk to someone; Alice would be a good person to talk to, maybe even Edward… But of course, in the heat of the moment, I had destroyed the cell. If I could kick my own ass, I would have!

The sudden shrilling of a phone caused me to launch myself off the bed. I had been so deep in thought that I had zoned out, Bella's crying hadn't penetrated the fog, nothing… So when the phone that I had destroyed started ringing, I had a moment to wonder if I had finally lost my mind completely. But once I got my bearings back, I realized it wasn't the broken phone ringing. I followed the sounds until I found the small device stashed under the mattress of my bed.

I knew who it would be, only one person in our family had the gift of foresight. "Hey Alice, what can I do for you?"

Now that I actually had someone to talk to, I wasn't sure what I wanted or needed to say.

"Listen Jasper, I know you want me to tell you something helpful, or even tell you how this will turn out. I can't, she is a blank to me. Whether you like it or not, I did some checking into her past, you are not going to like what I found. I don't know what she has told you, but it is worse than any of us could imagine. With a little help from a…friend, he hacked in to Child Social Services, oh Jasper, it's horrible." Alice couldn't cry but I knew at that moment, had the ability been granted to her, she would have been incapacitated by the tears.

"Is this something I need to hear from her, or will knowing it, whatever it is, help?"

"I don't know. I don't even know if she knows, honestly, I am as lost as you are."

"Being cryptic is not helping anything Alice! Does Carlisle think I should know?"

"Carlisle doesn't know, he can't, you know he feels about privacy. I almost wish I didn't know. Besides, my friend, he could get in to a lot of trouble for doing what he did. If I figure anything else out, anything that can help you, I'll call. Keep your temper in check though, there isn't another phone!"

With that, she hung up. I was tempted to ignore the little pixie's comment and hurl this phone like I had the other. Just great, I didn't have a clue what to do, not that I really did before, but…

I needed answers, but the question seemed to be, who was going to give them to me. In frustration, I lowered my body back to the bed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**You're the mixed up girl everybody leaves behind."**

The week time limit had come and gone. And the only reason I knew that was Jasper left the cell phone on the table, sitting out in the open, as if he was daring me to call someone, or do something.

I knew I should probably care, I should want to be let out, but I was drowning. He wouldn't speak to me; he wouldn't even look at me. I tried to seduce him again, going so far as to straddle his lap while completely naked, I tried to kiss him, but he just picked me up and settled me down where he had been sitting, before moving to a new area, normally as far as he could get from me.

I tried to make us something to eat, even tried to make it romantic or as romantic as I could, but he wouldn't eat, wouldn't even sit in the kitchen after I had gone to all the trouble.

More often than not he was in his room, unless of course I went in there, then he was hasty to beat a retreat.

I took to showering three sometimes four times a day. Now that I had opened the flood gates, the damn things wouldn't close. I allowed myself one shower a day to cry for myself, the other times, well I cried for all the people I had hurt, but mostly they were faceless people now, I cried more for the Cullen's, for Jasper…I didn't want to be this desolate, but the silence was becoming deafening.

Four or five days, I wasn't sure, I stopped looking at the phone, I didn't need to know the time or the day. However, it had been that long since he spoke, the morning I woke up sated and content, that was the last time we had spoken. After the third or fourth day, I stopped talking too.

I wanted to say something that would take back the hurt, the pain I had caused him. When you never did anything, you noticed a lot more, I saw how his eyes shimmered with unshed tears, I caught little glimpses when he looked at me and thought I wasn't paying attention.

I knew he thought at night, while I was sleeping or suppose to be, that he left the cottage. I had been in the shower, but I had forgotten my shampoo, so I threw a towel on, and went to my room, as I was making my way back, I heard him on the phone with Alice, begging her to open the door, that he needed to get out. As quietly as I could, I made my way back to the shower, collapsing on to the tiles, letting the steamy liquid mix with my tears.

I had finally done it; I had pushed so hard that he had finally had enough. He was going to leave me. That night I had gone to my room even earlier than normal, he cast a funny look my way, but remained silent. And while I fell asleep quickly, I still woke when I heard the quiet hum of the door opening, heard Alice's bubbly voice.

I must have fallen asleep, because when I woke, I heard the TV on. Jasper had come back. I wasn't sure how to take that… He had come back, but I was sure it was just a matter of time before he left and stayed gone. Every night I went to bed, I thought that. In all honesty I was just waiting for the night he didn't come back. I tried to figure out what I would do if he didn't. I knew the Cullen's would let me out, it wasn't like they were keeping me here to hurt me, but the question soon became, if, or rather when that day came that Jasper never came back, would I want to leave…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**It seems to me, sorry seems to be the hardest word."**

I had lost all hope, every time I worked up the nerve to speak to her, she was sleeping. I don't know if I was trying to hurt her, because honestly that was the last thing I wanted to do. But I couldn't bring myself to try again.

And that probably made me a complete ass, but I wasn't sure I could walk away from her if I gave in and took what she offered. It would never be enough, I wanted her completely, and as far as I could tell, she wasn't willing or able to give that.

I finally turned to Alice, knowing that she would help me, even if it was against her better judgment.

Knowing it would be a bad idea, but unable to sit still any more, I called Alice when Bella was in the shower. Thank goodness for little sisters. Every night, as soon as Alice was able to, she snuck down to the cottage and opened up the door. I don't know how she explained her absence, by this point, I didn't really want to know or care.

Till just before dawn, I ran and hunted in the woods. Relishing in the freedom to move, being cooped up in the house was rather hard to handle. At first, even with the tentative relationship with Bella, it made it bearable, but now that we weren't speaking, hell, even looking at each other, it was horrible.

She had to be the cleanest person on the planet, she showered so often, but I knew why she was doing it. She didn't want me to know she was crying, it didn't help, but I figured she didn't need to know that.

For the first week of this "New" arrangement, I knew when I returned home that she was awake. I couldn't be sure if she knew I had left or not, but she wasn't saying anything and go figure, neither was I. Alice always stayed close to the cottage, in case Bella decided she suddenly wanted to leave, but when I returned each morning, Alice said she never heard anything from Bella, besides her crying.

When our third week started, Alice showed up told me to take an entire day off, get my head back in it. Neither Bella nor I were getting anywhere, in fact, things were getting much worse. She had begun to sleep sixteen hours or more a day, had begun losing weight, because she rarely ate and when she did she nibbled and picked at the food for so long, that it grew cold sooner rather than later.

Whether Carlisle agreed or not, come Sunday morning, I was taking her to the hospital myself. I couldn't watch her waste away any longer.

So I suppose that is why Alice gave me this offer, seeing something or other. I was hesitant to leave for an entire twenty-four hour period. But I knew Alice would stick close to the cottage and if Bella needed anything, she would help her, if she could. Although, by me staying gone for an entire day, Bella was going to know I wasn't there, but I figured she wouldn't care one way or another…

Perhaps I was being cruel, okay, so there was no perhaps, but as she slowly withdrew more and more, so did I. By her actions, I was slowly losing a part of myself. So selfishly I accepted Alice's offer and took off, except the further I got from the cottage and from Bella, I realized I didn't want to stop; I wanted to keep running, keep moving. While I was moving, I didn't have much of a chance to think, to dwell.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.****"**

I had been waiting for it, dreading the moment when it would happen, and it finally did. He left, and not just for a few hours…

When he left Monday night, I laid in bed like I usually did and whether my subconscious knew something or not, I had a bad feeling. I tossed and turned, unable to get comfortable, unable to find a small measure of solace in sleep.

After fighting for hours for a little reprieve, I finally gave up and went a sat on the couch, Dracula open, but I couldn't concentrate long enough to get through a page. When after an hour or two passed and I was still on the same page, the same paragraph, I threw the book across the room, it landed with a resounding thud, but other than that, the house was unnaturally quiet.

When my thoughts and worries became too much to bear, I finally looked at the cell phone, desperately needing to know the time. With hindsight, I wish I wouldn't have looked.

It was ten in the morning, I had trouble comprehending that to begin with, it felt like I had lost time somewhere. I gently set the phone down before I could have a chance to take out my anger and despair on the phone.

My chest had gone tight and everything in the house was bleary, unfocused, I blinked my eyes, wanting to clear my vision, but it was a mistake, as soon as I blinked, impossibly large tears raced down my cheeks, dampening my shirt with their multitude.

A sob escaped my lips and unwilling to be the lone one, another followed.

I moved out of the living room, no set destination in mind, just moving, hoping and praying that I might be able to outrun the sobs, the tears and the pain.

When I collapsed on the bed, it took me a few moments to realize I wasn't in my room. Jasper's unique scent was all over. I grasped the pillow beneath my head and hugged it to my chest. Allowing myself this moment of weakness, I would be strong later, tomorrow, the next day.

I would be leaving the Cullen's, if I went somewhere, where no one knew me, I could pass myself off as an adult. I already had a bank account with money in it, it wasn't extravagant but I could live off of it for a few months, and besides, I knew how to make more. I had done it many times before…

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**Okay guys, for those of you who are reading this, thank you ever so much, I am glad you are enjoying this story and want to continue to see where it goes. If you are so inclined, feel free to suggest this story to your friends. :D **

**Question for you now… Does Jasper get back in time to stop her from leaving or does she leave. I can't tell you the out come of either scenario, while neither have been written, I do have an idea, whichever way you choose! PM me or leave your answer in a reply! Two birds, one stone… **

**And if you are curious about Alice's cryptic little conversation with Jasper, I promise, I will be addressing it, just not right away. :D **


	9. Chapter 9

**I am not sure exactly how I feel about this chapter. I contemplated changing it numerous times, but finally decided, what I had, was what worked the best for what I have in mind…Hope you guys like!**

**Sorry for the lack of updates recently, but it was a long weekend and I spent more time hanging out with friends and family, than at the computer. Hopefully you will forgive me. I will have another update ready for tomorrow night, and should be back on the schedule of updating nightly, if real life will allow me the time! **

**Chapter Eight**

"**By keeping her heart protected, she'll never ever feel rejected."**

I allowed myself one day to grieve. When I had cried myself out, I got out of bed and made my way to my room.

I found a set of luggage in my closet, picking the smallest piece, I filled it with a few things I would need and set it by the door.

From the end table I pulled out a sheet of stationary and a pen, and wrote two notes. The first was to the Cullen's…

_Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rose,_

_I am so grateful that I got to meet you! You are wonderful people and I am sure, I would have come to love you all so very much. _

_Please don't come looking for me, it is better this way. I was Broken long before you found me, and fear it won't ever change. This is my decision; please don't hold Jasper responsible for any of this. He is an amazing man, and when he finds the right person, she will be able to love him completely. _

_You are all amazing people, so I won't ask you to forget me, but please let me go. It is better this way, I promise to take care of myself. Thank you, for everything!_

_Love Bella!_

It was short and to the point, but my heart hurt just writing those words.

With a deep and shuddering breath, I tried to sort out my thoughts, when I realized that wasn't really going to happen, I just went with what I felt.

_Jasper, _

_How can I thank you… You have been nothing but kind to me since I got here and the truth of the matter is, I have been nothing but a bitch. You are an amazing man, maybe it is wrong of me to ask, but please, try to forget me. You deserve a woman who can be everything you deserve and then some. _

_You gave me something very precious, and I will never forget it or you. _

_I am sorry that I failed you, you tried so very hard to fix the wrongs in my life, please don't think you failed, you didn't. Sometimes, some things can't be fixed. _

_Please, I am begging you, let me go. Don't come looking for me, don't try to see how I am. My leaving is the best thing all around. I will be forever grateful for the friend I had in you. _

_I'm going to be fine, I'm a survivor. You take care of yourself and live a long and happy life!!!_

_(P.S. You better have gone home! Your family needs you and you need them. Don't ever take a loving family for granted. Yes, I know, pot, kettle…But this is the right thing for me to do.)_

_(P.P.S. You have to come home, otherwise, you will never know what this says…Please give me peace of mind, and go home.)_

_All that I am, or could ever be, is in love with you! It just isn't enough, you deserve so much more._

_Love Bella_

I folded the two pieces of paper and signed the tops. It was hard to see what exactly I was writing, the tears that I thought had run dry, were back with a vengeance.

I took a few deep breaths, preparing. I wasn't sure how this was going to work, but, she was my only hope.

Grabbing the cell phone off the table, I checked the contact list, found Alice's number and pressed the connect button.

Not sure what I was expecting, but no sooner did the phone place the call, than it ended. I looked at the phone a little oddly, wondering if I had done something wrong. However, before I could try to make the call again, Alice was standing in front of me.

"Bella, what's going on?"

Gnawing on my bottom lip, I gave myself a moment to figure out how to answer that. It was a completely different thing to speaking to her on the phone and in person. Deciding it didn't make much of a difference; I swallowed my pride and begged.

"Alice, I know you have no reason to want to do anything for me, but I really need a favor."

"What type of favor?"

"I want to leave, not just here, but I need to try and figure things out on my own. Your family is amazing, I'm just not meant to be a part of that. Had things been different, I am sure we would have been great friends, I am sorry I didn't give any of you a real chance. You have no reason to agree to this, but I am begging you, this is what's best, what's right. Just let me walk out of here and you and your family will be better off."

As soon as I said it, I could see her begin to protest. I'm not a big talker, I didn't know how to get what I wanted, and I didn't know how to manipulate someone…

"Don't argue Alice, I am not changing my mind. Jasper deserves a chance at happiness; he won't find that with me. Let me go, for his sake."

I felt like I was sinking, losing all hope. I did the only thing I could think of; I flung my arms around her and hugged her as tight as I could, the tears I had been holding at bay, began again in earnest.

She didn't say anything; she just grabbed the two pieces of paper in my hand and my bag by the door. I contemplated saying something, but figured it would be better to keep quiet.

We walked for a good fifteen minutes and then had to cross a small creek or something, but by the time the creek came in to view, I could see the house. She led me past the house and to the garage. She tossed my suitcase in the back and gestured for me to get in.

It took me sometime to think of something to say, but really the only thing I wanted to know, was why?

"Alice, why are you doing this?"

She turned and looked at me, it was an odd look, and then she was looking back at the road. "Between you and Jasper, you are two of the most stubborn people I know. Neither of you were going to get your shit together, so instead of watching you in a place that is liable to do more harm than good, this was what was left. It is going to break everyone's heart when they know what I have done, but maybe, and I am really hoping here, you will figure out that we aren't so bad and…"

I didn't allow her to finish I had to set her straight. "Alice, I know you aren't bad, any of you. Your family is amazing, but they are your family. I would never fit in there, because I don't know how and right now, maybe always, I don't want to. You are an amazing woman Alice; I hope everything turns out great for you and your family."

She looked over at me again, but quickly darted her eyes back to the road.

We drove in silence the rest of the way. When we reached Seattle, she took me to the bus depot; she parked and came over to my door.

"Thank you, for everything!" I didn't hesitate; I grasped her in a bear hug, kissed her cheek and then ran. I wasn't sure if I could hold myself together if I didn't break away then, praying that I wouldn't trip and screw up my breakaway.

"We will always be here, if you need us, for anything!" Alice shouted.

I pulled my wallet out as I walked towards the ticket booth and almost screamed. A cell phone and a bunch of bills had been stuffed into my coat pocket. Damn that Pixie!

I didn't care where I was headed, I just knew I had to get out of here quickly, before someone else in the family discovered that I was gone and perhaps tried to stop me.

A bus to Medford, Oregon left in ten minutes. It wasn't the type of place I really wanted to go to, but one thing was for sure, no one would think to look for me there. I bought the ticket and boarded the bus.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want.****"**

Dark descended again. I noticed it with a distant part of my mind; it wasn't an obvious change, just different, it was like the light that had been a part of me for the last month or so, had been extinguished. So that by the time I realized the difference between night and day, it was such a different, almost foreign part of my mind that I just ignored it for the most part. My mind was busy with other things and worry about the time of day, seemed like a moot point.

I realized with a sad, sick satisfaction, I didn't know what day it was, how long I had been gone. When my rational mind finally caught up with that fact, it brought me to my knees.

I couldn't believe I had done this. She was always being left, and I had been no different. When things got rough, I up and walked out on her.

It was funny, in a sad sort of way; I had no idea where I was. I had stopped only long enough to feed, when I was sated, I began to run again, but as I thought through the haze that had become my mind, I couldn't even remember where I had been or where I had planned to go.

The thoughts of her being along, abandoned by me, should have spurred me to return, but only a vague emptiness is what I found. The big bad vampire was moping, and I really wanted to be disgusted with myself, but I couldn't find the energy.

Rationalizing is what I did that week. You could not leave those who had for the most part, already left you. I may have finally walked out, but she had walked out on me first…

How I hated myself that week. Wallowing in my own pain and heartache, disregarding everything that I held dear, forgetting that by my own self-exclusion, I was hurting no one as badly as myself.

Ten days after leaving Bella, I finally got my head on straight and figured out just where I was. I had crossed the Canadian boarder, not exactly sure if I went through Alberta or British Columbia; I suppose it doesn't really matter, only where I was now. I was two thousand three hundred and twenty nine miles away from home, it one of the coldest places in Canada, Inuvik, Northwest Territories.

Well, the distance was probably a little off, because by the time I figured out that I had to get my shit together, I had to backtrack some. In hindsight, I realized I must have been so close to the Artic Ocean, that had I kept going on my path, I more than likely would have reached it, with in a day or so.

The chill never bothered me, didn't even register, but as I made my way in to the town, I knew I had to find some "Proper" clothing. It would not do to show up in a town that was constantly buffeted by freezing winds, wearing nothing but a short sleeved shirt that had seen better days and a pair of holey jeans.

On the outskirts of town, I found a home that was currently empty, empty of at least inhabitants, for the time being, borrowed a coat that was much too small, but it would have to do, I just needed it as a prop any way. I left some money on the counter, feeling guilty about stealing someone's property. Besides it wasn't like the people of this town were rolling in extra money…

I had made it all of a mile before I ended up running back to the house. The only reason I had come in to town was so I could phone home, check in and see how "Everyone" was.

Falling in love, had definitely messed with my mind.

I put the coat back on the hanger, tossed down a little more money and grabbed the phone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Back to my childhood where those monsters reside. They snack on innocence and dine on self esteem."**

The bus ride was uneventful; it passed as quickly as an almost four hundred mile trip would. Nothing happened; I got on, and didn't get off until the bus reached its destination. I suppose it would have aroused less suspicion, if someone had actually been paying attention to me, to have gotten off with the rest of the people, for a bathroom break or to grab something to eat, or at the very least, to find something to break up the monotony.

Of course, now that I was here, I realized, there was nothing here. I rented a hotel room for the month, figuring that would be long enough for people to forget me.

I realized I didn't want to go back to doing the things that I normally did. I tried to find a man here or there that could offer me my oblivion, but, I couldn't even get close to anyone anymore. The words wouldn't slip past my lips, so making an even bigger ass of myself, I ran.

With the amount of cash Alice had shoved in my pocket, I wouldn't need money for awhile, but it felt wrong using her money. I couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead, I kept it and the phone together, wanting nothing more than to send it back, but grateful for that small piece of them.

The first week passed in a blur. I didn't do much, sat in my room for the most part, but at night, when I most needed the oblivion that sleep had offered me, I discovered that being away from Jasper, even the other Cullen's, that sleep had once again become an elusive stranger.

I caught five to ten minutes here or there, but even that small amount of sleep, saw the reappearance of my nightmares. The owner of the hotel or whoever happened to be running it on a certain night, used to come knock on my door when I woke up screaming. After three weeks of the nightmares, they had stopped coming to check on me.

And then my whole world changed. The axis of my small world, not only dipped, but flipped completely.

After a particularly horrible nightmare, one in which Jasper made an appearance, I decided I needed to get out, do something to get my mind off of…everything.

I stopped in at a corner store, desperate for a drink. I had been walking for hours and finally my thirst was demanding attention. I grabbed an iced tea and made my way to the counter.

I rarely lifted my head from its down turned position, but when the clerk behind the counter told me what I owed, my head shot up, that voice, I had heard it before, I was almost positive and then I had to go and look at the face, the body, belonging to said voice.

It had been six years, but nothing had changed, he looked exactly the same.

My body started to shake, my knees grew weak, and my heart was thundering so loudly in my chest, I was sure people in the next country would be able to hear it. Of course, my luck would have to hold; as my respiration grew frantic, dark wings of unconsciousness began to flit at the edges of my vision.

With impossible speed, he vaulted over the counter and caught me as I sank to the floor.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Find you, taste you, fuck you, use you, scar you, break you."**

It had been close to six years since I last saw her, maybe over six, it didn't really seem to matter. I had thought the last time, would have been the last…

Seeing her, standing there before me, I was very glad that I had failed at killing her. If I had, then I wouldn't have had the chance to see her astonishing beauty. She was on the scrawny side, almost emaciated, skin covering bones is all she really was, but even being so gaunt, she was stunning.

It was funny; I had always thought about her, dreamt what it would feel like taking her and making her mine, but, like most of my life, things rarely turned out the right way. She was always the one who eluded me. The years had been, not kind per se, but she had filled out nicely, her womanly curves were almost non-existent, but I supposed I could fatten her up and make her better before I took pleasure in sodomizing and breaking her and then kill her.

I had been itching for a good excuse to get out of this little hole. How kind of her to make my life more interesting. I would have to thank her fully when we got out of here.

She looked so fragile, like she might break if I wasn't careful, to test my point, I squeezed her shoulder roughly, delighting in the sound of bone breaking.

I clapped my hand over her mouth before she could scream and wanting to make sure I had got my point across, I let my dry, rough lips graze her ear, enjoying the way she shuddered from my touch. I whispered a delicious secret in her ear, one I had been saving for awhile now, not thinking I would have the chance to share, and watched as her eyes first grew wide and then looked like they were going to pop out. Her tears sprung quickly, gracefully gliding down her smooth, pale cheeks.

I could hear a group of rowdy young men, heading my way, and while I knew I could take them, should the need arise; but I decided I didn't need that kind of attention.

I scooped her slight form up and dashed out the back door, in my haste, I forgot the alarm was connected to the door and set it off. Of course, in my defense, it wasn't like I worked here, there…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**There ain't nothing like regret to remind you're alive."**

"Alice, I need to talk to Bella, can you take the phone to her?"

"What, no hello's or how you been? What the hell Jasper, I said one night; you have been gone for almost a month!"

"Excuse me? No, it hasn't been that long, I would know if that much time had passed…"

Oh God, what had I done? Had I really lost that much time, and if so, how, was something wrong with me?

"Alice, I need to apologize to Bella and then I need to speak to Carlisle, I think, well, I don't really know what to think!"

"Where are you Jasper, how long till you can get home?"

"I'm in Inuvik, if I leave now, I don't know, I can be home as soon as possible, why, what's going on?"

"Just hang the damn phone up and get your ass back here, I will explain everything when you get home."

I started to protest but the line went dead. I contemplated calling her back and demanding an answer, but I knew Alice all too well, no one would answer the phone, so I might as well get moving now. A worming fear had begun to grow in my stomach, but by the time I reached the Northwest Territories, British Columbia boarder, I was full on panicking.

I am pretty sure I broke all land records for speed, if we vampires actually recorded how fast we moved. I moved faster than I ever had before, I might have actually beat Edward.

As I reached our property, I wondered if I should speak to Bella first, beg for her forgiveness, or speak to Carlisle and get that over with.

Knowing that I was going to have to spend forever making this up to Bella, I figured a few more minutes wasn't going to make much of a difference, so I head for the main house, and should anything be wrong with Bella, I could easily just go and see her.

I didn't even have a chance to grab the doorknob; the door was ripped open while I was on the bottom step. The family poured out, all taking a defensive posture beside one another. If my stomach could have, I am sure it would have dropped even further.

"Jasper Whitlock-Hale-Cullen, where the hell have you been?"

"Dad, please save the speech, I know I screwed up. But I am back and I will fix it. I said before that I could, but I gave up for no reason. It won't happen again, just trust me!"

I hated begging in front of the whole family, but she was worth it.

"I'll beg and plead for her forgiveness…" I trailed off as everyone snarled.

"Good luck with that Jasper, but of course, you would have to find her!" Emmett growled out.

I felt the earth shift under my feet, or perhaps it was just me, but suddenly, everything was too bright, the sounds too loud. I barely hit the ground before Emmett and Rosalie launched themselves at me. I couldn't grasp the concept of fight backing and even if I had, I knew I deserved what I was getting, this and so much worse.

"Where is she?" I mumbled. "How did she get out?"

Okay, so that was completely wrong, how could I have expected her to remain in that little cottage all by herself? My family wouldn't have allowed it.

"Did she run away or something?" I panted out; Emmett had my head all but buried in the hard packed earth, and was holding me with a surprising ferocity.

"I let her out and took her to the bus station. Here, read this. She left one for the rest of us." Alice said, looking at her feet.

Now I understood why Emmett was holding on to me. He freed one of my arms and passed me the letter. He let up a little on my head as well, so I could lift it just enough to read what she had wrote.

I got through the note, but by the end, I was a mess. Emmett need not have bothered holding me down, all the fight had gone out of me.

I whispered my next question, but knew they would hear me, "Has anyone tried to find her?"

The pointed look from Carlisle told me what I needed to know.

They had looked, but she had all but disappeared. The state had sent an agent to the house to speak with her, to see how she was getting on. I think they came because she had been out of school for so long. She was now listed as a runaway…

"What have I done?" I screamed in to the cold, overcast air.

Perhaps falling so quickly in to love with Bella had been unwise, but I couldn't stop the deep, profound feelings, anymore than I could stop the sun from rising or setting. I believed, whether foolishly or not, that we had been created with the other in mind. She was my missing half, as I was hers.

Love wasn't logical, it didn't give you a choice, and you didn't just love someone because of the way they looked, or some inner personality. I fell in love with Bella because I couldn't imagine my life without her; I saw her for the first time and knew that I had found my mate, my soul's mate! I didn't have to question what I felt, because it was innate. Perhaps we had loved in another life, in all our lives; it was something I could believe in, because until she graced us with her presence, I had never felt anything as profound.

I guess the simplistic answer or reasoning was just this, I was meant to love her and would do so for the rest of my life, if she would allow me…and even if she wouldn't, I would never stop.

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"**All of us get lost in the darkness, dreamers learn to steer by the stars."**

I must have passed out or something, because all I remember was sinking in to oblivion while in the little corner store, and then I was here, wherever that was.

My shoulder felt like someone had poured glass beneath the skin, even small movements made me hiss in pain, but I was a champion when it came to hiding my feelings, even when I felt like part of me was dying.

A dank, musty odor assaulted my senses once I was able to think past the pain. And whatever I was laying on was lumpy, cold and damp. I wanted to open my eyes and search around, but I was terrified I would see "HIM" again.

I didn't want to move at all, but I was stiff and sore, so I made the mistake of rolling on to my back, a puff of putrescence wafted up, engulfing me completely. I tried to cough the stench out of my lungs, but it only made it worse, I gagged, the smell stealing my breath, making it impossible to breathe. Turning even more on to my right side, I leaned over the side of the bed, I think, I hope, and retched on what I surmised was the floor.

My panting and gagging must have attracted attention, because I no sooner got my breath back, than "HE" was standing over me, laughing this grating, freaky little laugh. It was a deprived, actually, it was more of a depraved sound; there was no sanity in it…it was the epitome of Evil!

"Aww, poor Bella, is this place, your new home, not up to your standards? Since when did you become a snob? I am sure you have stayed in worse than this."

"Get the hell away from me you sick twisted son of a bitch." I wanted to yell and scream my rage at this cretinous, vile, waste of skin.

I felt him move, a small change in the slight breeze that wafted against my skin. It didn't clear the air, just brought me his stink to mix with the rest. My stomach lurched at the smell of the coopery tang of blood, whose blood I didn't even want to hazard a guess, but I could smell it nonetheless. There were other smell's lingering on him, and the icy breeze, did nothing but intensify what I had already been inflicted to. It was obvious he didn't pride himself with personal hygiene; I had to wonder when the last time he bathed was…

"Bella, you might as well get over your squeamishness, you aren't going anywhere. I have a very intricate plan for you and I am not looking to change anything, unless of course, it suits me."

I needed to think, and doing it with "Him" near me, was counter productive, because, my mind kept going back to his whispered comment, when we were in the store…

I don't know how it was possible, but I believed every word he said and that left a gaping hole in my heart. I had thought my life was messed up before, but now it seemed as if everything I ever knew had been a lie.

Not giving him the satisfaction of an answer, I held my breath and rolled over. The bare amount of light shining through the door did little to relieve the darkness, but it was enough to offer shadows of everything that was in the room. As I tried to turn to face the wall, I noticed a large dark stain that covered the cement wall. But that small movement sent tendrils of fire scorching through my shoulder. It felt like everything from veins to muscle to bone was burning, a liquid fire, just waiting to gain ground and consume me whole.

It would seem that I was in a basement, but I wasn't going to take anything at face value, it seemed where this guy was concerned, nothing stood to make any sense.

"You can ignore me for now, my dearest Bella, but you will talk to me when I so desire it. Enjoy your time alone, for it will not last long."

With that, he disappeared out the door. I didn't see him leave, but I did hear it. His heavy steps slapped the cement stairs as he ascended. I let out the breath I was holding, my lungs burned from holding it so long.

The pain was monstrous; it felt like it had spread to my mind, engulfing what little sense I still had.

The tears that I had been holding at bay finally fell. It felt like all I did anymore is cry, my emotions so conflicted that I was starting to doubt the reality that up was actually up and down was indeed down.

How could anyone makes sense of this freak show, this was my life, and I could no longer grasp even the smallest things.

Was I created, merely so I could suffer? Was this someone's idea of a joke?

It was all too much; my mind was finally set free as I succumbed to sleep. It wasn't a natural sleep, the stress of the day, of the last month and some had finally accumulated and weighed me down so much that I had no choice but to allow the darkness in. Of course, the sheer amount of pain I was in could have had a helping hand in my unconsciousness as well.

My last thoughts were, "This man may be evil, but simply by existing, I was proving I was no less a monster. People suffered who got near me, it was a simple fact, but one that could not be disputed."

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	10. Chapter 10

**The Quote ****"Love is the lighthouse that guides you around the rocks of despair" is by James Bare!**

**This is a shorter chapter, but I had to stop it there… Don't hate me, I promise, tomorrow will bring another update. But if you really want me to find inspiration, your reviews would definitely do just that!!!**

**Chapter Nine**

"**Love is the lighthouse that guides you around the rocks of despair"**

Emmett refused to stay behind, he was determined to come, he wanted to bring his little sister home. I couldn't refuse him; I was going to need his help and the fact remained, the more people looking, the quicker we were liable to find her.

We traveled to Seattle, it being the last place we knew she had been. It was beyond frustrating. My arms itched to hold her and my heart, it longed for its mate. Every useless breath I took, every wrong clue we followed, made that useless organ hurt.

The rest of the family was going to join us, as soon as Carlisle covered our bases. He couldn't just up and disappear, so he had to take vacation time, and make it look good. Plus he had to let the school know we were all going to be gone for an indeterminate time. If we had been thinking, we would have told the school that Bella and I were going to be out, when we first went to stay at the cottage; it would have offered fewer problems afterwards, but again, hindsight…

Emmett and I checked every bus station in Seattle and then rechecked them. We didn't believe that she would stick around; it just didn't make any sense. If she wanted to get lost, then staying where she was dropped off would make little to no sense.

It took Carlisle a week to get everything sorted out. The hospital was a little disconcerted to have to spend time without him, but they knew he could have a job anywhere, so they didn't push, they wanted to keep him there, he was an asset that could not easily, if ever replace.

I was thankful for the extra hands. We started with the bus station that Alice dropped Bella off at. We each took a bus to the larger cities that they traveled to, we never had to leave the station, even after a month, there would still be a slight trace of her scent, it was so very original, and with each city we stopped in, we knew, she wasn't there.

It felt like it was taking eons to make our way through the cities. We fed only when it became a necessity, otherwise, we were busy scouring. It took us a week to finally start with the smaller cities, and by that time, everyone was cranky and overcome with worry.

At the rate we were going, it was going to take months to get through all the places that she might be at. Once a week, Edward and Emmett took me out hunting, made sure I had gorged myself and then took turns beating the crap out of me. I would like to say that I had paid the price for my stupidity, but, I hadn't. They were more than justified, besides, it wasn't like they were trying to kill me or disfigure me, besides dismembering me and spreading my parts to places unknown, I was going to live and the more time that passed, I began to fear, that I may be forced to live an eternity or more without the woman I loved.

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"**The use of force, he was so tough, she'll soon submit, she's had enough. The march of fate, the broken will, someone is lying very still."**

I once again lost all track of time, the only thing I could even vaguely track the time with was the pain in my shoulder, it no longer screamed with pain, it was now a dull, constant throb. I figured by that alone, it probably meant that I had been here a couple of weeks.

After the first week, at least, I think it was, he stopped bringing me food and forcing it down my throat. It didn't do any good, I could eat it, but if it wasn't the pain I was in, then it was the situation that caused my stomach to purge anything that touched it.

I didn't really care if I ate or not, the quicker he ended all of this, the better for me, for everyone. But the sick bastard had taken to drugging me, and somehow, he had acquired some medical supplies. After he effectively knocked me out, he hooked me up to an IV, keeping me fed while I lay unconscious.

But I wasn't naïve enough to believe that he was going to kill me, there was something he wanted from me, and perhaps it was mere entertainment, but it felt like there was something else. Besides, why go to the hassle of feeding me if all he wanted to do was kill me…

During the times I was alone, my traitorous mind dwelled on Jasper. Mocking me with what I could have had, had I just learned and listened to the truth that was beating within my heart.

When I had told him that I loved him, in the note, I had thought I had meant it, but as the days traverse to night and back again, I realized it had been a friendly type of love. Maybe it was true that the heart grew fonder when there was distance involved, because the longer I thought about him, and the way he made me feel, I realized, by loving him as a friend, something that I had never had, I had unwittingly given him my broken heart. He didn't want anything from me, but to see me healthy, happy, healed…

I had spent so much time resenting his instant pleas, that I overlooked what was right in front of me. My pathetic attempts at seduction sprang solely from my desire to be closer to him, to give him something that I hadn't shared with anyone. And by doing so, I had inadvertently given him something that no one had seen, not even my self. I had given him something that I didn't even think I was possible of, even if the way I tried to do so, was in itself deprived.

I was pulled from my thoughts as the door boomed open, striking the cement of the wall and echoing in a thunderous cacophony.

He stood in the sporadic light, glaring lewdly at me. I knew I should feel fear, but all I could manage was a strange, detached nonchalance. My mind screamed from within, "Do your worst", my heart, knew what was to come and cried in shame and defeat.

Fear was something his "type" thrived on, and I refused to give him that satisfaction, I may never see the light of day again, but I could prevent him from taking pleasure from my fear!

My clothes were ripped from my body, tossed unceremoniously on the floor, nary a care given to what I would be put in when he was done. If I survived.

I never moved an inch, not when his naked body ground mine in to the scraps of cloth that consisted of my bed, nor when his fists pummeled the soft flesh of my body. I didn't fight and I didn't scream or cry when he used a knife to cut superficially in to my skin, but I almost lost all my strength when he started lapping at the bloody rivulets that sprang forth from each cut.

Thanking a higher power for the small reprieve of him spending himself quickly, but cursing my own stupidity for thinking he would stop once he had pleasured himself. He used my body for his sick desire, taking me any which way he pleased. It was rough, debauched, his flesh seemingly exacting a millennium of sick pleasure from me, on me, within me.

When he finally left the room, my empty stomach lurched, trying to purge, it would seem, the images from my mind, through my stomach. Time moved so slowly, but when I finally got enough of my mind back, enough to notice I was shivering, I slid to the floor, my hands outstretched, searching blindly for the clothes that would offer me little warmth, but more than I had now.

After what felt like an eternity, my fingers hooked a belt loop. I grasped the material to my body. I hugged the pathetic scrap of material, feeling like it was my last lifeline to Jasper and the Cullen's. As I tried to slip them up my body, I stilled, my breath hitched and then I was sobbing, I couldn't believe it. Of all the things I have forgotten, how could I have not remembered this!

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"**Some of the greater things in life are unseen that's why you close your eyes when you kiss, cry, or dream..."**

We were all working on each others very last nerve. Being cooped up with humans, all day every day, and each other, with little to no reprieve, and even though it was for a good reason. We were having our troubles.

Each day that passed with no clue, was another day that threatened to fracture our family.

I loved her, but I couldn't forget that they loved her too.

Edward was currently in Scranton, Pennsylvania, searching but coming up with nothing. Carlisle was in Dayton, Tennessee, likewise empty handed. Esme was in Charleston, North Carolina and still, nothing. Emmett and Rose had gone off together, searching every city and town east of Seattle, while Alice and I headed south, stopping at each little hole in the wall town we came across, no stone unturned...

It had been agreed, if nothing turned up soon, then we were going to have to try a higher power. And while I was the first to think that going to the Volterra was a very bad idea, it was also what seemed to be the only thing that could possibly work. If we brought them in to our lives willingly, it could cause monumental trouble. Especially when one considered we had a human girl living in our home. They were sticklers for secrecy, and if there was even the slightest chance that she could know of our existence, then they wouldn't hesitate to eliminate her.

I was barely able to think straight anymore, the longer it took us to find her, the more grizzly my thoughts got, with ways she could already be dead.

It was closing in on midnight, when Alice handed me her phone and took off in to Klamath forest to hunt. I had hunted the night before, so I was going to keep going, Alice would catch up to me when she was done.

I reached the town or city of Chiloquin at dawn and almost jumped out of my skin when Alice's hot pink cell phone began to ring. I pulled the offending object from my pocket, not bothering to see who was calling, all too positive that it was probably one of my family members telling me they had found zilch.

"Yeah, what?" I asked. I knew I wasn't being polite, but I was lost in my own guilt.

"Jasper, oh god… Please help…"

My legs dropped me to the hard earth, her voice, the one person I had desperately wanted to hear from, was now speaking to me. It took me a few moments to wrap my mind around it, and to understand, I wasn't dreaming or hallucinating.

"Bella, what's wrong, where are you?" I all but shouted.

"Sorry, so sorry… Stupid…Medfo…"

The connection was poor, I was lucky if I was catching every other word, and even then, it still felt like I was missing so much more.

I heard a snarl of rage, not made by any mere man and then the phone fell silent. I screamed in to it, long after the insistent buzzing signaled that the call had been dropped. I couldn't stop, I called her name, over and over, praying to a god that I had shunned early in my vamperic life.

I wanted to dwell on the fact that I had lost her again, but another part of my mind was quickly taking control. I flicked the phone shut and moments later popped it open again, pressing the speed dial button for Carlisle's phone. While I waited through each of the impossibly long rings, I had to remind myself to loosen my grip, I was sure, when I ended this next call; I would quite possibly have an imprint of the phone in the flesh of my hand.

"Dad, she called…Something's wrong though; I think another vampire has her. When I asked her where she was, she said Medfo…I have no idea what she was talking about."

I had thought my frights were over for the night, someone or something must have been conspiring against me, because when Alice's hand gently grasped my shoulder, I vaulted myself at least ten feet in the air, screaming, sadly, like a little girl. In my defense, my mind was concentrating on so much; it should be obvious why I wouldn't have felt her or heard her…

But thankfully, I was back on my feet, not groveling in the dirt.

"Jasper, what is going on?"

A hysterical bubble of laughter floated in my mind, but thankfully, I kept my lips sealed tight until my little "Moment" passed. "Nothing, dad, don't worry about it, Alice just, surprised me is all. Do you know where she is?"

It was Alice who spoke; I turned towards her, praying she knew something. "Well, we are in Oregon, and if I am not mistaken, probably no more than eighty miles away from Medford. It may not be right, but, it would be worth checking out…"

"Jasper, Alice, I want you to wait until we all get there before going any further. If Bella is being held by a vampire, we have to use common sense."

I was about to argue, but my father was going to have none of that. I looked at Alice and even she looked to be bristling from the decision.

"Don't bother arguing, I will not change my mind. If you walk in there and it is a trap, I could very well lose three of my children. We will be there as soon as possible, but until we arrive, start doing some searching, research. You can check the local Library there in Chiloquin and see if anything "Funny" sticks out. We will get her back Jasper, but don't go off halfcocked; you would be condemning her to a new hell if something happened to you."

I grumbled some sort of reply and hung up the phone.

I wasn't sure what Alice had heard of Bella's call, if anything, but figured she could wait for the others to show up before I explained.

"Bella, no matter where you are, I will find you, just please be safe, be well my love." I whispered to the early morning. It was a silly sentimental thing to do, but I desperately needed to say something, and even if she couldn't hear it, I would make sure I told her as soon as possible.

I was going to prove that I loved her and that while she may be broken; she was not beyond repair. She was everything I would ever need or want, in this life and all others. I was going to prove that she could push me away as often as she liked, but, she was never going to get rid of me. She had me for eternity, or until my unnatural life ended, whichever came first.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**You got to know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away, and know when to run."**

I don't know what I was expecting, but for the little bitch to have a cell phone, that was not something I had been banking on. I suppose I should have searched her, but after this long, why would she choose now to use the stupid contraption.

I had been contemplating finding a meal when I heard her. By the time I made it to the basement, whomever she was speaking to was asking her where she was. I ripped the phone out of her hand, a snarl of rage irrupting from my throat. I flung the small piece of technology against the far wall, pleased as it shattered in to numerous pieces.

"What the hell do you think you are doing? When did you grow a back bone?" I growled out. Desperately trying to contain my rage, I didn't want this game to end so soon, and now she had gone and screwed everything up.

My patience was running out. She wouldn't look at me, and she wouldn't speak.

"Who were you talking to, who is he?"

That was the only thing I was able to take note of. The person she had called was a man, other than that; I was completely in the dark.

I hauled her prone form from the bed, holding her tightly in front of me, daring her to ignore me, to piss me off even more.

"He's a nobody. I found the phone when I was walking the other night. I couldn't see what I was doing; I guess I must have hit speed dial or something, because he picked up…It doesn't really matter, do what you want to me, you can try your damnedest, and still it will not be good enough to break me. I was broken already. You can't take anything else from me; you have already stolen everything that mattered to me, so get on with it already."

I wanted to kill her, more so than anything else at that moment, but I was not used to being ignored or disrespected. Fear was what people felt when I came near, and her calm indifference was infuriating.

I could kill her or take her with me, but I didn't know if I had been foolish enough to leave enough evidence in this town to warrant a visit and quick death from the Volterra. I didn't rightly care if I died, but first I wanted the time to ruin this suddenly uppity bitch. Mere torture and rape was not enough. Now that I had her in my grasps, I was going to make her pay.

But, it always came down to that but, was now the right time.

"You Bella will not be so easily found. No one knows where you are, obviously, you might want to remember that when you start getting all willful. I have barely scratched the surface of what I have done to you and plan to do to you still. Remember that when you think of your past, before this day is done, you will be questioning every memory you have."

I shook her, hoping that by doing so, my point would be made clear.

Shock was an emotion I rarely felt, but when her fist connected with my face, I had moved past shocked and directly in to confounding, utterly and completely flabbergasted. Her cry of pain as numerous bones broke in her hand, did little to alleviate my mood.

Unable to help myself, I backhanded her across the face, it was barely a love tap, but it was enough to cause blood to burst forth from her split lip and nose. Her blood drenched my shirt, the heady liquid essence that was Bella, her life force, one of the things that made her so desirable, now clung cloyingly to me.

I acted in the heat of the moment. Her body sailed across the room and collided with the wall, I threw her because the temptation to kill her outright was raging a war within my mind.

She didn't move, didn't do anything. I could smell the scent of her blood, even more powerful than it had been just moments before; I vaguely wondered if I had killed her, but the soft, barely discernable, irregular beats of her heart told me she was still alive. At least for the time being…

That would have to suffice, my anger had gotten out of hand, and I had almost killed her. If I didn't leave now, the call of her blood was going to make me forget all future plans I had for her and there was still so much to tell her, so many little tidbits of information I longed to share with her. I fled the room, a whispered promise left my lips as I hit the threshold of the house.

"You are mine Bella, always have been, always will be. Look over your shoulder if you make it out of here alive, because I will never be far behind…"

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	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Ten**

"**Carry on wayward son, there'll be peace when you are done. Lay your weary head to rest, don't you cry no more."**

Alice and I found very little, to begin with…

The library was a bust, everything we searched for resulted in little. There had been a few deaths in Medford, but according to the paper, they were of natural causes. Whether they actually were or not, we didn't know.

After leaving the library, we traveled around the town, trying, but finding little relief for our nerves.

From all the calls from the family, they would all be here within the next fifteen hours or so. It felt almost unacceptable to have to wait that long, considering we thought we had a pretty good idea where Bella was. It was excruciating to be forced to wait. I understood the reasoning behind Carlisle's request, demand, but that didn't mean it was easy to follow.

Shortly after midnight, Alice and I split up; she couldn't handle my jitteriness any longer and needed a few moments to get her senses in order. She headed back in to town, while I traversed about twenty minutes outside town. I stuck to the back roads, wearing a steady groove with all my pacing.

I was trying to concentrate completely on Bella and what she would need from me. I could all too easy imagine what the vile creature could have done to her, and had my blood had the chance to move through me veins, it would have run cold. There was only too much that he could do, especially if he was a vampire like I suspected.

The longer I was left to imagine, the worse the images became. My movements had changed, before I realized it, I had stopped pacing and started walking in the direction of my heart.

I'll be honest and say I contemplated stopping and turning around, but it was nothing more than contemplation. Once my feet started moving, I was all but unable to stop those movements. My heart knew what it wanted and stopping was no longer an option.

Carlisle would kick my ass, and Alice probably would too, but I would take that beating when it came, right now, the non-existent beat of my heart was throbbing for its mate.

I had walked about fifty-six miles; I was on the outskirts of Lakecreek when I caught an unfamiliar vampire's scent, my feet moved forward and as I took in this vampires scent I caught the headiness of blood, my Bella's blood. My stomach lurched, and threatened to extricate itself completely. What was mere worry before, (The unknown scared the crap out of me, but I was able to keep a fairly strong reign on my thoughts.) now turned to dread, an almost most debilitating fear.

I was torn, wanting to follow the scent of the vampire and wanting to follow the scent of Bella's blood. Towards Medford, Bella's heady blood was freshest; the vampire's trail leading north was stronger now than before. I wondered briefly if he had cleaned up or something, because as I walked a little ways in the direction he took, Bella was less distinguishable…

Wanting revenge was almost more than my "Inner Prick" could handle, the only thing that changed my course was that Bella could be dying or dead at this very moment. I would never forget that "Things" smell; I would hunt him down and exact my brand of torture on him. Bella needed me, I would not, could not fail her again.

When I was on the outskirts of Medford, I called Alice on her cell.

"Alice, when the family gets there, you guys are going to head to Lakecreek and follow the trail of the vampire. I don't know why he separated from Bella, but he has, and yes, before you get going, I am sure, there could be more, but I can't wait. She's bleeding and needs me now. Follow the scent of this vampire; see what you can get on him. I will meet up with you as soon as I have Bella. I caught her scent, she's bleeding, I don't know how badly though, don't be pissed at me, I hadn't intended to break Carlisle's order, it just happened."

I pulled an Alice, I hung up before she could argue or say anything. My family was still a priority to me, but, those of my family who had already found their mate, knew why I had to do this…I hoped.

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"**There is no coming to consciousness without pain."**

I couldn't find my way out of the darkness, and for once I wanted out, desperately.

It mocked me with every ounce of evil that had been inflicted on me. My existence was the reason my parents were dead. What I had thought, been told, had been nothing but a lie, in the states defense, how could they know.

I didn't' know all the details, he hadn't bothered to regale me with the intricacies, but I understood the gist of the situation.

No one was attracted to a child, unless they are the most depraved human around, a pedophile, a sick and twisted person whose very humanity had been rendered null and void, and for so long that right and wrong held no water, where his debauched lusts and sick desires have corrupted his very heart and soul, if one could even deem him with either.

I don't know how he came across me, I suppose those details don't really matter; they are just the filler of the actual tale. What was most important was the fact that "HE" was the reason my parents were dead. It wasn't his vehicle that hit them, but and what a big but, he did pay the person who hit them. Again, I don't know the details, he didn't bother telling me much, I suppose, just enough to make his point, prove that he was what he said he was.

Of course, he had expected me to be home, with a babysitter, except, I wasn't, I had been taken to the babysitter. Whether it was fate that had convened to save my life, I don't know. But he couldn't find me, and was left searching for me. He didn't go in to much detail, all I knew was he was never very far away, I don't know why he didn't take me when he could have and had ample opportunity, but I suppose for those small graces, I should be thankful.

The home invasion was obviously about me and had nothing to do with the Winter's; their death really did lie on my conscience

The memories kept coming, refusing to be deterred. My mind was a cesspool of horrors; the dark abyss of unconsciousness was reveling in my misery, holding me with a death grip, refusing to acquiesce to my desperate need to flee. It would seem, now that I wanted to deal with everything and face life and all the terrors it held, the oblivion I had once worshipped was now holding me as an unwilling hostage. It was rather ironic if you thought about it…

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"**Self-sacrifice is the real miracle out of which all the reported miracles grow."**

I wanted nothing more than to race at my top speed, but if I had given in to the whim, I could have missed something important and wasted more time in the long run.

As I followed Bella's scent, I vowed to myself and hopefully to a higher power, one that could see and hear the love I felt for this strange and wonderful woman. I would gladly sacrifice my life or anything else; so long as she would survive, live…

As soon as I reached the town limits, I realized I would not have to worry about trying to find her; the scent of her blood was practically overlaying all other scents that would normally permeate the air.

I followed her intoxicating blood to a dilapidated house. The thing looked like it had seen better days centuries ago. There were no windows left, and even the plywood that had possibly once covered it, was absent. I moved in to the house, holding my breath, the stench of the decay that was the house and the stink that was the other vampires scent, was almost debilitating. And then of course, there was the pure, intoxicating scent of Bella.

It was a decadent bouquet I had feared I would never have the chance to smell again.

My feet took over for me, I had been stopped at the threshold, wondering how Bella could survive in something so decrepit, but thankfully, my feet had decided to take things forward. I raced down the stairs and stood staring, my eyes, my heart, hell even my mind unable to take in the sight before me.

She was curled in a ball on what I am guessing was supposed to pass as a mattress. My mind was taking in all her injuries, at least the ones I could see. I didn't hesitate, perhaps I should have, but my arms had another idea. One moment they were empty, the next she was held securely within them.

"Bella, love, darling, you are going to be fine; everything is going to be fine…"

I tried for over an hour to get her to wake up, to say something, but it wasn't working, my quiet insistent pleading, cajoling was getting me no where. I tried to hold out as long as possible, but her blood and the smell wafting through the house, was too much, I had to get her out of here.

I pulled my shirt off and quickly slipped it over her. She was so thin, I had to wonder what she had gone through since I so callously, stupidly abandoned her.

Taking her out dressed like she was, was probably another bad idea, but I didn't have a choice, staying here in this filth with open wounds was not going to help her.

Pulling Alice's cell phone from my pocket I called Carlisle, "Dad, I found her! Before you freak out, I didn't intentionally ignore your demand. She needs your help, she's been hurt, and from the looks of it, badly. Where are you?"

"Jasper, we will talk about you not listening later. Esme and I just pulled in to Medford, tell me where you are and we will come get you. You are very lucky Alice had the sense to call me…"

I could hear the anger in his voice but I could also hear the relief. Whatever he had planned for me, the fact that I had found Bella would lessen the ramifications.

Thankfully, not even ten minutes later Bella and I were in the backseat of the car on our way home.

He checked her over before we left Medford, and from what he was able to discern, she was going to be fine, physically at least. Her shoulder would take some time to heal, especially considering he had to re-break it, but decided that doing so now, would be counterproductive. Whatever she was dealing with mentally was something none of us could do anything about, not until she opened her eyes, and even then, it was debatable, considering what happened last time…

I know he wanted me to put her down, let her rest, but I couldn't stand the thought of not having my arms wrapped around her.

I would never take anything about her for granted again, I had been dense to think I could walk away from this beautiful being, she made my world make sense, she made me feel worthy. If she saw fit to allow me the chance to prove how truly wonderful, amazing she really was, I would spend eternity as a happy man. From the moment I slipped her in to my arms, I couldn't fathom another place that was so perfect for her.

The sheer amount of weight she lost was staggering, I could feel every bone through her feeble, almost translucent skin. My grip around her was firm, but gentle, I would not be the one to cause her any more pain, any more heartache, if I could help it.

"She'll be fine Jasper. You did good, thank you for bringing her home to us."

"I can't imagine my world without her in it, so she has to be fine. I refuse to believe anything else. And I was only righting the wrong, the many wrongs I had committed, since meeting her."

"Love her Jasper, care for her but above all else, trust her. She is going to be traumatized from this ordeal, I am sure, but even if she isn't, that doesn't mean she will suddenly welcome you, or our family with open arms. Be patient and show her how great leaning and being leaned on can be."

"I will do it all!"

I suppose I could have elaborated, but I didn't feel the need. Carlisle loved Esme; they were two parts of a whole. I didn't have to explain how truly deep my feelings went, because they knew. It was their example that was set, that taught me I had so much more to give.

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"**As long as one heart still holds on, then hope is never really gone"**

While the oblivion refused to surrender me, I decided to take stock of my life. It wasn't an easy thing, especially with all the extreme horrors that kept insisting on being front and center, but I had learned that an iron will was sometimes the only thing saving me from even more monsters, who wished to prey on me because of my outer weakness.

I was, am a woman. To the predators that prey on women in general, they see us as a weaker sex, an easily dominated sex. And when the inner shell is cracked and flawed or broken beyond repair, they could sense that. It was only blind luck or perhaps even stupidity, which allowed me to act indifferent or tough when the time called for it.

And now, here I was a prisoner of my own mind. Or was I…

Whether my mind was aware of it or not, my body was. Something had changed. I was no longer cold and the constant ache that was my body as a whole had lessened.

I didn't dare hope, but suddenly, mind and body were no longer warring with one another, I could feel a small measure of hope. I understood why my mind had retreated in to the oblivion; it was trying to protect me. And while at one time, I would have gladly welcomed it; there was now something I wanted more than to escape.

Almost as if my desire had conjured what I so desperately craved, I felt a set of cool, marble-like lips press to mine. Something in me was screaming that "He" had come back, but when I took in the feel, the complete lack of demand behind the chaste kiss, I knew.

My mind had finally caught up with what my heart knew, I was in Jasper's arms, and he was kissing me.

I wanted nothing more than to open my eyes, to see his face, to see the truth that I was positive lie behind his kiss, however, whether it was exhaustion or my body's way of trying to heal, I couldn't force my eyes open. But my lips didn't agree with the whole tired or healing process and kissed him back.

I kissed him with everything I had in me, every ounce of love I could summon, and when he began to pull away, it was enough, that small move shook me back together.

Mind, Body, Heart and Soul, they were all in agreement, no matter the pain the action caused, I lifted my arms to encircle around his neck, pulling him closer, demanding more attention. When I still felt his reluctance, I moaned my dissatisfaction at the move. I heard people talking, but couldn't wrap my mind around what they were saying, and really, didn't care. There was nothing but Jasper's lips and mine, and I would fight, even him, to remain connected.

I mewled when his hand fisted in my hair, it hurt a little, but I was so beyond the pain at that moment, it just felt wonderful to be so close. I opened my mouth, wanting to taste more, feel more and was elated to his easy submission. There was no begging needed, he was as lost as me, I was almost positive.

His tongue slipped slowly, passionately in to my mouth, gently, yet fiercely dueling with mine. The dance of our tongues became a passionate tango of give and take; it was sensual and sexual, primitive in the sheer power of a simple kiss, erotic beyond anything I had ever felt before. In that moment, I would have greeted death with a smile and laughed, the dark specter of death could not hold a candle to the emotion, the desire and passion that was flaring within my damaged body.

My heart, my life, soared as I tentatively opened my eyes and saw every emotion that blazed from his. Our eyes caught and held and yet, our mouths were still fused. Unable, perhaps unwilling to break the moment, feeling emboldened by the unfailing love shining in his eyes, I gently nipped his bottom lip with my teeth and was rewarded with the sexiest sound I had ever heard.

Wrong or right, I suddenly didn't care about anything that happened recently, I gave myself one brief moment to wonder if I was hiding again, but my heart knew the truth, I may very well be broken, but this man, who held me in his arms, who was making sweet love to my mouth with his, he was the key. I was broken, and I would have to work at being whole, but with his acceptance, his love, I could learn to accept myself and heal, and suddenly, that seemed the most important thing.

I was not broken beyond repair; I was as capable as anyone to heal. I had just been so sure I didn't deserve to heal, that I couldn't find the inkling to care. And I am sure some physiologist would say that it was counterproductive or just plain wrong to rely on someone else, but in actuality, I wasn't, he was just giving me the strength to trust in myself.

I tried to change my position, unaware of anything else beyond the two of us, but Jasper's grip tightened slightly and with his eyes, he silently begged me to remain still. My own eyes looked questioningly at him and the slight movement of his eyes, directed forward, made me groan.

"Hello Bella, glad to see you are awake and obviously, feeling better…"

"Carlisle, Esme, umm, hi." She squeaked against my lips, still unwilling to lose that contact.

"Bella, darlin' how are you really feeling, you have been through quite the ordeal?" Esme asked.

I contemplated what I wanted to say, my first reaction was to mumble something about being fine, but Jasper's arm tightened infinitesimally around my waist, offering me his strength.

"Honestly, I have been better. I am incredibly sore and I would damn near kill for a bath, I am happy. I'm going home!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**"Every action of our lives touches on some chord that will vibrate in eternity."**

Could it really be so simple?

I tried to discern what she was feeling, but realized I was once again blocked. I thought it would bother me, but I didn't have to read her emotions to know what she was feeling, it sparkled from her eyes.

She wasn't humoring us, she really did mean it, she was going home.

I helped her shift her position and had to wonder briefly if I had a death wish or something. She was still only wearing my shirt and now she was straddling my waist, her legs on either side of mine, her impossibly hot center pressed very intimately against, my now growing erection.

I wanted to blame the high state of my emotions and everything we had been through, but is was more basic than that, my body reacted to her, because, simply said, I desired her. Nevertheless, my desire, my love and the emotions she evoked in me, were anything but simple or basic. You couldn't describe what was innate.

And the little Minx, broken and bruised, took delight in eliciting moans and purrs from me. I don't know what I was expecting, but when I pictured us reuniting, I had thought that everything would be fraught with copious amounts of emotions… I had figured anger would be the most dominant one, perhaps even hate or sadness.

I couldn't be sure, not with her emotions shut off to me, but I was feeling gratefulness and oddly enough, happiness, I am sure there was something else, but for the moment, it didn't really matter, she was in my arms.

Carlisle turned around every once in awhile, offering us a strange look, I suppose I should have been embarrassed or something, but I couldn't be.

Bella didn't seem to care about the looks and proved that as her small hands fisted firmly in my hair, gently tugging, bringing me closer to her, until her lips and mine met. There was nothing normal about this kiss, it was tender, full of longing and when her hot little tongue plundered my mouth, searching out its target, I was unable, unwilling to stop. I became the man I had always longed to be, but feared was and always would be, beyond my reach.

I felt the promise of forever sealed within that kiss and hoped I was conveying the same. When our lips finally parted, it didn't leave me wanting for more, it gave me the contentment that great poets and lovers have searched for, for a millennia.

When she laid her beautiful head upon my shoulder, my shirt clutched loosely in her fist, I knew, I was going home as well!

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**I had intended for this chapter to be longer, but, I had an uncle who was in a chatty mood tonight, and cut in to my time. And instead of making you wait for the chapter, I figured I could just write a longer one for tomorrow! Hope you enjoy. Reviews are always welcomed. ;) **


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you ever so much for your wonderful reviews!!! They mean ever so much and I can't thank you enough. *Big hugs* :D (You guys are the best!)**

**This chapter isn't that long, but only because the next one is probably going to be a monster in length. Hope you guys enjoy! I am aiming for the next chapter to be done by tomorrow, but to be on the safe side, I might miss posting a chapter tomorrow. It all depends on how it comes together. Hope you can forgive me if it is late!**

**Chapter Eleven**

"**She says love is not what she's after, but everybody knows. Each time she looks in the mirror, she lets her feeling show."**

I know, I probably don't fit the bill of sanity, but even after everything that I had just gone through, I felt perfectly, mentally, if not physically well.

I had spent so many years trying to hide from everyone and everything; I had denied myself the one thing I needed.

By closing myself off, I had effectively prevented anyone from getting close to me, but I had also prevented myself from getting close to anyone.

If you took in to account, everything that had happened to me over my lifetime, I suppose one would have justification and reason to be as jaded as I was.

But I no longer wanted to live my life like that. In the end, it hurt me, more than the actually heartache probably could. And while I didn't have much to base my logic on, I could see the truth in what had already transpired with Jasper.

Loving him made no sense, perhaps that is why I did it so quickly. I had read the stories and seen the movies and watched other couples. And normally, when speed was a constant factor in your relationship, everything, sooner or later, and normally it was the former, things began to fall a part.

It didn't really matter to me, we had faced hardships most human beings, if they are so lucky, never have to deal with. It is a hard pill to swallow, when you forced yourself to remain cold and distant.

When we reached home, Esme dashed up the stairs and began pouring a bath. It was so motherly, that for the briefest of moments, it crippled my heart. I had longed for my parents for so long, but always kept them a safe distance away from my memories. It was safer that way, and made more sense. I couldn't be hurt by them again, if I didn't dwell on the outcome of the situation. But I didn't allow those emotions to cloud what I was feeling for Esme. She was not my biological mother, but she was trying to include me in her family, and each small offer and gesture, made me feel closer to her, to the Cullen's.

Jasper…my knight in shining armor. Refused to be parted from me and instead of bothering to remove his clothes, he sat with me still wrapped around his hips, in the steamy, soothing water.

I knew my little bubble of peace was going to be broken, but for the time being, I could revel in Jasper's love.

It wasn't a hard thing to do. His love was like a beacon on a cold, foggy night, inexplicably drawing me in, luring me towards the safe harbor that was so completely him.

He spent over an hour gently cleansing my wounds, with each scar or mar on my alabaster skin he unearthed; he placed a gentle, loving kiss.

This is what love and life were meant to be. The staggering truth rocked my world; everything I had ever known or could ever know, was wrapped securely within its loving embrace.

I was torn between being grateful to "Him", for without his intervening or kidnapping, I would not have been reunited so efficiently with the one person I could no longer picture my life without.

Don't get me wrong, the pain and suffering I endured at "his" monstrous hands, was nothing short of traumatizing, but I had made it through and done so with my dignity in tact and a song in my heart! And perhaps that was silly, considering the unspeakable horrors he inflicted on my body, to my body, but he was the wake-up call that I didn't realize I was waiting for, longing for.

Love was a big word that should not be thrown around, tossed casually and insignificantly, for the pure and unshakeable desires of the body. For reasons of greed or some other lowly action, it just went to prove, not everything can be guaranteed or banked on. In all of life, whether it is destiny or a matter of choice, the only truth that mattered was, a guarantee could not be expected, for while we may be in command of our own lives, our own futures, the choices of others can and most often do, alter our set courses. That monster taught me that lesson!

When my mind began to drift, I knew it was time to move on. There was still so much to do, so much to say, and a long and weary road lay ahead.

"Jasper, I think I am as clean as I can possibly get."

I couldn't dwell on what happened I had to look only to improve myself. By loving and trusting again, I was taking control back. And control was one of a few things that remained, even if it was a very tenuous hold.

I had thought that my comment would cause him to move, or speak, but all he did was look at me. His penetrating eyes searched my body over, looking for something I supposed, but I was unsure as to what.

Shifting my weight, I noticed that he was still hard. My lips quirked in to a smile, I couldn't help it, I had been so sure things were never going to be right again, that small, well okay, there was nothing small about Jasper, but that one thing, lying between us so firmly, made my twisted little world make more sense. It is odd considering, when I left; I hadn't thought anything was right or that it ever could be, and here I was, wondering if I, we could maybe find a new beginning; find the light through the darkness that had befallen us.

Not sure what spurred me to do it, I slipped my hands between our bodies, with a quick flick of my fingers, I pulled his button free and moved on to the zipper.

His hand grabbed mine, stilling my movements. "What are you doing?"

"Well Jasper, it would seem that I am undoing your pants, you have a situation…"

He cut me off before I could continue, a sad smile flashing across his lips.

"Bella, I don't expect anything from you, least of all that! After everything you have been through, everything I put you through…"

I knew what he was saying and I probably should be more angry than I was, but, perhaps I needed this as much, if not more, then he did.

Grasping his hand with my free one, I gently pulled his fingers away from my hand. I tugged gently at his pants, indicating what I wanted. He complied but the shocked expression never left his face. When I had effectively slipped his pants and boxer briefs down his leg, freeing his straining member, I moved swiftly, thrusting down upon him before he could refuse.

I had hoped he would allow me to have control, however, when his hands grasped my hips. I knew he was either going to demand we stop or he wanted control. The latter idea was not something I wanted; I had to prove to him that this was right.

His fingers moved from my hips, dancing gracefully across my skin, trailing the same path his chaste kisses had earlier.

There was no urgency in what we were doing, this wasn't about control or dominance, it wasn't about the past or the future. Our joining was transcending the mere joining of flesh. When his lips brushed mine, there was a promise behind it; he was giving me the only thing I truly needed at that moment…Acceptance.

Our tongues languidly moved against one another, searching, discovering. Our need for completion never factored in to what we were doing, we were connecting on a much grander scale. When he pulled away, to look in to my eyes, I caught a glimpse of a future that I had never imagined.

With slow, steady movements, he gently, slowly thrust within me. His hands trailed across my body, featherlike caresses as sensual as heated kisses stirred my heart, my love. We were not having sex, if I had the ability, the words to describe what we were attaining, achieving, I think, actually, that is wrong, I believe it would have shamed the gods of old, it was more meaningful than sex for release, it was more beautiful than making love.

In that moment, as are passions reached new heights and began to pull us off the precipice that was our completion, we were two bodies, two souls, with one heart. He made love to me like I was made of glass, and the sheer pleasure he extracted from my body, from his slow, purposeful movements to his hypnotic gaze, it intensified the experience a hundredfold.

Our bodies had reached the pinnacle of completion, but on another level, another realm almost, our souls and hearts had connected, cementing what was right in front of us. As two parts of a whole, our orgasm washed over us, cleansing what had been broken and tarnished. Not healing per se, but working in the right direction.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**When I first saw you with your smile so tender, my heart was captured, my soul surrendered."**

I don't know what I was expecting, but the beautiful, angelic smile that graced her face, stole my heart so completely, I would have sworn the unused organ had once again beat.

In a distant part of my mind, I knew I would have to talk to Carlisle about this occurrence, it wasn't worrisome really, but I needed to know what could cause so intense of a reaction.

I will admit to being hesitant to becoming intimate with her, how could I not be, after every horror that sadistic freak had exacted on her. But when she started moving, ever so slowly, her movements, her emotions were not fearful or confused.

She had opened herself back up to me, whether intentionally or not. I could feel what she was feeling; it was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. A sense of perfection, of coming home and the most amazing wave of love washed over my senses.

She loved me, I couldn't dispute that, not when that same love was banishing all the darkest places of my heart and soul, making room for her all encompassing love. She filled me with her love, her trust and her willingness to heal.

I could have shouted from the tree tops, screamed how lucky a man I was to be graced by her love. However, there wasn't much, if anything that could have pulled me from her perfect embrace.

Her heart rate was beginning to slow as she rested her head on my shoulder. I knew it wouldn't be long before she fell asleep, but I had to ask at least one question before she submitted to her exhaustion.

"Bella love, do you want to sleep in your room tonight?"

It hurt my heart and warmed it at the same time. The question had barely slipped past my lips before she was clinging fiercely around my neck.

"Shh, my sweet, I would and I will, spend an eternity proving to you that in my arms is the only place that was meant for you, and likewise, me for your arms. Sleep now and know you are safe!"

I wanted to laugh at the cheesiness of the statement, but it was true, I could not imagine spending another night without her by my side, in my arms. Cheesy or not, it was the absolute truth.

I stepped from the tub, her body pulled tightly against my chest. As quickly as possible, I shucked out of my wet and clinging clothes and dried us off. I wondered briefly if I should find her something to wear to bed, but realized it probably didn't matter.

She murmured something unintelligible while shifting closer. I tried to lay her on the bed, but as soon as I tried to pull away, her hands grasped with panicky firmness around my neck. Her grip insinuating that I was going no where.

Instead of risking waking her, I pulled her back in to my arms and settled us both upon the bed. I had barely stilled when she made herself more comfortable, twisting out of my grip as her body draped across mine, with her left knee resting lightly on the bed. Our hips were pressed together intimately, almost as if our joining was inevitable. Her dark locks splayed across my chest, and the top of her head was tucked securely beneath my chin.

Her tiny frame didn't stand a chance in covering me fully, but what she managed to cover was ablaze with her heat. I managed to snag a corner of the comforter and gently settled it over our bodies. With the extra warmth or the closeness of our position, she began to purr, snuggly even more securely in to my welcoming embrace.

I may not be able to sleep or dream like her, but if ever I could have found a perfect place to do so, with her wrapped so entirely around me, it would have been then.

The day turned to night and before she awoke, it had faded back to day. The night had relinquished its hold on the world and so it would seem its hold on Bella as well.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Family isn't about whose blood you have. It's about who you care about.****"**

Since we had brought Bella home, it had been a whirlwind of emotions and reactions.

I hadn't been foolish enough to believe that everything would just magically turn out wonderful for her, but I could never have anticipated what we as a family would have to endure.

She was a blessing, from the moment she arrived; I knew we had made the right choice. And perhaps the trials and tribulations that we had endured thus far had done more for our family than we could ever understand.

While we had always been close, her mere presence ignited a familial bond that had been missing. She was a human in the home of vampires, and while she didn't know the truth, as far as I knew, I knew that the frailties of her humanity brought out the protectiveness of our unique family.

Jasper had changed so completely since meeting her. Before he had been quiet and reserved, he had always held himself a part from the family. His life as a vampire before had trained him in ways none of us could understand. But now that Bella had stolen his heart, he was a new man.

My fatherly side and even the doctor side of me were at war, I wanted to examine her. I could see the injuries that she had procured while being a captive of the sick, twisted, sadistic fuck and had to wonder about the ones I couldn't see.

I rarely allowed myself the pleasure of getting angry, a cool head was much easier to think with, but what he had done to her, even if I didn't know the details, was heartbreaking and infuriating.

I knew they would need to talk about what happened; I could only hope that Bella would be more receptive to talking this time around.

Esme and her kind and patient nature was the only thing preventing me from going up the stairs and demanding that they let me tend to Bella's wounds. Her musical voice was firm when she reminded me that sometimes, a gentle touch and a loving gaze could do more than any medicinal workings.

While I still felt like I could do more for her than just sitting around, when my patience had finally dwindled to nothing, the choice of going or staying was taken out of my hands.

Living in a house with many passionate younger people, you heard more than you cared to. Our hearing was a hindrance during times when those in the house decided to express their lust and or love.

But what I heard coming from Jasper's room, was not like anything I had heard before. Bella's quiet insistence and the tenderness with which Jasper handle her and the situation, made me feel like I had succeeded in offering him some fatherly advice. He wasn't taking anything from her and neither was she from him, they were sharing something so profound, so meaningful that I knew I had done right by him.

When I looked at Esme, I was shocked to see her eyes glistening, if she could have cried, I am sure she would have.

"Darling, what is it?"

"Carlisle, our family is coming together. Bella has given us a greater gift than we could ever have hoped for. She has made Jasper come alive! Look at the amount of time she has been here and look at the change."

I was about to respond, but her lips descended on mine, obliterating any chance of rational thought. This beautiful amazing woman, who I loved beyond all thought, was offering me the greatest distraction. I pulled her fully against my body, and lifted her slight form as I raced, lithely to our room.

All the tension and fear we had endured was now over with. And the rest of the family wasn't going to be home until the next day. I placed Esme on our bed, allowing our love and desire for one another to wash away our worries. With Bella home, I knew there wasn't anything we couldn't face together. Tomorrow was another day!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**If I know what love is, it is because of you."**

When I awoke, I felt the beautiful feeling of his arms locked firmly around my body. His lips were pressed to the crown of my head. I knew what was going to come, but for once I didn't feel the need to hide or to shut down.

Instead of waiting for him to take the lead, I did it. I pushed myself up, but kept our lower bodies pressed closely together. While I was feeling calm and confident, I didn't want to try my luck…

In his arms is where I felt safe, so with his hands draped loosely over my hips, I began. "Jasper, I am truly sorry I ran away. I waited for you to come back, but the waiting and wondering was driving me mad. I had thought I had once again pushed so hard that you and the rest of your family were going to give up on me." I took a moment to calm myself, it was hard, and I knew I was probably going to shed an ocean of tears, but I also felt the weight that had been pressing on me for fifteen years, slowly start to lift.

"I didn't know what I wanted, all I knew was that you pissed me off and at the same time made me feel safe. I get that you were pushing me to make me see, and you were right, by talking about the things that happened, I would take away, if not all then at least some of the power it held over me. But I had been a veritable vault with my feelings for so long, I didn't know how to let go of that power and finally set myself free."

We spoke for many hours, I told him what I learned from the man who had held me, and while I still didn't know his name or all the reasoning's behind his actions, I told Jasper as much as I could. He promised to help me find out the truth, so that I could let this memory and any others that pertained to "Him" go.

We talked about his reasons for running away and what brought him back.

It was a little hard to grasp, he loved me like I loved him, but we both agreed that it seemed to be happening so fast. That didn't mean we wanted to slow anything down, it just meant we both wanted to learn more about one another. In my case, he just wanted to learn about my likes and dislikes, as for him, I wanted to know everything.

"I promise you Bella, I will tell you anything you want to know, but, in a few days. It feels like you just got home, there is much I need to tell you and I promise I will, but can we just have a few days of normalcy?"

I wasn't sure what he meant, but honestly, I didn't care. Whatever he had to tell me couldn't be that bad, especially after all the things he had learned about me.

Enough talking had been done and I was once again exhausted, my stomach grumbled, but it was a distant thought, briefly acknowledge and forgotten, sleep right now was more important. I snuggled myself closer to Jasper's chest, delighting in the contrasting temperatures. His body was cool and stone-like, mine, pliable and soft. He welcomed my embrace and snuggled closer to me.

Moments before sleep claimed me, his whispered words flitted to me down the quickly fading tunnel of unconsciousness. "I love you, my darling, precious Bella!"

I mumbled what I hoped was at least somewhat coherently, "Love you Jasper, always and forever."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Naked lovers feel the blood beneath their veins; electric nerves communicate with tiny explosions through our brains."**

I watched as her slow, steady breaths caused her chest to rise and fall, the simple harmony of her breathing and the beautiful sound of her heart beating, had lulled me in to a trance like state.

I came quickly out of it when I felt her amazing body shift ever so slightly on top of me.

And knew I was in trouble as her beautiful lips parted and she moaned my name, turning my name in to a blissfully erotic word. "Jas—per…" My previously calm body, stood at extreme attention, just waiting to see what else she could possible turn in to an erotic little purr.

I wondered if I should answer her, but she stole my train of thought, derailed the damn thing before it had a chance, as her body slid up mine slightly and then shattered my world as her sleeping body slipped like a silken glove around my arousal.

Heaven or Hell, I cared not! Perfection was being loved by Bella…

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	13. Chapter 13

**(Minx Hijinx, just in case you are in the library… ;o) Do Not Read – Full of Lemons!!!)**

**Okay, so this was supposed to be a longer chapter, but… I don't think you all will complain. It is full of lemony goodness! Hopefully**** I did a good job. I was starting to wonder if one could write too many lemons for one chapter…I guess that will depend on all of you! **

**And I did manage to get it done for today. This weekend looks to be busy, but should I have any spare time, I will devote at least half of it to writing. I need to at least pretend to have a life outside of writing. lol Besides, I am watching my special needs cousin all day tomorrow, so you may not get an update. I won't say, yay or nay, just, maybe! **

**P.S. Your reviews might inspire me to get to work sooner on the next chapter, so if you liked the chapter, take a moment and review. It would mean the world to me. **

**Chapter Twelve**

"**Touch-a, touch-a, touch-me, I want to be dirty. Thrill me, chill me, and fulfill me, creature of the night."**

I awoke to an amazing sensation. Jasper was completely buried in my scorching heat. And when I looked up at him, he looked shell shocked. So obviously it wasn't his doing.

That was oddly erotic, even in sleep I was looking to connect with him.

"Umm, Good morning?"

That beautiful smile broke across his face, turning my insides to mush. "Actually darlin', morning hasn't even arrived."

"Oh!" I squeaked.

I turned my head, so I could look outside and was shocked to see the moon still high in the night sky. But when I turned my head, I had to push myself up, and it caused an amazing friction where we were joined.

Damn he was fast, that small movement, and he flipped our positions. The look in his eyes set my body on fire.

I could feel the way his arousal twitched with each little movement I made and what a beautiful sight he made, he was trying so very hard to remain in control, but seemed to be fighting a losing battle.

I whimpered my protests as he pulled from my body. I was ready to be more vocal if I had to be, but then he slipped between my thighs, his shoulders forcing my legs further apart.

Protesting no longer seemed like the right course, and besides the fact, my mind and body were close to singing his praises. His tongue was a master craftsman; he knew how to play me like a fiddle. My soft mewling turned in to a loud booming purr. He hadn't even used his fingers yet and I was ready to explode…

Just when I thought I couldn't take any more stimulation, he would stop, pressing innocent, chaste kisses to my inner thigh. His tongue grazing the tender flesh of my hips, after a few minutes of calm, he'd move back down, nipping his way back to my heated center.

I felt like I was losing my mind, as well as consciousness. Fifteen, twenty times, he brought me to the edge and each time he pulled back, teasing me. I was ready to push him off the bed and take care of the job my self.

"Jasper, !!! Please! No more…" I panted out, I had to get my breath back, he was bringing me to that precipice again and I was quickly losing my ability to think. "Too sensitized, I am going to…vibrate out of…damn, my skin, if you don't get on with the fucking show!!"

And the little bastard had the nerve to wink at me and in his southern drawl, whispered, "As you wish!"

As the words were leaving his lips, he sunk three fingers deep in to my center, curling them just slightly and that amazingly dexterous thumb of his, hit my clit. He didn't push or nudge me over the brink; he catapulted me right out of the freaking universe. My hips thrust upwards, damn near sending us both off the bed.

When her orgasm slammed through her, I felt the entirety of her pleasure. My empathic abilities which wavered between working and broken half the time, must have been lodged in to an open position, because I damn near came from the sheer force of her pleasure. It pounded through my body, making my voice crack and my body to tremble.

And like before, that cocky little grin was back on his face. "Was that as good for you as it was for me?" He asked. If I hadn't been a pile of Jell-O right then, I would have contemplated smacking him…

So he wanted to play did he, well, I didn't have much experience when it came to teasing and such, but I was willing to give it my best shot. And who knows, maybe I will learn a few things and drive him batty for once.

I pushed him firmly down on the bed, taking my place by his side, for the time being at least…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Baby, it's yours, all yours if you want it tonight. I'll give you the red light special."**

A glint in her eyes made my body twitch with anticipation. I had never seen that look in her eyes, but I wasn't dumb enough to believe she didn't have something up her sleeve.

"Jasper, do you have any massage oil or lotion?"

"Why?"

"You have been so kind and understanding, so I thought I would show you my appreciation."

The little minx just had to bat her eyelashes and that sweet, childlike voice…My god, my dick just twitched at her innocent little act. She was good and today was just going to get better.

"Umm, I believe there is massage oil in the bedside table…"

"Really, and what pray tell do you use that for?"

The quirk of her eyebrow was even sexy and that sultry purr had me wishing she would skip the whole massage idea and straddle my lap.

She leaned across me, giving me a beautiful glance at her tiny, round bottom. I contemplated placing a nice, loving smack to her firm ass, but I no sooner thought it than she was settling back down beside me.

I desperately needed to feel her amazing warmth, I needed it to engulf me the way that only she could accomplish, obviously though, she had other ideas. She placed a quick, chaste kiss to my lips, and then slipped down my body and then she had to go and straddle my thighs.

Her deliciously silken folds slipped around my hardened arousal, touching but not allowing even a taste of her inner, moist inferno.

She squeezed the bottle, ever-so-slightly, turning that simple activity in to something erotic, never before had I wanted be a massage oil bottle. Her small, nimble fingers stroked the plastic with fervor, and that pert little pink tongue of hers darted out, moistening her abused lips. And damn us both to hell, she moaned, this sexy, sultry purr, I felt the vibrations of that purr where we were so tenuously connected. I thought my eyes were going to roll right out of my head…

I was moving my hands to place on the sides of her hips, when she let the bottle fall from her fingers to slap both my hands away.

"Not a chance mister, you will keep those expertly talented hands to yourself. Especially if you want what comes next!"

Yup, I whimpered like a baby. She was going to be the death of me. I honestly didn't know if I could remain in active while she teased and pleased my body…

She flicked the lid of the bottle, taking special care to catch my eyes as she bit delicately on her bottom lip. And that sassy little gleam in her eyes as she poured the oil in to her hands, once again made me twitch.

"Close your eyes Jasper" She purred, damn this woman. If you have never heard that sound, you won't know what it does to me, to any man, I am sure and she was a pro at it…

I closed my eyes, I didn't really want to, I wanted to be able to watch what she was doing, but I thought it prudent to comply.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Erogenous zones, I love you."**

I was giddy with the power I was currently experiencing.

I poured a little more oil in to my hands, and rubbed my slippery palms together, warming the liquid slightly, not like he would notice the temperature difference all that much, he was perpetually cold.

Starting with his shoulders, I gently messaged the firm, granite-like skin. My hands were going to be sore after this; his body was so…Hard…

While I took great care with his shoulders, I let myself taste his beautiful skin. I pulled one of his nipples in to my mouth, nipping at the light pebbling. It was hard, so very, very hard to concentrate on massaging him, when every time I nipped at his nipples, his lower body jerked upwards, causing a delightful friction against my engorged clit.

I had to keep reminding myself that I wanted to pay him back for the pleasurable pain he had caused me, by making me wait so long for release. Giving my head a good shake, I concentrated on my intended goal, not willing to deviate, not even for my own release, at least, not right now.

I moved my hands from his shoulders down to his well defined pectorals. Every so often, I would use my nails to flick across his nipple, reawakening his flesh.

His hands twitched by his sides, but never moved. Good Boy…

Trailing my hands down his abdomen, I massaged the firm muscles that hid beneath his firm skin. And for a little torture, when I got close to where our bodies were joined, I let my thumb brush lightly against his cock.

To be honest, it was as much for me as it was for him. This man was a masterpiece; it looked like he spent all day every day at the gym. But his physique wasn't the only thing working for him. His beautiful wavy, golden hair framed a God-like face, perfection personified…His deep emerald eyes were awe inspiring, and I was positive; there was not another shade of green that could match his eyes…Ireland may be known for it almost limitless selection of greens, but even there vast amounts could never equal the beauty of his eyes or duplicate it, it was strictly Jasper!

I slowly slid our slightly joined bodies apart, settling between his legs. I gazed at the sheer size of him, slightly fearful. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to fit him in my mouth, and if I did, would I ever get him out…

My breaths came in quick little bursts, with each exhalation, the hot breeze danced across his engorged member. Needing to taste him, the compunction almost desperate, I slid the tip across my lips, darting my tongue out to gather the small amount of moisture that had pooled there.

It was intoxicating, he was intoxicating. I swirled my tongue around his head again, using a little more force and then, languidly lowered my mouth further. When I had gone as far as I possibly could, I slowly began to move back up. I wanted to lave as much attention as possible upon his whole girth, but my lips were inexplicitly drawn back to his head.

I gently grazed him with my teeth, using the barest amount of pressure and then alternated with sucking for all I was worth, while bathing him with my tongue.

"Be—lla, mmm, baby…Keep going, more, oh, please, more…" A very guttural moan burst from his chest. Just the sound of it made me hotter; I could feel my own desire running freely down my leg.

I fisted his length that wasn't in my mouth and with my other hand; I took to squeezing and gently massaging his testicles. When my finger nails scraped lightly against the sensitive flesh, he growled.

It was such a sexy sound, if I hadn't had more torture planned for him, I would have mounted him right there and fucked his ever loving brains out.

I let the head of his penis slip from my lips with a satisfying pop, as my suction released him. I wanted to taste more of him, so I let my tongue lave his entire shaft, treating him like a very lucky lollypop…

My hand continued to pump his hardened flesh, but as soon as I exchanged my mouth for my hand on one of his balls, he twitched and then exploded across his chest.

I brought my eyes to his, a pout on my lips. "No fair Jasper, I wanted to taste all of you…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Bet your Mama don't know you scream like that"**

My God!!! She had one hell of a talent. Her mouth was like a moist furnace, searing my flesh as she so expertly manipulated my arousal.

I probably should have spoken to Carlisle about something like this, but I didn't know how, err…safe it was for Bella to do what she was doing. I thanked a higher power who saw fit to have her move away from my head and further down my dick. I had been holding on for dear life, terrified that the venom that substituted my systems "Normal" liquid could either hurt her or possibly change her…

And that beautiful pout and the sparkling of her eyes, effectively eradicated all thoughts of Carlisle. There was no one else, Bella and I existed within our own bubble, and for the time being, nothing was going to shatter that.

"Bella love, that was…amazing!"

I caught the glint of a plan forming in her mind, it was all but broadcasting in self, through her eyes. I don't know why, but suddenly, I couldn't read a single feeling coming from her. I had to wonder if she knew more than she was saying and used her well constructed wall to block me, or if she was just doing something that came naturally to her…

"Jasper hunny, will you please pass me the oil?"

That sweet little purr was back.

I knew I should have said no, or tossed the perplexing object across the room, but, alas, I have to admit, I was curious. Remember, I am basically, just a man!

She didn't say a single word, just took the bottle from me and flipped the lid up and poured a copious amount of oil in to her waiting palm.

Still between my legs, she raised that dainty little hand and let it and the fluids stroke my softened length.

Two strokes, maybe three and I was pliable flesh wrapped around iron. My erection pulsed with each stroke. And then she went and did something I couldn't even fathom. My mind turned to jelly, the great ability to think on numerous things at a time, suddenly became an empty cavern.

Her beautifully talented little hand, aid by the slippery oil, gripped the head of my cock with firmness, but, oh God, how could I explain this…

She was massaging the head of my dick, but it was creating a feeling I had never felt before. My whole body twitched and pulsed with each sweet, torturous movement. I realized absently, I was completely, unequivocally over sensitized. Every nerve ending was sing with my looming orgasm. Yet the little vixen refused to give me that last little push to send me over.

She used her free hand to pump the lower half of my erection, the massage oil aiding her in her fluid movements.

"Bell---, you need…" I stopped, my voice, it seemed my unneeded breath was balking, refusing to let the words slip from my lips.

"Bella, stop, too much, painful and oh…oh so, pleasurable…"

I knew looking at her was a bad idea, but I couldn't help it, I was willing to beg profusely if it meant this sweet torture would end and yet at the same time, I never wanted it to stop.

She was smirking a very unlikely, Bella smirk. Her eyes blazed with a tenacious light, her normally vivacious smile, well it was positively devious! Of course, the only time I really saw that vivacious smile was when we were in the throes of passion…

"Hush my love. All in good time."

I was losing it, I had thought I had felt everything she could possibly do, but when she sucked one of my nuts in to her searing, hot mouth, I was positive my body was going to shut down, perish on the spot.

That useless organ of mine began a steady, thump, thump. It was a unnerving experience, but exquisitely beautiful as well. This Goddess of a woman held an amazing gift, whether she knew it or not. She somehow had the power to ignite the steady beat of my heart. It lasted a minute or two, maybe longer, I can't be sure, because one second I was still fairly aware of what was going on, and then she bit down on my flesh, biting right in to my upper thigh. I don't know how it didn't hurt her, but her teeth sunk in to my flesh and her talented tongue laved the injured flesh.

It was the most erotic feeling I had ever felt. I scream from the sheer magnitude of it all, purring, moaning, growling all mingling in to an erotic medley. My world burst in to a billion different colors, my orgasm transcended anything I had ever felt. My body vibrated for a good ten minutes, of course it didn't help that she wouldn't stop the movements of her hands…

I don't know how she did it, but within a few minutes, my body was being rocketed by another orgasm.

Passing out is not something vampires are capable of, but I am pretty sure I lost consciousness for a little while. Because everything was there and then I was lost, the pleasure that had coursed through my body, still sending little waves of pleasure through my body's system, every nerve and circuit firing at once.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**We made magic that night, oh, he did everything right. He brought the woman out of me, so many times, easily."**

I was on the verge of panicking when Jasper sat up, clenching his chest. And with a speed that was baffling, he had me in his arms, pulling me from between his legs, tenderly crushing me to his chest. Reigning kisses on my lips, neck and shoulders.

"Jasper, are you okay?"

"I am bloody fantastic!"

He placed a hand behind my knees and one on my back, hoisting me in to his arms and then lithely bounded off the bed.

"Where are we going?"

"Shower!"

It was all he would say for the time being, I suppose talking was a little impossible with his lips dancing lightly over my flesh. He kissed every spot he could reach in such a position. They were hungry kisses but they were filled with an all encompassing love. I felt tears shimmering in my eyes, I tried to stem the flow, but once they started, I was powerless.

"Baby?"

"Don't worry hun, these are good tears, cleansing and full of every ounce of love I have for you!"

His lips caught a falling tear, his beautiful smile gracing his face as he slowly lowered his lips to mine.

When he pulled away, I was panting and my desire, raging anew.

He placed me on the bathroom sink, then turned and adjusted the temperature of the shower, when he was happy with the setting, he turned back to me.

He took a single step towards me, and then stopped. That smile I was becoming to know as trouble was playing across his lips.

With one single, very large step, he was in front of me, on his knees, his lips trailing softly across my inner thigh. With a decisive nod, he pulled me closer to the edge, as soon as he opened me up enough for his lips to descend on my clit, he began feasting.

His lips and tongue traced fiery paths up and down my thighs and mound. This time he wasn't teasing he was giving me what I so desperately needed.

I lifted my legs, hanging them over his shoulders, then shifted my body forward a little more, relying on him to support my weight. With the new position, he had greater access and in mere moments I felt two of his deliriously long fingers slip inside me. With each inward thrust, he curled them slightly, hitting that amazing spot. With each downward movement, he allowed his thumb to apply more pressure to my clit.

My fingers had knotted in the short hair at his nape, drawing him closer to me with each glorious movement.

I was so close; all it took to send me over the edge was his teeth nipping lightly at my nipple. I fell over the precipice, screaming his name in pleasure. "Jasper!!!"

He pulled me in to his arms and then slowly moved us in to the shower.

The cascade of water rushing across our bodies was pleasurably painful. My body was over sensitized, as was his. I had no idea how long we had spent pleasuring one another, but it felt like an eternity.

I was still held firmly in his arms, so I placed my hands on his shoulders, pulling myself up his body. He knew right away what I wanted. He shifted slightly to get a better grip on me and then entered me with exaggerated slowness.

I could feel every muscle, every vain as he filled me completely.

We moved together, like a well rehearsed symphony. Each thrust, each kiss, extracting the most pleasure.

Our lips fused together, an erotic cacophony of mewls escaping her lips as our tongues mamboed. There was no request or demand for dominance; we worked as a synchronized team.

When I felt her inner walls fluttering against my shaft, I sped my thrusting up. That oddly beautiful thumping began in my chest again, and without further adieu, our orgasm claimed us. It was no where near as intense as what we had experienced earlier, but it was beyond satisfying.

After regaining her breath, we washed each other down, rinsing the slick oil from our bodies and the bodily fluids that had accumulated.

She clung to me, her body pleasantly sated and now ready for some sleep.

I lifted her in to my arms and carried her back to the bed. I suppose I could have worried about towels, but I knew we would dry, and besides, my bedroom was unnaturally hot right now.

As I neared the bed, I couldn't help but smile. Beautiful, considerate Esme! She had placed a plethora of food on my bed, fruits, cheeses, and little sandwich's. On the bedside table were an icy bottle of water and a pitcher of iced tea and two cups.

It was a heartwarming sound, when she shrieked and all but leapt from my arms. By my speed alone, I was able to hold on to her just enough to keep her from falling flat on her face or worse.

I let go once she had steadied on her feet. She slid on to the bed, taking careful pains to not jostle anything.

"Hungry my dear?"

"You won't believe it, but I am famished! I think I can eat everything here. What did Esme bring for you?"

"How did you know it was Esme?"

"Because, she is an amazing person and besides that, I can smell that she was in here recently, that exotic blend of night blooming lilies and I think saffron…"

"Have I told you lately how amazing you are?"

"I think I got the idea a few times lately?"

"I love you Jasper, so much, it scares the hell out of me. But if you don't mind being patient, I will prove that loving me was not a mistake!"

"And I love you Bella, more than I could ever say." I had to continue, but I was suddenly lost for words. Could I really say what needed to be said, and chance shattering this amazing bond we had achieved?

"Bella, I know it probably isn't the best time to talk about this, but I don't see a better time to do so…"

She was looking at me oddly, like she had known I would screw up or something… It was disconcerting. I was about to continue when she spoke.

"What, going to finally tell me you're a vampire?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you ever so much for all the reviews. And I will do my best to fix some of my more annoying bad habits. Sorry for the wait… Hope you enjoy. And I still don't own the character's… I am just me, using them for my own purposes. Would love to know what you thought of this chapter, if you are so inclined, drop me a review!**

**I have tried to post this since around noon Sunday, but FF was not cooperating. Blame them for the lateness of this post. ;)I don't know what has been up with FF, but I tried every day for hours to get this up. Hope you guys aren't too mad at me.  
**

**Chapter Thirteen**

"**Too caught up in me to see, I'm holding a fortune that heaven has given to me. I'll try and show you each and every way I can, now and forever, I will be your man."**

I was completely floored. Here I was, wondering how I could break one of the biggest secrets I had, and she so casually threw "that" out.

"Excuse me? What are…?"

"Don't play dumb on me now Jasper. I may be naïve, but I am not stupid. That first night I fell asleep on you, you didn't have a heart beat. I figured I was tired, probably a little out of my mind…But when I started reading Dracula. Don't you roll your eyes at me; I know it is just a book, at least, I think it is. Anyway, some things from that book started to make sense. You never eat or drink and sure, I haven't paid all that close attention, but I am not completely out of my head. I have never seen you sleep either…"

"Bella…"

"I'm right, aren't I?"

"Why are you not running for the hills? You are as naked as a jaybird, but here you sit, calmly discussing vampires! How long have you known?"

"I think I really figured it out the night we made love the first time, but I don't think I actually accepted it until after you left."

Every time she stopped talking, she popped another morsel in to her mouth, alternating between the kiwi slices and the strawberries. I had to wonder how Esme had found the strawberries, they were completely out of season and normally after the beginning of September, the stores never stocked them, it was a cost they didn't see a point in accruing, at least here in Forks.

"All of you are vampires, so were you or are you actually related or is the family thing just something that happened?"

"No, we aren't related, but I think Carlisle would prefer to tell you that tale. He seems to thrive in the telling…" I was trying to wrap my head around her nonchalance, but it was hard. "Are you not the least bit curious as to what our diet consists of?"

"Should I be curious?"

"Bella, we could be murdering the people in the surrounding towns, and you don't find that pertinent information?"

"Well, are you?"

"Are we what?"

"Bloody hell Jasper; don't play dumb, it is not becoming of you! Are you murderers, do you kill people?"

"No, Carlisle has never fed on a living person…that is to say, not unless he was doing so to save their lives. He turned Esme, Edward and Rosalie, Emmett and I were already vampires. Esme I believe has never killed anyone, Edward while a young vampire had a time of rebellion and took out those who he deemed evil. Emmett has slipped a few times, but that is his tale to tell, and Rosalie, I think it would be better left for you two to discuss her past. Alice and I were the last to join the family."

I had to arrange my thoughts before I could continue. I had to decide if I wanted to share the horrors of my past with her, and if I did, could I handle the possible look of disgust, resentment and horror that was surely going to mar her beautiful face.

"Alice saved my life, and at the time; she had thought that we were meant to be, that she loved me. It didn't really turn out that way, I was grateful for being saved, but I didn't love her like that. Besides, she couldn't quite get over my past."

"How could she think she loved you and not take you as you are the good and the bad...?"

"My past is not something so easily categorized. I was the epitome of a monster back then and I fear if I tell you everything that I did, you will walk away from me, stop loving me."

"Impossible! You know what I have done, at least mostly and you know what has been done to me and you never walked away from me, you loved me in spite of it all or maybe because of it. I don't care what you did in your past, obviously you killed humans, and I am smart enough to figure that out. But what do you eat…umm; rather drink, if you don't kill humans now?"

"Animals. That is why our eyes are golden and sometimes look ebony when we are very hungry. Bella, I think it is only right of me to tell you of my past, you should have the choice, you really don't know what kind of monster I was."

"Jasper, you can tell me if you like but I think you need to understand something, I don't care. You could have killed a billion people and I still wouldn't care. Perhaps that is the wrong reaction to have, but I love you, nothing you say can ever change that. You taught me how to love, without even knowing you were doing it. I love you; it's as simple as that."

How did I get so lucky to have her in my life, loving me, accepting me so completely?

I knew one day I would share those horror's with her, but I saw the logic behind what she said. Okay, so maybe it wasn't logic per se, but she honestly didn't care. We had all the time in the world to talk of our pasts, for now, I wanted to concentrate on our future."

"I love you too!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Once I catch you and the kissing starts, a team of wild horses couldn't tear us apart."**

I was stuffed, some how I had managed to eat five or six of the little sandwich thingies and almost all the fruit. The pitcher of iced tea was almost all gone as well.

Hearing him tell me he loved me, that awoke a new hunger, one I had been effectively ignoring while I ate, but now that I was full, I was more than ready to get on with the show.

I noticed he was staring at me, a very peaceful look resting upon his perfect face. While he was distracted with looking at me, I figured I would take my chances and pounced.

I must have put a little too much effort behind it, because I would have bounded right over the bed. His arms circled my waist as he set me in his lap.

"Something you need?"

"You!"

His laugh was booming and warmed my heart completely. "Me, huh? I think something can be arranged."

It was slow and sensuous. He laid me down like I was the most fragile glass, and entered me with a gentle thrust. It wasn't fraught with all the urgency of earlier, yet it wasn't like our time in the bath either. It was a happy medium.

The kiss alone was enough to curl my toes. If we hadn't been making love, I was almost positive the power and sensuality of the kiss could have made me come. Whether from the kiss or our delicious friction, I came on the spot, his name expelled from my lips in a purr.

While his heart didn't beat, I knew mine was making up for it. The poor thing was ready to beat out of my chest.

His steady rhythm was causing my breath to hitch and my insides to coil again. What couldn't this man do?

"Bella, I am so close, come with me, please!"

He didn't give me the chance to say anything; he slipped his hand between our bodies, resting on my bundle of nerves. The slow steady pressure and his talent pushed me over again, only this time he joined me.

I snuggled in to his embrace, our bodies still slightly joined. I could die now and be a happy woman. I tried to stifle a yawn but it slipped unladylike from my lips, causing my eyes to water slightly.

"Sleep now love, tomorrow is another day."

"Good night Jasper, I love you, always and forever!"

I heard his breathy whisper just before I gave in to the contented sleep that wished to claim me. "Good night my sweet Bella, I love you, always and forever!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Don't freak out until you know the facts"**

I waited till I knew she was asleep and then made my way in to the bathroom. I wanted to clean up our wet clothes and get dressed. I needed to hunt, well not really, but I figured it would be smart to do so.

As I walked by the mirror, I looked at myself. I was trying to figure out what she saw in me, but as I was searching my face, my eyes were pulled down towards my hip and then lower to my thigh and the definitive mark that marred the skin there.

As quietly as I could I called Carlisle's name. I contemplated for a brief moment of throwing some clothes on, instead I settled for my mostly dry boxer briefs that lay rumpled on the floor.

He knocked gently on the door and when he heard my soft call to come in, he quietly entered, coming directly to the bathroom.

He looked at me askance, but before I spoke a word, I closed the door, not wanting to risk waking Bella.

"What is it son?"

"Dad… Crap, how do you start a conversation like this?"

"Just spit it out, obviously it is important, otherwise I am sure you would have waited till morning."

"First off, Bella knows we are vampires. I didn't tell her, she figured it out on her own. And then there is the fact that she marked me. We were umm…Busy and she bit me."

I could see the skepticism in his eyes, so I lifted my leg and pulled the material out of the way. The skin hadn't healed like it should have, at least it wasn't healing with my normal speed and on top of that, it was slightly raised and looked rather raw and painful, which it wasn't, not really.

"Jasper is there anything else I should know?"

He sounded very worried.

"Well…Every time I am with Bella, my heart beats!"

"You mean whenever she is around you, you feel like your heart beats?"

Oh God, why did I have to have this conversation with my father?

"No, I mean, whenever we are intimate with one another, my heart literally beats. I can feel it thumping beneath my breast. It was beating when she bit me!"

"Honestly, I don't know what to tell you. But I am glad you brought this information to me. It is going to require a lot of researching… If you notice anything else, please tell me as soon as possible."

"Well actually, it isn't something I noticed, just something I wanted to talk to you about. She was umm….Oh God…pleasuring me and was disappointed when I wouldn't…God, why can't there be a hand book for vampires…come in her mouth, I wasn't sure if it could hurt her or change her, so I didn't take the chance. Can it? Considering, all this time, we haven't been using protection, should we be?"

"Honestly, I don't know. What is happening between the two of you is unprecedented, as far as I know. I don't think it would cause a problem, considering, if it was going to, it should have by now. I am sure a small amount is being absorbed, but not enough to do any harm. Use your own discretion, but perhaps being cautious is a wise idea. Don't fret about that err…problem too much."

"Thanks dad, really! I better go hunt and get back to bed. I think she sleeps better when I am near."

"The supply that was at the cottage is now in my office, in the safe, go grab a quick bite and get back to her. She has been through a lot. She doesn't need to wake up and discover you are not there."

"Thanks again. Have a good night. Hey, why hasn't anyone else gotten home yet?"

"They are taking a slightly extended vacation, as far as I know, they should be home tomorrow the next day at the latest. Good night."

I could see that I had stressed him out, his fingers continually rubbed the bridge of his nose, as if he had the start of a headache and was trying to stave it off before it could become a full blown one. Of course, as vampires we didn't actually get headaches. I often wondered if it was something he did as a human…

I quickly drank down a few packets of blood and then made my way back to bed. No sooner did I settle down than she pulled herself on top of me. Her body conforming to mine, a contented sigh pursed her lips and the she mumbled, "Mmm, Jasper, love you!"

"I love you too, sleep well and dream only sweet dreams."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**It's perfection and grace; it's the smile on my face."**

I have no idea how he did it, but every time I awoke, I felt like I was the most beautiful woman on the planet.

His eyes always held that twinkle that was reserved just for me, at least that had been the only time I had seen it so far and honestly, I really did hope it was mine and mine alone. The look alone made my heart skip a beat. It was perfection, at least in my eyes.

"What has you so happy this morning my love?"

"Well, it could be the Adonis-like man I am curled around, or perhaps I had a very good dream last night."

"You were talking in your sleep some, but mostly, you slept."

"Oh man, what did I talk about this time?"

"You said you loved me and you told me or were talking to me…that should I ever feel the urge to leave you again, you would show me what you could do with my well desired penis. Of course, you used fewer words, but that's the gist."

"I did, did I? Sorry. I guess I still have some issues; nevertheless, I will work through them. I can't have even my dream self wishing your beautiful member any ill will!" I said with a laugh.

Wow, that made me feel like shit. I was going to have to talk to Carlisle, see if there was anything on the market that could banish my late night talks, I doubted it, but figured it was worth a shot.

"Bella, that social worker who has been taking care of your case, she is coming today. Esme got the call a little while ago. They waited as long as possible before telling the proper authorities that you had returned. It sounds better for your case, saying you came back on your own…"

"Wow, I have really messed everything up, haven't I?"

"No, we will do everything in our power to make sure she sees just how happy you are here. Should I give you one more reason to smile before we head down stairs?"

"As tempting as that is, I suppose I should get Carlisle to check my shoulder over, it feels really stiff this morning. Of course, if you wouldn't mind going to my room and finding me something to wear, or is everyone still gone?"

"Nope, as soon as Esme got the call from Mrs. Carter they rushed home, wanting to show you and her a united front. We love you and want to make sure you never leave again."

"How did I get so lucky?"

"Trust me Bella, we are the lucky ones!"

"Hey Mr. When did you put boxers on, I seem to recall you lying in bed with me naked, when I fell asleep."

"I had to take care of something, so I slipped them on, so as not to embarrass myself in front of my parents."

I couldn't help myself, I laughed. It was long and loud and felt beyond amazing. He quirked an eyebrow at me, wondering what was so funny.

"And what is so funny?"

"Just the idea of your vampire parents seeing your very exquisite package being proudly displayed…"

"You think that would be funny, I think not."

I could tell he was trying to keep a straight face, but he burst out laughing.

"So you think my "Manhood" is exquisite?"

"As if you didn't know that already!!!"

Our laughter died quickly as his lips crashed upon mine. The force of the kiss almost bruising my lips, but I wouldn't have changed a thing.

His hand had barely started to slip down beneath the covers when a knock sounded on the door. Talk about piss poor luck.

"Bella, Jasper, Mrs. Carter is going to be here soon."

"Thanks mom, we will be down soon…"

"No, you will get dressed and have Bella down stairs in five minutes or I am going to send Alice and Rosalie in to take her."

I heard Jasper's groan of resignation, but his eyes were sparkling with mischief.

"Yes Mom!"

"So, we have five minutes until we are shanghaied, what can I possibly do in that time…"

The next thing I knew, he slipped out of my embrace, pushing me back on to the bed and quickly descended down my body, disappearing beneath the blankets.

I don't know how he did it so fast, but a minute, two at most had passed and I was purring his name. It was an amazing feeling, his tongue was beyond talented and those long fingers were my undoing.

The pleasure rocketed from every toe to the top of my head, my inner muscles twitching with abundant satisfaction. I was worried for a moment that I wasn't going to be able to catch my breath or get my heart to slow down, but Jasper took that out of my hands. He sidled back up my body; a cat ate the canary grin plastered to his face.

I was about to ask if it was as good for him as it was for me, but his lips captured mine, his tongue gently requesting entrance as he played it over my bottom lip.

His arousal pushed intimately against my thigh, so obviously, he had enjoyed it too. At least to a certain extent.

The kiss was short and sweet, a perfect ending to such an amazing early morning orgasm for me at least. His lips no sooner pulled from mine than someone else was knocking at the door.

"I'm going to let the girls get you ready. Just remember, if they become too much, just shout and I will rescue my girl!"

'Thanks. Umm, are they mad at me, for everything I have done?"

I was watching his face, waiting for his answer, but the two I had just asked about, bounded in to the room, folding themselves on the bed at our feet.

"We aren't mad at you. Jasper time to get out, we've got this covered."

His lips pressed a quick, chaste kiss to my lips before he retreated to the bathroom, when he moved from the bed, he had walked slightly stooped over, and almost as if he was trying to hide is arousal. I figured he was going to shower and perhaps take care of his need. So finally, I turned my gaze back to my two sisters', I was disappointed that I wouldn't get a chance to watch him pleasure himself; it was something I would have to talk to him about, because it was damn sexy.

"So, ahh, umm, where do we begin?"

"Silly Bella, this isn't the Spanish inquisition! We are simply going to choose an outfit that flatters you and do your hair and makeup."

Alice's voice was high and full of excitement. Nevertheless it was Rosalie who set me at ease. I don't know for sure, but I think she saw how uncomfortable I was and wanted to put me at ease.

"Relax Bella; we just want to make sure Mrs. Carter doesn't see how much weight you have lost. We are just going to pick the clothes that show off your figure slightly, but keeps that emaciated look down to a minimum, although, your face is really skinny, we will have to work with what we have."

That common blush, that seemed a normal fixture when I was around my family, rose to my cheeks; I cursed it, but welcomed it as well. I wasn't exactly comfortable with them, but figured it wouldn't be too long, hopefully, before I was.

Rose made some comment and before I could blink she was gone and then suddenly back. Damn was she fast!

Lying on the bed to my left was a matching, almost completely sheer bra and panty set. The sapphire color was amazing, my favorite for sure.

"Guys, why do I need something like this; it isn't like Mrs. Carter is going to request for me to drop my clothes so she can inspect the merchandise… And besides the fact, I know for certain, I never owned something this beautiful and no doubt expensive before."

I fingered the satiny material, as I turned it over; I caught sight of the tag. "Victoria Secret's…Where the hell…No scratch that, when the hell did you have time to get this and why would you?"

"Just put it on Bella and if you are so worried about us seeing, do it under the blankets. We have at most thirty minutes before she shows up and I want to at least lessen the darkness beneath you eyes and get your hair shining like a light bulb has been inserted in to each strand. Besides, I love shopping, so I bought it while I was away."

"Alice…"

"Shut up Bella. You can bitch later, now we have to make you perfect."

I knew I was fighting a losing battle, so I shut up and shimmied in to the beautiful garments.

Twenty minutes later I was done. I had to admit, they were miracle workers, my hair really did look multifaceted, and it seemed to glow with an inner light. My face was no longer ghostly pale and the dark circles that had been a given all my life were barely noticeable. They had selected a comfortable pair of dark wash jeans, not to tight, but not to baggy either. They didn't want it to look obvious they were hiding something. My shirt was black with an empire waist. I looked not bad, even if I did say so myself.

They had used as little makeup as possible, they didn't want it looking like I was trying to hide, instead they said they were just enhancing what I had already been gifted with.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**The future is a mistress that is so hard to please, and the past is a pebble in my toe shoe."**

It was the longest two hours of my life.

Bella sat beside me, her hand tracing little patterns on the palm of my hand. Mrs. Carter looked at our joined hands every once in awhile, but instead of being angry, she seemed genuinely happy.

Her questions were tireless but it truly did appear that she was on Bella's side. She proved that point when she was leaving. She stood awkwardly in front of Bella for a few moments, and it seemed with in that few moments, she made a decision. She grasped her firmly and pulled her in to a hug.

She whispered in her ear. I am sure it was meant to be just for her, but we all heard it, and couldn't help but smile.

"He's a keeper child. Happiness has found you, don't you forsake it for naught. Most women spend their whole lives looking for a man who would look at her; like that man there does you. I see the love you have for him, nurture it and him and you will never want for anything again. The clichés are right; love does make the world go round! And it warms my heart to see you smiling an honest to goodness smile. Be well my child and have a good life."

Bella's returning smile was even more beautiful, her eyes sparkling with thanks.

"Thank you Mrs. Carter, for everything you did for me. You never had to, but you tried to look out for me. Don't take it personally, but I hope I never have to see another member of the orphanage again. I am home, home has found me."

A single tear coursed down Bella's cheek, falling gracefully before disappearing in to the fabric of her shirt.

I kissed her cheek and wrapped my arms around her shoulder. I felt the need to say something…

"Mrs. Carter, she is home and everything that has transpired heretofore was just a very bad misunderstanding. But as you can plainly see, she is happy. I promise you, if it is in my power, she will never know another day of pain or sadness."

I don't know why more seasoned women feel the urge to pinch a younger man's cheek, considering, I wasn't really younger…but she pinched my cheek, a smile dancing within her eyes.

"You remember that promise from here on out and you will be a happy man."

With that, she said a quick "Good-bye" and left.

Bella twisted in my arms, wrapping hers around me, then shifted on to her tiptoes to place a quick kiss to my lips.

I wanted to lift her in to my arms and race back to my bedroom, but I caught Carlisle's look and settled for picking her up and placing us upon the couch next to Emmett and Rosalie.

Esme moved behind the couch, settling a hand on Bella's shoulder and placed a kiss to the crown of her head. Bella smiled, grateful for the comfort and support.

It was a rather easy "family" meeting. Not something we were usually used to. I think Carlisle was taking it easy, not wanting to scare her anymore than she had been.

"Bella, since you know our secret, I need to ask you a favor. No one can ever know this secret; it would be detrimental to all of us. However, should you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to come to me or anyone else if you have do. I want you to be as comfortable as possible here. You are a part of our family and we love you."

"I understand completely, I would never divulge your secret and I love you guys too. I may have questions at some point, but right now, I really don't. Maybe I should, but when you have seen the horrors I have seen, the fact of you guys being vampires, well let's just say it doesn't worry me or scare me."

She said it with such nonchalance, Carlisle couldn't help but laugh. He had almost got it under control and then Esme broke and just like that, everyone joined in, sharing in the moment.

When we had finally gotten ourselves under control, Carlisle reiterated.

"Bella your happiness is tantamount with this family, if you are hurt or sad, it hurts and saddens us. Please know our love is not conditional."

Carlisle also informed us, us being the "Young Ones" that as of tomorrow, which would be Tuesday, we would be going back to school. If Bella had any problems, she was asked to come to us. That as a family we would work it out. Which meant no more running away to which she agreed wholeheartedly; she was done running she was home and that was what mattered.

Bella's emotions were ranging from emotional to happy, slightly confused and a little guilty. I figured I would ask her about it when we were alone, but realized, it didn't really matter, what she was feeling, was hers, I didn't need to use my gift, even when I wasn't trying. If it was something important, she would come to me. Right now, the family wanted to spend time with her, so I had to share, I couldn't be greedy, well I could, but I was liable to have a house full of vampires ready to kick my ass.

I knew Carlisle was repeating himself, wanting not to annoy her, just to make her, and everyone understand how important she was to us.

With everything that needed to be said, said. Carlisle took his seat by Esme. Looking at us each in turn, perhaps leaving the floor open, should anyone else have anything else to say.

It was Emmett who was the one to suggest a family game night, err, day… So we all settled in front of the TV it was girls against the guys, that way Alice and Edward wouldn't feel left out on the couple's thing, besides, none of the guys liked playing with Alice, she always had an inside scoop.

We played the original Super Mario Brother's on the Wii, and then moved on to Tetris. We stuck to fairly simply games, considering, Bella had never played anything.

We laughed a lot that afternoon and evening. Esme flitted about, when she wasn't playing; she was busy fixing snacks for Bella.

Edward watched Bella every once in awhile, it disconcerted me, because I could feel certain waves coming off him. One in particular was desire; I tried to stifle my growl, but only managed to lower it. Another emotion was confusion and longing… If my brother was bothering to read my mind, he was getting a colorful list of expletives hurled at him. He had the audacity to turn and smile at me and drop a little wink.

Thank goodness he soon decided to retreat to his room; otherwise, I was sure I would have had to show him who was the big dog in this scenario…

When he reached the top of the stairs, he mock whispered, "What, not up for some friendly, brotherly competition?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Hey you, don't tell me there's no hope at all, together we stand, divided we fall."**

The next couple of months passed in a blur.

Jasper had transferred himself to all my classes. I was grateful, even an hour seemed impossible to get through when he wasn't around. Who knew, with him there beside me, I excelled in school, I tried harder, wanting to make myself a better person. He challenged me and loved me, making me feel like the most important person in his life.

My relationship with the others had started off tentatively but I enjoyed the diversities of each of them.

Alice's quirky, bubbly nature reminded me I was a young girl and while I would never find the joy she did in shopping, it didn't seem to matter, she took what I could offer. Every so often she would bombard me with a makeover session, but thankfully, she had kept them to a minimum, once or twice a month. Our relationship improved the most when more of her time was taken up with Felix.

It had been a shock to us all.

From Carlisle, I had heard all the stories about his past and the people and vampires he had met.

Felix had moved from Italy, Aro thinking that he needed to expand his knowledge and perhaps find a mate. Color him surprised when he discovered his best guard had fallen for his good friends "daughter" and had taken to drinking animal blood.

When I had first arrived, Alice had been smitten with some boy named Jacob, but that didn't last long… From what she would tell me, he had gone through a change…

Jasper explained that Werewolves were real as well and then explained that Jacob was a werewolf and the two species didn't mix, at all… So Alice was left heartbroken for all of three days.

She couldn't be down and depressed, I think it was a physical impossibility. Anyway, she met Felix during a hunt, learned about his past and everything he had done, and before you knew it, they were planning on being wed. Of course, they were going to wait for the school season to be done with, but one minute Alice was single and then next, her life revolved around Felix. It was love at first bite…

Edward had met a wonderful woman, human, but there was something different about her. None of us could put our fingers on what made her so special, but Edward was a different man when she was around. He was friendlier and even took joy in poking fun at himself.

Her name was Jaime, but as she bonded with the family, we ended up calling her Minxy. She was exotic and beautiful and her personality was calm and sensuous. Besides, after this first three months or so of their relationship, we could hear Edward calling her a minx while they were "Busy"... It just kind of stuck.

Minxy knew the "Secret" and had told Edward and the rest of the family that she wanted to be changed. She had never wanted kids, so it wasn't like she was going to be giving anything up.

Minxy and I had bonded rather quickly. She was almost as klutzy as me, so I found a kindred spirit in her. While all the "Vampires" were almost annoyingly graceful in every movement and action, we stumbled over thin air. And while our pasts had been completely different, she didn't look down on me, nor did she offer me pity or resentment.

It was a great friendship. And we often laughed over Edward's little games with Jasper. For some reason, Edward was drawn to me. Minxy didn't think badly of me or him for that matter. She understood that strange things happened and just because there was a draw to me, he would never act on it, even if he told Jasper differently…

It kind of became a running joke with everyone. If Jasper had to go hunt or do something that would take him away from me for a time being, everyone would tell him not to be gone too long, otherwise Edward might wear down my resistance!

I didn't have any draw to him, he simply was my brother. I don't know if that annoyed him or not, he never said one way or another.

Rosalie and I bonded the best, her story hurt my heart. Here I had been giving myself over to the darkness and she had wanted nothing more than to evade it. But the darkness had found her and extracted its pound of justice.

She was a stunning woman, who was always worried or fussing about her looks, but she was so much more than the shallow woman she portrayed. And before I knew it, she was my best friend, the girl I could confide anything and everything in.

Emmett was the big brother I never knew I wanted. If Jasper and I had a disagreement, he would challenge me to video games or go walking with me in the woods to take my mind off of it. It was a great relationship, one I hoped to nurture even more. He was just a big teddy bear, loving and kind on the inside, while crass and sarcastic on the outside.

And while he portrayed being stupid, he was anything but. When he actually wanted to contribute to a conversation, mostly only when it was important, he had a lot to say!

I had even found it comfortable to call Carlisle and Esme, mom and dad. It took awhile, but really, after Carlisle had spent so much time working with me to get my shoulder completely healed, and Esme constantly baking and cooking for me, it was bound to happen. It was a good feeling being loved by them, I never felt less important than all the other "Kids", we were equals.

And then there was Jasper and me… What can I tell you? He shared some stories of his past as I did the same. Banishing some of the darker memories that could come back and bite us in the ass, he was kind and understanding and never pushed, unless of course he knew I was just being me.

Since we had confessed our feelings to one another, it became increasingly harder to be apart from him.

Carlisle and Esme started making wagers with everyone, when we would be getting married.

Alice, Felix, Edward and Minxy, Carlisle and Esme, wagered that Jasper and I would be married before I turned nineteen.

Thanks to Edward confiding in Jasper that he was waiting until graduation night before asking Minxy to marry him. Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Felix, Jasper and I thought they were likely to be married early this summer.

As for Alice and Felix they were already engaged, we knew they were going to be waiting at most, a month after graduation and then tying the knot.

Jasper knew I was a little leery of getting married, but the longer we spent together, the more the idea began to grow on me. And the others wager no longer bothered me.

Alice all but squealed when I told her I thought that I was not against the idea any longer, in fact, was rather excited. It began to weigh heavily on my mind, wondering if and or when he was going to ask me. He never mentioned it, he tried to allow me to work through my own issues, so…

I thought I was going to go out of my mind with wondering, but it seemed Jasper was quite content with how things were right now. He said there was no reason to rock the boat and while I understood, it hurt a little.

It was Rosalie who saved my sanity. She explained that Jasper, pretty much right after meeting me, would have asked. He had not asked so far, because he was simply waiting for the perfect time. That eased my mind and allowed me to enjoy the last month or so of school.

The time I had missed had been easy to make up, especially with Jasper helping me. And since I was all for graduating with my siblings, I made sure to put all my effort behind assignments, even going so far as to ask for extra credit assignments.

Life was good, better than I could have ever imagined. Our family had filled out nicely and the new dynamics of the couples had created an even closer bond. But for some reason, they still saw in me, the glue that bonded us to begin with. I don't know if I believe it, but I was past arguing about it.

We had everything we could have ever wanted or needed and that was something to be eternally grateful for.

Of course, like I had learned, happiness is fleeting. Our good luck could only hold for so long and the day before graduation a letter showed up, addressed from Mrs. Carter to me, our world was blown to smithereens, my life in particular…

And here I had thought my past held no more secrets that could hurt me, that could damage the bonds I had created and leaving me wishing for that long ago oblivion.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	15. Chapter 15

**Would love to know what you thought of this chapter, and if you are so inclined, drop me a review, it would mean the world to me!**

**Chapter Fourteen**

"**Ain't it funny how a moment could just change your life, and you don't want to face what's wrong or right. Ain't it strange how fate can play a part, in the story of your heart."**

Esme handed the supposedly harmless piece of stationary to me. I let the letter slip through my fingers. I don't know how I knew it, but something deep in my heart warned me that this letter would bring nothing but unwanted and most likely bad news.

Jasper looked at me, an odd look marring his normally happy features. I knew by now that he was reading my emotions, trying to figure out what I was feeling.

"Relax Jasper, I am okay. I just think it best to leave this letter till a later date. Something doesn't feel right about it and the next couple days are supposed to be happy."

"I know love and to be honest, I find the arrival of this letter a little disconcerting as well. But are you really sure you want to leave it?"

"Absolutely, a girl doesn't graduate from High School every day you know."

"Well, if you ask Alice or Rose, they wouldn't agree with you, but you are right."

I took the letter and placed it in my new favorite book. While I knew the story in Dracula was very far from the truth, it still held a special place in my heart. By placing the letter in it, I was guaranteeing I would come back to it.

Little did I know then, that it would take me almost to my birthday for me to read the letter.

*****

The night of graduation was a flurry of activities. I had never had so many pictures taken of me, the only thing that saved my sanity was Jasper's calming wave he kept washing over me and his tender kisses.

As planned, Edward asked Minxy to marry him and she agreed. It was all very romantic; they were standing in line, waiting to receive their diplomas and in front of everyone Edward got down on one knee, interrupting our principle who quickly stopped talking as Edwards voice rang clearly to all in attendance.

I had never seen Minxy blush so much, but her eyes were twinkling and she screamed "YES!!!" as soon as the words left his lips. For a moment it looked like she would be spending the rest of graduation in the hospital, because no sooner had she agreed than she launched herself in to Edwards waiting arms. Knocking them both off the stage, thankfully, Edwards was quick and cushioned her fall with his body.

The families and friends in attendance laughed at her antics and applauded the couple. With that over with, the principle began handing out the diplomas again. To him, it was just another day.

The night passed in a blur, when the regular festivities were over with, the eight of us went home to celebrate. We danced and laughed and watched as Esme and Carlisle snuck out of the house, supposedly, going to get something to eat. When they had gone far enough to not hear us, we all fell down laughing. Our parents, they really did try for subtlety, but normally failed miserably.

I don't know about the rest of my family, but for me time seemed to be a speeding bullet with nothing in its way to slow it down.

*****

Edward and Minxy had a small private ceremony two weeks after getting engaged. Alice offered to plan the event, but neither wanted anything flashy. Carlisle, who had taken a course online, officiated the ceremony and within ten minutes, pronounced them husband and wife.

The quickness of the wedding was because Minxy wanted to be changed as quickly as possible. Minxy agreed to wait till after my birthday, so that we could all head to Alaska. We could have gone now, but it seemed like everyone was waiting on me.

Jasper and I hadn't spoken any more on marriage and we had yet to talk about me changing. I knew that I wanted to spend my life with him and that I wanted to be changed, I just had work up the courage to talk to him about it…

Alice surprised us all, we had expected a big, glamorous wedding, but instead, she and Felix eloped in Vegas.

When I asked her about it, she claimed that Felix wasn't fond of big, ostentatious things, so she did what he would like. I knew there was a fly in that logic somewhere, but we were all so happy, it didn't seem to matter.

*****

The three married couples were heading out for a week of alone time to different parts of the world. Jasper offered to take me somewhere, but I wasn't sure there was any place I really wanted to see, at least not more than Jasper himself.

We were insatiable, so even if we did go "Away" I didn't honestly believe we would have seen much anyway.

By the end of July, everyone was gone. Jasper and I had the whole house at our disposal and we christened each and every room, that is, each room that was not a sibling or parents bedroom.

With the letter all but forgotten, life seemed to have calmed down it had become a mixture of perfection and consistency.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**She was hot, as she pinned me to the ground. She was hot, she knew her way around. She was hot, as she tore my clothes."**

We had been lying around in the sun, out back by the little river that traversed our property when she straddled my hips.

Earlier I had gone hunting, allowing her some time to relax. The weather was actually cooperating and blessing us with some actual sun.

Her sun-warmed skin lent my own a facsimile of that heat, as well as the blood I had drank earlier giving my body that extra sense of heat. Her lower body ground against mine, awakening my arousal.

She pulled my clothes quickly from my body, damn near tearing my boxers in her haste, purring when she had me naked. I could feel the intensity of her gaze traveling over my body.

I was unwilling to be a mere observer any longer, so I quickly removed her clothing. I enjoyed the small moan of desire that escaped her lips, proof enough, it made my erection twitch in response

I contemplated going with slow and sensual love making, but I no sooner entered her than she was spurring me on, to move faster, go deeper and thrust harder. I was all for obliging my lady love and did as she asked.

Her lusty purrs were amazing, but I wasn't sure how much longer I was going to last. And that tell-tale beat was back and almost as if she new it, the little vixen, nibbled none too lightly on my shoulder.

It, mixed with everything else, conspired to push me over. I felt my orgasm tearing through my system, alighting my senses. With a final thrust, Bella fell over the edge and for a few short moments, her heart and mine were beating in time.

We lay together in each others embrace for as long as possible, but true to Forks weather, the Sun disappeared, clouds taking place in the sky and all but threatening a good shower.

We spent the rest of the night on the couch, alternating between talking and watching whatever movie happened to be on.

With the time we had, with our family gone, we spent most of it like randy teenagers. It was a blissful not-quite vacation.

It was while our family was away that we finally took the time to talk about the possibility of us getting married and changing her.

We had spent a good deal of time talking about the things she would lose and the limitations she would have to endure the first year of her life. If she chose to do it fairly soon, we could all go up to Alaska and then both Minxy and Bella could learn to control their hunger as well as learn how to hunt animals.

I told Bella I would ask her to marry me, but she had to wait till I found the perfect time. It wasn't going to be a rush job and it was going to be as romantic as I could possibly get.

Those were such happy times; I almost, not quite, but almost wish I could have seen the trouble that was coming our way…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**A selfish heart is trouble, but a foolish heart is worse."**

If I had thought time flew before, it was nothing compared to August. Ever since the family came home and Alice found out that Jasper and I had agreed to get married, but had not yet gotten engaged, she pestered us, each and every day.

On top of that, Edward and Minxy were heading up a couple weeks early to Alaska. They had held off on the change, so she could say good-bye to her family and friends. She knew she could never see them again, but also felt the need to spend a little more time with them, to store away some good memories and that is exactly what she did.

After Minxy graduated, her parents moved away from Forks, claiming that now their only child had left their nest, they needed to be somewhere, where there was more to do, to keep them occupied. So Edward and Minxy traveled three, sometimes four times a week.

Edward was understanding and compassionate, he knew what she was going to be giving up and besides, he really did like her parents. After that, they were Alaska bound…

I had started feeling like shit a little over a week ago. Carlisle told me there was a wicked flu going around and that I had probably caught it after visiting with him at the hospital and offering my help as a mock secretary. I didn't bother worrying about it; after all, it was just the flu.

*****

September dawned cool and foggy; every day seemed to accumulate more fog and a chill that settled deep in your bones.

With all my bags packed, I was ready to begin our journey. But no sooner did I pack my bags and have Jasper take them downstairs so we would be ready to leave, come morning, than I remembered the book I wanted to pack with me. I no longer read it, but kept it with me, almost as if it was a talisman of Jasper's and my growing love. And to be honest, I rarely had time to do any reading…

I bent over, grabbing for the book that rested in the bottom drawer of the nightstand. I no sooner bent over, becoming lightheaded in the process than my world tilted. I slipped gracelessly to the floor, grateful that I didn't make a huge ruckus when I hit said floor.

Trying to remember if I had eaten that morning, I realized I had damn near fainted because I had forgotten to eat. Only I could do something so stupid.

I grasped the book, but it fell out of my hands, landing with a thump on the hardwood floor. Captain Klutz strikes again…

When it fell, something had loosened itself and fallen, fluttering more gracefully to the floor than I myself had.

I looked at the letter as if it could sprout teeth and chew me apart, dining on me, like I was a delicious snack, but as I picked the small scrap of paper up, my first sense of unease, when the letter had first arrived, came back with a vengeance.

Barely managing a whisper, I called for Jasper, knowing that if he was in the house, he would hear me. A couple minutes later and he was standing behind me, a look of worry covering his face.

He didn't question why I was sitting splay legged on the floor and for that I was grateful.

"Something I can do for you love?"

I didn't have the strength to answer with words, so I simply held the offending letter up.

"Oh…is it time then?"

"You remembered it?"

"I did, but figured that you would open it when you were ready. Are you?"

Again I didn't bother answering him; instead, I slid my finger beneath the slightly opened corner and severed the paper, giving myself one hell of a good paper cut in the process.

Jasper, seeming to know exactly what I needed, sat on the floor, legs on either side of my body, his arms wrapping around my waist with his head resting lightly on my shoulder. From this position, he would be able to read the letter as I did.

Before I could open the sheet of paper inside, Jasper drew my injured finger in to his mouth, an erotic mewl-like purr emanating from his chest. He had begun doing this shortly after I decided I wanted to be changed, and changed by him. So taking the amount of times I tripped and fell, or cut myself, he would test his resistance by licking my wound clean. I don't know if it was really sanitary, but it was very erotic…

When he let my finger slip from his lips, I turned my attention back to the letter. I could feel a lump rising in my throat, but didn't know how to banish it, so instead of waiting and putting off the inevitable any longer, I opened the letter and began to read…

_My dearest Bella, _

_There is so much I wish to tell you. If you are reading this note, then your father and I have either perished or you have turned eighteen. I am hoping it is the latter. _

_I wrote this when I found out I was pregnant with you. I felt the need to leave something for you, should something happen. _

_Your father and I met and fell in love, late in life, well, what felt late to me. I was thirty-two when we met, he was thirty-six. We dated for a little over four months and decided there was no one else for us, we married and to our shock a week later found out we were expecting. _

_I am hoping that this is just redundant and that you have heard from each of us, how great our love was and all the great and wonderful stories that we had when we met and fell in love._

_It was a great love story, one I hope that could flourish, not end like so many good love story's do. But I fear something ominous looms in my future, in all of our futures. If you know us, then you will probably laugh and think "That's good ole' mom", but if not, then I suppose you never got a chance to discover my quirky nature._

_Anyway, I have some grave news to tell you. _

_When I was fourteen, a week away from my fifteenth birthday, I had been young and foolish. _

_I had succeeded on making it on the varsity cheerleader squad, the youngest person to date. And perhaps it is because of this great honor, I let it go to my head. _

_I flirted, because I could and never thought about the ramifications behind doing something like that. I should have seen the error of my ways, but again, I was young._

_After an away game where our team won, the football team held a small bonfire close to the river. I went, foolishly, now that I think about it. But I went and I laughed and chatted with a man slightly older than myself. It was innocent, at least for me, but after knowing him a month, I suddenly wished I had never met him. He raped me and if that wasn't bad enough, I found myself pregnant. _

_Isabella my darling daughter, you have a sibling. I don't know his or her name and if you are reading this at the age of eighteen, then it is obvious Laurent is still in prison… Or so I hope with all my heart. My parents thought it better that I not know anything about this child. They knew me all too well, and knew at some point, I would want to find the child I had given up._

_Yes, I gave the child up for adoption, thinking it was the best for everyone. If you get this note and are reading it, please try to find this child, if only to find some sort of peace, a peace I am not sure I can offer you. And whether or not I raised him, he is still family, something we all can never have enough of._

_Your father and I love you ever so much and hope that we have a life time to prove it to you. He doesn't know I am writing this, but when he found out he was going to be a father, he fainted and after coming around, screamed his joy, earning us our first house call from the police…Be safe my darling Isabella, follow your heart, it will never led you astray and should you find love, be willing to live for it. It's easy to claim that you would die for love, but it is something altogether different, to prove you would live for it._

_However, please be cautious of Laurent, if he gets out, he is going to be looking for payback I am sure, and I couldn't imagine what my life would be like, without you in it._

_Love you, _

_Always_

_Mom & Dad_

Wow, that was a lot to take in. And while my emotions felt like they were on a rollercoaster, I knew deep down, that I was okay. I could survive this type of news easily.

"Oh Jasper, why didn't I look at it earlier, how could I have been so caviler with such important information just waiting for me to act upon. I had been foolish to think the note was going to be detrimental to our relationship, instead, I learn that I have a sibling. I don't want to resent his or her life simply because he or she was created from such horrible circumstances, but honestly, I am scared that I might resent him or her..."

I really needed to find this sibling, I was getting sick and tired of adding, him or her, he or she all the time. I suppose that made me slightly shallow, but I did truly want to get to know the person who was part of my mom.

"Don't stress Bella, you know now. If finding him is important, I will hire the best Private Investigator in the business and get him to work right now. And perhaps we should discover what has become of Laurent; just your mother's mere words leave me afraid for you. And you are incapable of resenting someone, you are a good person and while his or her creation is founded upon unspeakable horrors, if you make an effort to get to know him or her, I am sure you will become close."

"I don't know what it is, but I have a bad feeling, have had it since this letter arrived. Am I missing something perhaps?"

"Relax, we will find it all out. Right now, you are going to have to be patient. Do you still want to go with the family to Alaska?"

"I do, if you are hiring a P.I., then there really is no need for us to remain behind, besides, if we stayed here, I would more than likely drive the poor man or woman to drink…"

We both laughed at that, when our laugh petered out, Jasper pulled me a little closer in his arms. Giving me strength that I hadn't known I had needed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Cry later, but for now, let's enjoy the laughter."**

Jasper and I had made love twice before I succumbed to sleep. I felt it distantly as he pulled a t-shirt over my head and a pair of pajama bottoms up my legs. He truly was a great man. Since coming down with this flu, he knew I got colder, easier, so he made sure I was clothed when I slept. With a lover's gentle caress sleep lifted me on cloud-like wings, safely and quickly depositing me in dreamland.

I awoke shortly before dawn, the moon was almost gone for the night and I could see the first, faint touching of rose coloring the horizon. I was going to miss this when we got to Alaska, I knew there were going to be sunrises and sunsets there, but something about seeing them from this bed was special. Perhaps it pertained to the fact that it was the first room, the first home I truly felt like I belonged in. I didn't feel like an outsider, to this family, my family, I was simply an extension of it and a loving extension at that.

I knew he was watching me, but for the time being, I didn't need to break the silence. It was comfortable and full of our love for one another. With Jasper's gift, it made knowing one another's feelings obvious. I felt the waves of his love rolling across me, buoying me on the wonderful tide of love.

Did I mention, since understanding and being fully open to his love and everyone else's, I have turned in to a closet romantic sap… It's sad really, but then again, not…I had spent so long being unhappy, existing simply because it was required, now I knew what life was really meant to be like.

Jasper tilted my face up to his, capturing my lips in a sweet kiss. When we pulled away, he suddenly attacked my ribs and sides, tickling me. I was laughing and crying and screaming from the torture of it all. It was hard to think when it felt like my body had revolted against me and was aiding in his torture.

As perfect as the moment had been, even with my sides sore from laughing, my sudden dash to the bathroom splintered the moment. I may have made it to the end of the bed before Jasper was up and following me, at the moment though, I could have cared less where he was. I had one destination in mind and was not going to be deviated.

Collapsing in front of the porcelain bowl just in time, my stomach lurched and between the gasping, panting breaths and unladylike retching I was doing. Jasper wiped my sweaty hair back from my face, his cool hands a welcome distraction from the heat I currently felt like I was roasting in.

"Bella, are you okay?"

I could hear the berating tone in his voice, but knew it wasn't meant for me. He hated asking obvious questions, but what else could he have possibly said, "Hey you want a burger…? Or, wow hun, you look like crap."

After a few minutes of silence, I figured it would be safe to respond. "I…"

"Bella!!!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Love never doubts or suffers or cries. Love shows no fear, love tells no lies."**

Her name barely left my lips before Carlisle came crashing in to the bathroom. I suppose he heard the note of hysteria in my voice, whatever the reason, I didn't rightly care. I was glad to have him there.

I was holding her limp form in my arms, as soon as she passed out, I had reacted. A bubbling of fear spurred me to move, to act.

"Dad?"

He bent down, checking her vitals and such. I am sure he did more, but honestly, my eyes were trained on her, not what he was doing to her…

"Relax son, it looks like she just fainted. Her temperature is elevated slightly and she is clammy, I think that flu that is going around hit her a lot harder than either she or I expected. She will be fine, just get her to take it easy."

Feeling moderately more at ease, I carried her back in to the bedroom. As I was laying her on the bed she began to wake.

"Hey baby."

"Bella, please don't scare me like that again, please!"

Stretching a little, Bella moved in to my arms, wrapping hers around me. "Sorry, I am okay now, I promise. I forgot to eat yesterday and the stress that the letter represented and then having the flu on top of it all. I will take better care of my self I swear."

"Do you still want to go to Alaska?"

"Jasper, quit asking me that. Yes I want to go; I want to be with our family, I need to be. Dad, can you tell your son I am fine and will continue to be so for a long time."

"She's right son, she will be okay. So long as she remembers to take better care of herself, after all, she's just a lowly human!"

I couldn't help it, the look on her face when he said it was too precious. Her eyes got all big and her mouth hung open in a shocked O. And without warning she leapt from my arms and tackled Carlisle to the floor.

If I looked shocked, the look on Carlisle's face was even better. Bella was touchy feely with me, but with the others, even though she was getting to know them better and becoming friends with them, Carlisle and Esme were still held slightly back, as if she was afraid to love another set of parents.

So when she tackled him, I am sure it was as much from surprise and genuine happiness that she had done it.

"Lowly human huh? Just remember, you were the one who brought me here in the first place."

Carlisle looked like he wished to take back his jesting, but I could see in Bella's eyes that she was playing with him.

"And here I thought you loved me…"

"Bel---, you know…"

She didn't allow him to finish, she burst in to tears. Damn she was good.

The horrified look on Carlisle's face told me, he didn't know how to deal with an "Emotional" human, at least to this magnitude. His hands twitched at his sides and he looked ready to cry himself, had he been capable.

"Isabella, you know I love you, we all do!"

Not missing a beat, she climbed from his lap casting him a sideways smile, "Of course, how could you not." It was said with a laugh, but I could still see the tears that clung to her long, sooty eyelashes.

Carlisle looked discombobulated, his stuttering remark proving how out of his element he truly was, "Exactly, how could we not…Are you truly okay darling?"

I had never heard my father use a term of endearment with any of the other "Kids" only with his wife. It was rather endearing and cemented the fact that my family was happy that Bella was a part of our family and we had found our way to one another.

"Right as rain, whatever that means! I need to shower, so…see you in a little while."

She placed a quick kiss to my lips, a kiss to Carlisle's cheek then bounced towards the open bathroom door. And trust my vixen to add a little extra spice to our lives. Before she entered the bathroom, she turned to me and said, "Jazzy baby, are you not going to come and assist me?"

Carlisle sputtered something unintelligible and bolted from the room, the splintering sound of wood from the frame alerting me to the speed and force of his retreat.

"Bella, you know, that was purely evil and yet oh so perfect!"

"Evil, me, nah never. I just have a sudden desire that only you can quench."

Yeah, my Bella was back with a vengeance, but there was also something else going on. She was acting a lot bolder than normal and the fluctuating of her moods was a little disconcerting.

It took me a few minutes to make it to the shower, but in my defense it was only because for a few moments, I was floored at her new teasing.

All thoughts soon left me when I entered the bathroom and saw her playing with herself. Her lilting tone and the smile in her eyes as she exclaimed, "I was waiting and found I could wait on you no longer. Think you can lend me a hand or perhaps something even more to my liking…" All worked to cause my dick to twitch and my hands to move with vampire speed to remove the clothing standing in "our" way.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Throw your clothes on the floor, I'm gonna take my clothes off, too. Girl, whatever you ask me, you know I'll do."**

I don't know what came over me, but I was suddenly flaming desire and raging hormones. I needed Jasper more than I needed air.

I slipped my pajama bottoms off, tossing them in the general vicinity of the hamper. I was about to remove my shirt when my body all but demanded I do something about the growing, insistent need that was coursing through my body.

Figuring he would find his way in here sooner or later, I took care of the problem myself. I was sitting on the counter, between the two sinks, my fingers moving with abandon over my clit and every so often dipping in to the increasingly wet folds of my center.

A smile slipped on to my face when he entered, I couldn't help it. This man was God-like in appearance but underneath it all, he was so much more. I laughed, unable to contain the mirth as I watched him almost shred his clothing in his haste to reach me.

Five seconds, six at most and I was naked, his erection pressing pleasurably against my thigh. He must have sensed my ardent need because he bestowed a quick kiss to my lips before lifting me up and sliding me down on his hardened length.

I mewled in pleasure; this was exactly what I needed. This wasn't love making, this was a need that demanded satisfaction, it was raw, it was carnal, it was passion, desire and lust all jumbled together.

His movements were hard and deep, on a couple of occasions it felt like he was going to rearrange my insides. He had mentioned that he didn't really "let go" when we were together, because if he did, he could hurt me, but the strength he was using right now and the depth of his thrusts, well lets just say, he was hitting all the right spots and if I happened to receive a few bruises in the process, so be it. I had never felt him let go quite so much and it was very pleasurable.

I felt the coil of desire unwinding and then winding tighter, pushing me closer to my approaching orgasm, I didn't fight it, and in actuality I welcomed it with open arms. I needed this release, it had consumed me completely. Something I had never felt before.

Jasper had been a wonderful teacher and the more we expressed our love for one another in the physical sense, I learned new things. But this need seemed to transcend logical explanations, it was all about feeling, it was all about the pleasure we could extract from one another.

When he began nibbling on the sensitive flesh of my neck, I felt my inner walls contract and my body shudder with its release. It was all consuming and for a few moments, I wasn't sure I was going to remain conscious. My senses slowly came back, my breathing slowed.

"Wow! Baby, you can do that to me any time you like that was…fucking amazing. Think you have a second round in you?"

Cocky little bugger just smiled and thrust his hips just a smidgeon.

"Oh, so you are more than ready for a second go. Wait, why didn't you come?"

"I wanted to please you first and trust me that was very pleasing for me as well. I love it when you open yourself to me completely. By sheer force of will, I didn't join you, besides; I figured with the long drive coming up, I might need to tire you out some, so as we won't need to stop a few times before we get there. The family would start to wonder why they could make it in record time and yet it taking us four or five extra hours…"

"Oh please, as if they wouldn't know we were stopping to get frisky. Besides, I have heard many tales about Emmett and Rosalie…"

The cocky look she usually claimed I used, suddenly sprang on to her face.

"Okay Jasper, lets see what you can do with only fifteen minutes. And remember, I still need to shower…"

With a minute and a half to spare, we jumped out of the shower and quickly got dressed. My shirt had barely settled around my body when the door burst open and in walked Emmett, a curious little smile on his face.

"You two ready?"

"Absolutely!"

"Bella and I will be down in a minute."

I laughed at the look Jasper gave Emmett as he sauntered in, and the way his eyes quickly darted to me. I am assuming he was checking to make sure I had all my clothes on.

"Yeah, that's what you two say all the time and then an hour or so later; grace us with your presence."

Not bothering to wait for a response, he winked at me, walking out of the bedroom.

"Everything okay Jaz?" I asked only because it looked like something was bothering him.

"Yup, just wanted to make sure you didn't forget anything. Did you remember to pack your, err, monthly products."

Oh no, did I…"Umm, yeah."

With that he gently tossed me over his shoulder and carried me down the stairs. Once outside and standing by his car, he put me down. Always chivalrous, he opened the door and waited for me to slide in.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Cheekbones like geometry and eyes like sin, she's sexually enlightened by Cosmopolitan."**

We all took our own vehicles. After a long trip, we had learned, you don't take long trips together. Emmett and Rosalie had tried to get frisky with on another while trying to keep everyone oblivious. But the minute Rose's hand slipped underneath the waist of Emmett's casual pants, we all heard it. At first, we had tried to remain oblivious, thinking they would get the hint and stop, but no…they wouldn't.

Carlisle pulled the car off the road and made them walk the remaining distance.

I found the story funny, but knew if Emmett and Rose couldn't make it through a single trip, the likely hood that Jasper and I could was even less. I had accidentally over heard Carlisle call us rabbits… I didn't see the resemblance, but whatever…

And the first half of the trip had actually been rather boring. We talked when we had something to say, but other than that, we more often than not just listened to whatever was playing on the radio.

We had a serious conversation about an hour in to our trip, but after that, it was mostly music. Until I had an idea…

I was starting to get antsy and needed a human moment, so Jasper pulled off at the very next gas station. While taking care of my needs, I figured I would screw with his mind a little and came back, wearing less than I had been, plus I made sure he could tell what was on my mind…

It took him roughly six miles to clue in to the fact that I was aroused and another four for him to figure out all I was wearing now was my denim skirt and sapphire blue tank top. I suppose he might have known earlier, but it wasn't until the six mile marker and the tenth that I actually noticed him noticing. My bra and panties were in the bag that contained my bottle of water and iced tea and a few snacks; I figured it would be a little too obvious if I came back to the car, carrying them.

I'll give him credit, he never mentioned anything, I think he was waiting to see what I would do. And while his car was amazing, a 1968 Shelby Cobra, restored to perfection, it wouldn't accommodate what I wanted easily, if at all, but I was determined to try at the very least.

"Jasper" I purred, pulling out all the little things I knew he liked.

When he glanced at me briefly, I couldn't help but pull my bottom lip between my teeth, gnawing at the oft abused flesh and just before he turned to look back at the road, my tongue slipped across my lips, adding a nice sheen to the rosy skin.

"Oh, God Bella, what do you have planned?"

I giggled, I couldn't help it. He sounded so pained when saying it and yet I could tell from the bulge in his pants, he was just as aroused as I was.

Sure that I had his attention, I hiked my skirt a little higher up my thighs, showing the perfect amount of skin. When his eyes trailed from mine down to my legs, his erotic little moan was enough to embolden me.

I reached over placing my index finger on his lips, and then slowly let it circle the soft, unyielding flesh. I nibbled on my lip, this time simply because it felt so good touching him. He liked my little lip action and drew my finger in to his mouth, just what I needed. I pulled my finger from his mouth with a pop. He watched my finger; his eyes getting larger as I slowly slipped it beneath my skirt and inserted it in to my already dripping center.

I never took my eyes off of him, but my ministrations were doing a lovely job and my eyes wanted to close, to sweeten or prolong the moment, either or, I cared not. With great will, I forced my eyes to remain trained on him. This little show was all about him, and I wanted my prize and would not be deterred from it.

The speed of my movements sped up and my other hand slipped beneath my skirt, I let my right hand take over for the left. I knew the plan, but that damn blush just wouldn't stay out of my cheeks, however, I refused to be beat at my own game by my self.

I no sooner lifted the finger I had been using to please myself, than Jasper grabbed my hand and attacked it. He sucked on all my fingers, cleaning my essence from them, down to the last drop.

Jasper's purr was electrifying; it sent little bursts of shockwaves through my system. I sped my motions up and within moments by body stiffened. Masturbating had never held much interest for me, but since meeting Jasper, I was contemplating making it a daily activity. He seemed to enjoy it as much as I did and sometimes I wondered if he didn't enjoy it more.

After taking hold of my other hand, he quickly and efficiently cleaned that hand off as well and then said, "Damn baby, we need to take more road trips!"

"I'd say."

I slipped my seatbelt off, giving myself more room for movement. Kicked my shoes off and knelt on the seat, facing him. I took my time, wanting to prolong this for as long as possible. I nipped at his ear and neck and then moved towards his jaw, keeping my head out of his line of sight. I didn't need to be the cause for us to get in to a car accident.

I placed a quick kiss to his lips, and then slipped lower.

"Jazzy, can you accommodate a girl?"

His eyes grew large and he had to clear his throat before answering. "Accommodate how?"

"Moving your seat back a little itty bitty bit, of course."

He didn't say a word, just adjusted the seat. Wasting no more time, I slipped the button out of its hold and slowly lowered the zipper, tooth by tooth, letting him savor the feeling of my fingers softly rubbing him through the denim.

"Bella…"

"Concentrate on driving Jasper; I'll take care of the rest."

I plucked the button on his boxers out of it mooring, allowing his erection to pop up in all its glory. My mouth watered, anticipating what was to come.

I let my hands caress and stroke him for a few moments, but I had to taste him, whether it was dangerous or not, he finally allowed me to enjoy his pleasure…

Slipping my mouth around his head, I let my tongue play over the silky firmness. I spent maybe a minute or two taking him as deep as I could before I felt Jasper stiffen and then felt the sticky warmth of his orgasm slipping down my throat.

When I sat up, ready to sit back down in my seat, he grabbed the back of my head, crushing his lips to mine. When he released me, he said, "You can do that any time you want!"

I laughed, I guess my idea to liven up the ride, had been…enjoyed!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	16. Chapter 16

**Would love to know what you thought of this chapter, and if you are so inclined, drop me a review, it would mean the world to me!**

**This chapter is shorter than the last couple, but it is only because there is a lot happening in this one. **

**There are some things I intentionally glossed over throughout this story; the next chapter should answer any remaining questions. (I hope) I am going to take the weekend to work on this chapter. If I get it finished, I will post it Sunday evening, if not, it will be Monday. Hope you can forgive me for taking a little extra time!**

**Chapter Fifteen**

"**True happiness is not acquired and you won't find it on sale."**

I was suddenly beginning to feel like life had suddenly taken a dose of speed or something. Every moment I spent with Jasper felt like it was hurdling on to the next.

The private investigator that Jasper found was rated the best in the country and she was a woman.

The name she gave us was Jen but requested that we call her Disco Diva. She said it gave her a little edge in the business, especially where most people in the business were men. And by going with a nickname, she got more respect, it took a long time to garner that respect, but she had and that is all that matters.

We questioned her choice in nicknames, wonder what the reason was behind it. She simply smiled at us and said, "Child of the seventies…" And did I mention she was a vampire!

It was a slow process, for every step forward she was able to make, she ended up taking two or three back.

She didn't have much to go on and even that little bit of information was leading to dead ends. She had discovered that the baby Renee gave up for adoption was a boy and that he was slightly premature. But after finding that out, she hit a dead end, almost as if the boy disappeared.

But she explained that in this business, finding people was not an easy feat, unless of course the person you are searching for is a complete moron…

*****

It had been three weeks since we hired her and I knew that by calling her I was probably doing nothing more than interrupting her, but I couldn't help it. At least I had managed to cut down from six or seven calls to one or two.

"Don't worry Bella, I know this is taking forever, but I promise I will find your brother."

"I'm not worried, at least not too much, I just want the opportunity to get to know him, he is the only family I have."

"I have never given up on a case and have no intentions of doing so now. The minute I know something, you will."

I hung up the phone, smiling at Jasper. I knew I was driving him nuts, but he never made me feel like it.

"Everything alright love?"

"Yeah, all is good. I think you need to distract me so I can leave the poor woman alone. She is beyond kind, but I think if I am not careful, I may just drive her away."

"Impossible Bella, I think you have already weaseled your way in to her heart."

"Weaseled huh, is that what I did to you?"

"Nope, you came crashing in to it, stole it completely and then started making yourself at home, all in the matter of seconds. I didn't stand a chance; God had made sure of that. I was yours from the moment I saw you. Heart, mind, body and soul, everything that I am or could ever be is yours."

Damn my tears.

I launched myself in to his arms, thankful when his large, strong arms enveloped me. My tears were not from sadness, but being loved so completely that I couldn't find the right words to express just how happy I was or how he completed me.

"Shh, baby, I didn't mean to make you cry."

"Silly Jasper, these are happy tears. I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I plan on spending the rest of my life expressing just how grateful I am."

"Bella, just by loving me, you are expressing it everyday."

I was about to reply but our "siblings" chose that moment to join us.

Alice and Felix moved gracefully in to the living room, a silly smile playing on their lips. Felix took a spot on the couch, folding Alice in to his lap. Edward and Minxy took a seat on the love seat, but they looked lost in one another's eyes. They were here in body, but that was all.

And down came Rosalie and Emmett from their room, where they had been doing things better not described. They had such an interesting sex life and enjoyed bugging those who didn't do things…like them.

Rosalie looked as if she glided down the stairs and the graceful movement as she sat at on the opposite end of the couch, seemed like every movement was a well rehearsed dance.

"Emmett?" I questioned. He was just staring down at us, having not moved since he began to descend. He stood, looking around the room, standing upon the fourth stair from the top, a perplexed look crossing his face.

His gaze wandered from Minxy to me and back to her again. But just when it looked like he was done "Searching" he began to look around the room.

I pulled from Jasper's arms, where we still stood in the living room entrance and slowly made my way to the stairs.

"Emmett, what is it, what's wrong?"

His gaze darted to me as soon as I reached the stairs, his eyes big, a sheen of sweat popping out on his skin. I briefly wondered, can vampires sweat, was it even possible? And if not, what the hell was popping out on his skin?

"Oh. My. God. Bella!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**We've got no fairytale ending, in God's hands our fate is complete. Your heaven's here in my heart, our love's this dust beneath my feet."**

The minute the words left his mouth, all eyes turned to me.

I suddenly felt like a bug under a microscope. If it wasn't for the love shining in Jasper's eyes, I am sure I would have cried.

"Emmett, what's wrong?"

I noticed as his eyes moved to Rosalie, I followed his gaze and saw that whatever he knew or figured out, she now knew and her eyes were shiny with unshed tears.

Edward looked perplexed, it was obvious whatever was going on, he now knew too.

I couldn't wait any longer, I needed answers. "Jasper, what the hell, what is going on?" I was close to hysteria.

Jasper moved beside me, but his grip was weak and I could feel him trembling.

"Bella…" It's all Jasper managed to get out before he collapsed to his knees, his arms going around my waist and his head resting on my abdomen.

I had never been so scared in my life, everything before this was a cake walk compared to what I was going through right then. I didn't know what was going on and the only thing keeping me upright was Jasper's arms…

And then Emmett spoke, but it was cryptic to say the least. "You hear it don't you brother?"

"Hear what?" I screamed. My breath was being expelled from my lips in deep gusting pants, the dark wings of unconsciousness was flitting about my vision, threatening to take hold at any moment.

With the last fragments of my fractured mind, I reached down, fisting my hands in Jasper's shirt and felt his heart beat. It didn't last long, it was there and gone, but I felt it.

"Jasper, yo…you…your heart---it was beating…"

The words, they didn't want to come out of my mouth, but as soon as I forced them past my numb lips, I heard the shocked "oh's" that passed everyone's lips.

If I had thought I was crying before, it was nothing compared to the tidal wave that washed over me then. With brutal force it dropped me to my knees. With my new position, I was closer to Jasper and I could see tears' coursing down his face, but the most heart stopping, breath taking look was dancing in his eyes and his lips were pulled in to a perfect smile that I felt deep in my heart. And then he spoke…

"Someone, anyone, call Carlisle, he needs to get back here and now!"

The urgency in his voice did not alleviate my fear, but I couldn't imagine him smiling like that and there being someone horribly wrong. I was no where close to calm, but I could feel the waves of his gift shifting and settling over me.

"Oh God…Baby, what is it?" I choked out.

He pulled me in to his arms, but one of his hands splayed out over my stomach. The action bespoke of his love, but it also told of fierce loyalty and a sense of protection…

And then, things started to make sense. It was like a light had finally been illuminated, and I finally understood what was going on, even if it made absolutely no sense, whatsoever.

"How?" I asked, my voice belied the calm I was trying to regain.

"What the hell are you all talking about? How what?"

Poor Minxy, she was just as out of the loop as I was.

"She's pregnant!" Jasper's voice was filled with awe. He looked shell-shocked…

"Jasper, how do you know?"

It was Emmett that spoke first and his comment floored me. "I can hear its heart beat."

My mind was suddenly going a million miles a minute; I suddenly had a billion questions.

"How far along am I, why didn't you hear the heartbeat before, is there something wrong with our baby, what changed, why can you hear the heartbeat now?"

"Bella, I don't have all the answers. I don't know why we all didn't hear the heartbeat before today. I suppose the only thing that makes logical sense, or a facsimile of it is, we had become so used to hearing yours and Minxy's, that we just tuned it out. And even if I had heard it, I think I more than likely would have just attributed it to a small animal in the house a rodent perhaps…"

Emmett was really trying, I know that, but he really didn't quell the questions, only made more of them.

I think it was the stress of the situation and maybe other factors as well; all I know is that it finally all came together and the weight of it crushed me, allowing the sweet oblivion of darkness to take over for awhile. I knew I was fainting, but I welcomed it. Not because I wanted to escape, which I kind of did, but because I needed time to process it all and to do so without everyone staring at me, waiting for answers I did not have.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Some of Gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers."**

I heard the little beating heart, wrapped safely within Bella's womb, but I couldn't fathom the reality of it.

I was a vampire, vampires didn't have kids, it was impossible. And while recently, I had become something of an oddity, I still didn't think any of this made sense.

When Bella fainted, I didn't freak out, I was calm. Of course it helped being able to hear not only her heart beat, but that of our child's as well. Wow, child…it was going to take a lot to get used to that word.

It was Minxy, who finally got the call through to Carlisle, he and Esme were on there way here, right now. But it didn't seem fast enough, I needed answers now, not later, when they would get here.

I laid Bella's unconscious form on the couch, her head resting on my thigh. Since moving her, everyone had come to touch her stomach, reverently almost.

Trust Alice, she was never one to tolerate silence, so it was obvious it would be her, who broke it.

"Jasper, what did she mean your heart beat?"

I laughed, it seemed this entire day had been devoted to the one organ that should not even be relevant for me and the one that beat within Bella, or rather the two…

"I talked to Carlisle back when I rescued her about all of this. He didn't know what to make of it. But it has come to my knowledge; whenever I am extremely happy…My heart beats. And before today, it had only done so when Bella and I were making love, our release either happening or imminent…"

This really wasn't something I wanted to talk with my siblings about, but I suppose the time to be squeamish of such things was behind us.

"How could you have known something like this and never shared it with us?"

Edward has asked the question but it was Rosalie who stared at me with hurt shining in her eyes. Jealousy, resentment, happiness and confusion rolled off of her in waves.

"I didn't think it would much matter to any of you. It was something special between Bella and myself. And honestly, I didn't think on it all that much. When it happened, it was amazing and beautiful but with everything that has been going on, I barely found the time to question the why's and how's of it all."

"Jasper, you know this is extraordinary, right?"

"Yes Alice, I know." I suddenly had a light bulb moment and had to ask, "Minxy, have you and Edward been careful? Edward have you felt your heart beat at all?"

Minxy blushed, but I saw the light dancing in her eyes. She had said she didn't want kids, but was that because "We" had supposedly been unable to provide that desire, so she simply dismissed it? I trained my mind on her, trying to detect what her emotions could tell me, but sadly, all I could really feel was Rosalie and her emotions, they were buffeting me with there intensity.

"We didn't use protection. We did before we came up here, but didn't see the point in continuing to do so… And as for my heart, sadly, I can say, I have not felt it beat."

I would have continued to question Edward, but Bella began to stir. When her beautiful brown eyes finally opened, I was more grateful than I could ever explain.

"Hey darlin', how you feeling?"

"Like I'm pregnant… How did I not know it? I have been so wrapped up in everything that has been happening around us and to us, that I didn't even question why I didn't get my period. It was always so sporadic anyway; I never thought something of this magnitude could be going on. I am so sorry Jasper. I should have known!"

"Bella, I don't hold any ill will, just because you didn't know you were pregnant. Think about it, how could you jump to that conclusion, I am a vampire, that should pretty much mean, no babies…"

I was hit suddenly by a wave of fear and it was coming directly from Bella.

"Do---you…not want the…baby?"

Words might have worked to alleviate her mind and her heart; instead I resorted to my tried and true way of guaranteeing she knew exactly how I felt.

I pulled her into my arms, drawing her face to mine. When her lips were just a breath away, I descended on them, put every ounce of love and happiness in to it, while blanketing her in my emotions. They ranged from mild fear to awe, happiness to excitement, absolute love to wonder. When I pulled back, releasing her lips, she had a beautiful rosy color, tinting her cheeks, her breathing was jagged and her eyes were alight.

"My beautiful angel, how we didn't see the truth, that was right in front of us, is baffling. One look and you can see you are glowing, there is a light within that is sparkling so bright, we must have all been blind to not have seen it before now!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**The only cure for grief is action.****"**

Carlisle and Esme arrived shortly before midnight.

Jasper and I were the only ones at the house, the others having decided that it would be best if we shared this news with them.

They looked harried when they walked in the door. Worry was the prominent expression on their faces, but curiosity was a close second.

"You know, if all of you wanted to see us so badly, all you had to do was ask. You didn't have to employ such tactics and worry us."

Carlisle's voice was still tender, but I could hear the bite in his words. We really had worried them.

But it was Esme whose eyes grew round. She had been looking all around the house, like she was searching for something, kind of like Emmett. Her jaw dropped and I could see moisture swirling in her honeyed depths. "Bella, Jasper, congratulations!"

She pulled me to her, her arms encircling me. And like so often, my tears came. They were happy tears again, but I would be lying if I didn't mention how terrified I was.

Jasper stiffened beside me, his eyes were studying Carlisle, but I knew it wasn't his mind he was really trying to pick; it was the emotions coming from him…

"I don't want to be the bad guy, I love you both, very much, but this is absolutely impossible!"

"Carlisle, what are you suggesting?"

Esme was quick to defend me, but it took me a little longer to understand; now I knew why Jasper was bent out of shape. It hurt my heart that he would even think such a thing.

"Dad…you…" I had to stop; I was suddenly unable to continue.

"Bella"

Jasper cut him off before he could say anything else and for that, I was grateful. I didn't think my heart could take much more.

"Dad, I think you need to rethink whatever it is you plan on saying to her. Whatever it is you think, get it out of your head now. I will not have you questioning whether I am the father or not. I know I am, that is all you need to know."

I could see the wheels turning in Carlisle's head and knew the next words out of his mouth were going to hurt, perhaps more than anything ever had before.

"Jasper, you can get as mad as you like but the truth remains, Bella's was raped. Neither of you know how far along she is, so you can't just make assumptions. And Bella, have you truly been happy with us?"

It was so fast; if I had blinked I am sure I would have missed it. Carlisle took identical right hooks to the face, one on his left side from Jasper and one on his right from Esme.

Jasper didn't wait to see if I had anything to say, he simple scooped me up in to his arms and carried me to our room. Just before he turned the corner that would take us from our parents sight, he growled, showing just how much his words had hurt not only him, but me as well, he could see it.

I heard Esme from down stairs, it was funny actually and then I heard Carlisle, I think he was trying to be quiet but he wasn't succeeding very well.

"And pray tell, just where the hell do you think you are going?"

"To our room, it looks like I won't be examining Bella anytime soon…"

"So you think after what you have done, you will get to lie next to me, in my bed?"

I heard stuttering from Carlisle and then he finally spit out, "Well, I had thought that…"

It was silent for so long, I thought they had lowered their voices, but a minute, two at most passed and then I heard their bedroom door open and slam shut. And few seconds after that, Carlisle's voice floated up the stairs.

"I'm sorry Esme!"

*****

"Jasper, relax, I'm fine."

He looked at me, scrutinizing me.

"I'm tired baby, I need to get some sleep, it has been a very long day."

I kicked off my shoes, not even bothering to change.

Jasper pulled me in to his arms and laid me down on the bed, then crawled in beside me after he got rid of his pants and shirt. Once he was settled, he pulled me close to him, each of us on our sides, just looking at each other.

"Can you get the light?" I asked with a yawn.

The lights quickly disappeared, leaving the room mostly bathed in darkness, the quarter moon the only illumination. I was gladly drifting to sleep when I felt his hand snake under my shirt to rest against my abdomen.

"Goodnight my love and goodnight my precious miracle, sleep well!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**When the truths of love are planted firm, they won't be hard to find. And words of love I speak to you will echo in your mind."**

I don't know what I would have done without Minxy or Felix for that matter.

Felix drove Minxy and me in to town, we needed human food and I wanted to check out vitamins and whatnot…

I wasn't going to sugar coat anything, what I wanted from Minxy and by extension from Felix, was not going to be an easy request.

This was going to be a deal breaker, one I had made to myself, to Jasper and to the rest of the family, except these two…

"Minxy, Felix, I need the biggest favor from you two. And I know you are going to fight me on this, but please, I need to do this, please!"

"Bella, you are scaring me, what do you need to do?"

Felix just looked at me. Sometimes I wondered if he didn't have a gift he never mentioned…

"First off, I am not running away, so if you are thinking that, get it out of your head. I am going to be making my way to the airport and from there I am going to Chicago. Don't ask me anything else, our family can't find me for a few days; I need to find something out first. I am coming home, it is impossible for me to leave Jasper; he is my heart, without him..."

I didn't need to say anything else; they knew how important Jasper was to me.

"So why didn't you just ask Jasper to take you to the airport, why the secrecy?"

"You know as well as I do Minxy, he wouldn't let me go on my own and this is something I need to do."

Okay, so I wasn't being completely truthful, but what they didn't know wouldn't hurt them, I hoped.

"Bella"

"Felix, I have every intention to be back here for my birthday. Your wife would never forgive me for missing it and the presents I know she has been hiding throughout the house. And that is only ten days from now."

"If you go anywhere, I am going with you. You can fight me on this all you want, but it will do you no good. I've heard the stories about your troubled past, we don't need a repeat!"

"Felix, that's sweet really, but this is something I must do on my own, for my own peace of mind, as well as Jasper's. I'll have my cell phone, so you can all get in touch with me, whenever you want. You need to understand, this is something I need to do, not only for me, but for this baby I am carrying and for Jasper. My future is wrapped completely up in him."

"I want thrice daily calls, either to me or to Jasper. You will be given an hour leeway, but that is it. If you even have an inkling of trouble, you leave and hall your ass back here."

Throwing my arms around him, I squeezed him as hard as I could, but in stead of being awkward like I was expecting, it was beyond natural.

When he released me, I couldn't help but giggle as he mumbled under his breath. "Yeah sure, get all sweet with me, likely to be the last time I even feel another body pressed against mine. Wife's going to castrate me, no doubt about it!"

"Well, if you are going, let's get you to the airport, the sooner you leave, the sooner you can get back."

Minxy gave me a huge hug, tears were standing in her eyes when she whispered, "You are coming back right; we are going to be changed together, right?"

"I am coming back and we will be changed together. Carlisle still has work to do in Forks before he comes back, so I am sure they will head back home soon…"

The trip was short and I had to give it to Felix, he was a very smart man. He waited till I boarded the plane to Chicago before leaving. I can't be sure, but I think he wanted concrete evidence that I was actually going where I said I was.

Thankfully, he hadn't followed me to the ticket counter, because while I had bought a ticket to Chicago, I also had one for Phoenix…I hated using Jasper's money like this, but he all but demanded that I use the money any way I saw fit.

Felix told me just before I boarded, he was going to take Minxy to get something to eat before heading home, give me a little extra time, in case Jasper felt the need to come after me, when he found out what I was doing.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**I saw your smile and my mind could not erase the beauty of your face."**

Once we had been in the air for a little while, I finally let the emotions that I had been hiding, bubble to the surface.

I sat quietly, letting the tears have free reign, even if I wanted to stop them, I knew I wouldn't be able to, these emotions needed to run their course. His beautiful face and his expressive eyes only working to compound my sadness, making the tears come quicker and with more force.

Carlisle's words hurt more than I could say. He couldn't believe his son was the father of my baby, but my kidnapper, who was also a vampire, he can believe or maybe I decided to up the ante on my self-abuse and got knocked up by some random John…I loved Carlisle, but the fact that he could even think that, made me wonder what else he was thinking about me…

The truth of the matter, I knew everyone was going to be asking those same questions, how could I possibly stay there when there was no way to prove that the child I carried was his. At least, I think so…

Jasper was dead, well, he's a vampire, how can you get DNA from someone who is and has been dead for over a century? I hoped to God that I wasn't going on a wild goose chase, but I needed to find proof, one way or another and should the truth not be what I believed, then I had no choice but to leave my family forever. But unlike my mother, I wouldn't be able to give my child up, he or she would be the only thing urging me to live.

I know I should have told Jasper how "that man" had really hurt me. How even after all these months, I still dreamed of him and his cold harsh bitter words than rang with such truth.

In Jasper's defense, the only times it really bothered me was when he was gone. When the whole family, went hunting and didn't return until morning. Those nights he was gone, was when I had the worst nightmares.

And at the beginning, when Jasper rescued me, I really was okay, just being back in his arms and being encompassed by his love. His love really did help me heal, but I don't think I could heal completely until I knew the whole truth and whatever that vampire knew, was something I needed to know… I am not stupid, I would not search him out, I would let my family find him, unless of course, it took so long that I was turned and could take him on myself.

Before I could marry Jasper, my past needed to be laid to rest and he needed to let go of his. All our mistakes needed to be learned from and remembered, but they couldn't continue to carry the weight that could hurt or possibly destroy us. The past was over, it was time to forgive.

My life and that of my child's hung in the balance. I had to put the ghosts of my past to rest once and for all, and I needed to prove to the man I intended to marry, that he wasn't wrong in loving me so completely!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**And thank you ever so much for the reviews, they are wonderful and inspire me and my muse to work even harder. **

**Oh yeah, and don't worry, this story is no where near close to being done, and the beginning darkness is not gone. This is a darker tale and will continue to be so, but too much angst can be redundant, so I had to lighten it up every once in awhile! :D **


	17. Chapter 17

**Well, this chapter was supposed to be longer, but my muse told me it was done and I had to end it there. So while**** some questions are answered in here, not as many as I was planning. I guess that means the next chapter will be the longer one. :D Hope this chapter is to your liking. Hopefully you will forgive me, seeing as how I wasn't planning on having anything done until Sunday. **

**Chapter Sixteen**

"**I try to say goodbye and I choke, I try to walk away and I stumble. Though I try to hide it, it's clear, my world crumbles when you are not near."**

I knew there was something wrong the minute she left. She didn't hide her feelings from me any more, but this morning, I couldn't read a single emotion coming from her. I knew I should trust her and I did, but I also knew how badly she had been hurt by Carlisle.

Then the magnitude of what happened was brought home with enough force that I was brought to my knees.

Minxy and Felix came in and stupidly, I looked for her. Before I had even seen them, I had heard them and felt them. I was being dense, but the sudden aching pain that took root in my heart was damn near incapacitating.

"Minxy, where is she?"

Damn Carlisle for choosing that moment to walk in.

When I was capable of finding my legs, I moved closer to her and by doing so, closer to Carlisle. I couldn't call him my father right now, if I ever would be able to do so again was quickly in question.

I must have looked like shit, because as soon as I stood in front of Minxy, she recoiled from me but right before she hid her face from me, I saw the tears spilling down her cheeks.

"Jasper, she asked us to do this for her. I suppose we could have forced her to come home, but she promised she would be back before her birthday, she said she had to do this."

"What else, you are leaving something out?"

She cast a quick, slightly resentful look towards Carlisle before answering, "She…"

I could see the words being swallowed up by her tears, but I needed to know.

If it wasn't for Felix, I might have went on a war path.

"Relax Jasper, I don't know the entirety of her plan, but she said she would be home as soon as she could prove you are her baby's father. I don't know how she plans to do that, but she is heading to Chicago and promises to phone you or one of us three times a day to keep us up to date."

I suppose I should feel bad for how I reacted, but in my defense, the woman I loved had been driven from her home by a man who called her daughter. I clocked Carlisle first and then clocked Felix. That shit about not shooting the messenger having no meaning at all to me at the moment.

Esme must have been listening in because as soon as she walked in, she looked like a mother bear ready to tear the looming threat to her baby, limb from limb.

"Carlisle Cullen, you damn well better get your shit together and go home, I don't think I can stand the sight of you right now. If she doesn't…"

It was obvious that even the thought caused her pain. She couldn't give voice to what she had been thinking, perhaps from fear; my speaking of the possibility it could become reality.

Finding my voice, I turned to Felix, "When did she leave?"

He seemed to hesitate a little too long before answering, "She got on the plane a little after ten this morning. Minxy and I promised to kill some time before coming home. Bella called me when she got to her hotel, that was a little after one. Don't ask me what took so long, that is all I know. After that, Minx and I went to a really bad movie and then another and then finally went and got her groceries. Hence why we didn't walk in the door till after Six…"

I don't know what I was planning to do at that moment, the only thing that really made any sense, was me getting on a plane and following her. Before I had even made up my mind, I was moving, taking the steps to my bedroom five at a time. But I had no sooner touched the doorknob to "Our" bedroom than my phone rang.

I would not allow my mind the possibility that it could be anyone else, so I simply said, "Bella love, please come home!"

"Jasper, I am coming home, just not right now, this is something I have to do. My entire being is shattered without you by my side. There is a serious lack of meaning to so many inadequate English spoken words. I fear I will never be able to describe just how much I love you or what exactly you mean to me. 'I love you' seems to pale in comparison to what I feel. You are the reason my heart beats, you are the bright ray in my once dismal world and this child that "We" created is a miracle! You're love is what will bring me home, I hope you know that."

I could hear her crying, with each and every fiber of my being, her wracking sobs hurt my heart, fracturing my tenuous grip on remaining strong, never mind just standing.

"Bella, I don't doubt that the baby you are carrying is ours, I would believe it, even if we had never made love before. I know there is not an all encompassing word for what I feel for you, but I trust you with not only my life, but that of our child's. Come home baby, let me feel your arms around me, I need you in my arms!"

"Jasper, I believe you, I really do, but I need to do this."

"Let me help you then, tell me what you need and I will do it, anything, just let me be there with you."

"No Jaz, this is a solo job, I think I was always meant to do it. I just need you to have faith in me, please?"

"That's what I am trying to tell you, I do! My faith, like my love is unshakable, there is no restrictions, no questions. It is yours, given freely!"

"Jasper, I have to go. Please know where ever I go or wherever I am, I love you. Don't be mad, everything is going to turn out right! If you find you are missing me more than normal, search our room, I left a present that should keep you…occupied."

I wasn't done arguing with her, but she took it out of my hands, a final "I love you" slipped past her perfect lips and then the annoying buzzing of a disconnected line.

I needed a fight, a knock down, bloodied fight. Where I got to beat the shit out of anything in my path, rendering it limbless, headless and bodiless, I needed something that would take the searing burn that was the gaping hole in my heart. Instead, I bolted for our bedroom. Wanting nothing more than to destroy the place and yet, knowing I couldn't do it, because somehow, someway, I would be obliterating what Bella and I worked so hard for. It was true, they were mere objects, but they were also a small part of the whole that was our love.

I finally found what she had been talking about, that little present she had left me. I couldn't believe how well she had hid the damnable thing, but her ingenious hiding spot was laughable and quite clever, just like her!

It had taken three intensive searches before I found it, hidden in plain sight, her freaking pillow case, along with a pair of rather un-Bella like, blue satin panties.

It was a compact, re-writable DVD disc. As I twirled the fragile object in my hand, I had to wonder what the hell she was playing at. On the front was a little yellow sticky note that read, "Was meant to be your birthday present, but I figured you might need a little something to help make this easier.

Deciding I couldn't wait to watch whatever it was I was meant to watch, I popped it in to my laptop, waited for it to load and then hit play.

All I have to say is, "Thank God, I am already dead!!!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**You gave me faith to find my dreams; you'll never know just what that means."**

It took forever to make it in to Chicago, rent a hotel suite and then get back to the airport on time for my flight to Phoenix. I had made sure to call Felix while I was in the hotel, hoping that would be enough to ease his mind and not make him suspicious.

I suppose I could have stayed in Chicago, but I didn't know the city as well as I knew Phoenix, at least there I could walk around and feel somewhat safe…

My first instinct was to call "Disco Diva", but I knew that she would probably insist I go home and leave this quest up to her.

I don't know how Jasper knew a P.I. who just so happened to be a vampire, but I had no doubt that she was good. The fact of the matter was, I needed to do this on my own.

Once I got to the library, I began searching on the internet for anything pertaining to Jasper and his family. It was hard, a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.

There were Whitlock's and Hale's all over the country and many in other countries too. I refocused my search to the southern states and found a few references to his family, dating back to the eighteen hundreds. The joys of the World Wide Web, sooner or later, everything made it on to it.

I printed off page after page of names and numbers. I wasn't sure if I could accurately eliminate anyone from the list, so decided I would just go to each address listed and winging it. There were a few that didn't have addresses but thankfully those that didn't, did have phone numbers listed.

Looking at the clock above the librarian's desk, I realized that I had better phone Jasper; otherwise he was liable to jump on a plane…

I moved in to the stacks, going as far from anyone as I possibly could, I didn't want to get in trouble for talking.

By the time the call was done, I felt a little better, but I missed him so much. I had almost given in and told him to come help me, but I figured this was important, and if I could find some of his relatives, perhaps then I could ease everyone's minds and maybe give him the gift of some of his biological family.

I may have a family now, but those biological ties were sometimes needed. Jasper regretted what he did to his father and would never truly get over it, unless perhaps, someone could ease his mind…

Not sure where to start exactly, I decided to go with phoning people first, it wouldn't do to show up on some people's doorsteps and be turned away because I was a stranger…

The first twenty calls were frustrating and didn't help me whatsoever. It was a case of, "No, just moved to this area." "Never had relatives in any wars…" "Yes, we had relatives who fought in most of the wars, but we were not Whitlock's back then…" "Don't know my family history, don't care to!"

I was starting to think that going and talking with these people would be the wiser course of action, but when I reached the third page, I hit jackpot, at least I hoped so.

Three different sets of Whitlock's wanted to speak to me further and invited me to meet up with them the next day. That meant I would have to leave now to make it all the way to Texas, but I was fine with that, however, that meant I would also have to arrange for transportation, because I had to get to Keeter...first. And I didn't have my license, so I wouldn't be driving. I was set to meet with the first family at one, from there I had to make my way to Bridgeport to meet with the second family at four and from there, I had to find this small little town called Crafton, where I was to meet that family at seven.

And then I found two Hale's who thought they might be able to help me and I was due to meet up with them in three days, except, in order to get to them, I had to fly in to San Antonio and once again find transportation, because from San Antonio, I had to travel southeast to reach Corpus Christi.

I still had six pages to go through, but figured it would be pointless to continue until after I spoke to these people. Rather, it wouldn't be pointless, none of this was, I was doing this for a good cause, but if I had already found his relatives, then I didn't need to continue searching. Besides, if his family wasn't in Texas, then my next phone inquiries were going to range from Tennessee to North Carolina and that was only then next three pages…

Content that I had done everything I possibly could for the day. I headed back to the airport, bought a ticket to Fort Worth. I had over four hours to kill, so I grabbed a bite to eat and decided I needed to hear Jasper's voice, so called him. Thankful that the man I loved was a vampire and never slept, because it was already pushing three in the morning and I had to talk to him.

Knowing what was probably going to transpire, I headed to the ladies washroom, hoping at this ungodly hour, it would be mostly deserted and thankfully it was.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Heaven is laying in my sweet baby's arms, hell is when my baby's not here."**

I quickly pushed the stop button, I didn't particularly want to, but I had family all around me, and if…yeah I wasn't even going to go there.

I threw the laptop on the charger, making sure the battery was fully charged and realized with dismay, it was going to take awhile, whoever used it last had damn near run the thing dry.

Every twenty minutes I checked the damn battery. My impatience was getting the better of me.

Rosalie had made the mistake of coming in to the bedroom and almost took a heavy old tome to the head. After that little mistake, people knocked, but I didn't really want to talk to anyone, I needed to see what she left me, even though I had a pretty good idea what it was…

I don't recall a laptop battery taking that long to charge before, but it was almost three in the morning before the damn thing was ready. I cursed the blasted technology while offering it a blessing. It was an oxymoron I know, but I both loathed and loved that little machine.

Grabbing my cell phone and the computer, I jumped from my bedroom window, making my way in to the densely populated forest. I was lucky if I was ten miles from the house when my cell phone rang, but I knew I was far enough away and besides, at that moment, I wouldn't have cared where I was, my baby was calling!

"Bella"

"Hey Jaz, how are you?"

"Honestly, I am going out of my mind, I need you in my arms."

"I miss you too and love you, so much!"

I could hear the sincerity in her voice, but it didn't help the ache that had settled in to my heart.

"Where are you, when are you coming home?"

"I'll be home as soon as possible… Have you watched your video yet?"

"No, I was about to, but I had a better interruption, it can wait."

"Are you alone?"

"Yes… why?"

"Put the disc in and get comfy. I didn't think I would be on the phone with you when you watched it, but I think this is even better, well as good as it can be without me actually being there."

I did as she instructed. I lowered myself to the forest floor, placed my lap top on my legs and got comfy.

If I had been human, my heart would have burst or stopped altogether. On the suddenly inadequate screen Bella appeared, wearing nothing but a midnight blue bra and panty set, matching midnight blue garter and stilettos… I moaned long and low, I couldn't help it, she was a vision. The Goddess Aphrodite didn't hold a candle to her beauty. She was the most alluring vision ever. Her dark mahogany tresses cascaded over her back and shoulders in tantalizing little ringlets. She looked virginal and wicked all at the same time. My own personal Angel and Devil coinciding in the very same body!

"What do you think Jasper?"

Damn my vixen! She was purring and I could hear the sound of her worrying that beautiful bottom lip between her teeth.

"Bella, Oh. My. God!!"

"Baby, I need you to touch yourself, let your hardness free. Let your hands travel over that beautiful piece of meat. Imagine it is my hands pleasing you."

"Bella, come home now, or better yet, tell me where you are, I need you, more than I have ever needed anything."

"Watch the video Jasper…"

She was going to be the death of me. But I slipped my zipper down and undid my button, having not bothered with underwear, my dick jumped to attention, or rather, welcomed the freeing and stood ready for action, sadly, my hand was the only thing available.

I put the phone on speaker and set it on the keys of the keyboard, close enough that I could still hear even the minutest sound coming from her, but not blocking my view on the screen.

I contemplated asking her when she got this little outfit, but it didn't really seem to matter, at least it didn't as soon as she took her place on our bed and spread her legs. Her panties were crotchless and my god, I had an amazing view.

My sanity was still intact until I heard her moan on the screen and on the phone.

"Bella, where are you and what are you doing?"

I suppose I sounded slightly panicked, but I felt like I was going to come right then and there.

"Don't worry baby, I am not doing anything I didn't do in the video. You and you're damn purring and moaning is just too much, I had to ease some tension…You do the same!"

As vampires, we are generally a sexual species, but since Bella walked in to my life, I felt like all I wanted to do was please her and be pleased in return. And while Bella had always been fairly unquenchable, it wasn't until the last month or so that she truly couldn't get enough. Again I wondered how stupid I could have been, the change in personality wasn't drastic, but it was there, her carnal hungers and her willingness to eat and sleep without being begged, should have been a tell-tale sign.

My thoughts were interrupted as my hand began to move more forcefully over my erection as I watched the video.

On the computer screen, Bella slipped two fingers in to her already moist core and I don't know if it was for my benefit or not, but she was a million times more vocal than she had ever been thus far, with me there...

She started off moaning and purring, but when she started to pump her fingers in earnest, her other hand glided down her silky flesh and began to play with her clit, she started talking… "Jasper, mmm, I want it to be you doing this to me… Can you feel the way my pussy wraps around you like a second skin. Mmm, the heat, it searing and makes me so much wetter…Jazzy, I need to feel that rock hard dick of yours, filling me, stretching me, the way only you can."

I could hear it now, the delicious sound of Bella's fingers moving within her tight folds and the obvious sound of friction on denim. Why the hell was she wearing her jeans in bed?

Hitting the pause button on the video, I decided to pay more attention to what was going on, on the phone.

My hand was still gripping my girth, and I was close to climaxing, but a multitude of questions began to assault my mind.

But I no sooner began to slow my movements than I heard Bella being ensnared by her orgasm, the erotic tides washing over her and down the phone line, bathing me in her passion filled sounds of completion.

My hand moved on its own, no longer listening to anything my mind was trying to tell it and three strokes later, I was purring as my orgasm washed over me. My Bella was a force to be reckoned with and her breathy, panting moans were a balm to my sadness.

I missed her with every fiber of my being, but, a few days were not going to cause the end of the world. When she returned, I had every intention of taking her away from awhile, I needed to reaffirm our bond and show her, no matter what anyone said, eternity was ours and I would never doubt a single thing about her or the love we shared.

"Are you feeling any better Jaz? I know I am."

"Sexually, yes, but I still miss you. You know you want me there with you, just let me come. Which hotel are you staying at?"

I was waiting for her to answer when I heard a distinct male voice announce a flight to Las Vegas…

"Bella, where exactly are you? And don't bother lying, you know as well as I do, I heard that."

"Jasper please, just trust me. I know what I am doing. I'm not in Chicago any more but I promise everything I am doing is for a reason."

I could have sworn she added something else, but I couldn't be sure, it sounded like "Haven't been in Chicago for a long time…" I let it go for the moment; I needed to make her see that I needed to be there with her.

"Let's make a deal?"

"What kind of a deal Jasper?"

I could hear the reluctance in her voice, but I forged ahead, I needed her to understand how important this was to me. "Bella, you are the love of my life. Over a hundred years ago I had not even thought of having kids and since being changed, never even contemplated the idea, because it was moot. But baby, you are having our baby, you can't ask me to sit on the sidelines while you are off searching for something. That monster who hurt you is still out there. Please know I trust you, but you are carrying a miracle, our miracle! My father was an ass for what he said, please darlin', I am going to go out of my mind with worry."

The wheels were turning in her head; I could damn near hear them. She was trying to think of something to say, but so far had remained silent. I wondered briefly if she was wavering in her convictions. So instead of letting her work through it and come up with another rebuff, I quickly continued.

"You know you want me there with you. You said it yourself that it hurts when I am not near you. I feel that same physical ache. Tell me where you are and I will spend eternity helping you find what you are looking for!"

"I want two more days on my own. Yes, it does hurt me to be so far away from you. But let me deal with the plans I have today. If you can promise to that, I will tell you where you can meet me!"

"I don't want to promise this, but I will, I love you too much. Where am I headed?"

My voice was pained and I knew I was being childish, but something told me that I just had to get to her.

"Wednesday you are going to fly in to San Antonio. That gives me the rest of today to finish my plans and tomorrow I will make my way to San Antonio. That way, I will be all tucked in to bed when you arrive. I love you!"

"Bella, why are you going to San Antonio?"

"I'll tell you everything when you get here okay."

I wanted to argue, but knew it was going to be pointless; she would just get pissed if I tried. "I love you too, please be safe and get some sleep, it's late."

"I'll sleep when I board my plane. Go get yourself packed, I will see you soon."

My heart was all but breaking when I heard her end the call. I desperately wanted to call her back and keep her on the phone till I reached her, but I knew I was being irrational.

Grabbing my cell and the computer, I bolted from the woods, making it back to the house in record time.

It didn't take long to throw together some clothes, but I found I packed more for her than I did for myself. She had left here without any changes of clothes. And while I knew she had money enough to buy new ones, I didn't actually think she would. So I packed some of my favorites of hers.

Emmett, Edward and Felix converged on me, demanding answers. I expected the rest of the family to be here as well, but was thankful they weren't. I wasn't sure I could even look at Carlisle right now.

"Where are you going?"

"Relax Felix, she relented, she is letting me help her. I am heading to San Antonio right away. I kind of promised I would wait, but getting there early isn't going to cause a problem, I hope."

"Why San Antonio, Bella's in Chicago, she boarded the plane to Chicago!"

"I don't know what to tell you, but she is sneaky and very clever. She left Chicago shortly after arriving…"

"Balls! Your future wife and I we're going to have a talk when she gets back!"

"Whatever you say man…"

I clapped Emmett on the back and raced from the house. A current of dread was beginning to settle in my stomach. Something bad was going to happen, I was all but sure of it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**If I want it, I take. The men I've killed, the children slaves, and all the woman I've raped. Between my legs I've got what it takes to be called a man."**

When I had walked away from her, I had thought that it would only take a week or two at most to find her again and finish what was started years before.

But now, here I was, searching and coming up with nothing. I had resources but they were turning up nothing as well.

My temper was likely to get out of hand if I didn't find her soon. And to prove that point, I was leaving a trail of dead bodies in my wake.

And then "she" managed to come through for me, I am not exactly sure how she did it, considering all my "friends" had come up empty. But at this moment, I didn't care. I would owe her, I knew that, but I figured I could work something out.

"How did you find her?"

"Well, actually, I didn't find her, I found the people she was living with. I don't know if she is still, but something you need to know, the family that took her in, they are vampires. The whole family… from what I could find out, there is Carlisle and Esme, Emmett and Rosalie, Edward and Alice."

"Victoria, I don't care if she has a battalion of vampires around her, the hounds of hell or the mangy mutts that call themselves werewolves! I will get to her and I will make her pay."

"Pay for what exactly? It isn't like she had an easy life, what can you possibly want to take from her, the two years she had with your mother that you didn't?"

"I don't keep you around for your insight Victoria. If you weren't so talented in bed, you wouldn't even be here. Get it through your head, I don't care for you, never will, Bella is the only thing that interests me, and I don't care what you think."

"You know, that is disgusting, she is your sister! You raped your sister and seem to want to do that again…"

"Don't act all high and mighty; I have seen the dicks you have parted your legs for!"

"James, quit being an ass."

"That's the nice thing, I don't have to be. Are you going to find anything else out, or am I going to have to do all the leg work here."

"You are the one who is sitting in this flea bag hotel in fucking Fort Worth, doing nothing!"

She was really getting on my nerves. I would have to get rid of her soon, I was almost positive I wouldn't be able to handle her shit once I found Bella.

"Just go find some more information; I'll pay you well for it. So get gone…"

Thankfully, she listened. The annoying sound of her high-heeled shoes clicking on the cement outside was enough to remind me what headaches felt like. Whenever she came near, I felt the once familiar throb of pain behind my eyelids…

This was taking to long; I had to find Bella, and now! Sick or twisted, wrong or right, I needed to finish what was started so long ago!

And when I did get my hands on her, I was going to tell her every sordid detail. There was so much to tell and I was all but crawling out of my skin for the chance to tell her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	18. Chapter 18

**Sorry for the lateness of this chapter, but life seems to think I need to be doing everything but writing. I disagree completely, but some days, that doesn't help me much. Hope you guys aren't too mad at me. For the next week or so, updates may take up to two days to get posted. Also, any typos or errors in this chapter is on me, my beta was unavailable tonight, please forgive me. (But when I beta my own chapters, I swear I miss a lot of the errors, because I read it not how it is on my screen, but in my head. If that makes any sense…)**

**This chapter has more swearing than some chapters, so please be forewarned! I love all the reviews, please keep them coming, I think I got a few plot details covered in this chapter, but I had to stop here, because I couldn't keep going, otherwise, this would have been one long chapter and it is fairly long as is. So on with the show! (And thank you truly, for being such wonderful readers, you guys ROCK!!!) **

**Chapter Seventeen**

"**I don't need no money, fortune, or fame. I got all the riches baby, one man can claim."**

When I reached the airport, I was more than a little dismayed that Carlisle was there, waiting for his flight to leave.

I didn't want to be the bigger man today and let what happened go. He had hurt Bella, even more than I could comprehend. I just didn't understand why. He loved her; she was his daughter, probably more so than any of the rest of us… So why do it.

I had just decided I didn't want to find those answers out, when he came and stood next to me.

"What do you want Carlisle?"

There was acid in my tone, I didn't care, he deserved that and so much more.

"To apologize, I didn't' say what I did to make her feel bad or leave, I just wanted to know all the facts. And there is a glaringly obvious fact that everyone else seems to have forgotten, Vampire's cannot have kids!"

His voice was low, but he spoke with misguided authority, as if he was the master of all things feasible. That because of his age, he knew better than anyone about what could and could not happen. It was infuriating and down right bogus.

"Carlisle, I get it. You aren't used to being questioned, rarely do we do it. You are a natural leader and you have gone out of your way to learn many things. But the fact remains, you don't know everything! If what you said in any way brings harm to my child or to Bella, I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive you. I'm not asking you to believe Bella or me, the child she carries, is mine, do you get that! She has given this pointless life, my pointless life meaning and you may have stolen that happiness for good."

I walked away then, I didn't need to hear his pathetic attempts at making right what he had caused to go wrong. Okay, so I was being slightly melodramatic, I knew Bella was coming back, but he didn't know that and perhaps it was a low blow, but I had earned the right! If I stuck around any longer, I was going to deck him, and I suppose that would not go over so well with the humans, so instead, I grabbed my phone and dialed Bella.

From where I stood, I could see Carlisle watching me, his gaze was penetrating, but by sheer force of will, I ignored him.

And all the while, cursing the dreaded object in my hands. It had gone straight to voicemail…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**As we look into the future, it's as far as we can see. So let's make each tomorrow be the best that it can be."**

I knew this was going to be a long day but I hadn't thought that it was going to require quite so much from me mentally.

Mark and Evelyn Whitlock, the first couple I met, turned in to a dead end. I spent over an hour visiting with them, but by the time I left, I knew they were no relation to Jasper. Their Jasper had died in the war was actually eighteen and had been married.

They had spoken to many of their relatives the night before, but no one had heard anything of my Jasper's past. I wasn't looking for vampire details, that would have been stupid, but like I said, their Jasper was married before he died and while serving his country, had missed the birth of his daughter and then died.

By the time I made it to Darren and Anita Whitlock's home, I was starting to feel exhausted. The lack of sleep was catching up with me and I wanted nothing more than to get this over and done with, hopefully with good news and get to sleep. My baby needed me to take care of myself and to do the right thing.

Anita had found a lot of information pertaining to Darren's past, but once again, her search turned up a different Jasper. I was a little shocked at how many Jaspers there had been.

When I explained that I couldn't stay, they all but insisted, especially when Anita saw me sway slightly and almost hit the floor. Darren's quickness was the only thing that saved me and for that I was grateful.

I was fed a delicious meal and ate way too much cornbread, but in my defense, I was blaming it all on the child that rested safely within my womb.

I was running late when I reached my last destination of the day. Christina Whitlock was widowed, her husband having died almost twenty years earlier. I listened to all her tales about her family and was starting to lose hope when she mentioned that her husband's grandfather had died brutally in his home. No one knew what happened to him, but it had looked like he had been set upon by something savage.

Matthew's grandfather David had spent many years looking for his son who had taken off and died before ever having known what happened. She told me she hoped they had met in heaven. It was very touching and perhaps because of hormones, I began to cry.

"Jasper's mother was a Hale, she died giving birth to him but for the longest time, David wondered if Jasper had not taken her last name and gone AWOL…"

I knew I was risking more tears, but I had to ask. "Would you happen to have any pictures? I didn't need to question the whole AWOL thing, because while he did in fact leave abruptly, it wasn't really by choice."

She smiled a grandmotherly smile and pulled a photo album from the side table. After handing it to me, she sat back and sipped her tea.

I looked through the photos and was dismayed, there wasn't even a trace of resemblance at all and then I turned the page and it was as if "My" Jasper was staring right back at me. My breath hitched and I dropped the book, the tears that had begun to taper off, began in earnest again.

The album had fallen perfectly, marking the spot where I had been, Christina plucked the book from the floor with her arthritic hands and traced the picture with a delicate gnarled finger a sad smile touching her lips.

"That there is my Matthew, he was a striking man, I was blessed to have found him and even more so when he told me he loved me."

"Jasper hasn't told me much about his past or where he came from, we haven't known each other long, but almost from the moment we met we knew we were destined to be together. He doesn't know I am pregnant, but my family does and they doubt this baby is his. I don't want him to have to deal with this, so I figured I would take matters in to my own hands and had I been smart when I left home, I would have gotten a sample from him, but alas, here I am…But my life and all that entails is a long story and one best saved for another day. Would you like to see what he looks like?"

When she nodded, I handed her the small picture that I kept in my wallet, the one Alice had snapped while we were busy watching a sunset back home in Forks.

Her smile warmed my heart, especially when she turned that smile on me.

"He is the spitting image of my Matthew; I would swear they are twins."

I knew my time was running short, so I moved on.

"I don't mean to be nosy, but did you and Matthew have any children? I only ask, because I am almost positive Jasper is related to you in some way, and since he is not available, I was wondering if someone would be willing to offer up a blood test. It is horrible of me, but I need to have proof that the child I carry is Jasper's."

She paused for a minute, looking like she was contemplating something and then said, "What happened child? Why are you uncertain? I can see the love you have for your man, there is a light about you, and that type of light doesn't surround those who freely give of their body."

And there was the question I was dreading. I tried to stifle my sobs, but they were determined to run a course not set by me. I was about to swipe my face with the back of my sweater when I felt a silky cloth being handed to me.

"Use it my dear, you need it more than I do."

"Th—Thank you, so much."

When my eyes had dried some and my voice was capable of speech without cracking I began. "I was kidnapped not long ago and before Jasper could find me; my captor took certain liberties with my body. I didn't know until just recently that I was pregnant and the fact is Jasper and I had thought children were not an option, he was sick as a child…"

"Oh, you poor dear, that is atrocious. How could any man wish to harm you, you are an angel in spirit and in beauty. Matthew and I had two children, our son died long ago, but our daughter lives up in San Antonio. I'll call her right away and ask her for this favor."

"How can I ever thank you?"

"No thanks are needed, but should you see fit, how bout you and your Jasper come visit me sometime. I know he doesn't know me but I would like a chance to get to know him, any man related to my Matthew would have to be a great person, but I would also like to get to know more about you my dear."

Perhaps it was because I had never had elderly relatives, perhaps my hormones again, either way, I couldn't stop from nodding my head and replying, "I would really like that and I think Jasper will too. Perhaps when this little bundle arrives we can make a special trip to see you!"

Her eyes sparkled with unshed tears; it was touching and heartbreaking all at the same time. "I hope you don't wait that long before coming back this way. I am an old woman, and while I would be greatly honored to meet your child, I will take all the visits I can in the meantime."

"Absolutely, if it is okay with you, Jasper is meeting me in San Antonio, he doesn't know about this trip but I have never been able to keep a secret from him and won't start now, so perhaps on our way back to Alaska in a couple of days, we can stop in."

"Don't worry dear, if you don't wish him to know about the test you are taking, mums the word. Even in the best relationships, some secrets are necessary. And that sounds wonderful darling, women my age rarely get to meet new family members, so it is a treat. How are you getting to San Antonio and when?"

"Actually I hired a car service, I don't have a driver's license, so I am not able to drive, at least not yet and he is waiting for me now, my plane leaves Fort Worth in a couple hours. I wasn't expecting Jasper to come along, but he all but insisted that he come, I think it is as hard for him as it is for me, to be away from one another, but I did manage to convince him to give me a couple days on my own. When he isn't close, I feel like a hole is opening in my chest, but when he is near, my world feels like perfection, like I am finally complete, whole in mind, body, heart and soul."

"That my dear is undying love, hold on to it with both hands and never let it go. To be lucky enough to find it and keep it, is a true blessing. Go on my dear, I don't need to continue to yammer on, you are young and have much to do."

As I rose, she slipped from the room and moments later returned, pressing a piece of paper in to my hand, along with a small brown paper bag.

"What's this?"

"A snack my dear, when you are pregnant, it seems like you are always hungry. Jasmine will be waiting for your call. Be safe my dear and come back soon!"

Perhaps it was frowned on, hugging almost complete strangers but I couldn't help myself, my arms moved up and before I knew it, they were wrapping around her.

"Thank you for everything and be safe as well and I will see you soon." I kissed her cheek, waved my goodbye, before I could start crying again and walked quickly to the car. Thanking whatever God or Deity that I didn't trip on the way.

I slipped the door close and we were off. I was thankful that I wouldn't have to continue to search for Jasper's family but I did wonder if I should keep my intended meetings with the two Hale families, just incase there were more family for Jasper to get to know, should he want to. Besides, if he had any family on his mother's side around, it seemed only right that he get the chance to know them as well. I decided it couldn't hurt. Feeling good about the day, I slowly let my eyes drift closed and welcomed even the briefest amount of sleep I could get.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Listening to you, I get the music. Gazing at you, I get the heat. Following you, I climb the mountain, I get excitement at my feet."**

My flight was uneventful, of course getting by Carlisle without saying anything else, proved harder than I had thought. I mumbled some reply, not even really sure what he asked and quickly fled when my flight was called.

The minute I stepped off the plane, I knew my life was going to change, I just hadn't expected it to change because of "This" person…

I could smell her scent the minute I stepped from the airport. It isn't like I didn't expect at some point that there was a possibility of running in to her, but here and now of all places. It felt like the world, the fates, everything in life was conspiring against me at this very moment…

And while I knew she wasn't around the airport at this very moment, she had been there recently or in the general vicinity.

I had to wonder if it was a good idea for me to be here. Maria was not liable to like the fact that I am still alive and all but married with a baby on the way.

Oh God, the thought that she could possibly meet Bella was terrifying.

Maria had never loved me, but she wasn't above taking back possession of something she thought rightly belonged to her.

I pulled the cell from my front pocket, staring at the silly contraption for uncountable minutes before finally slipping it back in. If I called Bella and told her we had to meet at a new city or something, she would want to know why and then she would probably demand a meeting, thinking that by talking it out, things could be resolved. I love that woman beyond words, but her new attitude to face things head on, was starting to wear on my nerves a little.

It was great that she felt she could stand on her own two feet, that she didn't need me for everything. Although to be completely honest, I liked it when she leaned on me perhaps it was my human shining through but truly I just wanted to see her happy.

Knowing every step I took within this city was going to cause some sort of problem, I decided to settle with going to my hotel and wait patiently for Bella to phone. Perhaps if I never left my hotel until after Bella got here and was ready to leave, Maria wouldn't find me, it was a long shot, but I'd rather take a long shot over no shot at all.

I hailed a cab, thankful the day was once again overcast. It wouldn't do to walk around sparkling like a precious gem. Besides, in my opinion, Bella out shone me easily.

I had to control my breathing once I stepped foot in the cab. It was hideous; the only way I would be able to remain inside the vehicle is if I breathed shallowly through my mouth. It smelled like a billion people had deposited their lunches on the floor and seat. There was a strong hint of old, dried blood, some bodily wastes which I cared not think about and some "other" bodily fluids that all but coated the back of the seats, the floor and seats. I couldn't see it, but my nose sure could smell it.

The smell was slowly driving me mad, that for a moment, I hadn't even realized the cabby had stopped and was telling me what I owed him. I slapped two twenties in to the little slot, mumbled, "keep the change" and bolted from the car.

My exit was so hasty; I hadn't bothered to look where I was going, but the twangy southern accent and her rather unique but noxious smell hit me full force. One of my worst nightmares had just become reality.

"Well, well, well… Look who it is! If it isn't my little Jazzybear, how good to see you."

Her salacious wink sent shivers up my spine and never before had I wished for the ability to purge what lie on my stomach but at that moment, I wished for it absolutely. I bit back my retort, knowing if I said too much, I was liable to get myself and Bella in to a whole hell of a lot of trouble.

Now that my head was on somewhat straight, the shock of seeing her again fading somewhat, I noticed two other vampire scents and these I knew as well…

"What the fuck are Peter and Charlotte doing here and why are they so close?" I suppose tact or a moderate amount of decorum might have garnered me a little more time, perhaps even answers, but it was out of my mouth before I could stop it.

"Tsk, tsk Jasper, how quickly you forget who your master is!"

"You are not my master, never was, I just lacked the good sense to tell you to take a long walk off a short pier, allow me to rectify that now."

"Don't get all domineering with me, it didn't work a hundred years ago, it surely will not work now. And as for answering questions, it will be you doing all the answer giving!"

Unbelievable, I couldn't understand how she did it. One minute, or all minutes and or moments in my mind, we were standing in front of my hotel, then the next I was standing in front of what had to be her bedroom door and then realized, how badly she had scared me.

Begging a higher power to allow me to keep my wits, I turned on Maria. "Whatever the hell you are doing, you can stop it now. This isn't going to work; I am not that Jasper any longer, if I ever was. Your twisted desire to rule almost screwed up my whole life; I will not walk down that path again.

I wanted to shout at her, that no matter what silly parlor trick she tried, she would never get me in to bed. I could almost see the outcome of that particular scenario. She would look at me with disdain and her disdain would turn to malice the moment I mentioned Bella's name or the child she carried. I wanted to scream it but knew I wouldn't, couldn't. In doing so, I would all but put a hit out on my future wife. And it was that thought that stilled my over eager voice.

In what I suppose was suppose to be a seductive little purr, she sidled up to me and whispered in my ear.

"All bad little vampires need to remember who their mommy is! You have been gone from the fold for far too long, it is time we rectify that and while doing so, I get to exact your punishment upon your traitorous flesh.

Amazing, my gorge was actually rising and while it took me all of a second to realize this, I had an evil thought, what if I could projectile vomit all over her. It wouldn't be nearly what she deserved, but it would be sweet revenge.

One minute I was standing the next I was sailing through the air. My body collided with the bed and broke the frame with a rendering crunch. I might have laughed, had the movement been so bloody quick, I hadn't even seen it coming.

A second, two at most and she was straddling my pelvis, her core surprisingly hot with her desire. I barely made the move to extract myself than she slapped a hand around my throat. She was strong, but I was stronger. Of course, before I could do anything, I had to think of the consequences that were liable to spiral out from this. If I disobeyed her, she would take that much longer to get information out of.

And while I did not relish the position I was in, bother figuratively and metaphorically, I knew I could use her. She was a powerful vampire whether I wanted to give her the credit or not.

And should there be even the smallest, minutest chance that she knew about this vampire who attacked Bella, I was going to ask. I would just have to choose my words wisely and make sure I made no reference to anyone or anything while doing so.

Hating to play the submissive, if even for a few moments, was going to be one of the hardest things I had had to do, but do it I would. I knew what the stakes were and while I had been a man accustomed with gambling, I was no longer willing to risk the love of my life or the precious miracle she blessed me with.

When I felt her granite like had cuff me upside the head, I knew then, she wasn't falling for me being submissive and likely never would. Instead I changed tactics…

"Whatever you are wanting from me, you are going to be hard pressed to get it. I will work with you to a certain extent but you will get the hell off of me and you will share the details that I want."

"You are insolent; I don't recall you being quite so much trouble before. If I were you, I would hold my tongue!"

It was said in a soft, no nonsense tone, but the implications that she tried to hide, hid poorly beneath the façade.

"Drop the act Maria, it doesn't work on me, never did. The only reason I stuck around as long as I did was because you liked sex and you offered me an outlet. I was a vampire; there wasn't much that could grab my attention, so I partook in the easier challenges of carnal pleasure. It was never you, can never be you."

I felt her mood shift and then splinter. At the beginning, her mood had been curious, disappointed and slight anger. Now her mood didn't budge, she was pouring out complete hatred and unequivocal rage.

Her hands slid to my shoulders. I didn't have to be a rocket scientist to know what she was planning, so with every ounce of strength in my body and some reserves I didn't even know about, I shoved. Ungracefully she slipped to the floor after jarring the wall with her body.

"You will pay for that Jasper; you do not have enough time on your hands to deal with all the hurt and pain I plan to inflict on you. Be ready baby because for once, hell is coming to you!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage."**

I had been going out of my mind, but by chance or just blind dumb luck, I had finally made a little headway.

Every few days I moved, trying to keep a step ahead, even if I was playing catch up at the moment.

Whether it was a waste of time or not, I traveled only to the cities that I knew she had lived in. It was while I was moving from Phoenix to Seattle that I came across her scent. Whether or not I liked his mode of transportation, I was adamant in doing it because I had to find her, it was more than just a mere desire, it was my obsession, she was. Hence why I was standing at the Phoenix airport, although, for once I was thankful for my diligence for it had finally paid off.

It wasn't a fresh scent, at least five hours old but I followed her intoxicating scent to the appropriate gate and discovered that she had went to Texas. I couldn't be sure where in Texas, but once I got there, I would find out.

As I waited for the plane to take off, I slipped in to my memories. It was the only way I could spend any amount of time in the presence of so many humans and not slaughter the bunch.

*Flashback*

_I had just turned twenty-five and was spending some quality time with my latest conquest. She didn't really satisfy me needs, but it was better than being alone. Besides, since I had begun searching for my biological mother, my life seemed to have gone down hill. _

_I was scheduled to fly to Phoenix in the morning, so one last romp in the hay with this blonde bimbo, was my final farewell to this crappy little town. Except, what I had been expecting suddenly turned on its head and disappeared completely._

_A man knocked on my motel room door, I suppose if I had had a little less alcohol in my system and the blonde had not been going to town on my dick, I might have thought about the strangeness of someone coming around at this time of night, or rather morning. _

_Not thinking about it, I shouted for him to enter, thinking maybe motels finally got some room service. Okay, it wasn't likely; the place went for forty bucks a night and could be rented by the hour…_

_This behemoth of a guy entered. He wasn't overly big in stature or muscle, but his presence was almost awe inspiring. He was strangely good looking, almost as if he belonged on the cover of a gritty, manly magazine. But as he stood there watching me get blown, I took in his features and realized, there were a lot of similarities between us. _

_My alcohol frazzled mind was spinning slower and slower. I wasn't an idiot, but I also wasn't the class fuckin' geek either. Nevertheless, nothing currently made sense; of course it could be the amazing technique of the bitch who was obliviously sucking on my dick. Even with someone watching, I couldn't help the feeling of pleasure that was coursing through my system, it wasn't going to take long, my climax was fast approaching. This tramp could suck a golf ball through a two hundred foot garden hose and do so with finesse. My eyes closed as I felt myself letting go, but one moment her mouth was wrapped wonderfully around my erection and the next, I was shooting my seed all over my chest. _

_My eyes popped open on their own and I saw the grizzliest sight I had heretofore seen. The stranger stood at the end of the bed, the tramp in his arms, withering in pain while he…feasted on her neck. I will admit it, I was three sheets to the wind and my orgasm probably had not helped my brain any, but the fucker was drinking her blood. _

_Her eyes slipped in to the back of her head, her skin taking on death pallor and no sooner had it started than it stopped, my own dick had barely just begun to lose its firmness. _

_The stranger tossed her obviously dead body to the corner of the room before sitting unhurriedly in a chair by the table. _

_I was flabbergasted, I tried to form a sentence, to say something, but my mind was coming up blank. The only thing I managed to do was yank the blanket over my body, praying I wouldn't die in the same manner. _

"_James, how good to see you! You have no idea how long I have been searching for you." _

_My mouth or so it seemed, didn't need my brain, "H---how the hell do you know my name?" _

"_Is it not obvious my boy, I am your father. Perhaps it is time for us to get reacquainted, hmm?"_

"_You walk in to my room and kill a person and I am just expected to sit here and talk to you, are you on drugs?" _

_In the blink of an eye, he was on the bed, my throat wrapped tightly with his hands. His voice was low, but I could hear the snarl reverberate through my body, hell, even through the room. _

"_You will show me respect boy, I am not to be trifled with."_

"_I—I---I'm sorry." I choked out, each breath barely wheezing past my abused windpipe. _

"_I think it is time you learn your history and what a bitch your mother was." _

_Not wanting to risk his anger again, I remained quiet. When there was a bigger dog in your yard and stronger too, you knew when to lay low and cower and this just happened to be one of those times…_

"_When you were nineteen, I found your mother. The bitch had gone and got herself married and had another kid. I didn't know what had become of you, hell, I didn't even know about you for the longest time. But as soon as I got out of prison, thanks to that bitch, I started to snoop in to her past, to see what she had been up to. Color me surprised when I found out about your existence._

_I don't know what I was expecting, but this was getting out of hand. While fear for my life had sobered me up some, I was still at least a sheet or two to the wind. But I listened with rapt attention, I knew the key to everything I had ever wanted lie within his story, at least, I prayed it would._

"_James, your mother was a tramp and then slapped me with rape charges, I was eighteen, so they used the full extent of the law. While I served seven years in that hole, I got a lot of research done. But when I got out, I was just over twenty-five, the same age as you are now… Anyway, I got out and headed to the seediest club I could find and brought a whore back to my motel, it looks like the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree in that respect... Of course, that night was what changed my life. She wasn't just a woman, she was a vampire, I lost my mortal life but gained this almost immortal one."_

_I didn't mean to, but I scoffed. It was a reflex more than anything, but it happened and his grip on my throat suddenly tightened. I could see dark splotches dancing in my field of vision and knew I was about to lose consciousness. _

_When I awoke, my heart no longer beat and I was no longer in the seedy little motel. I could grasp what was going on. But with this awakening, I realized I was stronger and more powerful than I ever had hoped to be. Not allowing myself to think, I acted, I was nothing but the basest of emotions and thoughts. _

_I leapt from my "bed" and landed on something firm and cold. In the haze that was my mind, I rendered the object beneath me. Tearing it limb for limb, delighting in the howling pain that expelled from deep within the things chest. _

_My mind came back in stages, the blind, raw rage had abated and I was left with my fathers remains. I don't know if it was my most base instinct driving me on but I collected all of his pieces, took them outside and burnt them. I didn't want to have to deal with him any longer. And just like that, I was once again fatherless._

_*End Flashback*_

I was jarred from my thoughts when the plane began to descend. Before I gave myself over to my instincts, I allowed myself to laugh a low, throaty sound. It sounded more like gravel being ground to shattering bits and unnerved the woman sitting next to me, but whatever, I felt lighter, freer even.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**It'll never go away until the fear you are running from is finally embraced."**

I was running for all I was worth, ever step I took seemed to steal a little more energy, energy which I no longer had.

I don't know how he managed it but "He" had found me. My terror was reaching epic proportions and here I was, unable to do a damn thing about it.

Making the oft made mistake, I turned my head slightly, to see if I was gaining any ground on my pursuer. Trust my luck, the moment I turned, I slipped. My foot had hit a gopher hole and with all the grace of a heard of bumbling elephants, I crashed to the hard packed, earthen ground.

By turning to look where "he" was, I had thrown myself off and when I hit, I couldn't even get my hands up to cushion the blow. One thought rang through my cluttered mess of a mind, "My Baby!!!"

His sinister laugh was no longer very far behind, in fact, it sounded like he was over top of me.

I turned slightly, not wanting to see what I knew was there, but compelled to, nonetheless… And there he stood, glaring down at me, watching as I hugged my stomach. I only prayed he didn't know the real reason, but I suppose if the vampires I lived with could hear the baby's heart beat, then he would be able to as well. It brought tears to my eyes and before I could stop my words, I was begging for my child's life and mine.

His answer was heart stopping and chilled me to my very bones. "Beg all you want, it will do you no good. I will feast on your fetus while you watch and while your life slowly slips away, I will then finish the job by draining you. You no good dirty little whore…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Don't freak out until you know the facts."**

I know I was an ass, but I hadn't thought that it would have come to this. While I had been questioning Bella, I was merely asking the questions that had lodged in my mind.

I had never seen Esme so protective. She was a fiery being, ready to eviscerate anyone who threatened her child. At first I wasn't sure what to make of it, it wasn't like I was actually trying to harm Bella, but my thoughtless words did more damage than I could have ever imagined.

For a few minutes I wondered if I was going to have to reattach my head. Their blows had been brutal, but not life threatening.

Perhaps I should have taken a different tactic, right now, a woman who I thought of as my daughter was out there doing God knew what and it was my fault. Jasper was right to say what he did at the airport. If something were to happen to her, never mind my family forgiving me, I don't know if I would be able to forgive myself.

Finding out Bella was pregnant, it should have been a joyous occasion and I had sullied it.

My thoughts and self-recrimination lasted the entire flight, the ride back to Forks from the airport and long in to the night.

I tried calling Esme but it would seem she wasn't speaking to me at the present time. I knew she would always be there, but I had to wonder if this one unthinkable act of mine had ruined something fundamental…

It was time I started investigating Jasper's beating heart and see if this was possibly the reason for this miracle. Something, some reason had to be behind his heart suddenly beating.

With my mind set, I threw myself in to research, bound and determined to find out how something so impossible, so improbable could come to occur. I wasn't going to be stupid enough to question that again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."**

I awoke with a start, a bump in the road jarring me awake.

"Hey, take it easy on the bumps, I'm pregnant!" I snapped.

My driver didn't say anything, just continued to drive. Figuring my point was made, I tried to calm my breathing. That was one hell of a nightmare. I desperately wanted Jasper, right now; nothing else could even register at this point. After snapping at the driver, my whole being cried out for the one who could calm me.

This nightmare had been a hundred times worse than all my others. This time, I had another human being to live for. I loved Jasper, and while I had been all but sure that I had lost him last time, this time I not only had to live for myself and the baby, but for him as well.

I wanted my happily ever after, it was about time I got it too. It was time to put these nightmares where they belonged, in the past. I had a brother I needed to search for, a family to prove the paternity of my child, a wedding to plan and sometime in there, I wanted to be changed. I knew I would have to talk to Jasper about everything, but I knew I wanted to be changed; I couldn't fathom getting older and older while my lovely man continued to remain the same.

Deciding I needed to hear his voice to completely banish the nightmare, I pulled my phone from my purse and began to dial his number.

I was pulled forward with jarring force and then slammed back in to my seat as the car's brakes were suddenly pounded on.

"What the hell?"

The words barely left my lips before my driver turned around, except it wasn't my driver; it was the psychotic freak from my nightmare…

He yanked my phone from my hand and just barely catching a glimpse of his other hand, I felt rather than saw his fisted hand smash in to the side of my face.

Unnatural darkness invaded my sight and as the last vestiges of consciousness faded, I slumped forward, restrained only by my seatbelt, and my hands curled around my stomach, trying to protect the child within, even while unconscious.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Is that what you call tact? You're as subtle as a brick to the small of my back."**

I had gone with the flow of things for too long, it was time I showed her who was really boss. I didn't want to do it this way, but she was leaving me no choice.

I moved from the bed, taking my sweet time, ready to prove just what was going to happen.

Once I was standing over her, I grabbed her around the throat and hauled her up the wall.

"Understand one thing Maria; I have no interest in you. You will not be trying to wield your powers over me. And if you somehow managed to coerce Peter and Charlotte in to joining you, it ends now. She wasn't good enough for you back then, but suddenly she is now… I will be in San Antonio for a couple days, no more than that. You will stay away from anyone I know or care about. I think it is time you thought about relocating to another country."

"How dare you Jasper, you do not control me!"

She said it with venom leaking from each word, but here eyes spoke a completely different story.

"First off, I control no one, but if you decide to remain here, I will be forced to eliminate you. As far as I am concerned, you should have died long ago. You have a choice now, leave of your own free will or stay and see what I will do."

I was forced to stop when my phone rang. Not wanting to give Maria any more ammunition but unable to ignore the call, I pulled my cell from my pocket. Bella's number on the caller ID.

Tightening my hold on Maria's neck, I flipped the phone open and put it to my ear.

"Hello love, how are you, are you on your way here?"

"Aww isn't that just precious, you calling me love, but just so you know, I don't swing that way!"

My body went numb; Maria slipped easily from my grasp and slithered to the floor.

I knew that voice, if I had the ability to sleep, that voice would haunt me through each and every one of my dreams…

"How the hell did you get her phone?"

"Don't get hysterical, your little pet is quite alive, for the time being although, I can't promise the child within her will fair so well. What kind of sick masochist vampire willingly gets involved with a pregnant human, it is rather disgusting..."

I snarled as loudly as I could, the walls around me shook with the force of it, even Maria shrank away from me. It was a small miracle he didn't know that I was the father perhaps that could work in my favor.

"If you harm…"

"Oh God, you are not going to use that tired cliché are you, are you that unimaginative?"

"How am I to know you actually have her?"

I was grasping at straws, but I didn't have anything else to grasp at.

"Well, I do have her phone, I suppose you want me to go the tried and true way and let you talk to her. But sadly, that too has been done to death. How about we try something new…"

The phone suddenly went quiet in my hand, I was starting to wonder if I had lost the call when I heard him yell.

"Bitch, you will scream, your vampire wants to know you are alive, better give him the appropriate answer, otherwise he may just lose all hope and think you dead already…"

My growl was cut short when I heard Bella's tear chocked voice. "Jasper, don't you fucking let him win. I lo…"

My heart clenched with each word she uttered but it was my knees that turned traitor and spilled me to the floor when I heard her suddenly stop talking and suck in a great lung full of air. The sound of his hand hitting her, I surmised it was her face, considering how quickly her words tapered off, ranging down the line.

"Your little bitch doesn't know when to hold her tongue, no worries though; I will make sure my little sis learns all those good lessons."

I stood staring at the phone, unable to comprehend that he had hung up. I was shaking with my uncontrollable rage. My knees played a furious beat on the floor. When I felt Maria's hand settle on my shoulder, it was almost too much to take.

This woman had made my unlife hell for so long and not that long ago, threatened to spend the rest of time inflicting pain on me and now, here she was, comforting me. What fucking bizarro land did I suddenly enter…?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	19. Chapter 19

**My Beta is still unavailable, so I apologize now for any errors… **

**I wanted to ask you guys a question… Are there any quotes you would like to see used in this story, and if so, please feel free to send them to me!!**

**Would love to know what you think of this chapter, I'll even ask nicely, please review, but be forewarned, it is not a happy chapter!**

**Chapter Eighteen**

"**All of us get lost in the darkness, dreamers learn to steer by the stars."**

When the world around you no longer makes sense, you have to start questioning whether or not it is possibly for a vampire to suffer a mental breakdown. At least, for the first ten minutes after he had hung up, I was positively incapable of much.

I even tried to shake the skanky bitches hand from my shoulder, but she wouldn't budge. Finally, when I could find my feet again, I moved away from her and the cloying stench of her.

Nothing would ever make sense again is Bella died.

When I turned to give Maria a piece of my mind, I noticed she was on the phone. Perhaps I was still dazed, because no matter how hard I tried to grasp what the hell was going on or what she was saying, I couldn't.

It was the time to get out of here, moving as if in a dense fog, I made my way to the door and ran right in to Peter.

"Get out of my way!"

I was expecting a stupid yet witty comment from him, but he simply sidled out of my way, but of course, he wasn't going to let me get far, at least not alone.

"I don't know what you think you are doing, but I can handle this on my own."

"Is that why this freak is still walking around? Why he has your girl."

"Charlotte, tell your husband to watch his mouth, today it is liable to end getting him killed."

"Jasper, don't be an ass. You need us, perhaps more than you care to admit. Unless of course, you know where she is."

"Do you think I would still be standing here if I knew where she was? That baby she is carrying isn't some mistake, he, she, whatever the sex is, is mine. So…"

Oh crap, I just had to go and blurt that out didn't I? Idiot!

"Excuse me?" Rang around me, their disbelief sounding in every nuance, after all it was impossible.

"Umm, Jasper, were you recently hit over the head. Or did you just miss the whole; "Vampires" can't have kids?"

I really was getting sick of explaining something I didn't have a clue about.

"I don't care what you believe, but my future wife and my child are in danger, the longer I sit here trying to explain and convince you of something you might never believe, is a waste of my time."

My movements down the hall did not translate the graceful vampire I was. My steps were unsure and weighed down by all the fears and the blind rage that was threatening to overtake me.

I barely got to the elevator and stepped in through the door than my "Friends" pushed their own way in.

"Jasper, you don't get to throw shit like that out there and then walk away."

"Sure I can, it's my life, not yours. You guys haven't been around in a very long while, so why should my life and the people in it matter to you?"

Thank fully all conversation stopped, I wasn't delusional enough to believe it had gone silent because they no longer had anything to say but simply because two humans boarded on the fifth floor.

Once in the lobby and on my way out, Peter grabbed my keys that I had dangling from my hand, along with the ticket stub for the valet.

"What do you think you are doing, didn't you get the hint earlier?"

"You are in no condition to drive; besides, you don't have a clue where to find her. Hence why you need me and my amazing powers!"

I grumbled something unintelligible under my breath before sliding in to the passenger seat. It annoyed me to no end to rely on someone other than myself, to get Bella and end this nonsense with "Him".

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**"****I hold the line, the line of strength that pulls me from the fear."**

I knew I was challenging something far more dangerous than myself and anything else, person or animal included. But sadly, my mouth just didn't know when to shut up.

"How the fuck is someone so depraved related to me? If you are the person I have been searching for, I want my money back. The world can take and dispose of you any which way it chooses. So what's the big secret looming over your head, the thing that made you this deprived?"

He snarled at me, but didn't do anything. Just resumed his utterly, mind numbing pace. I was sure if he kept at it, he was likely to wear a tread right through the floor.

"You think you are so smart, but I have been watching you and working your life in favor of myself. It was always so much fun watching you degrade yourself, end up in broken homes. To be honest, it was down right entertaining to see you self destructing right before my eyes."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, when you walked back in to my life, I kind of told a slight white lie. I wasn't the one who killed your mother that was Laurent and Victoria, his mate. He met Victoria not long after getting out of prison, except to his shock, she was not a mere human, but a vampire. After turning twenty-five, and meeting his pale-skinned executioner, he was bitten and turned in to a vampire. Thanks to dear old dad, he did the same to me, changing me on my twenty-fifth as well. But it was Victoria who was behind the wheel of the car that rammed your parent's car, going in excess of one hundred and sixty. She walked away from it and your parents didn't, what a shame, huh?"

My stomach was turning sourly, threatening to purge the food that still rested on it. Perhaps it was foolish but I had hoped that was all the secrets he could possibly have, but sadly, I was so completely wrong.

"I have melded, sculpted and bent your life to my will. More often than not, anything that was even remotely horrible in your life was my doing."

"So what, you're saying my entire life is a mere toy for you to play with? What have I done to you?"

"You exist; you had two years with my mother, that I was never granted. Why shouldn't I hate you and to top it all off, my father turns out to be a vampire and turns me. How the hell is that fair. You deserve to pay!"

"You are twisted, you get that, right? I didn't ask to be brought in to this life, I didn't ask for your life to be hell, but you can hardly blame me for all your shit. I was a child; get off the bloody soapbox, life sucks. Thanks to you, my life was hell, isn't that enough?"

I wasn't afraid any longer; I was just extremely pissed off. I had spent my life in hell because someone or rather, my own brother felt jilted and jaded because I had the chance at a good life. It was fucking preposterous.

"You know what; I don't give a shit about your reasons. You messed with my life and continue to do so. Hell, you raped your own half-sister; you are a depraved little boy who doesn't know how to take responsibility for his own life. If your bloody life sucked so much, then change it, actions speak louder than words and all I see is a pathetic, stupid peckerhead who has spent his life wallowing in self pity. A lowly jackass who won't take action and change his life and stop the cycle"

"Do you really think it wise to mock me and call me down?"

"I do, if you were going to kill me, you would have already. You don't have the backbone to commit to this. You wanted a confrontation, you got it, but you are too much of a pansy to actually take that final step. Besides, if you were smart, you would let me go now, before Jasper and the rest of my vampire family show up. By keeping me here, you are signing your own death warrant."

"You sure talk a lot of shit. Besides, no one knows where we are, how do you imagine this vampire family will find you?"

"It doesn't matter, wherever I am they will find me, its called love!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**A tongue can accuse and carry bad news, gossip is cheap and it's low. But unless you've made no mistakes in your life, be careful of stones that you throw."**

Ancient Folklore tossed around the possibility of an undead heart beating again. As far as I could tell, from all the research, it had never been proven, but supposedly, if you were fortunate enough to meet the one person whom God had made just for you, you had the chance to throw off the chains of immortality and live your life as a human.

The local Library had a fairly extensive Folklore section, but the more I read, the less sense things made.

Another tale told of the same things as the first, except the one difference was, you didn't become human, your body just acted like a humans from time to time…

From another tome, it attributed the sporadic beating of the heart, to having something possibly, to do with the blood we drink. The stolen blood, once in awhile facilitating the organs, feeding them enough to cause the organ the ability to beat but everything I read seemed like urban legends, things to be laughed at by wiser vampires.

By the time I had exhausted the library, my rather extensive collection and those of the rest of my family, plus the internet, I was more confused than ever.

Whatever the reason behind Jasper's beating heart and Bella's ability to mark him when his heart malfunctioned…I was beginning to understand, as a father that bother the beating of the heart and the Bella's miraculous pregnancy, was more important that some silly reasoning.

However, that did not mean I had given up my search, but at this time, I was not going to let mere facts and ignorance color my thoughts. I could spend the next millennium searching for answers and might never find the real reason. But I could do that on my time and do so without causing anyone problems.

I had just entered the house when my phone chimed. "Carlisle Cullen, how can I help you?" I hadn't bothered to look at the caller ID, I suppose I should have, but at that moment, I was more concerned with where Bella was and what other avenues I could tackle to find the information that eluded me.

"I hope you are happy!"

"Jasper, what are you talking about?"

"Your stupidity has gotten Bella kidnapped, by the same vamp who took her before."

"How, when?" I asked. My stomach suddenly residing in my throat, "Oh God, what have I done…?"

"Phone the others, get them to Fort Worth, either I or Peter will meet you there. And Carlisle, you better pray nothing happens to my family."

With the treat uttered, the phone went dead.

The venom that all but dripped from each word scared me more than I was willing to admit. I had brought this heartache upon him, our family.

I flipped my phone closed and then open a second later. I pressed the speed dial button for Emmett, knowing even at the worst of times, he would answer his phone.

"Hey dad, pulled your head out of your ass yet?"

"Shut up Emmett, get everyone together and get them to Fort Worth, Bella's been taken by that vampire again."

For the second time today I held my phone as it went dead.

I wondered if I should call anyone else, if we had more people looking, the quicker we could find her, but, the rational side of me wondered if we had more people, would it cause Bella's kidnapper to act on the defensive and harm her more or God forbid, kill her…

Not wanting to waste a minute, I jumped in to my car and head to Seattle; I needed to get on a plane and now.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**In desperate need of repair, the path of least resistance leads to the garbage heap of despair."**

I knew I had pushed too hard when he stalked closer to me, but I was unable to take back the words that caused his rage.

It was obvious he didn't use his full strength on me, but what he did use, was more than enough, too much actually.

His blows were well placed, hitting the softest parts of my body and inflicting the most pain and damage.

I tried desperately to protect my stomach and the child that rested within, but he saw what I was doing. And just as suddenly as the blows came, they stopped. I thanked God for this small break, but I wanted to curse him and any other "Higher Powers" when James, for I knew his name now, disappeared and then reappeared in a matter of seconds.

I was no match for him and his strength. He quickly tied my hands to the rusty headboard and then did the same to my legs, I tried to wrench myself out of his grip, but it was all for nothing. I knew what was coming, I didn't want to believe it, tried with every ounce of my being to prevent it, but I was just a human, I was not a challenge for him…

The first blow was tentative, almost tender but the precision of the hit was devastating. I screamed I couldn't help it; he was going to take away my miracle and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

My body shook with the force of my sobs. My voice was barely a whisper, but I forced the words from my lips. "James, please, please don't do this. We are family, please; don't take my baby away from me!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Let fury have the hour, anger can be power." **

The drive to Fort Worth seemed to take forever, but I knew it had taken a little over an hour. Peter was driving like the hounds of hell were nipping at our tires, but even at that speed, it wasn't fast enough.

On the ride, I had called my credit card company and asked them about any new charges that have been made in the last day or two. They gave me a list and from that list is where we were going to start searching.

Charlotte was going to go with Maria. She knew I wouldn't be able to handle her presence and graciously offered to go with her.

Which left Peter with me, which I suppose, was a good thing, but the bastard had a compulsion to get on my nerves without even trying…

With the sun almost set, Peter suggested I call the rental agency that Bella used; perhaps the driver would know where we could begin. It was infuriating to be told something so obvious but in my defense, my brain was not working properly.

The driver had been found and was in critical condition. With a little finessing, the woman on the phone said he had been discovered just outside of Crafton. A woman named Christina Whitlock had found him around the side of her house.

Bella, what had you been doing. With something akin to dread, Peter and I jumped in the car and headed for Crafton.

Peter barely let the gas pedal rise from the floor, something had happened that was making him nervous, but he wasn't talking.

What should have taken at least an hour took fifteen minutes. Peter pulled the car to a stop in front of her house, it was rather easy to spot, there was crime scene tape around the side of her house.

The car had barely slowed before I jumped out and was running for the door. Knocking louder than I intended but in a state of panic, Peter's silence and the veil of fear hanging over my head made me act before thinking anything through.

The door opened finally, an old woman with grey hair stood in the meager light. Her face was full of shock but also worry. "Jasper, have you found her?"

Taken aback, I was a little unnerved that this woman knew me and obviously Bella as well. I shouldn't have been, why else would Bella come to Texas and visit a woman with the last name Whitlock…

"You've met her, why was she here? And no, I haven't found her, but I won't stop looking until I do!"

"I have and her reasons for being here are hers. When you find her, you can ask her for yourself."

She was looking at me strangely again, a smile dancing on her lips and then disappearing, as if the act of smiling was wrong, which I supposed, at this time, it was.

"If you were fifty years older or so, you would be my Matthew, the resemblance is almost eerie…"

Matthew, that name struck a memory, it was distant and not very well formed, but it was something I would have to think about at a later date. Right now, Bella was all that mattered.

Peter stood just back of me, shrouded in shadows. "Jasper, better answer your phone and put it on speaker, I want to see if I can hear anything in the background."

I turned to look at him, wondering what he could possibly be talking about, but I no sooner turned than my phone began to ring. I did as he asked and hit the speaker button.

My body revolted, tumbling me to the hard cement of the step. It was silent for an unimaginable time and then I heard Bella. Her voice was choked with unreleased sobs as she begged for our child's life, begged the monster that was her brother. I now knew the name, but it did little to ease my growing anger. I heard her cry out in pain and then she was retching.

Then he spoke… "Don't beg dear sister, it won't do you any good!"

It was silent for a few more seconds and then I heard his fists landing on her pliable body. I couldn't be sure but strangely I was almost positive, he was punching her in the stomach.

Peter snarled from beside me, glaring at the phone as if he could murder James with just a look and a thought.

Christina slipped to her knees beside me. She pulled me in to her arms, whispering something, but my entire being was focused on the love of my life. And then suddenly, I felt her hand connect with the back of my head, "Get off your ass Jasper, find her. She can't lose the baby!"

Both Peter and I jumped back in to the car and left Crafton in a cloud of dust and smoke. I didn't have a clue where Peter was headed but he seemed to have a destination in mind. I wanted to argue, to tell him he was screwing everything up but I couldn't, Peter knew things, I just prayed he knew this one monumental thing.

Twenty minutes in to the drive I caught a whiff of Bella's scent, it was faint but after another twenty minutes I was hit full force. Only this time, it wasn't her regular scent I was catching; it was her blood and a lot of it…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**I was drowning in my sorrows, but my sorrows they learned to swim."**

I knew I couldn't do anything to stop it, I could feel it happening. I wanted to squeeze my legs together, except, they were still tied, I wanted to run my hands over my still flat stomach, but again, my hands remained restrained.

It was happening and I couldn't stop it.

Time was warped for me. I had no idea how long James throttled my body, my stomach mostly. All I knew was about fifteen minutes ago, a blinding pain began in my abdomen; it was a pain I had never felt before.

I could feel a dampness soaking my underwear and prayed to every being that I could, that it wasn't blood.

Another clenching cramp rocketed through me, I screamed for Jasper, for him to save our child. It was shrill and I think I ruptured something in my throat, but I couldn't stop. The dream that had been so real, not even twenty-four hours ago, looked to be crumbling, ready to be washed asunder.

Although he had not touched my back, it felt like someone was jamming hot pokers in to the flesh. Every few minutes my back would spasm and even more frequently now were the cramps.

I couldn't see where James was or if he was even in the room, I didn't really care; I just wanted to know if he was going to be coming to inflict more damage.

As the most intense cramp so far, ripped through my stomach, I jerked my left hand and just like that it was loose. I looked at my hand, almost to shocked to understand it was free and could do what it had been itching to do all along. And then my other hand was released and my feet.

I curled in to myself, wrapping my hands around my abdomen, willing the child within to be okay, to live. But just as suddenly as my hands had been released, I was pulled in to an unyielding chest, cold, familiar arms wrapped around me.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**How can you lose something you never had, I tell myself when I'm feeling sad."**

The minute I stepped in to the ramshackle house, Bella's grief hit me with enough force to send me to my knees. But I didn't, the monster that hurt her was still here. I wanted to rip him to shreds, I wanted to be the one responsible for his death, but I had to get to Bella.

Peter went after James, the cowardly fuck ran. Knowing that he would be taken care of, I went in search of Bella, it wasn't hard her blood was like a beacon.

It hurt my heart the way she was screaming, her arms were bound and every few minutes her screams were muffled with a whimper. I quickly released her from the bounds and pulled her in to my arms.

I searched for any injuries, but it didn't look like her skin had been split, except for a shallow gash above her eyebrow and it was only leaking minimal blood.

The minute I stopped searching her exposed skin for injuries, I noticed Bella wrapping her hands around her midsection. It was then that I felt the warm moisture seeping in to my jeans.

"Bella, are you okay?" It was a stupid question, I could feel the way her stomach was contracting, but I had to ask.

"Jasper…Baby!"

Her voice was barely discernable, the fear and pain all but stealing her voice.

She shifted in discomfort and that is when I felt a true gush of fluid, blood I surmised from her body, it was really hard to tell considering the scent of blood already permeated the air.

I knew as well as she did, our baby had been lost. Her cries turned to wails, her body shaking with the emotion.

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	20. Chapter 20

**Short chapter, but I had to end it there…. **

**Thank you for the reviews! I try to reply to everyone, but if I missed doing so, I apologize profusely. **

**There are a lot of expletives used in this chapter, well maybe not a lot, but enough… And just to be on the safe side. Grab a box of Kleenex. **

**Please review! It means the world to me and my muse and keeps my ability to crank out chapters on an almost daily basis! **

**Chapter Nineteen**

"**Whenever evil befalls us, we ought to ask ourselves, after the first suffering, how we can turn it into good. So shall we take occasion, from one bitter root, to raise perhaps many flowers.****"**

I felt it the moment it happened. The cramping had gotten worse and much more frequent, it was almost continuous. I was a mess.

It felt wonderful to be in Jasper's arms, it was the moment I had been waiting for since I woke to this nightmare.

My own brother wanted to hurt me, just because I existed. That alone was warped, but to admit to screwing with my life, so it was as unbearable as possible and then to rain crushing blows to where my child was nestled safely, was beyond comprehension.

Perhaps if I had taken better care of myself, gained the weight I had lost back and taken all the precautions and vitamins a pregnant woman should have, then maybe I wouldn't be sitting here with my own blood gushing from my body.

Time was moving quickly and a dark abyss was making itself known in my vision. I wanted to die. To end the suffering that was never going to end while I was alive, even becoming a vampire would not quell the despair or guilt of what I had caused, wrought with my own stupidity.

My body shook with the force of my crying, except I knew I was no longer just crying, I could feel the tears on my very soul, the ripping and rendering of a heart I wished would stop beating. I wanted a permanent dark abyss, a haven where nothing was or ever could be. For in that moment, I didn't believe in the possibility of past lives, Gods or Goddess's, I didn't believe in the healing power of love. I was suddenly living in a pit of such despair that life had become an impossible pit, one I never wanted to deal with again.

"Bella, I need to get you to a doctor. You haven't stopped bleeding and that can't be good. Close your eyes let yourself rest for a little while, I'll take care of you, and I'll be here for you, always."

His words should have offered even a minuscule amount of comfort, but they couldn't penetrate the abyss that was pushing steadily closer.

I heard him talking on his phone but like everything else it couldn't get through. I suppose I should have made an effort to understand what was going on, but the truth of the matter, I wanted to escape this unbearable pain.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**The time to pray is not when we are in a tight spot but just as soon as we get out of it.****"**

I could see her shutting down, hell; I wanted to shut down with her. I wished for the ability to forget everything, at least for a little while.

I called Maria and Charlotte and let them know we had found Bella. My next call made my fists clench and venom to pool in my mouth.

Bella's wails had calmed and then stopped altogether. Her body went limp in my arms and I knew she had slipped in to unconsciousness.

"Carlisle, you need to get here. She lost the baby. That is such a stupid term, lost it, like she had been careless and misplaced the damn thing… I can't get her to a hospital; Peter is taking care of James, Bella's brother." I snarled the last bit, although, I am almost positive I may have snarled the whole thing.

"We are close to a little town called Levon, I don't know the exact directions but you will be able to find us easily. How long until you can get here? I don't think she can survive long losing this much blood."

"Jasper the rest of the family is still too far away, a regular flight from Denali to Fort Worth takes almost three days. I am sure they will be here before that, but I am less than an hour away. I will try to get there quicker. I am sure Bella is going to be fine. There is a chance she is hemorrhaging; I am going to need you to check her, because if she is, you can't wait for me because I won't be able to do much for her."

"Ch---check her, check her how?"

"I'll walk you through it Jasper, just relax. Is she lying down?"

"No, she is on my lap but she has shut down. She passed out a little while ago…"

"Okay, lay her down and remove her pants and underwear. I need you to see if she is still bleeding or if it was just a result of the miscarriage. Depending on the amount of damage she sustained, she could run the chance of never being able to conceive."

Oh, God…

I laid her down on the bed, at the loss of contact, she moaned sadly in her unnatural sleep. Trying to maintain my head, I removed her pants and panties quickly. It was hard to do, her pants had begun in certain spots to dry and were stiff with blood and other fluids and her panties were no different, except, they were sopping wet.

"I—I…Oh God, I don't think she is bleeding anymore, but there is a lot of blood. What does that mean Carlisle?"

"If she has stopped bleeding, that is good news. Listen I will be there in ten minutes, if a cop pulls me over now, I won't even have a chance to explain... If she wakes up, keep her calm, she doesn't need anymore stress and Jasper, I am so very sorry."

"I don't want your apology, if you hadn't been so harsh, my baby would still be alive."

I couldn't handle the sound of his voice any longer, the sympathy or his remorse, so I hung up the phone. It wasn't until I went to step out of the room that I noticed Peter standing at the door.

"What are you doing, where is James?"

"Relax; Charlotte and Maria are keeping an eye on him. Nothing has happened yet; I figured you might like the chance for some revenge. Listen, I am sorry about the baby."

I could see his face was drawn, the scent of Bella's blood obviously affecting him. But he had been drinking from humans all his unlife, the call of her blood while tantalizing was overshadowed by his desire to help…Or so it seemed to me.

"Yeah, why? You didn't believe me that the child was mine, so why should you give a fuck?"

"I can see the pain you are in Jasper and while I want nothing more than to ease your pain, I fear I have information that will only bring you more."

"Stop talking in riddles. I don't need this shit right now. If you have something to say, say it."

"I know how badly you want to be the one to tear that fucker upstairs apart, but you can't. Whether or not it would make you feel better, it will kill Bella."

"Wait, didn't you just comment about me taking revenge against him? What are you playing at?"

"She loves you, obviously, but if you harm her brother, it will be the last straw that broke the proverbial camels back. Let Emmett or one of the others do it or if that won't work, give him to Aro and his bunch. I am sure they would love to deal with him. Whatever you decide though, cannot be done in haste. Talk to Bella. I don't know why I know this shit, but I do, to save her you must fight your nature."

"You think I can just walk away from him, after everything he has done, could you?"

"You must Jasper. I don't think you understand what this has done to Bella. Look at her, what else did he do to her?"

I would have welcomed the argument that was brewing between Peter and myself, but Bella bolted in to a sitting position, her hands locking around her knees as she tried to cover herself. A low keening wail emanating from her lips, her eyes were clenched tightly together. I didn't have to ask to know what the problem was; it was obvious, at least to me.

"Bella love, you are okay, everything will be okay."

Her eyes flashed to mine, the most heart wrenching despair flooded my body, my heart. I could feel her emotions. She was on a brink but I was unsure if I would be enough to pull her back.

"Nothing can ever be okay again. My own…"

Her voice faltered, a moment before it had been strong and full of anger, now it was slipping, that precipice was getting ever closer.

"My own brother did this to me. I don't know how you found me or when, but he used my body, he defiled me. I passed out for a time being, I don't know what he did, but it wasn't just the physical blows he pummeled me with…"

She faltered again, only this time, she pulled away from my outstretched arms, leaned over the side of the bed and was sick. Her body shook with each heave, when her stomach had been purged, she was left with dry heaves, it tore at my soul to know I couldn't help her.

I tried to put my hand on her back, to offer a sliver of comfort, of love, but she jerked away from me and almost fell off the bed in the process.

"Bella love, I just want to help."

"Nothing can help…Thanks to that---monster who is my brother…he might as well have killed me. He killed our baby Jasper. I know in my soul the baby was yours, but now I guess it doesn't matter. He stole our miracle and it is entirely my fault!"

"Bella, stop, you can't do this. It was not your fault, James is a sick and twisted person, and he doesn't have a soul. He is an abomination…"

"Don't you get it, I am the abomination, if he had just succeeded all those years ago, you might still be basking in the delight that was this miracle. He should have killed me, it is some sick joke. I can't do it, I don't want to. I love you I do…"

"Isabella, you will stop that train of thought right now!"

His booming voice shocked me, I had been so wrapped up in Bella that I hadn't even heard Carlisle enter.

Her head shot up, her eyes were bloodshot from all her tears but the look she gave Carlisle was animalistic, terrifying in its pure rage. Whether brave or stupid or a little of both, Carlisle walked towards the bed, towards her.

"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! Have you not done enough?"

"Be reasonable."

"If you lay on fucking hand on me, so help me God!!!"

"Bella, stop this at once."

"What, you mean like how you all but called me a lying, cheating, morally damaged tramp… You want me to stop, why, you never did. James may be a monster, but at least his true colors shine through, you are worse than him because you use an "Educated" calm to strike, you hurt those who love you because you can, because you hide behind your great "Wisdom", you are a know-it-all son of a bitch. You know what, you are nothing to me."

I don't know what I was expecting, but Carlisle definitely had balls of brass tonight. As gently as he could, he shoved Bella on to the bed, then yanked her feet down so that they were dangling off the bed.

Her hand moved so quickly, I couldn't even follow it. One second it was by her side as she lay prone on the bed, then the next, she was sitting up and her hand left an identical handprint, red from the force of the blow, marring Carlisle's normally flawless skin. No sooner had she hit him than she was off the bed, running for the stairs.

Peter caught her around the waist, pulling her body to his. I felt a moment of jealousy but knew I was being ridiculous, there was nothing sexual about it, he was just trying to prevent her from fleeing.

"Get your hands off of me you piece shit!"

When his hands gently touched her face, caressing her cheek in the barest of touches, she collapsed against him.

It would seem that her anger had burned out.

I reached for her, letting my hands just barely graze her shoulder, with a little help from Peter, she moved in to my arms. A second maybe two and she collapsed against me. Her one hand going around her stomach as if she were in pain, I couldn't be sure, but I was determined to find out.

"Bella, you need to be checked out, let Carlisle do it. I need you my love, please. Never, ever say you should have died or want to die now. Everything is not lost, we will try again, I will give you anything you desire, but please, don't push me away."

"Take me to a hospital; he will not touch me again."

I looked beseechingly at Carlisle; I didn't know what the right thing to do was. I was beyond pissed at him and hurt more than I could ever say, but in a way I understood why he had questioned everything, that didn't mean I would forget the consequences of his cavalier attitude. I don't think I will ever be able to forgive him completely, what he had cost both Bella and I, was something I am not sure anyone could ever completely get over.

The wounds were too raw right now, especially Bella's. She was human, she had the luxury of tears and in the smallest part of my heart, one I hoped she could not see, I resented her ability to cry for our lost child, for the emotion she could release.

I knew it was only a matter of time before I myself broke down but for now, she needed me. I would remain the strong one for now. I had lived in hell once; I could handle this, for the time being…

Supporting most of her weight, I realized suddenly that she had fallen asleep or drifted in to unconsciousness again. Her semi-relaxed state adding a dead weight, she was light as a feather, but the shift momentarily took me off guard. And then he had to go and speak.

"Be calm Jasper, she is exhausted, both mentally and physically. This is her body's way of dealing with the stress and the emotional overload. Perhaps now would be the time for me to check her…"

"I can't do that, I won't do that to her. After everything she has been through, I won't inflict this upon her too."

He passed me a blanket to wrap around her. Even in sleep she was shivering.

"Are you leaving then?"

"Yes, she needs a hospital, I won't fail her again."

"And what of James, what do you want us to do with him?"

In a deadly voice, devoid of any emotion but pure hatred, I answered. "You are going to call your good friend Aro and you are going to tell him he should be expecting a couple packages. I don't care how you do it, but James is not to be touched. I want him locked up, unable to escape and when Bella is changed and has acclimated to her new life, Bella and I will travel to Italy and only then will James punishment be exacted. Bella deserves the right to tear his ass apart and if she can't or is unwilling, I will do it for her. I want that sick bastard to live in a prison of his own making and should it take two years or twenty for Bella to be ready for the change, he will wait!"

"Jasper…"

"I have nothing left to say to you. You fucked up, you fix it."

"Peter can you take her for a few minutes, she is out like a light and there is a little something I need to do."

"Careful Jasper, you know how fragile this situation is."

"I won't kill him but I won't feel like a man if I walk away and do nothing, even with the possibility of getting to exact my revenge later."

Not bothering with the pretense of being human, in a blur I moved from the room, the outside air brushing softly across my skin as I came to a stop in front of "Him"…

It was staggering how fresh the air out here smelled. I hadn't realized how desensitized I had become to the fragrance of Bella's blood. But being away from it now, awoke my hunger. I hadn't fed in quite some time…

"He" didn't even have the good sense to cower or beg for his life. He just stood there, watching me.

As I stood before him, I tried to use my gift on him. Unfortunately it worked, worked so well it brought me to my knees.

When I had told Bella that he didn't have a soul, I was merely telling her that to ease her guilt and sorrow. It wasn't a lie per se, but all I had been thinking about was her.

But the truth of the matter was simple; he actually did not have a soul. His emotions were a rotting cesspool of all the vilest emotions.

He was not merely a monster but an insane one at that. I could never feel pity for someone like him, but it brought a few things in to perspective.

Both Charlotte and Maria stepped away from him, knowing his shackles would prevent a hasty exit and I myself, would not let him get far.

I had made the mistake of letting his walk away before, I would not make that same mistake again.

Maria's eyes glittered with the feverish anticipation of the coming fight, except it wasn't going to be a fair fight, if it could be called a fight in the first place.

He showed Bella no compassion, so I will not show any to him.

In many things mythical and mystical, a warning was given out, "For every evil you do unto others, it will be visited back upon you threefold!" Some tales say tenfold…It had changed over the years; it was now, "Do unto others what you would have done unto you."

And while I would like nothing more than to dish out ten times the pain he inflicted on her, my heart knew it had to be her choice. Peter was right, damn it all…

I caught his gaze and felt his emotions a few seconds before he bolted.

Unwilling to even allow him a measly head start, I pounced on him. Raining heavy, crushing blows to his face and body. My rage was at its pinnacle. While my teeth were really the only thing that could break his skin, my fists were doing a fairly good job. I could feel bone give way beneath my blows.

When I had removed both of his arms and legs, I stepped back; the temptation to remove his head was almost undeniable. But I stayed that impulse, moving next to Peter.

"Hand her over Peter!"

"Are you sure that is wise?"

"YES, now give her to me!" My anger was really starting to get the better of me. My voice was laced with venom; my fury was back and raging within my mind and heart. I needed her in my arms, she was my grounding force.

Even in a haze of unimaginable rage, she could do what no other was capable of. I am not sure how I knew this, but the minute the idea popped in to my head, my heart, I knew it for what it was, the truth!

Reluctantly, Peter placed her in my arms but a silent warning flashed through his eyes. If I showed even the slightest aggression towards her, he would take her back.

I couldn't wrap my mind around his protectiveness. Peter and I had not spent any time together in a long time but here he was trying to protect the love of my life from me. I should have been angry but instead I was oddly comforted.

As I walked towards the car, I saw Carlisle step on to the back porch, his eyes drawn to the remains of James and the two women collecting the scattered appendages.

I barely got the passenger door open when Peter plunked himself in the driver's seat. What did he think he was doing?

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"**Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break."**

I could feel his cold arms around me and the pressure of his lips pressed to my forehead. I didn't want to open my eyes, if I did, I would have to face the fact that I was now hollow. That precious miracle that had been granted such a short time in my womb was gone. Perhaps it was silly, but I swear I could feel the hollowness, the emptiness that rang with every despicable breath I took.

That beautiful baby would never get a chance. I was his or her mother; I should have had the good sense to protect him or her from the monsters that could harm him or her. Instead, I was the worst kind of mother; I walked in to the bear den. I poked it and prodded until I left it with no other choice but to react.

Once again my tears over took me, my sobs stealing my breath, I opened my eyes to see what I was positive would be disgust on Jasper's face, but his face was blank. Using my fists, I tried to stem the flow of my tears but they would not abate…

I briefly wondered if I would ever survive this. Before I had time to wonder on that long, Jasper pulled me tighter against his body, the darkness that was within the car gone. Bright harsh light forced my eyes to close quickly.

I knew where we were, but I didn't want to be here.

"Jasper, no, get me out of here, please…"

Oh God, his arms slipped from around me, I knew what he set me in, but an irrational part of my brain was racing. The stupid wheelchair, I needed to get up, get away from here, I didn't need to be sitting like some invalid, I could walk, I was fine...

I opened my eyes, beseeching Jasper.

"Jasper, you can't do this, I love you, I need you… Take me home, I will be fine, please…" I couldn't take it anymore, my tears never really stopping, started to fall in earnest again. My heart was breaking and I could see his misery. "You blame me don't you? You should, it is entirely my fault."

I was losing control; I knew it but couldn't seem to care. I had killed my baby, just as I had surely killed Jasper's love from me. I was a plague; I should be the one lying dead, not the innocent child who had been created out of love. My voice had risen as my hysteria did and then I felt a slight pinch in my upper arm.

I whipped my head around, trying to ascertain who the hell was touching me but all I saw was a doctor, a few steps away, with an empty hypodermic needle in his hand…

My eyes were growing heavy, I was fighting with myself to keep them open but the weight of my eyelids was growing exponentially with every passing second. It was useless to battle the liquid that now flowed through my veins, but I tried.

I knew deep in my heart that if I let my eyes drift close; I would never see Jasper again. He had finally taken me to the hospital he had threatened to do, what felt like eons ago. I was crazy, broken, damaged goods. He had finally come to his senses and knew he couldn't love someone who could kill her own child.

As the darkness settled fully around me, I felt the weight of truth consuming me. My last thought was of Jasper and how I hoped he found a love that he deserved and for death…

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	21. Chapter 21

**Another short chapter, but the next one has a lot going on, so I didn't want to bombard you all with too much. **

**To be on the safe side, keep a tissue or two handy… I am working on the next chapter now, so I should have it up no later than tomorrow evening. But life and time are always factors, so should something happen, I will make sure you have the update for Monday. **

**Thank you for all your reviews, they mean the world and keep my muse abundantly cheerful and ready to work. **

**Chapter Twenty**

"**Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."**

I wanted to sit by her as she slept but I needed to hunt and I needed a few moments to myself.

Bella was being taken care of, now I needed to do the same for me. I had held myself together for as long as possible but now things were compiling, ready to tear me under if I wasn't careful.

Peter had promised to stay with Bella while I took my moment.

I left the hospital at a human's pace but as soon as I was out of sight, I cast aside the predictable human façade. I all but blurred with the speed of my retreat.

The faster I moved, the more I grieved.

Unable, perhaps unwilling to continue on, I collapsed next to a bubbling brook. My emotions were jumbled.

The scene was picturesque. The large trees, with full bodied limbs, the scant silver moon glistening in the blue-black water. The wild flowers that were still in bloom, the reds and purples creating a serene oasis in the midst of the canopied trees, it was a scene straight out of a painting. The pure beauty of it broke my heart. This was a place I should have been showing Bella; instead she lay damaged and broken once again in a hospital…

The scene was made even more perfect because of a white-tailed deer grazing copiously at the sweet, fragrant grass. When the animal caught my scent, its head whipped around, its eyes twin pools of glossy onyx. The animal should have bolted at the mere sight of me, my scent alone should have sent warning bells off, instead, it huffed and once again lowered its muzzle to the grass. His action was almost a dismissal of sorts…

My hunger was raging anew but I admired the buck and its lackadaisical attitude. He should fear me, run in fear, but he seemed to sense an indecision I myself wasn't sure of.

I was about to pounce when a white-tailed doe and its fairly new fawn gracefully enter, taking their spot by the buck. Three deer all milling about, readily available prey, yet I could not take their lives…

The majestic aura that surrounded them was too serene, too perfect to destroy. With a cry of anger, I slipped from the picture perfect glade. Ready to follow the next enticing scent and the world be damned if it turned in to another scene like the last.

I wasn't sure how long I had run for but it would seem the world was conspiring against me. I managed to catch ten or so rabbits, but nothing else was afoot tonight.

Sick of trying, I turned around and headed back in the direction of the hospital.

When the large building came in to sight, my useless heart constricted, I could feel her within.

I wanted nothing more than to walk through the doors and take her in my arms, but my feet wouldn't move.

I had felt desperation and fear when Bella had disappeared earlier this year but I had never felt this complete desolate, encompassing despair before. Every useless breath I took was filled with searing pain, worse than the tormenting, continuous pain of being changed.

Unsure how long I would have stayed in my present position, thankfully the choice was taken out of my hands.

Thanks to my vampiric hearing, I heard her scream. Whatever the cause, it was enough to get me moving. Sadly, I was forced to move at human speed, so I would not give my secret away. I stopped at the hub, speaking to a slightly aggressive nurse. She gave me Bella's room number but with much disdain.

As I walked away, I heard her mumble under her breath, "Family only, just because you may be intending to marry her, doesn't make you family. Just lucky you are so easy on the eyes…"

I wanted to laugh but I couldn't find it in me. As quickly as I could, I made my way to her room. When I stepped in, she flew in to my arms. Her words a jumbled mess I couldn't understand. It wasn't until she repeated herself that I finally grasped what she was saying.

"I promise I will get better, please Jasper, take me home… I'll do anything you want, I'll never leave the house, just please, I am begging you, get me out of here."

"Bella, relax. As soon as the doctor says it is safe for you to go home, we will. I want to make sure you weren't seriously hurt by "Him". I wouldn't be able to live if something were to happen to you as well."

My words were useless, her panicky grip tightened as I tried to lay her back on the bed. She clung to me like I was the last life line she was likely to have. Her lips moved with stilted jerks across my neck and collarbone.

"I'm fine, look at me, nothing is wrong; just get me out of here."

I wanted to believe her but I knew the damage he must have inflicted had to have hurt her.

"Jasper, take me home, Carlisle can check me out. I need to go home. I've lost so much already, please don't make me stay here!"

That cut deeper than I wanted to admit. The fact that she was adamant about not allowing him to touch her before, this complete one-eighty was even more disconcerting.

"Bella baby, we are here already. Relax; I will be by your side the whole time."

I could see she didn't trust me, the words had no sooner slipped from my mouth than she was darting her gaze at Peter. "You weren't here when I woke up!"

Unsure how to prove my sincerity, I laid down on her bed draping her body over mine and held her close. I let my mind wander while I whispered my love to her and all the memories I hoped to make with her.

It must have worked because she relaxed upon me and slowly I heard her heartbeat slow in to a steady rhythm.

"Sleep love, we will figure everything out later."

Peter didn't move he just sat in the stupid, orange chair. He looked like a statue with his ability to remain still. If I hadn't know about vampires and been one myself, I would have been seriously worried about his lack of movement.

"She's strong man, she'll make it through this, so will you."

"What's it to you?"

"We're family, it's about time I started acting like it. I get that we have different food sources, but Charlotte and I don't kill anyone who doesn't deserve it. And perhaps we are playing judge, jury and executioner but you have to admit, there will never be a shortage of bad souls out there."

"You do understand that you rarely make sense anymore. What's with this power of yours, been honing it or something?"

"Actually, no, it wasn't until I got within close range of you that things started happening. It makes no sense to me but I have to admit, it's a little disconcerting."

I didn't know what to say to that, so I let the silence reign. Besides, I needed time to think and to do that right now, I needed it to be quiet…

We had barely known about the child, but since finding out, I was amazed at how much I really thought about him or her and what our lives would be like. Now that the chance was gone, it was like someone had taken out every happy thought pertaining to that child and left me a hollow shell.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose."**

I knew I hadn't slept long but I did feel a little better, physically if not mentally. Through everything that had happened, I still felt safe in Jasper's arms.

When I had awoken earlier, I thought I was going to go insane. It would have been a short trip, my emotions were overwrought and my mind was fixated on my child, our child, that when I awoke and saw that I was alone, it was just too much.

My first thought was that Jasper had finally wised up and left me. The second thought that flashed through my mind and heart had been that he couldn't stand to look at me, for I had been the cause of this whole terrible mess. My guilt would not be easily assuaged, but if I had any hope of getting past this and living a life with Jasper, I would have to.

"I am so sorry."

"No more apologies okay. This was not your fault; the circumstances surrounding all of this could not have been known. I wish Alice's premonitions worked on you but wishing for something isn't going to change anything. I love you, I will always miss our child but we can try again…"

"Please Jasper, I can't even think about that right now. This gaping hole in my heart is still too fresh."

I could see the wheels turning in his head and had to wonder what had stolen his attention and then he spoke.

"I know our baby wasn't very old, but what do you think about having a funeral…?"

And here I had thought I had cried all the tears I possibly could.

"Bella, I'm sorry it was a stupid idea. Just ignore me."

Trust the ass to think that I was mad about the idea.

"A---A---…" I had to stop; my tears had gotten the best of me and were choking off my attempts at speaking coherently.

I knew it was a lost cause to try and speak, so I did the only thing I could, I kissed him with everything that was in me. All my pain and sadness, my guilt, my love for him and my sheer joy at being loved by him, I put every emotion I possibly could, hoping to convey exactly what I thought about his idea.

"Is that a---yes?"

Not yet trusting myself to speak, I simply nodded my head. Burrowing closer to his body, absorbing his chill and replacing it with my warmth, I felt a small sliver of peace settle over me. The loss of my child would forever be with me but if I wanted to live and perhaps try for another baby, I had to allow myself to forgive."

"I love you Bella, so very much!"

"I love you too! More than I could ever say."

"When---when do you want to have the funeral and where?"

Wow, he just had to ask the hard questions right from the get go didn't he.

"I love our family and know we will always be with them but I don't know… I was kind of hoping we would have our own home, where we could go when we needed to get away. At least that was what I was thinking about since I found out that I was---pregnant. If we had our own home, I think having our child's grave close to us would be…meaningful. But since we don't have a home, I suppose we could have it at the Forks house, if that is okay with everyone and as for when, as soon as possible."

"Actually…"

I didn't give him a chance to finish, I was suddenly fearful, it was ridiculous but the emotion was there nonetheless. "Actually what?"

"About forty years ago I needed some time to myself; I was having trouble controlling my blood lust and needed to find an inner peace. I can't say that I actually did but I bought a house. I still own it…"

"Where?"

"Maunaloa, Hawaii, the house is about twenty minutes from Kepuhi Bay. I bought it on the spur of the moment. It was this beautiful house that was in danger of being torn down due to back taxes and such and I just couldn't imagine it being gone. So I made an offer and they took it. It is out of the way, the driveway alone deters people from coming to visit or take a peek. I was going to mention us going there for our honeymoon, but if you want our child's memory closer, I can try and find something close to Forks or even in Alaska. Whatever you want love."

Damn this man and his perfection.

My eyes felt like they had grit and sand embedded within, but I couldn't stop the tears. He really was too good for me but he saw fit to love me, I would not question it. He gave my world meaning.

"Jasper, that is perfect. But are you sure?"

"Completely. I love you and want only to see you smile again."

"You can put on the brave face all you want but it isn't going to help you. You lost a child too, what do you want?"

"I want our miracle to have a proper funeral; I want to set both our minds at ease. Knowing our child has gone some place better and is waiting to meet us, when our time comes."

Words would have been superfluous at the moment, so I did what came naturally. I kissed him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of his hand."**

I'm not sure when Peter left the room, but I was grateful for it nonetheless. Although when Bella's lips pressed to mine, I forgot momentarily, everything else around me. Nothing existed except her lips and mine and the emotions we were readily sharing.

The deep baritone voice startled both of us, Bella's lips parted in a shocked "o" before she lowered her head to my chest.

"Mr. Whitlock, Mrs. Cullen, I have the results of your exam. You are a very lucky woman. The damage you sustained should have caused you to hemorrhage, thankfully, with your miscarriage aside; you came through this relatively unscathed. You will be able to conceive again, if you so choose. But for the next couple months, I think it wise you take it easy. The blows you sustained caused your placenta to tear, you are indeed fortunate it didn't get any worse."

I had a question to ask, but it seemed he was on a roll and would not be deterred.

"You are going to have to be in close contact with a doctor. I want you checked out monthly for the first three months. It doesn't look like you will suffer any scaring, so conceiving and carrying to term should be fairly easy or as easy as it is for most others."

"When do I get to go home?"

"I want you here for the rest of the day, if I am satisfied with your progress, I will sign your release papers tomorrow."

"Thank you."

"Just doing my job ma'am, I'll check on you later. Perhaps after such an ordeal, it would be wise for your friend to go home so you can sleep."

He said it in an offhand manner, but I could see the way his eyes disregarded me, almost as if he thought I had done this to her and the emotions coming off of him, let's just say, they weren't the purest.

"My fiancé will be staying, it is in his arms that I sleep the best, you have a problem with that, sign me out now!"

Wow, she was a spitfire when she was telling someone how "Things" were going to be.

"Very well, good day to you both…"

Just before he stepped through the door, he looked back at the bed and the way her body draped mine, there was an interesting look in his eyes, but I said nothing. It would do no good anyway. But his comment after he shut the door made my proverbial blood boil.

"Wish I had a pretty little thing like that wrapped around me. The things she could do…"

I tuned him out after that, it was just too much. My inner demon wanted to kick his ass, hell, my inner man did too but I settled for hugging my "Pretty Little Thing" closer to my chest.

*****

Bella was beginning to drift off again when the room was suddenly a flourish of activity.

Alice and Felix entered first, then Edward and Minxy, Emmett and Jasper entered next. My little brother may be crass and acted stupid a lot of the time but I could see the pain and feel the shame rolling off of him. When I looked at Felix, his eyes met mine and no sooner did they meet than I felt a typhoon of guilt slam in to me.

Peter grabbed a chair and sat, pulling Charlotte in to his lap, a satisfied smile on his lips.

Esme entered last, hanging back in the door. I noticed with satisfaction that Carlisle had chosen to remain outside of the room.

She didn't raise her head, just seemed to burrow a little more in to me. I suppose she would have stayed that way, except Peter spoke.

"Bella, Jasper we need to speak to you."

"I can hear you."

I smiled, she was being ornery and she damn well knew it. My smile didn't last long though, because I could feel the minutest tremble racing through her body.

Catching Peter's eyes I shifted myself in to a sitting position and before she could protest, turned her around to face the rest of the family.

"Bella, Jasper, I know you have been through a lot and I apologize for overhearing your conversation earlier but I did and figured the least I could do to help you two out, is to arrange for your family and you to go to home."

"Peter, that is kind of you, but we decided to go to Jasper's home…"

"Love, that is our home not just mine, you are destined to be my wife and should you decide I am not the man for you, it will still be your home. And if I know Peter as well as I think I do, he probably has arranged for us to go to Maunaloa."

I caught just the barest whisper from Bella before Peter began to talk. "You will always be the man for me…"

"Jasper is correct. When you are given a clean bill of health, there is a private plane waiting to take you to Hawaii, where Jasper has a boat in the harbor that will take you to Maunaloa. I didn't want to plan everything, but just enough to lessen your heartache, if even just a little."

I couldn't see her face, but I could hear the tears in her voice.

"Thank you! But why would you do this, you don't even know me. I know your name only because Jasper said it once or twice, I don't even know the woman, who I surmise is your wife, sitting on your lap…"

"Her name is Charlotte and don't worry, there is plenty of time to get to know me and my wife. When you get back, perhaps we can get together. I may even have some really good stories to tell you about Jasper."

I wasn't overly worried about the stories Peter could tell, but I am sure he had some embarrassing tales nonetheless. For as long as I live, I truly hope Bella continues to surprise me like she did then.

"You---you won't be coming with us then?"

Her voice was meek and she stuttered slightly but I could feel her intense gaze on Peter, almost daring him to give the wrong answer.

"No worries love, we didn't want to intrude, there is plenty of time for us."

The bastard just had to wink at her, he knew I was watching, but did it anyway.

"Your right, there is plenty of time, hence why you will be joining us. A private plane can fit two more people…"

Peter's mouth opened and closed, if he was trying to mimic a fish, he was doing a damn good job. I caught Charlotte's gaze and smiled slightly. She knew Peter was screwing with me.

The rest of our family, minus Carlisle offered their condolences and gently hugged or kissed both Bella and I. When her tears began to run continuously, I thanked everyone for coming, but knew Bella needed to rest.

Felix looked like he wanted to say something, so did Minxy, but I begged them with my eyes, now was not the time.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**To forgive and be forgiven, if it's the last thing I do, then in death's release I may find the peace that in life I never knew."**

"Jasper?"

"What love?"

"How do we have a funeral for a baby who has no name? How do we name a child when we don't know whether he was a he or she was a she?"

"Well we could find a name but what if we went with something easy. Baby Whitlock or if you prefer Baby Swan, it is a tad impersonal but we would always know, that no matter how many lifetimes we live, our first child will forever be in our memories and hearts."

"Thank you, for everything, you seem to always know what to say to make things a little better."

He smiled, it was a small, sad smile but it was a start.

"Do you think the family would be okay with the idea of saying a small poem or quote or prayer at the funeral? We don't have to, its just an idea that has been bouncing around in my head since we started talking about having a funeral."

"Not at all, I think they will like being included. Do you want each person to say something or each couple?"

"I don't really know. If they find something they like, then let them read it. If not, that is okay as well…"

"When would you like the service to be held?"

"Honestly Jasper, I have no idea. What do you think about having it on September twentieth? That gives us time to get everything ready, but also allows me some time to wrap my head around everything that has happened."

There were a lot of things I still couldn't wrap my head around. James, I could never call him my brother; it was sacrilegious to do so, at least in my mind. He was a monster and would be thought of as such. When I had time to heal, I would allow my anger for him, against him, to rise to the surface, for now, I wanted to remember my child, a child I have never even had a chance to hold.

"I think that is a good day. That gives us a little over a week…"

"What?"

He opened his mouth, but closed it again. I gave him a strange look but his eyes shifted from mine to the vicinity of the door. I turned my head and standing there in the door was Christina.

"I don't want to interrupt, but I just had to come and see if you were really okay!"

"I'll be okay, but…the…ourbabydidn'tmakeit." I tried to slow my words, but they came out in a jumble. No sooner were the words out than I was dissolving in tears again. I felt frail warm arms wrap around me, pulling me tightly against her body.

"Shh, child, everything happens for a reason. Hold fast to that and everything will be alright. Lightning may not strike twice but miracles can."

"Th-thank you."

"Nothing to thank me for, you are family child and that means more than you will ever know."

I could see Jasper was trying to wrap his mind around everything, but for the moment, I didn't have the strength to explain.

Christina told him they could talk some other time, get to know one another, if he was willing but being an "old bitty", she needed to get home and get her beauty sleep.

When she left my tears had finally tapered off and it was in Jasper's arms that I finally found that scrap of peace and was able to sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	22. Chapter 22

**Sorry for the lateness of the update, but this chapter was being stubborn. I wanted something that was emotional and powerful and stayed true to the characters. But I have been in a seriously, abundantly happy mood lately, so writing something so heartbreaking, well, it was rather hard. I hope I did this chapter justice. **

**It is great to see new readers starting the story and new reviewers as well. I hope this chapter will inspire you to leave a review if you haven't, and even if you have. :D (I won't promise when to have the next update done, because, life sadly, has become a little hectic. But I will try my best to have one out as soon as possible.) You know I love all you guys!!!**

**Chapter Twenty-One**

"**There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go."**

I could see the exhaustion written clearly across her face. Her brows were knit together and a frown marred her beautiful face. Even in sleep she was suffering and there wasn't a single thing I could do about it. It always seemed to come back to that.

Sometime just before dawn she had briefly woke, her tears I could feel through my shirt. I knew it was a nightmare she was suffering with but again, I couldn't combat things that went on in her head. I had to have an actual foe to fight and her thoughts and memories were phantoms that eluded me.

A nurse came in shortly after seven, checked her vitals and left again. She wasn't being given anything for the pain; I don't know if that was her choice or not but figured it didn't really matter. As far as I could tell, according to her emotions, she wasn't in a severe amount of pain.

I was beginning to worry about her when the doctor came in. It was good timing, because I had just made up my mind to wake Bella come hell or high water, her mewling had broken my ability to remain still.

"I'm sorry; I don't recall your name… Is everything alright Doctor?"

"The names Crawford Jenkins, but most people just call me Ford."

"It's, well okay, it isn't overly nice to meet you, considering the circumstances, but…thank you."

He didn't miss a beat, one moment reintroducing himself and the next back in doctor mode.

"As for Bella, she is doing as well as can be expected, she has been through a lot and the coming days and months are going to be difficult on her. She will recover, she is a very lucky young lady, if her attacker would have been able to inflict any more damage, she likely would have had to have a hysterectomy. I see the bruises on her abdomen; I am not foolish enough to think that this was a chance attack… I am not going to ask for the details, I don't particularly agree with vigilante justice but I can understand it in this circumstance. Bella's release papers are ready, so as soon as she wants to get out of here, just ring the nurse and she will bring them."

I suppose he was hoping I would say something, ease his worry but I couldn't do it. There was just way too much about this world he didn't know about. Besides, he seemed like a good guy, no need in causing him to have a mental breakdown, by telling him all the things that literally did go bump in the night.

"Thank you Doctor. I will be taking Bella away for awhile, allow her time to heal. As for her attacker, he is being dealt with…accordingly."

He nodded his head, checked her stats and then quickly left. A sad smile on his lips as he passed from the room, his brows drawn together, as if he was having trouble figuring out a certain equation or something. I wasn't foolish enough to think that he wasn't concerned for his patient but I couldn't actually tell him that the monster that hurt her would never get the chance again.

I was facing a quandary, on the one hand, I knew she needed sleep but on the other, I wanted to wake her up and get out of here. I finally came to the conclusion that sleep was more important than anything, so I laid there and watched as she slept. At least for the time being, it looked like whatever was haunting her, had let her be.

Lost in my thoughts, it took me a few moments to realize someone was watching me, my eyes lowered to hers; there was a deep sadness there but gratitude as well.

"Are you alright Jasper?"

That was a loaded question. There were so many things that could never be right again. I desperately wanted to be able to express just how deeply I was affected by our loss, but I couldn't cry and the words that I longed to say, that remained unspoken, I couldn't say them, no matter how I tried.

Trying a different tactic, I figured I would just say what I was thinking at this moment.

"Honestly love, I don't know. I have seen horrors in this world that would make the devil himself cringe, I have done many despicable things as well but nothing even compares to this gaping emptiness that fills my useless heart. I want to be able to express the grief that all but swallows me each time I think of our child but I can't. I can rage against the injustice of it, I can scream to the world about the horrendous tragedy but to what end. Those emotions are all based in anger, I love you and I loved our child and for the first time in over a century, I want to cry my grief, yet I am a vampire and can't…"

"Jasper, you should know better than anyone, when it comes to us, nothing is impossible. Your heart beats while we make love, I conceived our child because of that miracle. Nothings is out of your reach…"

She slowly slipped from my body, the warmth that she had been offering me suddenly leaving me colder than I had ever been. I tried to offer her a question with my eyes but she wouldn't look at me, she simply walked to the door and locked it.

As she made her way back to me she kept her eyes diverted, perhaps I was being naïve but I couldn't fathom this sudden change in her.

"Baby, what are you doing?"

When she climbed back on to my lap, tears were standing in her eyes.

"Shh, my darling, it is time to heal…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**Think of your child; then, not as dead, but as living; not as a flower that has withered, but as one that is transplanted, and touched by a divine hand, is blooming in richer colors and sweeter shades than those on earth."**

The thought sprang in to my mind with the force of a wrecking ball.

The likelihood that he would go along with this was nil-to-none, but I had to try. He had been there for me, for so many things. I needed to give him this small gift, one that only I could.

"Make love to me?"

"Bella, you can't be serious, please, this can wait, forever, we have forever…"

"Do you love me?"

"You know I do!"

"Do you trust me?"

"Again, you know I do!"

I didn't bother with words any longer, they would have been superfluous, it wasn't words that were going to help Jasper, at least not right now.

My fingers were hasty as I popped the button on his jeans but slowed when I slid his zipper down, a tooth at a time, drawing out the moment. Out of the periphery of my sight, I could see his hand preparing to move my hand or so I assumed. So I took my eyes off my target, knowing the path well enough that I wouldn't have to see it, to do it. When I caught his eyes with mine, I hoped I was conveying everything that this moment and the act I was offering, was filled with love and need, not some sick sense of duty.

I wasn't wearing anything beneath the hospital gown so as I freed him from his constricting boxers, I took his silence as acquiescence and slipped upon him.

My breath caught and then hissed from my lips. It was painful, but I could see past it, see what this moment could be, so instead of stopping I simply slowed my motions.

"Bella…"

"Love me Jasper, let go of it all for a moment. Let me heal you, how you have healed me so many times before."

I suppose doing something like this, after everything I had just been through was morally wrong, perhaps it spoke of just how broken I was but all that mattered to me at that moment was helping the man I love. I seemed to recall having that same thought before…

"Make love to me, please."

I wasn't going to beg but I was willing to use reason and okay, maybe a little begging.

Jasper gently switched positions. Instead of lying down, he was now sitting up, my body held firmly against his.

Normally it was I who tried to burrow further within him but this time our roles were reversed. Like the night he comforted me in the bath, making slow love to me, healing me and assuring me with every movement, every touch, every breath that I was loved, I was now trying to do the same.

My movements were slow, unhurried. My lips found his and for a few short minutes, we were nothing except lips and the comfort that the act offered.

The power that was our connection was stronger than ever before. Neither of us were close to climaxing but as I lowered my lips to his pulse point on his neck, I felt the steady beat against my lips. I feared moving my lips, the spell that we were under was tenuous, our grief too close to the surface.

I felt Jasper stiffen. Not in sexual ecstasy but in agony. His body shook with the emotion that suddenly had a way to be expressed.

He pulled me closer to him, I wasn't sure how much closer we could get before we spontaneously became one instead of two but I wouldn't have changed anything.

"Bella, I—I---am so…sorry."

"It is alright my love, we will get through this."

"You---have given so much. You shouldn't have…you didn't have to…"

"You're right; I didn't have to do this. I didn't it because I wanted to."

I could feel the beating of his heart, its beats timed with mine. Our chests were pressed intimately together, the steady, miraculous cadence not only heard and felt but something cosmically more significant.

His breathing was erratic, each breath expelled with tremulous effort and then it happened. I felt his face bury more fully in to my neck and then the salty warmth of his tears as they caressed my skin, invisible trails blazed from my shoulder down my back, each tear mapping its way across my heart.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**The sorrow which has no vent in tears may make other organs weep."**

I am a weak man, if I had any sense, I would have refused her. But I was selfish and wanted nothing more than to have an outlet for the raging grief that was all but washing me under in the unpredictable waves of despair.

I had never felt emotions like these, I had felt them in a secondhand way, but to feel my own grief to such an extent shook me to my very foundation. And here was this beautiful angel, trying to lessen my pain…

And then it happened, the first beat took me by surprise, like it always did but once it continued the emotions that had been locked carefully under the guise of my vampiric form, burst. The dam was opened and I suddenly had the ability to express what so desperately needed to be.

The tears were foreign; I couldn't even recall my human self crying. But I could feel them cleansing my damaged heart. I would not heal so quickly, but I would have a starting point. She had once again done something which no one else had been capable of.

I felt her tears as they began to fall; she pulled back slightly and with adamant hands, pulled my face to hers. Our kiss was tentative and gentle to begin with but quickly transformed in to a desperate need. Our tongues mated, our tears mingling with each others, not slowing in strength but cleansing a little bit more.

Our bodies began to move again.

It wasn't thought of or questioned, it was just the natural instinct of our love and our bodies own need. It dictated where we were going and we were helpless to ignore.

Our movements were tantamount, each thrust, each breathy moan like a well choreographed symphony. Our bodies knew the movements; as if we had been doing this dance all our lives, an eternity of experience behind us, when in fact it was barely a few months…

My lips moved to her neck and I stilled, it was an amazing feeling, I could taste my own tears on her skin as my tongue danced across her delicate flesh.

The slow sinuosity of our movements had brought me to the precipice and the minute quavers of Bella's internal muscles altered me to the fact that she was close as well.

Our climax was synonymous, one moment we were teetering on the edge and the next we were tumbling over the edge. It wasn't a powerful mind numbing orgasm, but instead with our completion, a small part of our souls healed. It was a true act of making love. Our release wasn't required, but the fact that we had found such a release at such an emotional moment, spoke volumes of our love.

"How will I ever be able to thank you for the gifts you keep giving me?"

"You thank me every day, by loving me and allowing me to love you."

I pulled her back to my chest, and slowly slipped down. When my back touched the bed, I allowed my eyes to close. My heart still beat, when it would stop, I was not concerned, for I knew that it would beat again.

Our baby would never be far from our minds, we would always be hurt by his or her sudden departure from our life, but perhaps we could move on and live life without being torn asunder by our grief.

Perhaps this was the true meaning of healing and forgiving. For forgetting would never be an option, but the acceptance of such an atrocity was key to moving on and just maybe in the coming months, we would be able to remember the life we had created with sadness but also joy, for our child really was a miracle.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"**If my wings should fail me, Lord, please meet me with another pair."**

As soon as people started coming around, I knew it was time to leave. I was released from the hospital and beyond ready to start the next leg of our journey.

It felt like a long trip, but I suppose it was my own unease at being stuck near Carlisle and no where to flee to.

I knew I was being illogical but just the sight of him reopened wounds that had begun healing. It was kind of like when you had a tooth fall out and you just couldn't keep your tongue out of the new hole, you didn't particularly want to be aggravating the slight pain it could cause but you did it anyway. It was kind of the same thing with Carlisle, I knew he wasn't to blame for the loss of the baby, but that kind of pain didn't factor in common sense, it was irrational but sadly, I couldn't do anything about that. Perhaps with time that unreasonable emotion would dissipate.

Thankfully, Jasper's boat wasn't big enough for everyone, so we went in two groups. Peter and Charlotte and Emmett and Rosalie came with Jasper and me and then the remaining group joined us, with Peter piloting the boat back to the second group and then back to the island.

With twenty minutes to kill before the rest of the group got to the island, Emmett took me aside. I had always liked Emmett, but I found it strange that he would want to talk, especially after my stupidity.

"Bella are you doing okay?"

"As good as can be expected I suppose… Is there something on your mind?"

"Nah, not really, I just wanted to let you know that should you need to talk to someone or just want to get away from it all for a bit, you can always come to me. I know I am not brain of the family or the lover, hell for that matter I barely register on the nice guy meter but you and me we get along. You get my sense of humor most times and don't take it personally. I suppose what I am trying to say is simply, if you need a friend, I'll be here for you."

Trust my emotions to get the better of me. A few stray tears escaped my eyes, trailing finely down my cheeks. But when Emmett wrapped me in a bear hug, I couldn't help but laugh.

"Thank you Emmett, you may just live to regret that offer, but I am truly grateful and think I will take you up on it soon."

"Sounds good to me, you hungry, I can make you some soup and a grilled cheese and bacon sandwich?"

"That sounds great, but…can you cook?"

"Sure, nothing to it, I watch the food network all the time!"

It was a freeing laughter that bubbled from my lips. With Emmett I didn't have to be anything, I could feel whatever emotions I wanted and didn't have to pretend like everything was going to be okay. And the fact that he was almost always funny was an upside.

Of course, that wasn't meant to take anything away from Jasper, he helped me heal in a completely different way. He knew his way around my heart and soul, Emmett new his way around my funny bone.

We no sooner made it back to the living room than the rest of the family arrived.

Jasper wrapped his arms around me, pulling me up and in to his arms.

I hadn't really had an opportunity to explore our house, although calling it a house was an affront. From what I had seen so far, the house was monstrous in size and yet so perfectly Jasper.

He led me up the stairs and through a set of double doors. The room was perfection personified. Against the far back wall was a four poster bed, obviously an antique, Sapphire blue bedding and silver accent pillows. The walls were a deep blue, but instead of making the room dark and foreboding, the numerous windows let in more than enough light. There were also lots of antique looking lamps on the bedside tables and the long mahogany dresser.

The room was huge, but with the furniture set about, it made it feel homey and lived in.

Jasper set me on the bed and then turned and entered another set of double doors. As they swung open, my breath caught. The most amazing bathroom I had ever seen lay no more than twenty feet from me. I couldn't see all of it, but what I could see was amazing.

There were twin indigo blue vessel sinks, they added a modern touch to the antique feeling that the furniture offered. The tub looked specially made, I had never seen anything that big before or so…perfect. I was all but positive that our whole family could rest in that thing and still have room left over.

I would have continued to stare at the amazing sights before me, but my attention was quickly drawn back to the gigantic tub that was slowly filling with water.

"What are you doing?"

"You my darlin' are going to relax and enjoy a hot bath, while I get some things done."

"What things?"

"I want to talk to a local man. He is known for his work with marble and granite. And I figured you would like some time alone, after everything that has happened."

"Thank you Jasper!"

"You are welcome love. Use the jets let them relax you."

"Will you be back before I get out?"

"Perhaps, but please, take care of you. When you are ready, I would really like to try again…I know it is probably too soon, but…"

"I can't think about that right now Jasper, give me a little time please. I want to give you a child; I just need to work out everything in my head. And don't look at me like that, I know what it means to you, it was something you had never dreamed of, and now that you have, you can't think of anything else."

"It's not that. It hurts more than I can express, but I feel like with every minute that slip by, our chance at another miracle slips away too. I saw the glow in your eyes when Emmett told you, you were pregnant. I want nothing more than to see you smile again and glow."

He didn't give me time to reply, he just placed a kiss to my lips and turned in to a blur as he raced form the room.

Before I climbed in to the water, I grabbed a book of poetry that was nestled between large tomes about various wars. It looked oddly at home between them, almost as if it belonged there.

*****

The bath, the book of poetry, it was all perfect. For once in my life, it felt like this moment had been ordained. I was about to get out of the tepid water when I came across a poem that spoke to me. I could have spent a lifetime looking for the right poem to read at my child's funeral, but here it was and all because I decided I didn't want to think.

I dog-eared the page and knew Jasper would probably be angry, but I had nothing else available at the time, so turning the page down would have to do.

I slipped from the water, holding the book high, making sure I didn't damage it more.

When I slipped on what I assumed was Jasper's robe and made my way back in to the bedroom, I couldn't stop the smile from spreading across my face. On an ornately carved wooden serving tray, sat a grilled cheese sandwich with bacon and chicken noodle soup, a note sat beside the glass of iced tea, it read, relax and enjoy, we will be back later, Em.

This family, my family, truly was one of the best!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"

I couldn't believe how quickly the time passed, as Friday morning dawned, I suddenly wanted more time. I wasn't ready; I didn't want to say a final good bye. I twisted in Jasper's embrace, seeing the same emotions playing in his eyes as mine.

"I don't think I am ready to do this."

"I know what you mean, but we can't stay here forever, the locals are going to start wondering why they only see you and Minxy in town."

"Yeah... okay, let's get up. Hey, I forgot to ask you, did you find what you wanted to read?"

"I did, I think it is as close to perfect as I could ever hope to find."

When he set me on my feet, I felt the instant loss of his arms, it wasn't so much his arms that were giving me comfort, which they were, but when we were so close to one another, it was easier to express our emotion, we didn't need words, we didn't even need Jasper's empathic gift. A gentle touch, a feather-like kiss, a soft breathy sign, they were the language of love; they held the words, the emotions.

Not even fifteen minutes later we were all downstairs. Everyone turned to look at Jasper and me, I didn't see their eyes on me, but I felt them.

Jasper's arm slipped around my waist, drawing me to him. "It's time love."

I simply nodded my head. There was nothing for me to say, at least not right now. My emotions, which I was sure Jasper could feel, were a tumulant mess.

Our family followed us out of the house and down a short path. Jasper stopped me once we reached a small little grove that sat behind the house. The trees must have been old, for the five or six that sat there were huge, the branches interconnecting almost, it was like standing beneath an umbrella of leaves.

A small marble stone sat sentinel, it read, "Life is eternal, and love is immortal,  
and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight."

"Oh Jasper, that's beautiful!"

His voice cracked with emotion when he spoke. "I thought it fitting for our beautiful miracle."

My tears were falling rapidly, blurring the faces before me, but I knew we had to start or I was liable to fall apart. "Shall we get started?"

I caught a slight nod from everyone and then Carlisle stepped closer to the headstone. His words were hesitant, so unlike him, but I could feel the emotion behind them.

"Bella, Jasper, I am truly sorry for your loss. I hope someday; you will be able to forgive me."

Before I could say anything he pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and began to read.

"_None of us would part with a single one of our memories yet they are all so laced with pain. The need and desire to touch and hold our child again brings an ache that has no release." _

He paused for a moment and then spoke again, _"The death of a baby is like a stone cast into the stillness of a quiet pool; the concentric ripples of despair sweep out in all directions, affecting many, many people." _

I didn't pull away as he wrapped his arms around me nor when he placed a gentle kiss to the crown of my head.

It wouldn't be right to hold grudges right now, now was a time for loving and saying goodbye. Later, if I felt so inclined, I could return to my resentment.

I wasn't sure I would be able to make it through everyone's kind words or bear the agonized looks, but I was going to try my best, besides, I had to remember this was hard on all of them as well.

Edward and Minxy stepped forward next.

_Do not stand at my grave and weep,  
I am not there, I do not sleep._

I am a thousand winds that blow.  
I am the diamond glint on snow.  
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.  
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,  
I am the swift, uplifting rush  
Of quiet birds in circling flight.  
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.  
I am not there, I do not sleep.  
(Do not stand at my grave and cry.  
I am not there, I did not die!)

Edward began the poem, Minxy finished it. When she was done, tears raced down her pale cheeks. Her embrace was firm and gave me a little extra strength. When she hugged Jasper, I swear, I could see tears in his eyes.

Edward's hug was brotherly, but for some reason, he always seemed distant to me.

Alice and Felix and Peter and Charlotte stepped forward next, each holding a small piece of paper. It was Felix who spoke first, but he wasn't looking at his paper.

"Bella, Jasper, I am truly sorry for your loss. If I had known how this would have turned out, I would have tried harder to convince you to stay Bella. I know my words probably don't offer much comfort, but if you need anything, anything at all, don't hesitate to ask."

I stepped forward quickly. I hadn't known Felix long, but I knew I couldn't let him bear the weight of my decision.

"This is not your fault Felix, it never was. I made my own choices, choices that were beyond foolish…"

He hugged me awkwardly and then stepped back.

Alice stepped forward first and read what was on her sheet of paper.

_To All Parents_

_"I'll lend you for a little time a child of Mine," He said.  
"For you to love while she lives  
And mourn for when she's dead.  
It may be six or seven years, or twenty two or three,  
But will you, till I call her back,  
Take care of her for Me?  
She'll bring her charms to gladden you,  
And shall her stay be brief,  
You'll have her lovely memories as solace for your grief._

Peter and Charlotte stepped forward, reading their section of the poem.__

I cannot promise she will stay, since all from earth return  
But there are lessons taught down there  
I want this child to learn.  
I've looked the wide world over  
In my search for teachers true  
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes  
I have selected you.  
Now will you give her all your love,  
Nor think the labor vain,  
Nor hate me when I come to call to take her back again?

Felix finished the poem. His rugged voice, unusually quiet. __

I fancied that I heard them say: "Dear Lord, Thy will be done!  
For all the joy thy child shall bring,  
The risk of grief we'll run.  
We'll shelter her with tenderness, we'll love her while we may,  
And for the happiness we've known  
Forever grateful stay;  
But shall the angels call for her much sooner than we've planned  
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes  
And try to understand.

Jasper had to pull me against himself. My legs were trembling and I was blinded by the amount of tears spilling forth. It was a beautiful poem, but the open would that was my heart, couldn't find the comfort such words could offer.

Emmett and Rosalie took Felix's empty spot. Before Emmett could begin to speak, Rosalie leaned down and traced her fingers over the smooth marble of the headstone. "Rest your tired wings, little angel and know you could never have been loved more."

Rosalie almost crushed me in her hug, but her whispered words gave me a little hope. "Don't fear, dearest Bella, life will go on, and a baby you will have. Your arms will not forever be empty, like mine."

I felt like I should say something, anything but Jasper just minutely shook his head, a sad smile on his lips. I understood that there was a story behind that sad look and Rosalie's whispered words, but he was right, now was not the time.

In Emmett's clear, masculine voice, which was surprisingly subdued, he said, _"Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Although it's difficult today to see beyond the sorrow,  
may looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow."_

Rosalie's sweet melodic voice turned the poem, almost in to a song. When she finished, even the birds were twittering their approval.

_May your heart and soul find peace and comfort.  
May the blessings of love be upon you,  
May its peace abide with you,  
May its essence illuminate your heart,  
Now and forever more_

I knew when Esme stepped forward, that I was going to break. The sadness in her eyes and the shimmering of tears that would never fall, spoke volumes to my heart. Once again, I was sure a story lay in the wings, just waiting to be told. Perhaps if I hadn't been so clod and indifferent, these heartbreaking stories I would have already heard. Perhaps had I known them, I would have been able to share my grief.

_**Untitled**_

_Mother, please don't mourn for me;_

_I'm still here, though you don't see._

_I'm right by your side each night and day_

_And within your heart I long to stay._

_My body is gone but I'm always near_

_I'm everything you feel, see or hear._

_My spirit is free, but I'll never depart_

_As long as you keep me alive in your heart._

_I'll never wander out of your sight._

_I'm the brightest star on a summer night._

_I'll never be beyond your reach._

_I'm the warm, moist sand when you're at the beach._

_I'm the colorful leaves when fall comes around_

_And the pure, white snow that blankets the ground._

_I'm the beautiful flowers of which you are so fond._

_The clear, cool water in a quiet pond._

_I'm the first bright blossom you'll see in the spring;_

_The first warm raindrop that April will bring._

_I'm the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine,_

_And you'll see that the face in the moon is mine._

_When you start thinking there's no one to love you,_

_You can talk to me through the Lord above you._

_I'll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees,_

_And you'll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze._

_I'm the hot, salty tears that flow when you weep_

_And the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep._

_I'm the smile you see on a baby's face._

_Just look for me, Mommy, I'm everyplace!_

When Esme finished, my heart was breaking. It was a beautiful poem, the most heart-wrenchingly beautiful poem, I had ever heard.

I tried to tighten my hold around Jasper, for fear of collapsing completely beneath my pain, but Jasper was already on his knees.

The shocked gasps that sounded around the small grove and the intense stares drew my attention to Jasper's face. Finally, they could see what I had been blessed with. Tears streamed down his face, each one a silver diamond slipping gracefully away in to the ether.

My own grief was crushing, but for that moment, I was nothing but a set of comforting arms that could ease my loves pain. Together we rocked, as our tears mingled and joined. Our heartache was given wings and free reign. Time didn't seem to matter any longer; we sat there for an immeasurable amount of time, holding one another.

No one made us feel like we were wasting their time or tried to hurry our agony along. It was Esme who finally pulled us from our embrace when she wrapped her arms around us.

"Be at peace my darling children. Time really does heal all wounds. You will not forget, but you will be able to remember this child with love and happiness. Your grief will get better, I promise you that."

I knew she wasn't expecting an answer so I merely nodded my head. I knew she was right. A person, vampire or human, could not maintain this level of grief and hope to survive. In a sickly, perverse way, I never wanted my grief to change, by it changing or lessening, I felt like I would be disrespecting my child. But I also knew that "death" was a natural course of life and in time, the sadness would abate.

I kissed away Jasper's tears, tasting the sweet essence that was completely him. Sweet, yet with a hint of spice, it was different than his scent, but oddly similar as well.

"You okay?" I whispered.

"I'll be okay, I suppose. It feels like my heart will escape my chest. That the agonizing pain of its every beat, mocks me with the agony of it all. I'm dead and yet my heart still manages to beat on occasion, why couldn't I have done more for our child…I would have gladly given my last breath, my miraculous beating heart, if it would have offered our child a chance."

"I know Jasper; I would have done the same, had it been in my power. Let us finish our goodbyes so that we may take some time to our selves and say goodbye, our way."

He nodded his head and with fisted hands, scrubbed the tears from his eyes.

_**If Tears Could Build A Stairway**_

_If tears could build a stairway  
And memories were a lane  
We would walk right up to Heaven  
And bring you back again_

_No farewell words were spoken  
No time to say goodbye  
You were gone before we knew it  
And only God knows why_

_Our hearts still ache in sadness  
And secret tears still flow  
What it meant to lose you  
No on will ever know_

_But know we know you want us  
To mourn for you no more  
To remember all the happy times  
Life still has much in store_

_Since you'll never be forgotten  
We pledge to you today  
A hallowed place within our hearts  
Is where you'll always stay_

I could see that he was crying again but knew he needed this to be done, as much as I did. I didn't want to stop the emotions that were within; I just wanted to take some precious alone time with Jasper. In his arms, where we could talk without saying a thing, share our grief without moving a muscle. Ours was a special connection, one I would never take for granted.

My voice was hoarse with tears and unexpressed emotion, but some how, I managed to make it through.

_Tiny Angels_

_Tiny Angels rest your wings_

_sit with me for awhile._

_How I long to hold your hand,_

_And see your tender smile._

_Tiny Angel, look at me,_

_I want this image clear...._

_That I will forget your precious face_

_Is my biggest fear._

_Tiny Angel can you tell me,_

_Why you have gone away?_

_You weren't here for very long...._

_Why is it, you couldn't stay?_

_Tiny Angel shook his head,_

_"These things I do not know...._

_But I do know that you love me,_

_And that I love you so"._

I finished the poem, my heart breaking anew. But I had one last thing to say. "My darling child, you will be greatly missed and forever remembered. Every beat of my heart, is a beat of my love for you. I know our time was all too brief, but I look forward to one day meeting you, when are paths shall cross and in heaven I arrive. For your life and the love of your father are what give me strength and hope, knowing that even in my darkest of days, I will always be loved, and always be welcomed home."

Everyone looked shaken and broken from their grief. But as they slowly made their way back to the house, I was once again hit with my gratitude for being a part of this family and then knowing what I needed and when.

Jasper pulled me in to his arms, his back resting against the giant oak tree. "Are you alright my love?"

"I'm working on it. You?"

"Like you said, I will never forget, and the sadness that swells in my heart, I think it will never truly go away and honestly, I don't know if I want it to. But, and that is a huge but, I think I can finally see a small glimmer of acceptance, shining on the horizon."

"I love you Jasper and I think it is time we take a step forward. I want to be your wife, more than anything. And in the coming months, if we should be lucky enough to conceive again, I will be ready."

He didn't say anything, but the small smile that tugged at his lips and the slightly firmer hold of his arms, told me everything I needed to know.

We would survive!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**(Any errors, typos, spelling mistakes, they are all me! I apologize now if I missed some while proofing.) **


	23. Chapter 23

**I am so so so so so so sorry!! Things here have been beyond hectic, but my dad looks to be okay and I fell in love :D, so I have been a little distracted, okay, so not probably, I have been. The good news, the even more bubbly, happy me, means good things for the story! **

**But, I was thinking about all of you wonderful, wonderful people! This chapter isn't very long, but I am working on the next chapter right now. I hope you can all forgive me and enjoy this chapter. I will admit to being distracted quite often by this chapter. I Love you guys!!! **

**P.S. Don't be afraid to review on a past chapter, it makes my day and it inspires me! *Hugs & Kisses* And when inspired, my muse writes like a speed demon… ;)**

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

"**You're my relation and connection to the sun, with you next to me there's no darkness I can't overcome."**

Jasper and I decided to remain on the island a little longer. He wanted to give us some alone time. I knew he was doing it for me, for us. He seemed to know I wasn't ready to go back to everyday life.

It had been a whirlwind year.

My heart still longed for the child we had lost, I was positive it always would. For the first week we were on the island, I had to wonder if the pain and tears would ever ease.

Jasper and I made love often, it wasn't just about the physical pleasure we could achieve, but also the bond that allowed us to delve deeper in to each other.

I had never thought of the possibilities of soulmates or forever types of love actually existed. My life hadn't really been a nurturing experience, so why would I think on things like that. It hadn't been that long ago when I had been wishing for an oblivion, perhaps wishing one of my more destructive habits would end the pain, by taking everything out of my hands.

Perhaps it was foolish to love someone so much, so soon, but if there was another way to love or do things, I didn't know it. I wondered often in I deserved this much happiness, yes there were moments that my heart felt like it would never recover, but the encompassing gift of Jasper's empathic abilities and his love, made those moments a little easier to bear.

I knew I would forgive Carlisle at some point and in some ways I already had, but it was going to take some time to get over his harsh words. He was a father figure I had gladly been looking up to, making his words hurt even more.

We stayed a month, our family called often and Emmett and Rosalie even came for a visit. It was mostly a month of quiet.

Jasper and I grew closer to one another, something I had not thought possible. We were already closer than anyone I knew, but as the days passed to weeks and the weeks slowly closed in on a month, less was being said vocally and more done through gentle touches, glances holding more than simple want or love.

Two nights before we were to head back home, Jasper took me out. We had to travel to the mainland anyway, I had a doctor's appointment and no matter how often I told Jasper that I was fine, he was adamant about me going to every check-up.

I had healed and would still be able to have kids. Jasper and I both breathed a sigh of relief, but wondered could lightning really strike twice.

Jasper made a stop at a pharmacy before we headed to the beach. He had wanted to take me out for supper, but I thought that silly, considering even if he did order and eat something, he wouldn't enjoy it. So finally he relented and agreed to pick something up for me at the restaurant and take it to the beach so we could watch the sun set.

I didn't have to ask what he had purchased at the pharmacy, I knew. Vitamins and everything else under the sun that would insure I was getting stronger, healthier. We both understood without it being said, that should we be lucky enough to conceive, we were going to do everything right.

However, we were not going to plan our lives around my schedule. I was ready, physically and while my heart hurt desperately for my lost child, I wanted to try again.

On this small little beach, there was no one around. I don't know how Jasper always managed to find the places that were beyond beautiful and yet completely devoid of other humans. I couldn't fathom how anyone could stay away. The sand was almost blindingly white, the soft rays of the run sparkled on stray groupings of quartz, but it all paled in comparison, what the sun did to Jasper's skin, now that we were alone and he was only wearing his boxers. It was a sight to behold, he looked like his entire body was made of diamonds, but even such a sought after gem, would be envious of the beauty that was, in my opinion, strictly Jasper.

The sun's essence seemed to be drawn within his multi-faceted skin. Tingeing his paleness with a hint of a tan, he was Adonis reborn, he was Apollo, a godlike man, but better than any Greek myth, he was a living, breathing…Okay, so not so much living and he only breathed to keep pretenses up, however, any god would pale in comparison.

His eyes were dancing with color, the sun seeming to refract every hue of the rainbow within his beautiful orbs. Dark honey changed to soft brown, from brown the facets of the sun gave his eyes a bluish tint, almost as if the sun had harnessed the color of the ocean and was reflecting it in his eyes. Moments later, they turned almost emerald in color, again it looked like the sun has captured the green of the palm trees surrounding us and cast back it prismatic hues in my Jasper's eyes.

It took me a few moments to draw my gaze from this wondrous sight, but when I did, my heart increased in speed. While I had been so entranced with the changing colors of his eyes, I had missed the all-encompassing lust that was now flooding his gaze. Even his posture screamed "SEX", it was relaxed yet strangely tense.

His boxers were pulled taught over his arousal. His smoldering gaze caught mine and held. I moaned, I couldn't help it, I could feel the emotions pouring from him and the lust that would have knocked me to my knees, had I been standing, rolled over me in beautiful, tender waves.

I instantly felt my own desire, the small bikini bottoms suddenly felt very constricting, and more than a little damp.

Rational thought quickly became impossible as his long, lean body blanketed mine. His normally cool skin had absorbed enough of the suns warming rays to facilitate a more "Natural" body temperature.

The shadows had begun to grow longer and where as the sun shining on Jasper's skin before made him look like he had billions of diamonds adorning his beautiful skin, it now looked like his skin had caught fire. Dark hues of red, smoldering oranges and blazing yellows danced across his body. The lower the sun went, the more his skin changed. It was heart-stopping in its exquisite beauty.

His fingers played sensually across my abdomen, dipping innocently beneath the waist of my bikini bottoms. He was moving with exaggerated slowness, teasing my suddenly feverish skin.

And still, he didn't speak, just watched me as my breaths grew shallower, and watched as my hands unconsciously flexed in the soft sand.

Lowering his head, he caught one of my already pebbled peaks in between his lips, gently pulling, teasing. When I thought I would scream from that pleasure alone, he stopped, looked happily in my eyes and then with excruciating slowness moved to my other nipple, its peak straining against the soft fabric, begging, demanding for more attention.

I reached out to grasp his raging erection but he caught first one hand and then my other. Taking his time, he slowly let my hands rest on my hips, his own hands swallowing mine completely. He shadowed my hands and only took action when I was unable to continue upward. My nipples ached, seeming to throb with every torturous beat of my heart. My core seeming to tremble in time as well, my body was on fire, every nerve, every sense, completely open and desperate for attention.

My fingers pulled at my own nipples. I delighted at the hiss of pleasurable pain that escaped my lips as I twisted and tugged on the engorged flesh. He watched my ministrations for a few moments before replacing his hands on mine and directing them further up.

I knew what he wanted but before acquiescing to his unspoken demand, I let my middle finger slip between my already abused lips. Working my long digit as if it was what I truly desired at that very moment.

His throaty groan and the speed with which he pulled my finger from my lips, with a resounding Pop, told me, he was enjoying that almost as much as I myself had been.

In one powerful hand, he held my wrists together, gently, but with enough force that I wouldn't be able to move them.

He caught my gaze and with a huskiness coloring his voice said, "You are not allowed to move your hands, no matter what, keep your hands there!"

I smiled my best and most innocent smile, batting my long sooty lashes and I replied, "Anything you like Lover, do with me what you will!"

His erection which was resting intimately against my thigh, twitched. He wanted to have control, I was all for that. He was however, taking away the one thing I always needed, wanted, so…since I couldn't touch, I would tease his mind and before this night was over, he was going to be begging me for my hands, for my touch!

He growled against my lips as his tongue flicked out in demand, seeking entrance. With desire flooding my body, I slowly let my mouth part, granting access to his warm, probing tongue. His movements were relaxed, yet I could feel the desperation that lurked just below the surface.

His tongue darted possessively into my hungry mouth, our lips moving to an unheard song, tongues dueling, dancing, mating… For a moment, I would have sworn that his beautifully talented tongue reached my tonsils.

A soft breeze rolled off the ocean alighting my overheated, sweat glistening skin. My nipples pebbled even harder. It was wrought full of pleasure and a hint of pain. The hard buds aching with the need to be touched to be freed from the moist confines of the bikini, the soft breeze working with or for, the damp material, unable to stop myself, my hips lifted from the ground, bucking delightfully against Jaspers raging erection.

His eyes caught mine, a small warning flashing from within. He was in control and I had to remember my place, even though every ounce of my being was begging me to rip the last vestiges of clothing from our bodies and ride him like he had never been ridden before!

When he pulled his very talented tongue from my lips, I didn't even think, I instantly began to gnaw on my bottom lip, drawing the passion reddened skin between my teeth. I needed something; I was slowly being consumed by an oral fixation, the likes of which I had never known.

He slid with excruciating slowness down my body, once he reached my breast, his fingers moved with a haste unseen, but I felt the flimsy material fall away from my heaving breasts.

When his lips finally reached my breasts, my breath was labored; I was now alternating biting and soothing the abused flesh of my lips. His long, dexterous finger's teased the rosy bud that his mouth was not laving. His teeth nipped at the pebbled peak and then soothed the pleasurable pain with his moist, cool mouth. His mouth switched to my left breast, the cool moistness he left on the right, sent a shiver of desire through my whole being; my inner muscles contracted with the sheer pleasure, my body quivered its need beneath his talented hands.

His finger's continued to work the hardened peak, squeezing, pulling, rolling. His mouth was copying the ministrations of his fingers. My nipples were harder than they ever had been before, and with each pleasurable assault upon then, it sent a tingling flare of white hot pleasure to my core.

My head rolled from side to side as my hands fisted the damp sand. His mouth was making my flesh over-sensitized, but I didn't want it to stop, I wanted more, so MUCH more. I could feel a plea rising to my lips and thought briefly of stopping, but the compunction was so fierce and filled with so much longing, the words were out of my mouth before I could think of a way to stifle them. "Baby, please, I need more, I NEED you!"

He didn't answer me; he just gave me that look. It was full of lust and love and while I desperately wanted to hear his melodic voice, to touch him, taste him, I had to admit, being his to control, was beyond erotic, it was stimulating in so many ways. Even in his silent demands I could feel and see his love for me.

My hands were itching for contact, but through sheer power of will I kept my hands to myself.

I felt him inching further down my body, nipping and kissing his way across my abdomen and then I felt his tongue as it lashed my overheated and sensitive clit. The pressure was there and gone again, but I was unable to stop my hips from thrusting up to meet him. My entire being was screaming for more attention.

When his ministrations ceased altogether I was a quivering mass of desire and a small part of me wanted to give up this game and hungrily ravish him.

"On your hands and knees baby"

I wasn't sure exactly what he had planned, but my body didn't care, it wanted him badly, in any capacity.

I gracefully slip on to my hands and knees and in doing so, the new height of my position granted the playful breeze to hit me where I was all but dripping in anticipation.

The sun had for all intents and purposes set, there was still a dusky glow coming over the water, but most everything was shrouded in shadows.

I felt the tip of him enter my moist folds but then even that sensation disappeared. I looked over my shoulder to see what he was waiting for or what he had planned and was going to demand he get on with it, but I noticed his gaze was locked on something to the left of me and even with his great sight, he seemed to be squinting.

"Jasper, what is it?"

I caught him shake his head, as if to clear it, then I felt the most glorious feeling ever. With a single stroke he buried himself deep in my burning heat. I cried out in pleasure as my orgasm washed over me. I don't know how he did it, but my entire being quaked with the force of my orgasm, but even as my body tried to calm itself, he began to move. Long, slow strokes, his body connecting lovingly with mine, our bodies slapping together with the force of his thrusts.

I shivered, my whole body was so over-sensitized that every touch, even that of the breeze, caused me to shudder with pleasure.

When I tried to meet Jasper stroke for stroke, he stilled his movements. My mewl of desperation that slipped from my lips was full of many emotions, one at the moment being frustration and anger. I wanted, no wanted wasn't the right word, I needed to feel him, to touch him, but he was still not allowing me that. So not only was I over-sensitized I was also dealing with sensory depravation, he had taken away the one thing I longed for, don't get me wrong, I loved it, but hated it, all at the same time.

I felt Jaspers arms slip around my waist, his strong hands conforming to my pliable skin, his chest was pressed intimately against my back and it made my heart soar when I felt the steady, rhythmic beat of his heart.

Without missing a beat and still seated firmly within my body, he placed me on my back. While he was doing so, my arms had slipped around his neck, now that I was touching him, there was no going back, I had to feel, to taste…

His body blanketed mine, his fingers twined in my hair as his mouth descended upon mine. His tongue was demanding, forceful and I gladly opened to his attack. It wasn't a soft, sensual kiss; it was fraught with passion, desire, lust. My pulse increased as he began to move within me again. His arousal twitched every time I squeezed my inner muscles. I could see he was trying to hold back, but I was having none of that. I needed him more than I needed air.

I tilted my hips just slightly and in doing so, his every stroke hit me where I most needed it. My inner core was vibrating around him, I could feel my orgasm building, could see the world slowly fading away as I lost all sense of what was going on around me. Beneath the silvery moon and glittering stars, I ceased to be a single entity. Jasper and I were not only lovers, of heart, mind, body and soul, but our love making was taking us to greater heights, we were transcending the logical. I felt my body begin to quake, my orgasm was building and whether possible or not, I felt like my body was going to shake apart and I hadn't even reached the pinnacle yet!

Jasper pulled us in to a sitting position and in doing so, handed control over to me. I wasn't going to last long, but I gladly accepted this new position.

With every thrust of my hips, my engorged clit crashed against his hard body. His lips crashed on to mine, the timing couldn't have been better; his kiss swallowed my scream of completion. His hips crashed in to me for a mere moment or two and then I felt his hot seed filling me.

I quavered and panted in his arms, all semblance of the world was gone. This world, it had two people, Jasper and myself, nothing else mattered, and nothing else penetrated our blissful fog. I could feel Jasper's body tremble minutely within my arms, but the best thing about it all, his heart was beating out a staccato that matched my own.

I have no idea how long we stayed like that, wrapped in each others embrace but the nice thing, it didn't really matter, it really was, simply the two of us and our love.

"I love you Bella; so much so, I fear I will never find the words to express it!"

"And I love you Jasper, and you are wrong, you express it everyday, in everyway. You saved me my love; you make me feel precious every day I am graced with being with you. It is I who cannot begin to express the love I feel for you!"

"You show me by allowing me in to your emotions, you tell me all the time. We will make it through anything my love, with you by my side, forever doesn't seem like long enough."

I could see he wanted to say something else, I could just glimpse the thought that raced across his eyes, but it was there and gone again. I would let it go for now, but whatever it was he was thinking, he was going to be telling me. He sucked at keeping secrets…

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	24. Chapter 24

**I am truly sorry; life has been, hectic to say the least, and then the story kind of dried up. I could have continued writing and putting out chapters, but I wanted to give you the best I had, not the worst, just for sake of updating and reviews. I am not going to be updating as often as I was, but I am going to try to write everyday, even if it is just a little, I will find the time to do that!! I hope you guys don't hate me or anything! For I am every so grateful to each and every one of you who read this story and review!! *Big Hugs* **

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

"**There can be miracles when you believe."**

It had been months, we kept telling our family that we would be coming home but that wasn't the case, at least not yet…there were things that needed to be done.

I could feel the weight of the world lying on my shoulders. Not only had Jasper and I been trying to get pregnant again, and each crushing negative a blow to my heart and soul, but we were also trying to get to know one another better. It was a whirlwind our romance, our love.

It really hadn't happened with varying degrees, how could it. Jasper was, at least I believed, the other part of me; he was the epitome of all that was right in my life.

As we once again sat here, waiting for the results, my stomach began to turn, and then twist, and before I knew it, I was leaning over the porcelain bowl, emptying the contents of my stomach.

I felt Jaspers cool hand soothing my back, light strokes of his thumbs across my spine. I don't recall ever having spent so much time naked, but it seemed, for all intents and purposes, we were naked twenty-three out of twenty-four hours.

The timer beeped, but for the moment, I couldn't bring myself to look. I wasn't sure how many more disappointments I could take.

When I felt Jasper stiffen next to me, I thought my world was going to collapse. But unable to hide, I slowly pushed my self away from the porcelain bowl. My head instinctively going to his knee as I waited for him to tell me what I already knew…I raised my eyes to his and then swallowed my pride and looked at the six sticks that stood in a row on the counter.

"Four negative, one undetermined or so it would seem and one…"

His voice trailed off, and if I hadn't gotten so close to him in these last few months, I would have thought he had heard something elsewhere in the house or something, but I knew him like I knew myself and the lone tear standing in his eye, spoken volumes.

"And…one, positive…" My voice was barely above a whisper and it squeaked more than I cared to admit, but this was monumental. For four or five months, we had used at least forty pregnancy tests, and every single one had either been false or undetermined. It was those that hurt the worst, because we would set up an appointment and get our hopes raised and then have to face reality, perhaps we were never going to have that chance again.

I started wondering if Jasper was wondering if the child I had lost had even been his… But now, here we sat, our eyes glued to the little stick that could possibly hold our entire future…

I can't be sure how long we sat there or how long we stared at the little stick, but when we finally turned towards each other, it was a crushing embrace. My body was quickly swept up in to his arms and in what felt like the blink of an eye, I was deposited tenderly upon our bed. I felt his eyes raking over every inch of my body and once in awhile I felt the bed shift with his weight. And then….

I felt it. His hands started at my feet, gently massaging the muscles as he peppered kisses across my exposed skin. He moved to my calves and then my thighs, as my breath was beginning to come in shorter spurts, I wondered if I could die from the pleasure his hands wrought. I was positive his next destination would be my stomach or my breasts, but he avoided them and moved to my arms and then my hands.

His body stayed hovered above me; never for a single moment did I feel the wonderful pressure of his body pressing to mine. When his hands next settled upon me, his lips joined in, placing tender, passionate kisses to my face, neck and head… As he finally moved his lips to mine, I felt the moistness of numerous tears falling upon my cheek.

For most, I suppose they would consider a crying vampire pathetic, but to me, it was a sign that while I was in love with a vampire, he was no regular vampire. He may be, for all intents and purposes…dead, but when we managed to share our love with one another, express our love, his beautiful long forgotten heart, beat.

When his lips descended to mine…It was like fireworks had erupted through my system and made my nerves, muscles and skin turn to mush. It was an amazing feeling, but the sensation didn't begin in my lips, it began in the core of me. Flaming and building higher and higher until I couldn't think straight and could barely even see straight, all I wanted was his hard cock and I needed the feeling of complete fulfillment.

He used his knees to slip my thighs apart, all while balancing himself above me, with one hand. As his turgid length began to slip between my weeping folds, I felt my inner muscles clenching, pulling him deeper, and taking the choice of slow and steady, completely out of his hands.

My body ached anew for his touch. And while I was fixated on what his cock felt like, his hands ghosted across my abdomen, I could see in his eyes what he was thinking, for it was reflected in mine as well. The tears came unbidden and lasted much longer than I would have liked, but something suddenly changed, and his body suddenly rocked into mine, burying him completely in my absorbing heat!

His body was still enflamed but his tears were pouring down his face in earnest and still his hand rested upon my stomach, drawing small, soothing circles.

My mind hadn't had a chance to catch up with everything; it was, so it seemed at least, stuck on Jasper's loving ministrations…

I moaned my unhappiness when Jasper pulled completely out of my body, it was on my lips to protest, but before I had the chance, his lips were ghosting across my stomach, his large hands splayed across it. The tenderness he was expressing not only with his hands but with his sheer emotional state, his empathic gift was staggering.

When his eyes found mine, had I been standing, I would have been brought to my knees… The pure, unadulterated love shining in his eyes, caused tears to burst forth in mine. It was a moment of pure perfection, made even more so, as the truth actually dawned upon me!

"Jasper" My voice didn't feel like my own, it seemed to come from a great distance, but whatever was going on with it, was small in comparison with what I truly hoped he was trying to communicate…

"Yes my love?" His voice held a question to it, but more than anything, the inflictions in his question weren't serious, they were playful, like he was trying to draw the moment out.

Two could play at that game and with a confidence I wasn't sure I truly felt. I slipped slowly, seductively, from the bed. I made it no more than three steps when my feet faltered and I was brought to my knees.

Jasper knew what I was doing, he always did, so instead of letting me get away, he used his gift and now, here I knelt on the floor, looking like a servant who is about to be brought to harm because of some error…

He was quick, but my mind was quicker for once… I wondered briefly if he was going to take me back to the bed or whisk me off somewhere… where, I didn't have a clue, but, whatever.

And then I was on my back, lying nestled in the soft carpet, Jasper's great body hovering above me. His eyes caught mine and refused to relinquish there hold.

"Look at me baby!"

It wasn't a question or a plea, it was a demand.

I slowly let my eyes travel up his body, stopping only once to gaze longingly at his hard length. When I was fully caught within his gaze, I felt him shift his legs and with infinite tenderness he entered me. My breath was expelled in a great whoosh as all my inner muscles clamped tightly around his girth.

You have to give the man credit, he is every so spry, one minute I was on my back, the next I was in his lap and not once did he slip from my grasping heat.

With me in a somewhat more controllable position, I began to rock up and down, feeling every inch of his manhood as it titillated every nerve in my body.

This new position was perfect, because when I started to use his shoulders for leverage, it brought us eye to eye and that is when he hit me with the full impact of his empathic gift!

My movements still as tears rose quickly in my eyes and spilled over before I even knew what was going on. I don't know how it happened, perhaps it doesn't matter. With our eyes locked and our lower bodies, something began to happen…At first it was barely discernable, just a rapid, lightly sounding knock, and then Jasper rocked his body more deeply within mine and the cadence picked up, changed somewhat and in that beautiful moment, I understood…That was no knocking, nothing so silly or unimportant, somehow, someway, Jasper was sharing the beating of our Childs heart!

Forgive me for the sudden stupidity but I was blown away. I couldn't seem to grasp it and then my jaw unhinged and I sat rocking against Jasper as I realized what wasn't being said.

"Really?" I know, trust me to ask stupid questions when the answer, is all but being beaten in to you, but this was…well this was what we had been trying for months for…

"Truly!"

I looked at him askance; it looked like there was something else he wanted to say. Perhaps my gaping for was playing havoc on his good manners. "Please, continue, what were you going to say?"

He seemed to think it over for a minute, as if he wasn't sure himself, then I felt the brisk shake of his head and upper body, all the way to the core of myself. His tears were increasing, it was like he was being beaten emotionally, except, Jasper doesn't cry because of a physical pain, so I knew, just knew, these had to be happy tears…

"Twins…" He said and then the goofiest grin spread across his face. "I love you Bella, you are a miracle, a wondrous woman! I am so lucky to have you by my side!! "

I felt a huge grin breaking across my lips and then suddenly, darkness…

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	25. Chapter 25

**You guys are the greatest!!! Thank you for the reviews!! They inspired me to get this one out to you ASAP!!! I love you all and can't wait to see what you think of this chapter. Your reviews, they really do kick my muse in to gear!! Thank you again for sticking by me and this story! Have a wonderful day!**

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

"**Flesh is weak, but love is strong"**

Only my Bella would faint while having sex and discovering she didn't only carry a single child, but two… Yup, that's my Bella!

I wondered briefly if I should try to rouse her in the most obvious way, or try a kinky twist to it, and seeing as how I am a vampire, who has lived for so long, I had to go with the kinkiness.

Leaning her body against mine, one arm wound around her back to keep her somewhat immobile, I began to gyrate my hips, with each rotation her engorged clit was ground against me, my body knew hers almost as well as it knew itself.

I suddenly had a blinding moment of wonder and stilled all my movements. Could this hurt our children, should we be careful, seeing as how she had already suffered one miscarriage…?

No sooner had those questions popped into my mind than I was flood with a billion others. If it wasn't for the fact that we were making love, I was positive my dead heart would have begun beating again, due to all the stress of the sudden epiphany…

I slowly lifted her body off of mine, and with the utmost care, laid her carefully upon our bed. Placing a chaste kiss to her lips, I slowly backed away, there were things that needed to be done and no time like the present.

Before I could leave the room, the soft thump, thump of our children's heartbeat, drew me back; I carefully lowered myself to the bed and with great care, lowered my head to her flat stomach.

It was the most amazing thing ever. With their little hearts beating, I made a promise – I would never allow any harm to come to them, it wasn't something I was able to keep before, but this time, we were going to remain right where we were, away from stress and harm. Our children were going to see the light of day, if I had to give my life up for that to happen, then so be it!

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"**It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart, without saying a word."**

I came awake slowly. I could feel the light press of Jasper's head resting on my stomach, and the tender touch of his fingers as they glided over my sides. I could barely make out what he was saying, but he was whispering something to…our children! Wow, that was such an amazing thought, feeling… It stole my breath.

"Welcome back my love."

"Hi baby!"

"Bella?"

I could hear a plethora of questions just waiting to bubble out. I had a good idea about some of them, but I was sure my darling Jasper would surprise me; he seemed to live to do that.

"Yes…"

Not moving from his comfortable perch, he simply turned, so he was facing me and began. "What do you think about staying here until you give birth, then at that point, we can decide if we even want to return? You are under way less stress here, you don't have to deal with our "siblings" and perhaps, we can avoid being discovered, which would mean, less stress to you and a whole lot less for me?"

I was sure this was something I should probably think over, but all I could think about was Jasper and our twins, I needed to do what was right.

"If you are sure my love, but you have been missing your family ever so much, do you really think more time away would really work for you?"

"You may not be my wife yet, but you are the most important person in my life. I love my family, of course, but I will not risk your health or our babies by doing something that could put you in more danger!"

I suppose the appropriate response would be to refute his claims of being in danger, but he was right, and what was nine months, give or take, when considered with a life time of happiness that we would be getting in the long run…

"So… We stay here, more or less hiding and hope nothing bad befalls us? Do we ask your family to visit, do we tell them the good news now, or should we wait?" I suddenly realized I hadn't breathed and took a wavering breath. My mouth and brain had been functioning more so without me, the whole time.

"Easy my love, those are all very good questions, but you need not worry. We will tell the family when you reach your second trimester, and in order of them not finding out and spilling the proverbial beans, we are going to tell them that we are taking a short holiday. Well…short in vampire time at least."

"Why the second trimester, do you fear something bad will happen with this pregnancy too?" Suddenly breathing was becoming difficult. "Jasper, I can't go through that again, I won't. I would not survive…"

He rolled to his back, pulling me to him, my head rested upon his chest while his fingers played lighting with my hair.

"Not now, not ever again, will you feel such heartache my love. Our twins…"

Suddenly he trailed off, one moment he was speaking briskly and the next he was staring into space.

"Jasper?" I asked, giving him a-none to gentle shove.

Before I could stop myself, I burst out laughing. So it would seem, the news had finally penetrated his thick skull.

"Oh My GOD!! Bella, we are having twins! Like, double the trouble, double the work…"

"Double the pleasure, double the love… You just figured this out… what were you thinking, I was going to give birth to a two headed child or something?"

I am sure my smarmy response and look would break him out of his funk, or whatever one would call this, but it actually didn't. His eyes were glossy, his heart was beating a staccato, the like of which I had never heard and his palm, which was holding my hand, had broken out into a sweat. I could even see small beads of perspiration collecting on his temples and upper lip.

I didn't have a clue how to handle a panicking, soon to be daddy vampire… How does one go about taking care of such things, or even easing the worry.

"Jasper, my heart, my Soulmate, my love, please calm down, this is nothing to freak out about, you need to relax."

And then an idea hit me…

"Baby, what would the other vampires think if they could see, strong, courageous Jasper Whitlock crumbling to pieces over discovering his soon to be wife is pregnant with twins?"

That did it…

"I don't know what you are talking about, I am just fine! Besides, no other vampire could possibly be in this situation, at least as far as I know… I am the only lucky Vamp who gets to indulge in such wonderful moments!"

By the end of his little speech, he had calmed himself down, except now; he looked like he was positively glowing.

"I am the luckiest vampire in the world, because I get the chance to bask in being loved by you, every day for the rest of my life!"

"Okay baby, I'll trust your worldly knowledge and believe that is a good thing."

"Of course it is!!" Jasper replied, almost yelling it.

"Baby, you didn't need to shout." I said, a soft smile alighting upon my lips.

The glare I received was almost too perfect and I couldn't help it when I fell backwards, laughing long and loud.

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"**When you're with me, I'm absolutely and totally, quite uncontrollably happy."**

I wondered if it was possible to be too happy… Did the question whether vampires had a soul, have any baring now?

Could one be too happy…I decided, it didn't matter, Bella and I had created a miracle, twice, and this time we managed do create twins.

All the things that used to bother me seemed to be evaporating. I couldn't be bothered with the little things. At least the little things that were of no consequence.

Bella had fallen asleep a short while ago, and here I lay, watching my angel sleep. She was, is, the most beautiful creature I have ever met. Not only was her beauty one to be rivaled by the ancient Greeks or Egyptians, but her inner and outer strength, her kindness, her amazing heart. She was, is, the woman who could change the world, if only the ignorance of the human race could truly see how wonderful she was.

I can't be sure how long I watched her sleep, nor how long my heart beat, but as the drowsiness over took me, I allowed my eyes to slip closed.

These moments, I am sure regular humans take for granted. I was a creature, who was, for all intents and purposes, dead, but when I was with my soul's mate, amazing, miraculous things occurred.

My last thought as my mind drifted peacefully upon the waves of sleep, were ever so simple. Nothing and no one would ever harm my family again.

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"**You're a genie in disguise, full of wonder and surprise." **

It was one of those days, the shock of such amazingly wonderful news and the fact that the dream had come true, for a second time…No wonder I had needed a short power nap.

I am not exactly sure what woke me, but something in the atmosphere of the house had changed.

Jasper still slept peacefully beside me. His legs tangled with mine and his right arm laid carefully across my stomach, almost as if he was protecting our children, even in sleep. Of course, it took me a moment to grasp the fact that the love of my life was indeed sleeping, but, the soft snore that was coming from him, was a dead give away…Pardon the pun.

There was no way I was going to be getting off this bed without waking him, so I carefully rearranged myself and snuggled closer.

If something was wrong, Jasper would be the first to know about it, so I wasn't overly worried. But something didn't make much sense. The fact that I had shifted myself slightly and even woken up should have been more than enough for him to wake, but my love slumbered deeply, or so it would seem.

He normally intuited things I was going to do, before I could even do them. Well, that is since we came to the island.

My breath caught as I heard and then saw the bedroom doorknob begin to turn. It wasn't my fault; suddenly I didn't want to see what was coming through our bedroom door. My eyes snapped shut, my breathing increased and suddenly I had nightmare images bouncing unwanted through my mind.

Chastising myself for my stupidity, I cracked my eyes open, barely, but I could see a large hulking shadow crossing the room. Faster than my eyes could keep up, suddenly the newcomer launched into the air and came sailing towards me.

With great effort and possibly even great speed, I shoved and screamed in Jaspers ear, but he didn't move an inch…

I was going to lose my mind any moment. The darkness of the room only hindered my ability to see my attacker, but that was more than enough, because in that moment, I was reliving losing my child, only this time, I had two babies to fear for…

I don't know if time slowed down or if something was wrong with me, but the hulking shape loomed over me. Snapping my eyes tightly closed, I began to pray to any deity that could possibly exist.

With an Amazonian-like scream, I prepared to protect my family, come hell or high water; I would not lose another child because of the evil that seemed to always wait in the shadows!

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	26. Chapter 26

**Thank you for the reviews guys!! They mean the world to me!! Hope you all are enjoying. Remember more reviews; inspire my muse to work like a dog. ;) You guys are the greatest!!! Big Hugs **

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

"**Change your words into truths, and then change that truth into love."**

No sooner did I feel the weight of the world pressing down upon me than the darkish shadow encountered a hard steeled Jasper…

I don't know if anything I did had woken him, or if, okay, so I didn't have a clue. As I watched Jasper raise his hand in preparation of clocking the mysterious somebody, I caught just a glimpse of our intruder.

"Emmett!!!! What in the hell are you doing here?"

Jaspers fist stopped just short of plowing into Emmett's cocky grin.

Jasper slowly climbed off of Emmett, his hands were shaking uncontrollably and his face was twisted into a fierce mask of fear.

"You call that a welcoming? Gee, what got into you Jasper, I wasn't going to hurt her, just shake her up some…"

Emmett's voice boomed with his good cheer, his laugh hard to distinguish between his overly dramatic guffaws.

"You idiot, don't ever do that again, you could have hurt the b…"

Jasper couldn't even finish the sentence, which in my opinion was a good thing. We had just talked about not talking about this with the family.

Sadly enough, it was enough to spark Emmett's curiosity, his laughter dried up as he began to, well, I couldn't be sure what he was doing, it looked like tracking, but he was not really using his nose…

I was thankful that I had had the presence of mind to grab Jasper's discarded shirt from the floor as the two were struggling. At least now I wasn't bare to my brother….

Emmett fell to the floor beside me and before I could do or say anything, his head was resting against my abdomen.

His eyes grew larger and larger as he listened more intently. I tried to push him away from me, but I would have had more luck trying to move the Grand Canyon.

For the life of me, I couldn't figure out a single thing to say, I looked imploringly at Jasper, hoping he knew what to say, except he shrugged his shoulders, looking more lost than I had ever seen him.

"Emmett…Can I have my stomach back?"

"Bellaboo… .pregnant…"

"Gee, really, I didn't know Emmett!"

I couldn't help myself, I burst out laughing. This was a happy occasion and I wanted to delight in the knowledge that I was once again blessed to be carrying Jasper's child.

"Oh sure, get smarmy with the vampire why don't you… Okay, something you might not have known then, there are three heart beats!"

My eyes must have been as big as saucers, but somehow I manage to find my voice.

"No Emmett, only two, twins!" I had meant to be forceful, sure of what I was saying, but I didn't know.

"Bella lay down in the middle of the bed."

I looked at Jasper with curiosity, but followed his instructions.

When I got comfortable, Emmett took his place on my right, Jasper on my left. Their ears pressed lightly to my stomach/side. I was and always had been on the tiny side, no way was there enough room for them both to listen unless they went from the side.

I can't tell you how long we laid there, but I was beginning to get uncomfortable, hungry and I really had to have a human moment.

"Hey guys, think I can get up now, there are some things I need to do?"

"In a minute Baby, we are busy."

I crooked an eyebrow at Jasper, but he wasn't paying the baby-momma any attention, his eyes were once again glued to my stomach.

Tired of being ignored, I grabbed Jasper's ear, and then grabbed Emmett's ear with my free hand. Not even bothering with being gentle or nice, I yanked as hard as I could and finally the two oafs began to sit up.

Matching glares danced across their faces, but at that moment, I could care less. I scrambled from the bed and dashed into the bathroom, slamming the door with a little extra force, kind of like an exclamation point on situation.

As I finished my human moment, I sat down on the edge of the tub, turning the little stick saying "Positive" over and over in my hand. I couldn't believe that it was true; it felt like such a perfect dream. As it finally had a chance to full sink it, I began to cry, not little sobs or ladylike sniffles, I was balling my eyes out.

Not even bothering to wait till someone could understand what I was saying, I shouted out to the boys.

"I'm hungry!!!"

I know, I sounded like a child having a tantrum, but I was emotionally wrung out and so overjoyed, I didn't know what to think or even how to act at the moment.

Pushing myself up, I made my way into the bedroom, still holding the little, yet life changing stick. The room was empty, so I followed the soft clang of pots to the kitchen, where not only Jasper was preparing snacks, but so was Emmett.

But that wasn't the only thing, as I came into the kitchen; their heads were pressed together, as if they had a billion important things to converse about.

"I don't know what you two are up to, but you better start talking. I am a woman, I am pregnant, and I have no problem going hormonal or your asses, so start talking!"

Trust Emmett to break the seriousness of my question and statement with his ruckus of a laugh.

"Bellaboo, I…"

Suddenly Emmett went quiet, his eyebrows drawing together, as if he was waging an internal battle to find the right words or something.

"Yes?"

"Maybe you should sit down, don't need you passing out or anything…"

"Would you just say what you need to say."

I know I was being short, but they had me scared witless.

Casting a sideways glance at Jasper, Emmett slowly walked around the island and grasped my hands. "Bellaboo, it's not twins…You should castrate him, you are having triplets…"

I couldn't form a coherent thought, triplets, for a moment, I couldn't think what that meant…five, seven, four…

"Bella my love, we are having triplets, as in three…"

Jasper's voice felt very far away and my knees felt jellylike.

"Three…" And just like that, I fainted!

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"**And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make."**

I awoke in our bed, a huge feast; enough to feed a small country was laid out all around me.

I felt a little lightheaded, but I was getting better. Emmett offered me a plate and that is when I noticed Jasper was missing.

"Em, where is Jasper?"

"He ran into town, seeing as how the sun set hours ago, he figured now would be a good time to restock the house. What with you having…"

Glaring daggers at my Bro, I indicated he needed to hush for awhile, I needed to get my mind around this new news…

For once, he hushed, okay, well he didn't, but he changed topics.

"So when are you guys coming home? When are you going to tell the family, can I phone them and tell them the news?"

It was almost as if he had been holding those questions for his entire life, they way they shot like rapid fire from his mouth.

"I don't know when we are coming home Em, this is our home too. It has been safe living here, perhaps that is a good reason to stay, for now." I had contemplated asking Jasper if we could stay indefinitely, but the sadness is Emmett's eyes, made me reconsider even bringing it up.

"As for telling the family, I think it best if we wait, till the second trimester, I don't want to believe anything could or will go wrong, but I don't want the family to have to go through another miscarriage if it can be helped… I love you all, but sometimes, you guys add to a girls stress level."

"But Bellaboo, you are carrying not one miracle but three. The family hasn't been the same since you lost the baby. This is something that should be celebrated; we should all get the pleasure of helping you and Jasper with this experience. We…well we probably won't ever experience this again."

I had to take a moment to collect my thoughts. More often than not, Emmett was satisfied with being considered the beefy, muscle bound vamp who didn't think much, but if you really got to know him, he had a deep well of intense and thought provoking ideas.

"I hadn't thought about it like that Em; do you really think I am being selfish?"

"HEY! I never said anything of the sort, I understand why you don't want everyone to know, but sweetie, we can help, and we can keep you protected better as a family. Sure, the house would be crowded beyond belief and Edward and Minxy wouldn't be able to live here, not with her being a newborn and all, but she is handling her thirst very well, better than any one of us ever did."

Em just kept surprising me. I was positive that was the longest sentence he had ever spoken.

"You are right Emmett. But…They don't get to know anything till they come here, and then they have to figure it out for themselves. If I am sharing this with everyone, I am going to have some fun."

A chest rumbling laugh emitted from Emmett, I swear, the whole house shook with his jubilance.

"Think Jasper will be mad about changing the plans?"

"Not at all Em, I think he will gladly accept any help he can get when it comes to me and being pregnant…"

Through the whole conversation I had been stuffing my face and even in doing so, I hadn't made a dent in the amount of food.

"Were you planning on feeding a third world country with the leftovers?"

Emmett looked like he was almost blushing, he lacked the ability, but I was sure, if he could have, at that moment his cheeks would be flaming.

"We didn't know what you were hungry for, we didn't want to risk the wrath of Bellaboo by not having what you wanted!"

"Am I such a tyrant?"

Emmett looked like he was stumbling for the right thing to say, he stuttered out something that was unintelligible, all the while staring at his huge hands.

"What was that?"

"Not a tyrant Bella…Pregnant…With triplets…"

Unable to stop myself, I grabbed the dish of whipped cream, that I had been dipping my strawberries, cocked my arm back and launched it at Emmett, nailing him with a direct hit in the face.

After that, things kind of blurred, the food fight was in full swing. Our bedroom would have to be completely cleaned before anyone could sleep in it. There was even food stuck to the ceiling fan.

"Thanks Em!"

"For what Bellaboo?"

"For coming, for being you, for easing my worries, you are a fantastic big brother!"

Ducking his head, he took hold of my hand, pulling lightly till I situated in his lap. His lips brushed lightly over my cheek before he encompassed me in a bear hug, an ever so gentle, bear hug.

"Love you bear!"

"Love you Bellaboo!"

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	27. Chapter 27

**Thank you for the reviews guys!! They mean the world to me!! Hope you all are enjoying. Remember more reviews; inspire my muse to work like a dog. ;) You guys are the greatest!!! Big Hugs! I apologize for the lateness of this chapter. Life got hectic and writing was sadly put on the back burner… I am back though, thankfully, and ready to work. Here is an NC-17 chapter, lemons just for you and your patience! I hope you enjoy.**

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

"**Lust's passion will be served; it demands, it militates, it tyrannizes."**

Jasper had been gone a long time, but when he walked into the house, laden down with what looked like hundred of bags, I couldn't help but laugh, until…My eyes caught the sight of his muscles bulging under the considerable weight, making him look even more delectable, and my mouth watered at the sight and a heat began to build low in my belly.

"Where is Emmett, he should be helping with this?"

"He's in the den, he's phoning everyone. He made some very good points, I think, if your family…" I paused at the stricken look he directed at me.

"Bella!"

Wow, I could hear the warning in his voice; I didn't even want to look at his face to see the disappointment residing there.

"Sorry, our family, if they are willing to come and live down here for a few months, it would be good. Not that you can't protect us, but with so much at stake, this sounds like the best idea."

"Only if you are sure baby, I can go in there and kick his butt all the way home and he won't say a thing…"

I couldn't handle just standing and watching him, so I rushed over, hugging his back. Sadly, it was the only place that didn't have bags attached or so it seemed. My abundant desire was waylaying me. I couldn't think of anything else, sex was on my mind and I wanted Jasper, desperately. He looked amazing and suddenly, my hormones wanted nothing but him and his talented self making me sweaty…

"Jasper, when is Emmett leaving, think we can convince him to go for a very long walk tonight…Maybe to the mainland?"

"Why?"

I huffed under my breath, shocked at how dense he was being. Really, I had to spell this out?

"No reason just thought it would be nice…"

"Well, you need to eat and rest, so we will worry about Emmett getting gone later."

I couldn't believe him. Normally he was as frisky as me, and I was being denied. Wow, this sucked.

I noticed Jasper lower his burden to the counter and then quickly scooped me up, carrying me to our bedroom. I don't know what he had planned, but my clothes were quickly disappearing.

"Jasper, what are you doing?"

"You my darling are going for a nice warm bath, to relax, while I make you something to eat."

He was getting me naked because he wanted me to relax…wow, what alternate universe had I awoken in today.

"Baby, it wasn't that long ago that I ate, remember the feast you two shanghaied me with…"

Mumbling under my breath I said "The next time you wake me in the middle of the night for sex, you are so getting denied!"

"What was that darling?"

"Nothing" I grumbled.

Back on track or so it would seem, he said, "That was nothing but a snack, what I will make you tonight will rival that."

I couldn't help but snicker.

"Are you trying to guarantee I look like a house? Triplets remember, I am going to be huge, no matter what."

But even though I was fighting him on the amount of food, I couldn't keep the smile out of my voice. We both knew I would eat anything and everything put before me, for our babies.

"I think you will look splendid! Now shush and let me get things ready."

I watched happily from the comfort of our bed. First he poured a generous amount of scented bubble bath and then added some rose petals, from where, I am not sure, but it looked amazing. Next he lit some candles and beside the head of the tub, he placed a glass of sparkling cider.

To say I was stupefied would have been an understatement.

"Jasper, how did you get all of this in here?"

"I must not reveal my secrets, a man has to stay semi mysterious!"

"Oh really, well keep your secrets, I will discover them in good time, trust that."

It was his turn to snicker, but I will give him credit he did so, mostly under his breath.

Under my breath I mumbled, "Just remember who is carrying your children…" I gasped inaudibly or so I thought, but no matter how small the sound, he heard me and rushed to my side.

"Bella, what is it, what's wrong?"

"Our kids are---are---they are going to be bastards…" I hadn't meant to wail, but my voice increased and so did my sudden onslaught of tears.

"Jasper, you love me right?"

"You know the answer to that. Of course I do. Bella you are my life, my heart, my soul!"

"Then why haven't you married me yet?"

I could see the smile slowly rising to his lips and it did nothing for my current mental state. I could feel I was being irrational and everything, but this was important.

"I'd marry you now if we could… Wait, what do you think about waiting a month, that isn't too long and all our family will be here."

"Will I even be able to fit into a wedding dress in a month?"

Jasper turned the water off and then slowly closed and locked both doors to our bedroom.

I wasn't exactly sure what he was doing, privacy, with another vampire in the house isn't really something one expects…

His fingers roamed over the as of yet, non-existent swell of my tummy. His fingers ghosting over my flesh, the slight feeling, rising Goosebumps all over my body, he knew what he was doing and he knew how to do it well.

Obviously, the bath was going to have to wait…It was a disjointed thought, and only one percent of my mind even thought of it, but it blipped by, there and gone…

My few remaining clothes slipped quickly from my body, I was able to take but a single breath before I was completely naked. My body lay available to his lusting, hungry gaze.

I reached out to grasp his obvious arousal, but he gently smacked my hand away. A low growl erupted from my lips, there and gone before I even knew it was going to happen. Jasper looked at me with amusement shining in his eyes before he lowered his gaze, a smirk pulling up the corners of his lips.

I would have protested further, but then his fingers found my apex, his slow, meticulous movements made my breath catch in my throat, and instead of growling, I began to purr. If this had been the first time we were making love, I would have to wonder what this man was doing to my mind and body…

When I tried to reach for him, and at this point, I wasn't sure whether I was trying to divest him of his clothes or get to the one part of him I most desired at that moment, whatever the case may be, I was denied, again. Denied so well in fact that he, with lightning speed, produced four silk scarves, my wrists were bound, and even I could tell he wasn't trying very hard, a small tug and the scarf would have given away.

When he had my legs bound, he returned to his previous course. At that point, my mind was turning to mush, one thing, and only one thing was penetrating the pleasurable fog, and that was how much I needed him.

My body was vibrating from the sheer image of it all and his ministrations were slowly, well, actually, he was driving me closer and closer to the edge, it wasn't a slow process, it was like a stroke of lightning, maybe because we had been interrupted before, so when his lips settled upon my core and his tongue danced across my clit, I was helpless to the almost volcanic like explosion that burst forth from my body. For a few long moments, I thought I was going to pass out from the sheer pleasure of it all. Slowly, and I really do mean slowly, my senses returned.

I couldn't stop the laugh that was bubbling between my lips as I looked at Jasper; he looked to be almost in pain.

And then I felt his fingers move, almost as if testing himself or me. His fingers were still deep within me, my orgasm having clamped my inner muscles so tightly around his fingers that he couldn't even withdraw them.

When my body had finally calmed down enough that I could "release" Jasper, my mind started wondering at other possibilities…

I guess Jasper had the same idea, because my legs were suddenly free and he was ever so gently, slipping between my folds.

It was an entirely different feeling to have Jasper being so calm and collected. Our love making lately had been frenzied and full of passion and desire, not to say this wasn't fraught with all of that as well, it was just…tamer.

Not an ounce of his weight rested upon me, again, I knew he was being cautious and careful, but I wanted my Jasper. My Jasper who couldn't get enough of my body, the feeling of our bodies pressed to one another, are hearts beating in time, our legs and arms intertwined.

The complete package I was hoping for, and I knew I was being illogical, I had three babies residing within me, I had to be more careful, I couldn't ravage him like I wanted to. But that didn't make it easier to swallow, just because I couldn't do something.

Jasper yanked slightly, dislodging the scarves that were loosely wrapped around my wrists, my arms fell gracelessly to the bed. No sooner were my hands free than we were turning in what felt like midair. Jasper bounced on his back as he came to rest squarely in the middle of the bed, the movement caused a delightful sensation to swarm through my body.

I felt my body contract around his, but no sooner did I feel the first fluttering of my impending orgasm, than Jasper stopped, he didn't slow down or anything so nice, he stopped completely. He obviously was planning on teasing, and while I normally wouldn't have a problem with that, today, right now, I needed more than teasing; I wanted to be pleased, numerous times.

Whether it was hormones, yes, even so early, or my libido, my body desired to be pleased and worshipped, who was I, to deny my longings.

His fingers dug lightly into my hips, holding me steady.

With the lack of motion, I felt the twitch of his cock within, I purred my delight at the feeling, that small, simple movement had me riding the precipice. If only he would acquiesce and give me what my body…Demanded!

My impatience was growing, the longer I remained motionless the more I began to crave any amount of attention.

Unable to force Jasper to move, I would have had better luck asking a brick mansion to move… So I did what any girl in my position would do… I played dirty!

I lifted my arms above my head, catching his eye; I quickly lowered my eyes, almost demurely. I wasn't willing to give up my plan, and if I looked at him much longer, I'd be spilling my plan in seconds.

I shifted slightly, and then lowered my hands to my breasts. My nipples were hard and ready for attention. I pinched the pebbled peak between my thumb and index finger, twisting the hard little tip sent a jolt of pleasure straight to my core, and in doing so, my inner muscles clamped firmly around Jasper's girth.

My hair fell in a halo around my face, obscuring my eyes from his. With what I hoped was stealth, I quickly stole a look at his face, his eyes, I need not have worried, were riveted on my fingers.

Feeling like playing even dirtier, I slowly lifted one breast up a little higher as I lowered my face, when I could; I slipped my tongue from between my lips a lapped quickly at my own nipple.

I didn't have to wait for a reaction, his cock twitched twice before calming down.

Happy with my new found power, I took the hard peak between my lips, sucking hard, until my cheeks hollowed and I could feel the pressure all the way to my core.

I let my nipple pop from my mouth with an audible sound and then turned my attention to my neglected nipple. My teeth grazed the hard peak and then with a glint in my eye, I nipped and nibbled myself into quite a frenzy. Even Jasper's hard grip wasn't enough to keep my hips from thrusting a few times, until he regained what was passing as a calm and collected demeanor. The only give away, the panting of his breath as it wheezed from between his lips and of course, the steady thump thump thump of his heart. It was trip hammering so hard, I thought it might beat right out of his chest.

He gave me a not so friendly look as he finally caught my gaze. A dark look was rooted deeply on his face, and where most people would see the darkness that lurks beneath his normally calm surface, I knew well, he wasn't merely a human, like he tried to portray, he was a vampire and my vampire had a little bit of darkness that bubbled below his beautiful surface.

Feeling emboldened by my previous antics, I grasped Jasper's hand, and slowly slipped one perfect finger between my lips, sucking and nibbling and downright teasing him as he had been teasing me. The throaty groan that slipped erotically from his lips was like liquid fire upon my already overheated body. Every breathy moan that was pulled from his luscious lips was like a sexual balm to my taut and desiring nerves. It was more erotic, more passionate than anything I had ever felt. His cock buried deeply within me, pleasuring me with the sheer fullness of him, his erotic sounds as he tried to control the "Animal" within. They were liquid sex, passion, love, desire, all bundled into one, caressing every inch of me. I was lost to his perfection.

With a pop, I let the suction dissipate as I let his finger slip from my warm, moist mouth. And with a strength and bluntness I didn't know I possessed, I looked him in the eyes and demanded, "You will acquiesce Now, because I need to feel all of you, right…"

Before I could finish, a knock resounded on our bedroom door.

"Bella, Jasper, you ain't getting any, if I ain't getting any, open the damn door now, or I am coming in there, right now!"

"Well, the right now part was how I was going to finish my sentence…"

Jasper laughed out loud, the tremors of laughter causing his hardness to move within me, it was an amazing feeling and one I needed to continue.

"If you wish to ever have sex again Emmett, walk your ass out of this house and come back in a couple hours!"

Laughter greeted my anger, which only pissed me off more…

"Do you want to know what it is like to piss me off completely or are you going to be a good boy and leave?"

"Aww, isn't that cute, Bella's trying to be fierce…I can die a happy vampire now."

I looked to Jasper, hoping he would take control of the situation, but he was still suffering fits of giggles, and seemingly enjoying the way my muscles clenched him, each time my temper rose.

Frustrated and annoyed, I glared at my soon to be husband and slipped my fingers to my clit. If he wasn't going to finish what he started, I would.

It didn't take long, the small movements I made on his rigid shaft, as my orgasm drew closer and the circular pressure of my own finger was enough to push me over the edge. My inner muscles clenched tightly around his cock and suddenly his laughter died and a long, erotically charged moan filled the air as he too was pushed over the edge. His pleasure was enough to jolt me into a second orgasm and suddenly I didn't care if everyone in the world could hear me, my own moan was expelled with such ecstasy as my body trembled, every nerve ending singing with a deep-seated pleasure.

"Are you hungry yet?" Jasper asked with a smugness resonating in his voice.

"Bite me!"

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"**Logic isn't always brains, sometimes its heart…"**

Emmett and I made Bella a feast to rival all feasts ever prepared. If I was honest, we made enough food for a medium sized country.

Bella was in the bedroom watching a movie and relaxing, while Emmett and I cleaned the kitchen, who knew two guys could be such pigs when they are cooking…

I heard a sniffle from the bedroom and knew that Old Jack must have died. I couldn't fathom why she always watched the movie when it made her cry, but she said it was a good movie, because, even if it made her cry, it also made her laugh and the ending was happy, so that was all that mattered. It was just like real life, you had to live through the bad, and you couldn't just ignore it and hope it went away. I guess I could understand that reasoning, especially considering, when we had first met, she was all about hiding and avoiding things.

"What's wrong with her?" Emmett asked.

"Old Jack died… She's watching Eight Below."

"Ahh, that movie makes Rose cry too, never made sense why she watched it, if it made her so sad."

"She's a girl; logic doesn't have to be a part of it."

Emmett laughed out loud.

"I heard that Jasper!" Bella shouted from the bedroom.

"Sorry love."

"Hey Emmett, why don't you take some of this food into town, there is a shelter just off of main street, Bella won't be able to eat all of this in a year."

"Sure, I was meaning to check this place out anyway, get the lay of the land so to speak. A safe Bella is a happy Jasper."

"Jump in a lake Emmett, I am quite capable of taking care of her."

"I agree, but no man is an island, the more help the better right, you have huge priorities now."

"Wow, look at you all logical, it's shocking." Jasper said, a smile lifting the corners of his lips.

"Hey, she's special man, you are one lucky guy, and besides, we're family, we look out for each other."

"True, now get gone; I want to finish cleaning up."

Emmett loaded up as much as he could and headed into town. A totally Emmett like mumble escaping his lips as he moved out of sight, "If you wanted to get lucky, all you had to do was say so…"

"Fine, I want to get lucky, get lost!" Jasper said quietly. What he didn't say out loud was, "You're a perv and would enjoy us getting lucky way too much." With a snicker he tossed the dishtowel on the counter and headed for the bedroom.

***********

"**All I want is moonlight, with you there inside of me, all night, doing it again and again. You know I want you so bad."**

Jasper sauntered into the bedroom, his shirt was off and his chest glistened with tiny droplets of water. It was one of the most erotic sights I had ever seen. The little pearls of water against his pale flesh was tantalizing. I couldn't stop myself when my tongue danced across my bottom lip, nor when my eyes grew hazy with lust. It was just something my body wanted, needed…

I could feel the heat from his stare, as he caught sight of my pert pink tongue moistening my lips. Feel the way my body thrived off the feelings of desire rolling off of him. It was instantaneous, one moment turned from innocent to electrically charged.

Like a giant wave, unrestrained, unrestricted, its strength, its power shifting as he moved closer. With a few more paltry steps, should he dare to bridge the small gap that now separated us, I knew, with a sureness, I would be pulled asunder, left to the will of nature, the cruising, bruising force that, for the most part went forever unchecked within his body.

As it was, in the seemingly endless restlessness of the sea, the wave that threatened and bade a simple promise, to crest, to encounter what it was meant to lay with, so to did Jasper. One moment still as English or Greek Statuary, the next a rising flood, encompassing me totally. I didn't doubt the passion; I could see it in every curve of his chiseled body, in every look…the promise of pleasure, of love, of completeness.

It was an amazing feeling, being loved and loving someone back. It made all the crap of the past seem irrelevant, at least all the stuff before Jasper, he gave me hope for a better life, a better future. He was and always would be my saving grace. He made everything make sense, he made everything…better.

He settled his body beside me; no words were spoken, because they were not needed. This was something that was ingrained within us.

With a quickness that I could not see, he shed the rest of his clothes and with tender fingers he slowly removed his shirt from me. It slipped over my arms and within seconds, I was in his arms, his lips tracing gently over my neck and cheeks.

This was about passion and desire and the demand of our bodies, but it was also about love and the miracle we had been blessed with.

For long hours, nothing existed outside of that room. We were simply beings of flesh and need. With our hearts, bodies and souls, we made promises, took comfort and pleasure from one another.

The miracle of being pregnant again was just now, fully sinking in and it was with that thought that we worshipped one another's bodies and reaffirmed our love and commitment.

In the dark of night, as the stars slowly began to fade, we fell asleep. Vows of our love still ringing sweetly in our ears…

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	28. Chapter 28

**Okay guys, I am going to attempt to update every two days or so. I have obligations that need to be seen to, so I hope every two days works for you guys. Want to really spur my muse, write reviews. They truly do inspire me to work faster, longer, more… And when my muse is happy, I am happy and more than happy to write longer chapters… And as a side note, my story has been nominated for two awards, The Best Cullen Family Story and The Best Angst/Tragedy story. If you would like to vote, PM and I will send you the link, thanks guys, hope you enjoy!**

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

"**You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."**

After the night Jasper and I had shared, I had expected to awake with a sheer contentment of post-coital bliss and abundant happiness, but that dissipated quickly as I awoke in the dark, alone and shivering. I couldn't say for certain what was wrong, but something felt completely off.

With a lump of fear lodged in my throat, I quickly turned on the bedside light, searching the room for any sign of, well, I wasn't sure exactly. All I knew was my heart was heavy, where it should have been brimming with happiness.

Finally finding my voice, I called out softly at first and then with more urgency, "Jasper, Baby, where are you?" The shrillness of my voice scaring me more than I could say, it wasn't something I had heard in a very long time.

My body broke out in Goosebumps as my voice seemed to echo in the stillness of the night, the house itself seeming to amplify and increase my overwhelming fear.

For the sake of my children I stopped, getting myself worked up into a frenzy was not going to be good for us. Trying to calm the erratic beat of my heart, I began to remind myself, Jasper was probably near, he might have gone out to eat, since it has been a while since he had last fed, and knowing how tired I had been lately, he probably didn't think I would wake, so that was a good reason why there was no note.

And of course, Emmett probably went with him, if nothing more than to razz him about the coming storm of having…triplets. It would be so Emmett.

However, the sense of dread lingering was something and no matter how much logic I used, until I felt him beside me; I was not getting back to sleep.

The shrill cry of some nocturnal bird caused me to almost jump out of my skin. There was an undercurrent I couldn't name and it being nameless, faceless was scaring me more than even I could fathom. Something deep in my heart screamed that everything wasn't okay; every ounce of my being was shouting that the love of my life wasn't okay and never would be again.

The tears came unbidden, a deep aching pain settled upon my heart and soul. Where happiness was supposed to reside, now a deep and gapping hole appeared. With the last trace of sanity slipping its tenuous hold, I broke down in to a fit of grief, a grief so deep and abiding it stole my breath and left me emotionally raw, empty, Broken.

The wail of never-ending, soul stealing pain, slipped from my lips and suddenly I was jolted awake. Jasper's arms wrapped comfortingly around me, his tender voice soothing, I was scared to believe, scared to even breathe, for fear this would be the real dream…

"Bella, breathe baby, just breathe, everything is okay." Jasper said, his voice reflecting his fear.

"What happened, what's wrong?" Emmett's booming voice, at that moment, did more to jar me out of the nightmare than anything else.

With a shaky breath I could feel a sense of normality slipping back into place. The hold of the dream finally relenting, granting me a semblance of peace, a sense that everything wasn't on the brink of falling forever, irrevocably apart, Jasper's whispered words of love rooting me in the here and now.

"I'm okay, promise, just a…really bad…horrible nightmare."

"I'd say, you sure you are okay, how bout the babies?" Emmett asked, his concern showing clearly upon his face.

I could see the fear in Jasper's eyes and knew I probably had the same look in mine.

I wanted to reassure him that I was fine, that everything was fine, but unlike most nightmares, this one wasn't fading or becoming hazy like dreams tended to do. And really, it wasn't like I was remembering anything else, or things were becoming clearer, everything made very little sense, but something deep within me, screamed for me to be worried…

Jasper tightened his hold around me, drawing me closer within the protective confines of his loving arms.

I glanced at Emmett and for maybe the second time since I had known him, he wasn't all boisterous, smarmy and full of good cheer. If anything he was unusually quiet…

He sat upon the bed, scooting a little closer, and grabbed my free hand. A cautious look in his deep, suddenly bottomless eyes, it was only a mere glimpse of something, but for reasons I had yet to discern, he would not meet my eyes…Every time I even tried to catch his eyes, he dipped his head or cast his gaze towards Jasper.

"Emmett, what is going on, you couldn't be any more obvious if you tried."

I caught just a slight shadow of Jasper's head swiveling up, he was no longer looking at Emmett and seeing nothing, now his intense eyes settled on Emmett, drawn from his thoughts at my question.

With something akin to a growl, Jasper said, "Emmett, what the hell is going on?" His voice shook with the rage that was now clear in his eyes. I had a brief moment of anger flash through me, there and gone again, before Jasper closed off his gift.

He at least had the sense to look ashamed, that was evident in the set of his shoulder's and the hangdog look on his face, but still Emmett sat there, saying nothing.

I couldn't handle the stricken look on his face any longer, after everything that I had gone through and not just tonight and the nightmare, but everything, every single little thing that culminated my whole life, the darkness, the despair, the overwhelming sense of loss and the grief, to name but a few, it was too much, and I snapped.

"Emmett, you didn't come up here for a simple visit or because you missed us. Tell us what you know or get the fuck out of our house and Never come back!" My voice shook with the weight of my fear and those of the men in the room, pressed down upon me, almost cutting off my oxygen supply. Jasper's gift was going unchecked, because I could feel all their emotions pummeling me. So instead of helping, it was now working against me.

The intense pressure, the block in my throat, cause small, dark starbursts to appear in my vision, trying to draw me, perhaps back to that night mare world…

Without a single word from my brother, my world slowly began to shrink, to become even hazier. A distant part of my brain realized I was on the verge of hyperventilating, possibly even pulling a very Bella like move and fainting.

Emmett's silence spoke volumes, his silence and the dejected look in his eyes, left me cold with dread.

By sheer force of will, I pushed, the dark, black butterfly wings of unconsciousness slowly retreated, but with it leaving, came abject fear, if I thought I was scared before, I knew nothing until that moment.

This was my living nightmare come alive. Here I sat, not twenty hours before, happy joyful, secure in the knowledge that our children would be brought into this world. Sure, I may have had moments of terror, wondering if my life and everything that had transpired, would deny me the joy of a child, but, we were granted another miracle, and not one, but three. I didn't want to, but I finally gave into the tears that demanded release.

"Bella, Jasper… I came here because I did want to see you and I did miss you, but it was also to help protect you. Something is coming, we don't know what, that isn't clear, but what is clear, is that you've been targeted, of that we are positive. Whom by, we have no idea, so far…"

I felt a sudden sense of calm wash over me, I looked to Jasper, figuring he was the one "Influencing" my mood, but his eyes were locked on Emmett, a dark and dangerous glare, shining in their blue depths.

I had questions, questions that needed answers, but before I could even give voice to them, Jasper was talking, a rapid-fire of questions buffering Emmett.

"Why didn't you say anything, why didn't you tell us the moment you arrived, my God man, what were you thinking? Why didn't Carlisle phone or Esme, one of you could have picked up the phone, Bella and I could have been prepared at least, instead, you leave us as sitting ducks."

Jasper's voice continued to rise, growing louder and deeper with each word expelled from his lips.

"I had had every intention of telling you, as soon as I got here…but, with Bella's condition, I decided against it. I thought I could stay quiet, keep you both on a need to know basis, with me here, I thought, perhaps arrogantly, that I could protect you, not only from this threat, but the knowledge of it too. I made a decision based in haste, fear and love. I---just---just wanted to protect you."

His eyes, shiny with unshed tears, implored us to understand. In defeat or so it seemed, he dropped his head into his hands.

I may not be very worldly, but I could understand why Emmett had made such a choice, he had done it out of love, out of his desire to protect his family. And it may have taken me an extra long time, but I finally got it, I was apart of this family, and Jasper's and my children were too. We weren't sitting on the outside looking in, that had been my insecurities standing strong…Finally, I could let them go, because it made sense, I would try everything in my power to protect my family, and he was no different.

My body thrummed from the anger rolling off of Jasper, it was as if we were one body. I tried to send calming emotions towards him, but hit a massive brick wall with every attempt.

"Calm down Jasper, you know he wasn't being deceitful, he was trying to protect me, us!"

"If that is what he considers protecting, he can shove it up his ass!"

Emmett's pride chose the worst possible moment to arise.

"Fuck you Jasper. With the small amount of information I had, I made a decision, perhaps it was the wrong one, but it was made quickly, a split second decision, to protect the ones I love, especially now."

Emmett's voice trailed off, but the anger didn't and Jasper's little blow up hadn't done anything for his temper either. Both of them were kegs of gunpowder, just waiting for one hot spark to ignite their anger further. They wanted a knock down, blow up fight and there was nothing I could do to stop them.

"If you two can't control yourselves, then take your asses out of my house and get with the making up outside, I will not have a mess in here when our family arrives!"

I'm not sure what I was expecting, but, one second they were standing there and the next, they were gone. I had a moment to be grateful for the sudden storm outside, because not even twenty seconds after they had disappeared I heard the first crack of thunder, but I knew too well, it was not thunder, but the clashing of their bodies meeting each other in a battle. Yes, they were family and were civilized, but, beneath it all, when push came to shove, they had a darkness, just waiting to be unleashed…

XXXXXXXXXXX

"**Temptation is an irresistible force at work on a movable body****"**

It was like a deadly, erotic ballet dance, both of them had their shirts off, whether they took them off or somehow ripped them from one another's body, I had no clue.

I am a living, breathing, hot-blooded woman, how could I not drool over the massive, manly show that was being expressed. And maybe because I was pregnant, pregnant with a vampire's child, it seemed to me, like my hormones were already massively out of whack. Not only did I want to throw Jasper to the ground and get busy with his fine, scrumptious body, but Emmett as well. And I also wanted to beat both their asses around the yard a few dozen times. I was starving, scared, oddly calm and suffering from a fit of the giggles…

Who knew, seeing a grown man cleave a tree in half, could be giggle worthy. But, oh how my giggles died when Jasper landed an almost perfect spinning kick. His muscles all moved in tandem, his body slick from the rain, he was delectable… My attention was drawn to Emmett as he skidded across the ground and in the process…lost his…pants. I suddenly couldn't breathe, I was sweating, panting and moaning…Jasper is very, very well endowed, but Holy Mary, Mother of God…Emmett was not…natural. Did I mention I love Jasper, completely...but oh yes let me say, Emmett, wow, his butt, it had to have been chiseled from ancient marble or something, it was beyond drool worthy…

I watched with rapt attention as Emmett slowly, wicked slow, pulled himself to his full height. I swear I was trying to look away, but…He was ready to do battle again, while he was completely naked, but suddenly they turned my way, noses twitching, and just like that the fight was…over.

Their noses twitched a few more times and with a blink of an eye, they started moving in my direction, seeming to have forgotten about the other. I realized the error of my…ways, after such a fight they were both looking for something more, something to finish the massive amount of adrenaline pumping through their systems.

And between my libido and Jasper's gift broadcasting "Pure Sex" it looked like something was going to happen… what could I say, but oops…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	29. Dear Readers

**Dear Reader's**

Hey all, I am so **sorry** for walking away from this story for so long. Life happened and then a lot of bad things happened and the idea of writing just…lost its appeal.

However, now that my life is back on track, I am reworking this story and looking forward to getting to finish it. It is going to be a slow process, BUT, I am hoping the story turns out better in the long run.

You the readers have been so wonderful and I enjoyed every review you offered and hope to see you (if it isn't too presumptuous) checking out the reworked, ReBroken!

**All my respect and love**

Tammy


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